too much time on their hands

the busier the teen, the more motivated

Here's the Problem

Not all teens have busy lives. Some go to school, come home, get on the computer, go to their video games, and settle in for the rest of the day and night. For these teens, the rest of the day and night can be a full day's worth of hanging out if you add up the hours. Most high schools are done by 2:30 p.m., bus ride 30 minutes, and then home by 3:00 p.m. That leaves a full eight hours of screen time or other time-wasting pursuits before bed. Not good. If teens with this kind of time on their hands don't use it for studying and reading War and Peace, there's a problem. It brings to mind the old adage, “The more time you have, the less you do.”

Why It's a Problem

Teens who have this amount of unstructured time tend to be teens whose school motivation is low. Self-esteem comes from being active, involved, and feeling that you've accomplished something at the end of the day. This makes the next day something to look forward to. For kids who haven't found their niche in sports, or activities in or out of school, every day becomes a repeat of the day before, with little to look forward to and little to feel good about. When you feel good and motivated about a job, a sport, music, or drama, then those feelings often bridge to less motivating or fulfilling parts of your life, like school.

Your teen is in the beginning stages of developing an identity. Who am I? What turns me on? What makes me happy? Many teens are overwhelmed by the choices and have absolutely no idea how to get off that couch or away from the computer screen. Too many options confuse them, so they choose the familiar and comfortable. They need you to understand that, not to judge them as lazy sloths. Teens need incentives. For some, the roar of the crowd during a football game, acting in the school play, or getting a paycheck from a part-time job is their incentive.

Here's the Solution

There are many teens who actually have a passion or a talent but have no idea how it might translate to the real world. Perhaps your teen loves photography and is always taking pictures of family, friends, and pets. He may be too shy or lack the confidence to seek out the school newspaper or yearbook office and offer to be a staff photographer. Or maybe your teen is a great artist but would never think about being the scenic designer for the school play. You may need to do a little undercover work by seeking out the faculty adviser for that particular area. Let this person know that your teen has a lot of talent in this area but is too shy to get involved. Ask if the adviser might be willing to personally invite your teen to participate. Many teens are paralyzed with self-consciousness and need the help of a caring adult.

Money is always a great motivator. You could say to your couch potato: “We think it's really important for you to find something to do after school. We've noticed that having so much time on your hands isn't really helpful to you. You aren't using the time for homework or even hanging with friends, and too much screen time can affect your motivation for doing things that are good for you. We'd like to see you look for a part-time job or for a volunteer or internship position. If you choose not to do this, then we choose not to just give you spending money. We'll be happy to pay you for work you can do around the house in lieu of a job, or we'll help you find a job. You can also do a sport or an activity at school or go to the gym regularly. You have a ton of options. If you're busy doing something positive, then we'll be happy to give you money or buy you what you want or need. I get that you like and need a lot of downtime. And we're OK with a few hours of that, but not from 3 to 11 p.m. every day. So let's do some planning.”