This chapter will explain what coaching is, how it works, and – importantly – how it can work for you. I’ll explain the key differences in a coaching conversation plus the benefits that adopting a coaching style can bring. We’ll look at the difference between influencing others by being directive and by being less directive. You’ll then be asked to reflect on your own influencing style, to highlight immediate opportunities for improvement.
What is coaching at work?
In the workplace, coaching is a style of conversation, or conversations, that one person has with another. The person who is the coach intends to produce a conversation that will benefit the other person in a way that relates to their learning and progress. Coaching conversations can happen in different timeframes and in different environments. For example, you might coach someone during a quick chat at the coffee machine or in a more formal meeting where you need to discuss something at length.
Whether an exchange is a coaching conversation (or not) is more about the style of the conversation than its location, length or content. A coaching conversation might last two minutes or two hours since, ultimately, coaching is defined by its impact. Consider this example: I might lecture someone for an hour on what I think they should do in a situation, and they may rightfully choose to ignore me. Or I may ask a simple yet challenging question, such as ‘What do you think’s really holding you back here?’ This may make them realise something that previously lay hidden. The second example has more of a coaching effect, because it causes the person to think and, therefore, come to their own conclusion.
The following questions will help you spot if something is a coaching conversation:
- Is the focus of the conversation mostly on the individual being coached?
- Is the intention of the coach positive towards the person being coached?
- Is the coach using skills of listening, questioning and reflection?
- Will the individual think about the conversation afterwards, and benefit from that reflection?
- Does the conversation benefit the thinking, learning or actions of someone in some way?
What are the opportunities of coaching for you?
Use the following to consider the potential benefit of coaching for you:
Q: How often do people ask you questions about their work and expect you to give them solutions or advice? For example, ‘How do I do this?’ or ‘This has happened – what shall I do?’
Q: How ‘indispensable’ do you feel at work? Would things fall to pieces if you weren’t there to look after everyone?
Q: If someone comes to you with a problem, do you help them by giving them your thoughts, or by helping them with theirs?
If it helps, get someone you trust to reflect on your answers. You never know, you might be coaching more often than you imagine.
Coaching is often catalytic, provoking deeper thought or a richer appreciation of a topic. Whether the person experiencing the conversation would have had those thoughts, insights or ideas without that particular conversation is often best decided by them alone. So again, the best judge of whether a conversation had a coaching effect is the person being coached, rather than the person trying to coach them.
Why does coaching at work work?
Effective coaching increases the performance of people. It also engages people, by challenging them to think, act and ultimately learn for themselves. As a manager or leader, it is not enough to be a talented or expert individual. In order to create sustainable results, managers must be able to develop talent and output from others; but not by increasing the controls upon them or by monitoring them more closely. Instead a manager must be able to bring out the best in individuals, sometimes by relaxing the amount of control exerted upon them. As a coaching manager you can focus on the person during a conversation as well as the task or situation being discussed. So you are able to emphasise the ability of the person to take a situation forward, rather than fixing the situation for yourself. That can feel uncomfortable at first and you need to know which simple responses will equip you to do that. In Chapter 8 (‘A flexible style of influence’) you’ll discover the different ways you can exert more or less control during a conversation.
Managers who coach listen a little more closely, ask a few more questions and encourage others to think and act for themselves. By using these simple behaviours, you help others to stay effective, plus empower them by encouraging them to learn for themselves. A bit like teaching a hungry man to fish, it’s a sustainable solution.
Someone who reports to you directly, i.e. there is no other manager or supervisor between you on a reporting line or structure chart.
Subordinate
Someone who is less senior to you in the organisation; they have a less responsible role or lower-graded position, etc. In this book the term is used to mean the same as a direct report (above).
Colleague
Anyone you work with, including direct reports, subordinates or people senior to you within the organisation.
Team member
In this book I use this term to indicate a member of a team that reports to you. This assumes that you are managing a team; if you’re not, that’s fine, simply imagine that you are. Logically, the team members we’ll discuss are also your direct reports, subordinates and colleagues.
Peer
This is someone on the same level as you; their role is regarded as equivalent to your role in terms of its responsibility, grade, place in the hierarchy, etc. Remember that while we consider all people as equal we acknowledge that sometimes the roles they perform are judged to have greater or lesser value within organisations, often because of the responsibility or impact of the role.
How does coaching at work work?
When we coach someone we assume that, with encouragement, they have the ability to work things out for themselves. So we ask questions like: ‘What are your options?’ or ‘So, what needs to happen?’ or ‘What do you want to do?’ That simple shift, from giving advice to asking someone what they are going to do, is at the heart of coaching as a management style.
Engagement beats compliance
One of the benefits of this shift is that when people work things out for themselves they are more engaged in the solution. Conversely, if we tell someone to do something, and it doesn’t work out, they might feel less responsibility for its failure. For example, I tell Geoff to get everyone who is involved in a work issue together for a meeting, so that we can agree a solution. But when Geoff tries to arrange the meeting, it’s tough to get everyone together on the same day. If it’s not Geoff’s idea in the first place, he’s less likely to look for ways to turn the situation around. On the other hand, if it was actually Geoff who suggested the meeting, he’ll be reluctant to come back with the news of its failure. Instead he is going to look for ways to overcome potential barriers, rather than deliver the news, ‘It’s not possible – everyone’s too busy.’
Also, when you encourage people to be more responsible, gradually their confidence increases – and so does their sense of empowerment (ability to act). As you stop automatically helping or rescuing people, you empower them.
Directive or self-directed – what’s the difference?
Coaching in the workplace means that you adopt a less directive style of influencing or managing others. Literally, that means that you choose to give less advice and fewer answers, trusting that people often know what they need to and can direct themselves pretty well. By using some simple ideas and behaviours (like talk less, listen more), you can encourage people to form their own thoughts and views about a situation.
When a manager coaches their colleagues, they encourage them to be self-directed. This demands that you are willing to operate from a different set of principles. For example, instead of ‘I know how’ sometimes you choose to trust that ‘they know how’. Figure 1.1 illustrates these two different ways of influencing someone.
Figure 1.1 Spectrum of influence
Here’s how the two styles sound, as a manager talks to a subordinate.
| Manager is directive | Manager encourages self-direction |
|---|---|
| You need to phone Bob and get him involved in this | Okay, right, I understand, so what do you need to do? |
| I reckon this is another issue with planning again; we’re just not able to estimate timescales accurately. | This is a fairly frequent issue, isn’t it? What do you think is causing it? |
| Well, I’d suggest not releasing the information for a week. Let people get used to the idea. | Okay, what’s the best plan to communicate this, do you think? |
You don’t have to be nice to coach
You’ll notice in the above examples that both styles have no dependency upon tone or niceness. Indeed it’s possible to be really ‘nice’ and highly directive. For example:
 | [soft tone] ‘Aww, this is a really tough situation, isn’t it? Look, why don’t you get everyone together and I’ll open the meeting for you . . . maybe set the scene a little.’ |
Here the manager was obviously being nice, warm and supportive – and also directive. They’ve just given an instruction, based on an assumption that they know best. A subtle shift of responsibility for the issue has taken place, since the manager has stepped in to help. They’ve also offered to rescue the subordinate and therefore made a victim out of them. The meeting may be a great idea; it’s simply that the subordinate wasn’t involved in thinking things through or coming up with a plan. That’s what makes the manager’s style directive.
Scepticism is the start of belief
If you’re a little sceptical about coaching, I welcome your reservations. Quite often your doubt is simply a signal to find that something’s true for you. My task is not to convince you of something I think is true, but to help you reveal your truth about yourself and how you work with other people. It’s up to you to decide which thoughts or ideas in this book will work for you. Once you’ve discovered something for yourself, it becomes yours, not mine, or anyone else’s.
Coaching is not by definition ‘nice’ or ‘soft’ – it can actually be very challenging. A manager can influence others in a less directive way, while being pretty punchy. For example:
| [strong tone] ‘Yes, right, so I totally understand what you’re saying, I just need to know what you’ve decided to do . . .’ |
Here the manager acknowledges they’ve heard what’s happening and is challenging the subordinate to come up with an answer. You might not like the mildly aggressive tone, but that’s not the point. The thing to notice is that this manager is encouraging, or maybe even forcing, a subordinate to ‘own’ both the situation and its solution. That’s what makes it a less directive style. Sometimes a less directive style can put a subordinate under more pressure in a situation as they are placed in a clearer position of responsibility. As a manager your role is to judge whether or not that’s something that is constructive and helpful in the situation.
Tough guy or teddy bear? – As coach you can be either
How much warmth is needed depends on the person and the situation. In the end you’ll decide for yourself. But let’s be clear that while coaching can be warm, encouraging and friendly, it isn’t defined by those terms. What’s more important is that the person you are coaching is engaged in the conversation with you. Some people are actually turned off by a friendly style and would prefer straight talking. Only you can decide what will work best for you and the people or situations you deal with. Your flexibility is key, as an ability to adapt to different people and situations enables you to tackle things in a variety of ways. We’ll deal with this topic more directly, in the skills outlined in Part 2.
How is a mentor different from a coach?
In the workplace, a mentor relationship intends to provide you with overarching support for your situations, including your general career development. Traditionally, a mentor is thought of as a ‘wise guide’ because of their relevant skills or knowledge. In the workplace, a mentor is likely to tell stories and offer opinions or advice as their professional experience is relevant to your situations. Where it appears appropriate (and if they are willing), they may even provide tangible assistance. While they may have great communication skills such as those covered in this book, these skills are not required for them to be effective. Their influence often comes from an exchange of benevolence and respect, i.e. they feel benevolent towards you and you have developed a respect for them.
While mentoring appears to be a more ‘directive’ activity, good mentors often have coaching skills, because without the ability to listen, question and offer challenge or feedback, a mentor’s advice may be irrelevant or unwelcome.
For a fuller appreciation of this unique role, see my book The Mentoring Manual (Prentice Hall, 2014).
When being directive ‘works’
There’s nothing wrong with being directive and sometimes it’s the best approach. Please remember; you can’t coach knowledge.
Perhaps your colleague has no information or experience to draw upon in solving their issue. Maybe they need to know where to find a piece of data on the system, and it’s pointless to ask them where they think they might find it. Or, sometimes, asking someone to think and decide for themselves is not possible: there may be a standard process they need to follow, to adhere to regulations. When someone is anxious or under pressure, asking them to decide something for themselves can make matters worse. Typically, when we are panicking we’re less able to think clearly, and what we need is reassurance and guidance, rather than more pressure. Asking a series of challenging questions to someone who’s feeling anxious isn’t going to help – although asking a question that helps them to calm down might!
Stay aware, stop telling, start asking
Coaching can be a quick and simple adjustment. For example, when someone explains a problem to you, instead of responding with, ‘Okay, here’s what you need to do . . .’, simply ask them, ‘Okay, so what do you think needs to happen?’ To make the switch you first need to catch your automatic response, so stay aware!
When being directive works less well
Being consistently directive is an inflexible style that creates pitfalls for a manager over time. People who are always told what to do don’t learn effectively, and potentially become bored, lacklustre or demotivated. Since they are not encouraged to think, they may also become dependent or even lazy, asking their manager for frequent, or basic, instruction. As people’s sense of empowerment reduces, they become hesitant or lack the confidence to act. They follow direct instructions, but might not be as engaged in their manager’s solutions as they could be (‘Well, I’ll do it because you’ve told me to, but it’s not going to work’).
Another consequence of an overly directive manager is that subordinates aren’t stimulated to think for themselves and so their own creativity or thinking processes are dulled. Solving problems becomes something the manager does, so why bother thinking about what the solutions might be?
Figure 1.2 illustrates how the directive and self-directed styles impact relationships and responses over time.
When you parent people they can act like children
As a manager, how you manage and influence affects the nature of your relationship with your team and also how they develop over time.
Managers might complain that they want the people who work for them to act more proactively, yet the source of their dependency on the manager is the manager themselves. When a manager is frequently directive, their relationship with a subordinate can feel like that of ‘parent-to-child’. The manager ‘parents’ the subordinate, by giving detailed instructions and solutions instead of encouraging them to work things out for themselves. Over time, this ‘parenting’ means the subordinate feels dependent on the manager.
Being helpful doesn’t always help
Ironically, while a manager may feel they are trying to help their team, they are actually creating a downward spiral. Demands on the manager increase as they are asked to direct situations and have all the answers (and often they don’t). So managers have less available time to focus on their own tasks, as their time is taken up by the people who report to them. If only they could free up time, they could contribute more to their situations and exercise a higher level of involvement that a managing role demands, for example supporting their own manager, or deciding priorities for the team as a whole.
When a manager encourages a subordinate to think, act and learn for themselves, the relationship feels more like ‘adult-to-adult’. Over time, subordinates learn to expect being challenged by questions such as ‘What’s the real issue we need to solve here?’ or ‘What do you suggest then?’ As they predict the manager’s coaching response, they come prepared with opinions, ideas and suggestions more often. Over time, they’ll feel an increased sense of engagement and ownership of their own situations as well.
How directive are you?
Use the following questions to assess how often you coach and how often you direct, or ‘tell’. Then perhaps return to these questions once you’ve worked more with this subject, for example after you’ve finished this book.
Q: How often do you give specific, direct instruction to people who work for you?
Q: When people are explaining issues, challenges or difficulties, how much listening and questioning do you do – and how much talking?
Q: How frequently do you offer specific ideas or advice to the people you work with?
Q: If someone tells you about a problem, do you try to solve it?
Q: Does it ever feel as though you are ‘parenting’ your team?
Based on your answers to the above, rate your own style of influence, using the 1–0 scale in Figure 1.2. Now get someone you know and trust to give their view of your typical style. Finally, look for opportunities to improve your scores, perhaps through discussion with the same person.
What is coaching?
Coaching is a less directive style of conversation that encourages people to think and decide for themselves. An effective coach uses heightened levels of key skills such as listening, questioning, reflection and feedback. When managers coach people effectively, they create a positive impact on their performance, engagement and on their ongoing development. The benefits for managers include freeing up the time they waste managing detail that others are capable of handling, which enables them to focus more strategically or creatively over time.
For anyone who wants to increase their ability to influence in conversation, coaching enables just that. For any manager in the workplace, the ability to coach others is a core competence.