Chapter 7
Redefine Rich
Here is something to think about: How come you never see a headline like “Psychic Wins Lottery”?
—Jay Leno
Rich is a state of mind that should be nurtured before the money comes.
—Lonnie Rush
I was flying to San Francisco for meetings when he sat down next to me. He exuded success and money. He couldn't have been a day over 30 and was dressed impeccably well—not in a tailored suit, but in a more casual style that said, “I don't have to wear a suit.” He wore his new Apple Watch and was busy flipping through his messages on his phone when he leaned over and said to me, “I hate it when I can't get a hold of my virtual assistant.”
“Local or international?” I jokingly asked, thinking I was funny.
“Both,” he responded.
I knew I was supposed to be impressed so I introduced myself to Lincoln.
Lincoln was an Ivy League graduate who had done well in Silicon Valley when the start-up he worked for went public and he became an overnight multimillionaire. He was still working for the same company nearly a year and a half later but was thinking of starting the whole process over at a different start-up.
“Tell me the best part of your success story,” I encouraged.
He described the months before the company went public, with all the work and excitement surrounding what this would mean financially to everyone at the organization.
“So now that you have got it made, what's the plan?”
By the look on his face, you would have thought I just sucker punched him. For a split second, Lincoln's demeanor changed and I saw a glimpse of indecision.
“I'm figuring that out right now,” he said. “It's been a different ride than I expected. I'm having to circle back and figure out what I want to do.”
I leaned in and said to Lincoln, “You're rich, just not the rich you thought you would be.”
Defining Rich
What is rich? Society defines rich as a nice, large home, expensive cars, and extravagant vacations. Add on the country club memberships, grand pianos, and costly steak dinners while not forgetting the butlers, housekeepers, and personal drivers. For decades this has been the definition of rich. Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous with Robin Leach was a hit show in the 1980s and 1990s. I grew up spending an hour a week observing how the rich lived. That show inspired the poster that hung in my dorm room as a freshman in college. It was a picture of a mansion with five cars, all worth over $100, 000 parked in the garage. The caption read “Justification for Higher Education.” Rich was about possessions: acquiring more and more, being the boss, and having authority.
“How will you know when you have made it?” I asked several friends. “What will you own, do, or experience that will make you feel like you are rich?”
“A boat” was one response.
“A Maserati” was another.
“A beach house on Coronado Island, California.”
“Tour Europe for a month.”
The answers came fast because they had already asked themselves that question many times before. The same goes for nearly every person I meet. Everyone has “something” they can identify that will make them feel like they are rich and have made it! Do you know what your answer would be?
But the meaning of the word rich is relative. Hopefully, after reading this chapter you will change your perception of what rich actually means to you. You may find you don't really want what you think you do. Instead of viewing rich in terms of money, power, and things, let's view rich in terms of what matters most to you. Let's dive into four areas that will help you figure out your own personal definition of rich. The key word in that sentence is your. Your rich is going to be different from everyone else's. This is something you definitely need to think about so you can quit chasing everyone else's definition and expectation of rich. This principle can be life-changing, so get ready for your brain to be infused with new ideas. I hope you walk away with a new paradigm about what constitutes your personal wealth and a greater understanding of what you really need from your career and life.
What Matters Most and What I Value
Before we can identify your definition of rich, we need to find out what you value and what motivates you to go to work each day. By being aware of your values and motivation, you can make choices that are in line with things that really matter to you. By knowing what matters most and what you value, you can strategically proceed through the three areas of being rich (feelings, money, and time).
I want you to brainstorm what things you value or what matters most in your life. Write them in any order and then number them, with “one” being the thing that matters the most to you. After you have numbered your list, I want you to write the why for each answer! Let me give you an example:
What Do I Value and What Matters the Most to Me? Why?
My family is a top priority to me.
Why? Because I love them. My relationships with them make me happy and bring fulfillment and joy to my life.
Now start your own list. Here are some examples of values to get you started. Feel free to add others to your list.
| Family | Success | Creativity |
| Work | Spirituality | Volunteering |
| Money | Health | Security |
| Friends | Connections | Possessions |
| Free Time | Relationships | Love |
| Education/Learning | Service | Silence/Peace |
What Do I Value and What Matters the Most to Me? Why?
Knowing what matters the most to you will help you decide between competing priorities when it comes to your definition of rich. Let's move into the three areas of rich! (feelings, money, and time) so you can begin to understand your own version of rich.
Rich Is a Feeling, Not a Possession or Abundance of Stuff
I am a believer that most individuals really don't want to be millionaires. They want to feel like millionaires and have experiences that they mistakenly believe only millionaires can have. The desire is to live the life that being a multimillionaire would allow them to live: the freedom to travel or purchase without limits and the freedom from financial worries. Most of us view wealth as the ability to buy, to accumulate, and to have. We often buy things for reasons beyond the actual need of the item; we buy for the feeling it gives us. I know men and women who make millions and feel they have arrived. I also know individuals making the same amount who don't feel rich and are constantly seeking more wealth. I know people making $45,000 a year who feel they have hit the jackpot, while there are others making the same amount who are deeply unhappy and feel dirt poor. The secret is to understand what specifically makes you feel rich and to learn how to increase that feeling in your life.
When my wife and I bought our first home, I remember how rich I felt that first night. I couldn't have been happier in any bigger or better home. Looking back from a vantage point of 20 years, I recognize that it was a small home, but it provided us with a feeling of being rich. We felt like we had “made it.” By becoming homeowners, we felt rich.
I asked one very wealthy individual what made him feel rich or when he knew he had made it. He responded, “When I get more.” He knew he was wealthy, but he didn't ever feel rich. No matter how much he had, he always wanted more. Remember, rich is much more about a feeling than about your financial situation. Let me share an example:
It is time for a new family car. You have searched and found the perfect vehicle that fits your needs. It costs more money than you want to spend. Thinking of how you want to experience feeling rich, you look at your “What Do I Value and What Matters the Most to Me?” list. If you value time with your family and relationships, then why go spend an extra $20,000 for that nicer car? That means you'll have to work harder or longer and have added stress when the car payment is due, each and every month! If your feeling of being rich is to have more free time to spend with your family, then find a vehicle that has most of the same amenities but costs less. That way you can afford it, you'll have that important time with your family, and you won't have added financial stress. That is your rich! You choose what matters most and what you value—what gives you more of the feeling you want.
One more example:
You feel rich when you have free time in the evenings and on weekends. It allows you to exercise, spend time at the lake, play tennis with friends, and have a happier, more fulfilled (your version of rich) life. Your boss approaches you with an opportunity for promotion. It means a raise and a great title, complete with a corner office. It also means you will have to work more nights and weekends with clients. You would love the extra money and the corner office instead of a cubicle. Go to your “What Do I Value and What Matters the Most to Me?” list and see what it tells you about your idea of rich. Is the extra $15,000 a year going to make you feel richer, or would the free time you have on the weekend mean more to you? Getting the hang of it? It is all about priorities and choices.
Warning: A problem I often encounter with the wealthy is the misalignment of their “What Do I Value and What Matters the Most to Me?” list with how they actually spend their money and time. If a senior executive's number one item on his or her list is family and other relationships and they travel four out of five days a week, there will be misalignment. When the two aspects don't match up, this creates unhappiness and the rich feeling goes away regardless of how much money you have. Don't believe me? Look at many of the lottery winners or T.V. and movie stars.
Money (Enough Is Enough)
There are very few people I meet who don't want to make more money. When I met Matt, I was pleasantly surprised by his responses to my question: “How much money do you want to make in the next few years?”
“I will be rich when I have more family-and-me time. Rich to me would be making $80,000 so I can pay all my bills and be left with enough income that I can choose to go paddle boarding at 2:00 in the afternoon and not have to be in an office from 7:30 to 5:30 every day. Forget the expensive car and the vacation house—I don't want that type of rich. That isn't rich to me. Eighty thousand dollars a year with a flexible schedule is my idea of rich.”
In our pursuit of a better life, we often think an increase in salary means an increase to our happiness—that they are directly related. Instead, I want you to take a minute and think about what minimum salary you could earn and be happy. When is enough money enough? Unfortunately, it is ingrained in us to always be thinking and wanting more. I want you to look at your “What Do I Value and What Matters the Most to Me?” list. Based on the top five items, choose a salary (as low as possible) that would allow you to live comfortably and create the rich, fulfilled life that you want. (This is going to cause your brain to freak out!) This is difficult for most people because we can't imagine giving up our current lifestyle. One of many lessons I have learned working with people who have recently lost their job is that they can survive off much less than they ever thought possible and that they are usually still happy. The exercise of determining your minimum salary will move you away from “more is better” thinking to a “what do I need to let go of to feel rich” mentality.
Let me share a personal example. When my two oldest daughters were preteens, they began an Olympic diving training program at one of the local colleges that not only had the springboards, but also the one-, three-, and five-meter platforms. International coaches were brought in to help the program grow, and the U.S. National Diving Association invested in dry ground equipment to train on. It was becoming a top-notch training facility.
My girls had a talent for the sport and excelled immediately. Diving coaches from universities around the United States would scout at their competitions I knew I was in hook, line, and sinker when three coaches spoke to me about my daughters and said if they continued on the path they were on, they would get full-ride scholarships to any school of their choice that had a diving program. (One of the coaches was from Harvard!) It was an exciting time, but with one problem. The facility was an hour from our home. This meant that the moment school let out until late in the evening, we were on the road or at practice. There was no time for other sports, homework, or piano lessons. After a year, we felt anything but rich. There was no happiness in the long drives and the stress of completing schoolwork after long workouts. While the girls loved the sport, the sacrifice was too steep. So we all decided that the girls would choose another sport. Within one week, we felt rich! It was like we won the lottery and had our lives back. Everyone was much happier. The lesson was learned that sometimes cutting back, while getting or doing less, actually increases your feeling of rich.
Oftentimes we think we need more money to feel rich. If our meaning of rich has very little to do with money and more to do with relationships or experiences, we may be surprised that a realignment of our schedules to match our priorities may give us greater feelings of wealth (rich) without actually changing our income.
If you earn $80,000 a year and you knew you could find another position in your company with less responsibility, fewer work hours, and have a more flexible schedule and make $60,000, would taking that job be worth it to you? It was to Matt—that is why everyone has a different rich. What is important to Matt may not be important and of value to you. An increase in wealth is not directly proportional to your feelings of wealth. When I started my own business, I took a major pay cut from my corporate job. The flexibility that self-employment gave me, however, allowed me to spend more time with my wife and kids, which I hadn't done in a long time. This made me feel infinitely richer and happier.
Time
Time is one of your most precious resources. Everyone I know has 24 hours a day to spend the way they choose. Those who feel rich choose wisely how and where they give their time. Be very careful when others ask for this precious resource. We often say, “yes” to things that we later regret. If someone walked up to you and asked you for $30, would you hand it over without a second thought? … No? Think of how carelessly you give away 30 minutes of your day.
An acquaintance of mine told me a story about how he chose his career. When he was a teenager, his father chose to go to law school later in life. This was a difficult road and required my friend's father to be gone frequently. After graduating from law school, the father started his own firm and had to work long hours to build his clientele. While this was a dream for his father, it was difficult for my friend. Later, when my friend became a father himself, he decided he wanted to be more involved in his own family's life. He chose a sales career in which he would have flexibility to attend his children's sporting events and activities. That was what he valued the most and what made him feel rich. No amount of money could substitute the joy of watching his kids play soccer. He found the “lasting rich” feeling is based on fulfillment of your values and not necessarily derived from money.
Redefining Rich
As the plane prepared to land, Lincoln and I found we had talked most of the flight. He admitted he now had a much different view of his career and future than he did at the beginning of the flight. I admitted I had a much different view of him—that I really didn't like him when he first sat down next to me. We had a good laugh, and as we departed, I wished him luck on his journey to feeling rich. (I later regretted not getting his card to send him a bill for two hours of free career counseling. He was monetarily rich, after all!)
All three factors, feelings, money, and time, play a role in how rich you really are. Think carefully about what you value and what aspects of your career you need to maintain or change. The best part of Redefining Your Rich is that you are in control and can choose the outcome that you want. If things aren't the way you want them, then decide to make a change.
As I thought back to that first house and how rich we felt, my wife and I discussed how we don't feel any happier or any richer than we did at that time. We may have moved up in the type of house we own but it hasn't changed our feeling of being rich.