INDEX

A

1. acceptance, 83–85

2. actions vs. words, 53, 62–64

3. admiration, 158

4. affirmation, 11, 75

   1. behavioral, 128

   2. of belonging, 85–87

   3. confidence building and, 135

   4. mentors’ need for, 159

   5. perceptual, 128

5. agentic style, 20, 120

6. Albright, Madeleine, 22

7. “All About That Bass” (Trainor), 34

8. ambition, 57

   1. gap between careers and, 5, 10–12

   2. socialization about hiding, 58

9. American Psychological Association, 86, 121

10. Anand, Rohini, 84, 90, 103

11. aspirations, 127–129, 155

12. assertiveness, 137–139

13. assumptions

    1. about assertiveness, 137–139

    2. about emotions, 147–149

    3. apologizing for wrong, 131

    4. decision making and, 77–79

14. Athena, Greek goddess, 5

15. Athena Values, 119

16. attraction and attractiveness

    1. being smart vs. being attractive and, 37

    2. biology of, 34–36

    3. channeling, 36

    4. managing discomfort with, 62

    5. men distracted by, 8–9

    6. overestimation of by men, 36

17. authority, 7, 87

B

1. backlash, 48

2. Bandura, Albert, 134

3. Behling, Laura, 64, 65, 76, 81

   1. on finding/repairing discrepancies, 122

   2. on insider perspective, 104

   3. on work–life commitments, 130, 131

4. belonging, 85–87

5. benevolent sexism, 26, 27, 152–154

6. benign sabotage, 151–152

7. Bennis, Warren, 131–132

8. biases, 16–22

   1. about competence, 16, 17–18

   2. double-binds from, 18

   3. on finding/repairing discrepancies, 121–123

   4. in hiring and promotion, 24–25

   5. homosocial behavior and, 15–16

   6. motherhood and, 18–19

   7. prevalence of, 16

   8. racial, 19

9. biology, gender and, 31–36

10. Blue Angels, 4

11. Born, Dana, 57–58, 65

    1. on affirmation, 86–87

    2. on assumptions and decision making, 78–79

    3. on challenges and support, 108

    4. on confidence building, 133–134

    5. on fathers as mentors, 71

    6. on finding/repairing discrepancies, 122–123

    7. on leadership style development, 118

    8. on work–life balance, 133

12. boundaries, 96, 156–160

13. brain, sex differences and the, 32–34

14. “Breakfast or Lunch Only Policy,” 93

15. Brett, Chris, 114–115

16. Brodie, Virginia, 41–43, 44–45, 153

17. bullying, 145–147

C

1. Capitol Hill staffers, 101

2. career-ambition gap, 5, 10–12

3. career satisfaction, 43

4. career self-efficacy, 134–135

5. caregivers, 8

   1. assumptions of women as, 18–19

   2. socializing and, 100–102

   3. stress/loneliness and, 21–22

6. Carli, Linda, 20

7. Catalyst, 103–104

8. celebrations of transitions, 96, 98

9. Center for Public Leadership, 115

10. challenges, 105–108

11. Chambers, Susan, 54, 81

    1. on challenges, 107

    2. on honesty, 83

    3. on jealousy coworkers, 90

    4. on public praise, private correction, 117

12. champions, 10, 11, 62–64

13. childcare, 8, 18–19, 129–131, 133

    1. policies, 12

    2. stress of, 21–22

14. chivalrous knight–helpless maiden script, 39, 60, 107

15. Clinton, Hillary, 104

16. cloning mentees, 154–156

17. Coca-Cola Company, 104–105

18. cognitive abilities, 33

19. cognitive processing, local vs. global, 34–35

20. collaboration

    1. decision making and, 79

    2. empowerment and protection and, 111

    3. mentoring models for, 88–89

    4. in mentorship, 80

    5. taking credit for accomplishments and, 140

    6. women socialized toward, 17

21. collegiality, 94–96

22. co-mentoring, 88–89

23. command and control management, 43

24. commitment, 18–19, 133, 157

25. communal style, 20

26. communication, 80

    1. about outside perceptions, 89–92

    2. about work–life balance, 133

    3. public praise, private correction, 115–118

    4. in teams/groups, 10

    5. in transformational mentoring, 88–89

27. companionate love, 157

28. compensation and raises

    1. finding/correcting disparities in, 121–123

    2. mentoring and rate of, 43

    3. of mentors, 53

    4. socialization on competition and, 14–15

29. compensatory figures, 69–70

30. competence, 16

    1. attractiveness vs., 8–9

    2. decision making and, 77–79

    3. effects of man scripts on, 61

    4. establishing, 20

    5. proving repeatedly, 17–18, 46, 123

    6. self-confidence in, 133–135

31. competition

    1. mentoring and, 87–89

    2. socialization on, 14–15, 37, 65, 87

32. composite mentoring, 124–125

33. confidence

    1. building, 133–135

    2. of mentors, 49

    3. of mentors in mentees, 45–46

    4. socialization against showing, 37

34. conflict avoidance, 37, 65

35. cooperation, 37, 88–89

36. courage, 49

37. creativity, 43

38. credibility, 16, 92–93

39. credit

    1. encouraging taking, 139–141

    2. luck vs. taking, 45–46

    3. mentors in ensuring, 101–102

    4. socialization about taking/not taking, 9, 11, 17

40. crying, 33–34, 93–94. See also emotions

41. Crystal, Billy, 36

D

1. “Daughters” (Mayer), 69

2. de-catastrophizing, 133

3. decision making, 77–79, 80, 119, 132–133

4. dependency scripts, 10, 39, 97, 158

5. development dilemma, 26

6. dignity, 30

7. dismissiveness, 6

8. disparities, watching for and working against, 122–123

9. domineering mentors, 145–147

10. double binds, 6–8, 16, 18

    1. assertiveness and, 137–139

    2. leadership style and, 119–120

11. double jeopardy of gender and race, 19, 66

12. double standards, 6–8

E

1. Eagly, Alice, 20, 85, 120, 146, 151

2. egalitarianism, 56, 120

3. emotional intelligence, 147–149

4. emotions

   1. anger, denying, 37

   2. assumptions about, 57–58

   3. challenges and, 108

   4. championing women and, 64

   5. empathy with, 93–94

   6. giving feedback and, 83–85

   7. reason and, 147–149

   8. sex differences and, 33–34

   9. stereotypes about “appropriate,” 7–8

   10. transitions in mentoring and, 96–98

   11. vulnerability and sex and, 158–159

5. empathy, 24, 66, 75

   1. about professional identity and sense of self, 143

   2. assumptions and decision making and, 78–79

   3. with crying, 93–94

   4. listening and, 77

   5. work–life balance and, 130–131

6. empowerment, 108–111, 138

7. equal opportunity, 29

8. equity, promoting, 63

9. ethical behavior, 46

10. Etzkowitz, Henry, 86

11. everyday Athenas

    1. definition of, 5

    2. perceiving, 6–8

12. excellence, encouraging, 135–137

13. exclusion, 15–16, 43, 81–82

    1. from after-work socializing, 89–90

    2. from inside knowledge, 104–105

    3. mentors in preventing, 99–102

    4. stress and loneliness from, 21–22

14. exclusivity, 91

15. expectations

    1. challenging mentees with, 105–108

    2. clarifying for mentees, 55–56

    3. of excellence vs. perfection, 135–137

    4. implicit, 55

    5. for mentorship, 63–64

    6. work–life balance and, 129–131

16. experiences, differences between men’s and women’s, 24, 53, 64–67

F

1. family, talking about, 92

2. father–daughter roles, 60, 69–71

3. feedback, 30, 83–85

   1. about emotional style, 149

   2. bragging in public, correction in private, 115–118

   3. challenging mentees and, 107–108

4. fiduciary relationships, 55

5. First, do no harm, 53, 54–56

6. flexibility, 12, 133

7. Foley, Dave, 81, 92, 109–110

8. Fort Sill, Oklahoma, 41–43

9. framing, 5, 8–10

10. friendship, 81–82, 88–89, 94–96

11. functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI), 32–33

G

1. gender biases. See biases

2. gender humility, 66–67

3. gender minefield, 68

4. gender roles

   1. changes in, 14

   2. man scripts and, 59–61

   3. socialization into, 14–15, 36–40

   4. stereotypes about, 7–8

5. genuineness, 64, 83–85

6. Gergen, David, 115

7. Gillis, Deborah, 91, 103–104, 114–115, 116

8. global cognitive processing, 35

9. Goldman Sachs, 93

10. golem effect, 136

11. gossip and innuendo, 27–28, 48

    1. attunement to and discussion of, 89–92

    2. exclusion based on fear of, 101

    3. insider knowledge vs., 105

12. gouge, the, 104–105

13. graduate school, biases in, 25

14. gurus, 123–125

H

1. Halstead, Becky, 27–28, 29, 63, 117, 161

2. Hannan, Kathy, 6, 62, 69–70

   1. about rumors/innuendo, 89–90

   2. on challenges, 107

   3. on inclusion, 101–102

   4. on socializing, 100

   5. on special treatment, 93

   6. on taking credit, 140–141

3. happiness, 132–133

4. Harvard Business Review, 100

5. heroic journey script, 87–88

6. hierarchy, 43, 56

7. Higgins, Katie, 3–4

8. homosocial behavior, 15–16, 63

9. honesty, 61, 83–85

10. hostile sexism, 152

11. household work, 8, 19, 129–131

12. Howard, Michelle, 55–56, 71, 98, 123

13. humility, 53, 64–67, 88–89

14. humor, 137

I

1. ideal self, discerning and honoring, 127–129

2. ideas and contributions, women’s ignored by men, 6

3. identity

   1. gender, 14–15

   2. group, 10

   3. professional and sense of self as woman, 141–143

   4. tempered radicals and, 20

4. Ignatieff, Michael, 114–115

5. imitation, 154–156

6. imposter syndrome, 85–87, 132

   1. confidence building and, 135

   2. taking credit for accomplishments and, 139–141

7. impression management, 8–9

8. inclusivity, 43, 99–102

   1. in decision making, 119

   2. leading, 63

9. independence, 97, 110

10. individualism, 87

11. influence, 53

12. inside knowledge, teaching, 102–105

13. Inspector General Investigation, 86–87

14. intelligence, being attractive vs., 37

15. interpersonal skills, 47

16. intimacy, 38, 62, 157

17. “It’s Not About the Nail” video, 75–76

J

1. Jacobson, Lenore, 135

2. jealousy

   1. of coworkers, 90

   2. of mentors, 125

   3. special treatment and, 92–93

   4. of spouses, 29, 160–162

3. Jeruchim, Joan, 157

K

1. Kaslow, Nadine, 86, 112, 121, 138, 154

2. Keith, Kent, 48

3. Kemelgor, Carol, 86

4. Kennedy Space Center, 58, 62, 82, 113

5. Knox College, 64, 81

6. KPMG, 6, 62, 69–70, 100

7. Kram, Kathy, 59, 90, 110

L

1. language, denigrating, 122–123

2. Lauper, Cyndi, 32

3. leadership, 5

   1. biased assumptions about, 19–20, 57

   2. mentoring as skill for, 47

   3. promotions into, 10, 11

   4. proving competence in, 16, 17–18

   5. reluctance of men to mentor women and, 24

   6. styles of, 43, 80

   7. styles of, sharpening vs. changing, 118–120

4. Lean In (Sandberg), 24, 72, 93, 137–138

5. learning orientation, 79–80

6. life expectancy, 32

7. Lightfoot, Robert, 63, 77–78, 149–151

8. “likeable” expectation, 58

9. listening, 75–77

10. local cognitive processing, 34–35

11. loneliness, 21–22, 81–82

12. love relationships, 157–160

M

1. Macedonia, Dick, 43

2. Madsen, Susan, 69, 84, 112, 121–122, 135, 161

3. male privileges, 13–14

4. man codes, 46

5. marriage status changes, 142–143

6. master–apprentice relationships, 87–89

7. maternal wall, 133

8. Mayer, John, 69

9. Mayer, Marissa, 133

10. McKinsey & Company, 11–12

11. meetings, 93

12. memory, working, 33

13. mentoring constellations, 124–125

14. mentors and mentoring

    1. abandoning mentees by, 56

    2. actions vs. words in, 53, 62–64

    3. affirmation by, 85–87

    4. benefits of to mentors, 46–48, 53, 73

    5. benefits of to women, 43, 71–72

    6. calling yourself “mentor” and, 73

    7. career functions of, 99–125

    8. challenging mentees in, 105–108

    9. cloning by, 154–156

    10. confidence expressed by, 45–46

    11. decision making and, 77–79

    12. discomfort of, 67–68

    13. ending the relationship of, 90

    14. excuses for avoiding, 68

    15. formal programs of, 63–64

    16. frequency of interactions with, 16

    17. friendship in, 81–82, 94–96

    18. as gurus, 123–125

    19. heroic journey approach to, 87–89

    20. humility of, 53, 64–67

    21. initiation of by mentors vs. mentees, 44–45

    22. knowing your man scripts and, 53, 59–62

    23. learning by, 79–80

    24. listening vs. fixing in, 75–77

    25. long-term relationships with, 98

    26. meetings in, 28

    27. mutual learning in, 80

    28. obligation of, 5

    29. other relationships and, 68–71

    30. outside perceptions of, 89–92

    31. political savvy and, 102–105

    32. proactive, 53, 71–73, 75, 111–113

    33. promoting mentee’s best interests in, 53, 54–56

    34. psychosocial functions of, 127–143

    35. quality of, 13

    36. scripts in, 26–27

    37. self-awareness of, 53, 56–59

    38. special treatment by, 92–93

    39. spouses and, 29, 160–162

    40. strengths-based approach to, 48

    41. transitions and endings in, 96–98

    42. what not to do in, 145–162

    43. why men avoid for women, 23–30

    44. women as, for other women, 22

15. mere exposure effect, 72–73

16. Michelangelo, 127, 129

17. Michelangelo phenomenon, 127–128

18. military, 3–5

    1. combat roles in, 41–43

    2. exclusion from inside knowledge in, 104–105

    3. finding/correcting discrepancies in, 122–123

    4. gender equality in, 12

    5. Survival, Evasion, Resistance, and Escape School, 83–84

19. motherhood penalty, 8, 18–19, 57, 133

20. mothering, 39

21. motivation, 11

22. multitasking, 33–34

23. Myers, Betsy, 70–71

    1. on assertiveness, 138–139

    2. on feedback and unconditional regard, 84–85

    3. on inside knowledge, 104

    4. on public praise, private correction, 115

    5. on work–life balance, 131–132

N

1. National Center for Faculty Development & Diversity, 123–124

2. Navy Flight Demonstration Squadron, 3

3. networks, 10

   1. developmental, 123–125

   2. expansion of from mentoring, 53

   3. homosocial behavior and, 15–16

   4. from mentoring, 47

   5. sharing, 113–115

4. Nichols, Camille, 147

5. Nobel laureates, 114

6. nurturing behavior, 8, 58

O

1. Obama, Barrack, 104

2. openness, 75

   1. about outside perceptions, 89–92

   2. in transformational mentoring, 88–89

3. opportunities, 23

4. overbearing mentors, 145–147

P

1. parental leave, 12

2. Parsons, Bill, 82

3. passion, 58, 157

4. perception

   1. being attuned to and discussing, 89–92

   2. of competence, 16, 17–18

   3. of everyday Athenas, 6–8

   4. humility and, 64–67

   5. importance of, 5

   6. of mentor-mentee relationships, 27–28

   7. of our own scripts, 38–40

   8. of the same actions by women vs. men, 7–8

   9. of talented women, 23–24

   10. of women as completely different, 25–26, 67–68

5. perfectionism, 135–137

6. performance evaluations, 17

7. persistence, 11

8. personal growth, 127–143

   1. assertiveness and, 137–139

   2. career vision and, 127–129

   3. confidence building and, 133–135

   4. excellence vs. perfectionism and, 135–137

   5. professional identity and sense of self as woman, 141–143

   6. taking credit for accomplishments and, 139–141

   7. work-life balance and, 129–133

9. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 140

10. Petro, Janet, 58, 62, 63

    1. about assumptions and decision making, 77–78

    2. on exclusivity, 91

    3. on friendship, 82

    4. on political teaching, 103

    5. on power sharing, 113

    6. on promotion by mentors, 112

11. pheromones, 34

12. policies, 133

13. politics, 56, 102–105

14. possible self, 134–135

15. power

    1. access to, 9–10

    2. differential between mentor and mentee, 55

    3. dominance and, 145–147

    4. man scripts and, 61

    5. proactive promotion and, 111–113

    6. sharing, 88–89, 113–115

    7. women as mentors and, 22

16. power-down relationships, 146

17. power-with relationships, 88–89

18. proactivity, 53, 71–73, 75, 111–113

19. problem solving, 76

20. professional growth, 99–125

    1. challenges for, 105–108

    2. finding/correcting disparities and, 121–123

    3. inclusion and, 99–102

    4. insider perspective and, 102–105

    5. leadership style development and, 118–120

    6. network development and, 123–125

    7. proactive promotion and, 111–113

    8. protection and empowerment in, 108–111

    9. public praise, private correction and, 115–118

    10. sharing power and, 113–115

21. prolactin, 34

22. promotions, 10

    1. career-ambition gap and, 10–12

    2. finding/correcting discrepancies in, 121–123

    3. mentoring and rate of, 43

    4. of mentors, 53

    5. premature, 151–152

    6. reticence about, 149–151

    7. socialization on competition and, 14–15

23. protective man scripts, 7, 38, 39

    1. empowerment and, 108–111

    2. guru mentorship and, 123–125

24. psychology of relationships, 36–40

25. psychosocial functions, 127–143

26. purpose, sense of, 47

27. Pygmalion effect, 135–137

R

1. racial bias, 19, 66

2. Ragins, Belle Rose, 80, 103

3. reason, emotion and, 147–149

4. reciprocity, 75, 79–80, 114

5. recognition, 11–12. See also promotions

   1. ensuring, 20

   2. taking/not taking credit and, 9

6. reflective power, 113–115

7. relationships, 65, 75–98

   1. biology and psychology of, 31–40

   2. leadership and, 43

   3. listening in, 75–77

   4. from mentoring, 47

   5. mere exposure effect on, 72–73

   6. opposite-sex, biology of, 34–36

   7. opposite-sex, concerns about mentoring and, 26

   8. power-down, 146

   9. prior, mentorships and, 69–71

   10. psychology of, 36–40

   11. satisfaction in, 132–133

   12. scripts for, 26–27

   13. self-concept and, 81–82

   14. sticky, 97

   15. stress and loneliness and, 21–22

8. resentment, 155

9. resiliency, 130 resistance, 64

10. resources, unequal access to, 10

11. respect, 30, 80, 120

12. risk taking, 18, 46

13. Rockquemore, Kerry Ann, 123–124

14. Rogers, Carl, 83, 84

15. Rosenthal, Robert, 135

16. rule-following, 46

S

1. sabotage, benign, 151–152

2. Sandberg, Sheryl, 5

   1. on asking for help, 103

   2. on assertiveness, 137–138

   3. on benefits of mentoring, 47, 62–63

   4. on finding mentors, 24, 72

   5. on imposter syndrome, 85–86

   6. on meeting scheduling, 93

   7. on perception of mentoring relationships, 27

   8. on proactive promotion, 111–112

   9. on public praise, private correction, 115–117

3. satisfaction, 132–133

4. Scandura, Terri, 145–146

5. scheduling, 101

6. scripts, 26–27

   1. being aware of, 38–40

   2. chivalrous knight/helpless maiden script, 39

   3. dependency, 39

   4. heroic journey, 87–88

   5. knowing/understanding your, 53, 59–62

   6. macho/seductress, 40

7. seducer-seductress script, 40, 61

8. self-awareness, 53, 56–59, 75

   1. humility and, 64–67

   2. transitions in mentoring and, 97

   3. of your own scripts, 39–40, 53, 59–61

9. self-disclosure, 95–96

10. self-doubt, 13, 149–151

    1. affirmation and, 86–87

    2. benevolent sexism and, 27

11. self-efficacy, 134–135

12. self-fulfilling prophecies, 58

13. self-promotion, 17

14. sex differences, 31, 32–34, 68

15. sexism, benevolent, 26, 27, 152–154

16. sex partition, 29

17. sexploitation, 26

18. sex-role spillover, 59–60

19. sexual attention/relationships, 8–9

    1. fear of mentoring and, 26

    2. intimacy vs., 38

    3. not entertaining the possibility of, 156–160

    4. perceptions of, 27–28

    5. rumors/gossip about, 89–90

20. sexual harassment, 29

21. shame, 13

22. Shapiro, Pat, 157

23. silent betrayal, 22

24. skills. See also competence

    1. mastery of, 10–11

    2. underestimation of by women, 45–46

25. social capital, sharing, 113–115

26. social heredity, 114–115

27. social intelligence, 43

28. socialization, 14–15

    1. about relationships, 31–40, 76

    2. on ambition/aspirations, 58

    3. gender role, 36–40

    4. promotions and, 149–150

    5. searching for mentors and, 72

    6. on self-promotion, 17

    7. on taking/not taking credit, 9, 11

    8. on women as completely different, 25–26, 67

29. socializing, 89–90, 100–102

30. Sodexo, 30, 43, 84

31. Sophocles, 102

32. spatial visualization, 33

33. sponsors, access to, 10

34. spouses, 29, 160–162

35. Stahl, Jack, 104–105

36. Steel, Bob, 93

37. Steele, Claude, 20–21 stereotype reactance, 21

38. stereotypes

    1. double binds created by, 6–8, 16

    2. gender role socialization and, 36–40

    3. hiring and promotion affected by, 24–25

    4. internalization of, 13, 24, 58 of masculinity, 38–40

    5. self-awareness of, 53, 56–59

    6. socialization and, 14–15

39. stereotype threat, 20–21, 86

40. Sternberg, Robert, 157

41. sticky relationships, 97

42. Stosz, Sandra, 64, 66, 81

    1. on career vision, 128–129

    2. on challenges, 106–107

    3. on jealousy, 90

    4. on professionalism, 92

    5. on protection and empowerment, 109–110

    6. on socializing, 100

43. stress, 21–22

    1. from challenges, 105–106

    2. gender differences heightened by, 82

    3. preparing mentees for, 106–107

    4. work-life balance and, 129–131

44. Stroebel, Tabitha, 106

45. success

    1. benevolent sexism and, 27

    2. biased evaluations of, 17

    3. different definitions of, 66

    4. imposter syndrome and, 140–141

    5. mentor’s confidence in, 45–46

    6. organizational, value of women in, 47

    7. socialization on, 65

46. Summers, Larry, 111–112, 116–117

47. support, 108

48. Survival, Evasion, Resistance, and Escape School, 83–84

49. symphony orchestra auditions, 25

T

1. talent, war for, 10, 43

2. teaching, 102–105

3. teams

   1. increasing use of, 43

   2. performance assessment for, 17

   3. unequal access to resources in, 10

4. tempered radicals, 20

5. The Basic School (TBS), 41–43

6. thriving strategies, 103

7. Trainor, Meghan, 34

8. transference, 69–71

9. transformational mentoring, 88–89

10. transitions, 96–98

11. transparency

    1. about expectations, 55–56

    2. about mentoring relationships, 91

    3. finding/repairing discrepancies and, 121–123

    4. in sharing power, 114–115

12. triangular theory of love, 157

13. trust

    1. actions vs. words and, 62

    2. learning about mentees and, 79–80

    3. by mentees, 55

    4. role stereotypes vs., 61

    5. self-disclosure and, 95–96

    6. spouses and, 29, 160–162

U

1. Ueberroth, Peter, 118

2. unconditional positive regard, 75, 83–85

3. undermining, 54, 76, 92–93

4. United States Naval Academy, 3–5, 104, 106–107, 141–142

5. University of Colorado, 73

6. U.S. Air Force Academy, 122–123

7. U.S. Coast Guard, 81, 92

8. Utah Women & Leadership Project, 84

9. Uzzi, Brian, 86

V

1. values, 20, 119–120, 131–133

2. vision, 120, 127–129

3. Voser, Peter, 103–104

W

1. Waller, Kathy, 104–105, 118

2. Walmart, 54, 81

3. “What Will Everyone Think?” Syndrome, 48

4. When Harry Met Sally (movie), 36

5. women

   1. benefits of in the workforce, 12

   2. double binds for, 6–8

   3. overlooking, 6–8

   4. percentage of in the workforce, 6

   5. struggles of at work, 13–22

6. “women-are-wonderful effect,” 19–20

7. Women in the Workplace, 11–12

8. work-life balance, 65, 129–131, 155

   1. assumptions about, decision making and, 77–79

   2. honoring her approach to, 131–133

   3. learning about her, 79–80

9. World Bank, 111–112, 116–117

Y

1. Yahoo, 133

Z

1. Zuckerman, Harriet, 114