PILLAR 2

Finding a Mentor

A huge part of my secret to success is that I constantly surround myself with thinkers who outthink me. I surround myself with the people who represent where I want to be in life. Without question, most of my success is due to the fact that I have mentors. You must have a mentor; you must submit yourself to thinking that is higher than your own. Without a mentor, you will never have the mindset of a winner. You will never achieve millionaire status. Unless you surround yourself with successful people, you can never truly rise to success.

Winners know what mentors can bring to them; whiners don’t appreciate that value. As my favorite book—the Bible—says, “In the multitude of counsel, there is safety.” If you don’t have mentors—if you don’t have counsel, if you don’t have people speaking into your life—you can never be safe. It’s that simple. Starting this very second, I want you to focus your efforts on creating the lifestyle of someone who desires and understands the importance of having mentors.

If you only submit to your own thinking, your own way of doing things, and your own worldview, then you will never grow as a person, and you will never be a first-generation millionaire. Having a mentor is absolutely crucial. The question is, how do you choose one?

Remember, you pick the mentor. Your mentor doesn’t choose you. You don’t have the luxury of waiting around for someone to notice you and take you under his or her wing. You must participate in your own rescue. In order to find the right mentor, you have to find someone who already has what you value. Seek out someone who already has the life that you want. Then you need to get access to that person, to that way of thinking, to that lifestyle.

I don’t follow people who just sound good. I don’t want a mentor who looks good on paper. I only look up to people who have proven success. When I was starting out pursuing a path in professional public speaking, I wanted someone who I thought was the best on the planet. I went straight to the top. For me, it was the number one motivational speaker, Les Brown. Let me be very clear: Les Brown didn’t choose me. I chose Les Brown. I invested extreme amounts of time and money that I did not have because I knew if I got close to his voice, I would win. No one told me this; no one had to. I only had to hear him speak once to come to this crucial decision.

I heard Les Brown speak when I was in my early twenties, and I immediately knew he was the real deal. I had the extreme pleasure and honor of meeting Les Brown for the first time when I was 26 years old. For two years, I called him constantly, asking for advice, asking to meet, asking if there was anything I could do to help him whenever he was in town—carry his bag, drive him to the airport, anything. I was relentless. Finally, after two years of nonstop emails, he told me that he was coming to speak in Dallas-Fort Worth, my hometown, and that I was welcome to visit him in his hotel room before he went onstage. I was beside myself when I got that call. Les Brown’s hotel room? Me? One-on-one time with the man I’d chosen as my mentor? This was it. This was going to be the beginning of a relationship I had wanted for years. I put on my best suit and headed over.

I opened the door to his suite and was shocked to find a huge group of people already there. I realized that this wasn’t going to be the fireside chat I had envisioned on my way over, but I was still there. Even though I was just another person competing desperately for his attention, I was still doing so in Les Brown’s hotel room. I was still honored to be there and soak it all in.

Finally, Les came over to me and started asking me questions: “How serious are you?”

I gave him everything I had: “Very serious. Very passionate. I went from being a teenager with a felony arrest to one of the top insurance sales reps in the country in less than five years. I have an incredible story, and I want to tell it right away. I want to tell it to as many people as I can.”

“How would you like to be onstage with me tonight?” That question took my breath away. An opportunity like that would change my life. The exposure, the proximity to all these amazing speakers—it was the chance of a lifetime. He didn’t even wait for me to answer. He knew I wanted it. “My buy-in is $20,000, but if you can meet me tonight with $5,000, I will put you onstage.” Now, I knew Les Brown didn’t need my money. This was a test, a challenge. He wanted to see how serious I was. I looked him right in the eye and told him I would see him onstage that night. I left immediately. I didn’t need to stand around and listen to him talk to other people. I had my assignment—my mission—and I needed to find $5,000 in the next few hours.

I got in my car and started praying to God to make this happen. I hated the idea of asking people for anything. I was 26 years old and had been supporting myself since I was 16. Even though I lived under my father’s roof in high school, for over a decade, I had earned every dollar I had, even for my clothes and my lunch money. I took pride in never putting my hand out to anyone. But this was different. I knew I needed to put my vanity aside and pick up the phone and start asking. By doing that—by conquering my ego—I was participating in my own rescue. I knew I had to leave my comfort zone or I would be stuck where I was forever.

My first call was to my stepmother, Joyce. She knew me better than just about anyone. It is very important for me that you understand that this was the absolute hardest phone call that I had ever made in my adult life up to that point. Why? Because I had never asked anyone in my family for anything as an adult, and that was my personal trophy to myself. Making this phone call would be me destroying my personal trophy of “self-accomplishment,” but I knew that a far greater trophy would present itself and would ultimately set me on a new trajectory in life as one of the greatest motivational speakers of my time and possibly one of the best to ever live. She knew that if I was asking her for something, that something was incredibly important to me. I told her about this opportunity. I told her it would change my life forever. I told her I needed $5,000.

Her exact words to me were, “Where are you now?”

I told her I was driving south through Dallas, headed back to my home in South Dallas. She told me to meet her at the hospital where she worked so she could give me half of it. I started crying. One phone call, and I had half the money. My prayers were being answered.

As I drove to the hospital, my friend Tony Hobbs called me. I had known Tony for years. We grew up on the streets together, and we had done what no teenagers should do to make money. He knew who I had been before and who I was becoming now. I loved Tony, but I knew that I had to get him off of the phone and start my other calls before it was too late. “Tony. I want to talk, but let me hit you back. I have the chance to speak on the same stage as Les Brown tonight, but I need $2,500 to get up there.”

“Wait,” he said. “Les Brown? The speaker?” Now I was floored. How did Tony know who Les Brown was? I asked him as much. “He came and spoke at my church the other day. He is the real deal.”

“Wow, that’s great, man, but I still need to call you back later. I need to go find this money.”

Tony’s exact words: “Johnny. Where are you?” I said I was headed south on loop 12 passing the Potters House Church about to make a quick stop in Arlington to pick up the first half from my stepmother. Tony’s next words were, “Can you meet me at the gas station that is on the way? I got the other half in cash on me right now.”

As soon as the words came out of his mouth, I was in tears. Honestly, I was so emotional I probably should not have been driving, but nothing was going to stop me now. I was in the midst of my destiny. When I saw Tony 10 minutes later, he put $2,500 cash in my hand. Just like that. I was in.

That night indeed changed my life. Les became my mentor and a huge part of who I am and who I wanted to be as a speaker and a businessman. In less than five minutes, I had made one call and then taken another call that came to me, and suddenly that incredible chance of sharing the stage with the world’s number one motivational speaker was mine to take. If I had let my pride get in the way, there is no way I would have found the money I needed. There is no way I would have become what I am today. I participated in my own rescue and found a mentor who was where I wanted to be and who wanted to see me reach my goals. Not only did I participate in my own rescue, but I also invested time, swallowed my pride, and humbled myself in order to do it.

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It’s OK to look at other people and want their lifestyle. It’s OK to want what they have. It’s OK to watch what they are doing and emulate them. It’s okay to ultimately surpass them. A true mentor will be happy for you when you do. All good mentors have an equal desire to see you succeed. Choose someone who won’t put you down, rub your failures in your face, or make you feel less than your true value.

Finding your own mentor doesn’t have to be an insurmountable step. Anyone can be your mentor. You don’t have to go looking for the titan of industry, a published author, or someone on television or the radio. It can be an esteemed coworker, a friend you look up to, a teacher you trust, or even an older family member.

No matter where you find your mentors, they should have the following qualities:

1.   They have a lifestyle you desire and respect.

2.   They have a genuine desire to see you win.

3.   They are supportive of your surpassing them in business and at potentially no longer needing their mentorship.

4.   They are firm, yet fair and friendly.

Once you have decided that you would like someone to be your mentor, you will need to actually ask that person if he or she would be willing to dedicate his or her time, knowledge, and energy to helping you grow. Here are a few ways to approach a possible mentor for current or for future possibilities:

1.   Offer to serve and volunteer in any capacity possible. When you do this, be sure your eyes and ears are at full attention 100 percent of the time. And only speak when spoken to. (Examples of how you can serve include airport pickups, carrying the luggage, and providing personal security if needed.) By volunteering and articulating your reasons for wanting to be close and soak up as much wisdom as possible, you will show transparency, which leads to trust. You’ll be amazed by how far volunteering can get you. And when the right door opens, it’s because there is something about you that your mentor likes.

2.   Find a way to become beneficial to the mentor’s mission. Offer your personal expertise without compensation or motive. A true mentor will know your motive, so there is no need to explain unless asked.

3.   Let the mentor know how much his or her work has affected your life. With confidence and transparency, let the mentor know you want to be an ambassador of the mentor’s cause or mission because of how that work has affected you personally. Know the mentor’s works, publications, accomplishments, and achievements.

4.   Anticipate the mentor’s needs. Your mentor’s inner circle will open up based on your ability to know what the mentor needs or wants before the mentor asks. When my mentors licked their lips or coughed, I would approach with water, a cough drop, or a tissue. I was already prepared. I didn’t wait to be asked for things. Be ready all the time when you are near your mentor; you never know when it will be your time to step up. Stay ready, so you never have to get ready.

If the mentor you want to work with says he or she can’t take on a mentee right now, that’s OK. You can always set yourself up for a future possibility. Let the mentor know that regardless of time, distance, or convenience, the mentor should add you to the top of his or her list the next time the mentor needs any service. Make a verbal confession that you have a burning desire to be close to greatness. For example, you could say: “My desire is to not be seen or heard. My desire is to serve so as to be close to your wisdom.”

And remember, you don’t always need to be in personal contact to have a mentor. You can also get what you need from your mentor even if you never meet in person. You can be mentored from afar, by reading what the mentor writes, subscribing to the mentor’s newsletters, podcasts, and shows, and attending the mentor’s speaking engagements.

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While my friend Holton Buggs was in college at Texas Southern University in Houston, he started working in network marketing to make some money on the side. At one of the first seminars Holton attended, the main speaker was Bill Britt, a man who had earned billions in the industry. It was then and there that Holton decided that this was the man he was going to follow in order to find the success he wanted so much.

Yet, in all the years he has followed Bill Britt, Holton has never actually met him or even shaken his hand. But what he has done is listen to every word Bill has said publicly. And he followed every piece of advice he heard. In the end, Holton realized that he didn’t need to meet Bill in person. He just needed to follow and adopt Bill’s philosophy. Bill never knew who Holton was, but Bill still mentored him. And as a result, he changed Holton’s life because Holton started to have more confidence and to speak in terms of goals.

Winners understand and realize that they need someone in their court, someone who will be a role model and an advisor. Whiners do not. A whiner says, “I am my own person. I don’t need anyone to tell me what to do. I can do this by myself.” Those words may sound like strength, but they actually come from someone who is too weak to reach out and ask others for guidance and help. Don’t be that person.

Just as Holton and I have done, look outside your bubble, and discover things that you never even knew you wanted. If you think there is only one way to become a first-generation millionaire, you will fail. Be open to other possibilities, other paths, and other points of view. A mentor will be your guide on this journey. Find one you trust before you walk too far down this path. You want to find a mentor who has every desire for you to pass him or her. A true mentor will never hold you down and will never be intimidated by your rise to success.

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I used to be someone who tried to do it all on my own. When I wrote my first book, I wanted complete ownership. And I had it. I spent tens of thousands of dollars on printers and distribution and storage. I had to learn how to navigate the publishing world on my own. I had to take responsibility for the decision to write and publish my book. I don’t regret it, but I also know that resisting that lone-ranger mindset and thinking outside the box would have done me a world of good. What if I had reached out to some authors to ask them for advice? What if I had tried to work with a publisher instead of striking out on my own? The book went on to become my bestselling book—I printed over 250,000 copies, and it has been read around the world—but I still tucked those lessons away for the future.

Now, I can pass those lessons on to my mentees. Instead of encouraging each of them to write a book and navigate the same hurdles I experienced, I have worked out a system that allows them to write a chapter in a book that I spearhead, market, and publish. Ten up-and-coming speakers and entrepreneurs write one chapter each, all contributing to an impressive, jaw-dropping book that they can use to make connections, build their brand, and sell on their own. They don’t have to spend their own money, time, and resources to write and publish a book they can be proud of.

When these writers open themselves up to my mentorship, they are getting my decades of experiences, my guidance, and the lessons of my past. I want more for them than what I have, and showing them an easier way to succeed makes me a good mentor.

Look for this type of selflessness, benevolence, and empathy in your own mentor. You don’t want someone who wants to punish you, to make sure you pay your dues and go through everything the mentor went through on his or her way up. The whole idea of having a mentor is to avoid pitfalls and skip the mistakes that take up too much of your time and energy.

Showing you the right path and making sure you learn from their mistakes should be the mission of all mentors. They should want to accelerate you while keeping you safe. You want mentors who will gift you with their experience and show you the best way forward. Once you find those mentors, build those relationships from the ground up. They will help you for the rest of your life.

Finding a mentor comes down to commitment. Do you have the tenacity and commitment to find someone you deserve? I never said this was going to be easy. Not everyone has the stomach to leave their comfort zone. If this is not you, then give this book to someone else. But if it is you, go all in. This is a hard journey, and you need someone in your court who has been there before. Choose someone, and then put in that whole dollar exactly as we discussed in the introduction. You will be pleasantly surprised by your return on that investment. Holton did this with Bill Britt, and it had an enormous impact on his life.

ACTION STEP

Get on social media and find someone—local or international, man or woman, in your field or not—whom you want to have access to. Read everything that person has written. Listen to every podcast. Watch every video. And then, even though all of that could be enough, I want you to take it to the next level.

Once you know that this is the person for you—and here is the hardest part—reach out to him or her. Email that person. Message him or her on social media. Call and leave messages. Stop by that person’s offices if you can. The absolute most respectful and beneficial way is to offer any value or services that you can bring to that person instantly. Offer to be an airport shuttle. Offer to carry his or her bags, and be willing to serve in any capacity just to be in his or her presence.

I would never have gotten access to Les Brown if I hadn’t kicked the door open. I am giving you permission to beat on some doors. Find 10 people whose lifestyles you desire. Get in touch with the top 3. Then get in touch with the next 3. Keep going. Participate in your own rescue.

A whiner will ask, “What if they ignore me? What if I can’t get access to them? What if I embarrass myself?” A winner will ask, “What if I can? What if they answer me? What if it does work?” Be a winner. Participate in your own rescue, and choose mentors who will get you to where you want to be in life.

PILLAR 2

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