teen-proofing your home for alcohol and drug safety

looking at your home through a new lens

Here's the Problem

Remember when your teens were babies and had just begun to crawl? With that new ability to move about independently, they pursued with passion the opportunity to explore their home. This new perspective was beyond exciting.

Parents love this stage in the development of their children's natural curiosity. Wanting to encourage the study of this new world—while understanding that little fingers can get caught in cupboard doors while pursuing a study of “open and close” or an electric shock can come from poking fingers into funny little holes in the wall—parents set out to child-proof their home with all manner of devices designed to keep probing babies safe.

Teens are not so different. They have this new brain that is full of new thoughts and feelings. Like crawling babies, they are seeing and trying to understand their world from a new perspective. Not having any firsthand experience, they too are full of curiosity. “What happens when you actually drink alcohol, not just take a sip from a parent's glass?” “My mom takes a pill to make it easier to fall asleep; I wonder how that makes you feel?”

Because the frontal cortex—the thinking, problem-solving, and understanding consequences part of the brain—does not stop developing until age 22 or 23, teens are vulnerable to potential danger zones in the home. Alcohol left in refrigerators and unlocked liquor cabinets, prescription drugs left on countertops and in medicine cabinets, these can feed the beast of temptation.

Why It's a Problem

A 12-year-old boy is on his way to a sleepover at a friend's house. He gets in his mom's car with a backpack slung over his shoulder. Mom becomes a bit suspicious because her son has never taken a backpack to a sleepover before. It's not like he and his friends are going to try on different outfits like her daughter and her friends do at sleepovers. So, the mom wonders, why the backpack? She notices a bulge in the front section of the backpack and asks her son what's in there. He starts to cry, opens his pack, and pulls out two 16-ounce cola bottles filled with a blend of the brown booze he found in his parents’ liquor cabinet. Do the math: That's 32 ounces of alcohol, a deadly amount for anyone. The mom who told me this story said, “Never in a million years did I think I had to lock up our alcohol to keep my ‘little boy’ from taking it!”

It's summer, and a group of 14-year-old teens are meeting in the woods (behind a police station; go figure) for a lazy afternoon hang. Getting kind of rowdy, they attract attention from some cops at the station. When the police approach the kids, they find a few bottles of “fine merlot.” Where do you think those came from?

A 15-year-old boy has invited a bunch of buddies over for a sleepover. In the morning, after the boys leave, the mom goes down to the basement to clean up. Lying right on top of a trash basket in the adjoining laundry room, she sees a bunch of discarded beer cans. She's furious that her son has betrayed her trust by allowing his friends to take and drink the beer from the refrigerator in the laundry room. When she confronts her son about this he says, “Mom, you gotta lock up the beer. You can't expect me to say no to my friends!”

The four major issues at play here are temptation, accessibility, lack of good decision-making skills, and a hyper-sense of self-consciousness. Whether it's alcohol, mind-altering drugs, or prescription medication, many teens are tempted. Not only will teens take advantage of the bounty, but their friends will too. And in fact, friends may pressure your teen to become their “party” resource. Because teens worry so much about what others think about them, saying no to a friend who wants to score from your house is almost impossible with taunts like, “Hey man, stop being such a wuss!” or “Come on, your parents will never find out” or “You're such a loser.” It's not easy being a teenager.

Eliminating the “temptations” from your home is your only solution. Sure, they may still find other means of obtaining these substances, but at least you won't be contributing, and you're sending a clear message that using and potentially abusing alcohol and drugs is serious.

Here's the Solution

You child-proofed your home in the early years. Now you must teen-proof your home for the teen years.

• Lock up all alcohol. This includes wine cellars and basement refrigerators that hold beer.
• Put all prescription drugs in a lockbox. I know it's a pain if you take them regularly, but that's life!
• If your teen is on medication for ADD or ADHD, make sure that only you dole out the daily dosage. Many parents mistakenly give their teens the responsibility for managing this medication. They are not ready to do this. Many teens share this medication with their friends when they have easy access. Kids crush it and snort it for an easy high.
• Model good drinking habits at home and when you are out with the family. Say out loud, “No drinking for me. I'm the designated driver tonight.” Your teens will watch your every move now that alcohol is potentially a part of their lives. How you handle your drinking is a model for how they will handle their drinking.

Teens will definitely notice these changes and want to know why you don't trust them. Of course, they're trying to put you on the defensive and make you feel guilty for not trusting them, all in the hope that you will unlock “Pandora's box.” Stay strong! Remember those electric outlets of yore! You can say, “It's not about trust honey, it's about temptation and safety. I would never knowingly want to put you in harm's way, and I would never want to put you in the position of having to say no to a determined friend who sees available contraband. I know how hard that can be. Now you can just say, ‘My stupid parents have everything locked up.’”