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STAND IN SOMEONE ELSE’S SHOES
Experience Their Point of View
No matter how flat you make a pancake, it’s still got two sides.
—DR. PHIL
In order to move people, I’ve learned that sometimes I have to . . . move people. Literally. Get them out of their seats and into the streets, into each other’s neighborhoods and offices, homes, and gardens. Some call this kind of education experiential; others call it action learning. One thing I know for sure is that doing, sharing, and being together beats reading any theory. We each look at the world from our own subjective perspective, a bias that is more pronounced when the stakes are high.
The resolution of any conflict comes down to the question: What really matters? The answer is seldom one you can ascertain alone. What was once crystal-clear blurs out of focus when you stand in someone else’s shoes and see the view from that person’s point. You can’t always reason out a conclusion at your desk. Sometimes you have to travel on the elevator or cross-town bus or maybe take an airplane (if you can afford to). Remember to take your Connect First tool kit. The basics will help set the stage; the tips in earlier chapters will kindle quality conversation and the act of physically going to another person’s place will deepen your relationship. Standing in someone else’s shoes helps you solve their problems, offers a new perspective on your challenges, and generates lasting goodwill.
THIS IS FOR YOU IF
• You want to have an expansive positive impact.
• The unintended consequences of your actions can be costly, and you want to widen your aperture.
• It’s an interconnected world, and you want to learn more about your place in it.
TAKE ACTION
Start your conference call by asking what everyone is seeing out their windows. This anchors you in their reality. Restrict the response to one sentence. It won’t take long, and it literally “places” your remote team. The quick opening question humanizes the conversation that follows.
Skype, Google Hangouts, Zoom, FaceTime—video technology doesn’t replace the experience of visiting other offices. If you can afford the trip, see the engineering team in Bosnia. How are they recording the instructions from the head office? What? They don’t post project plans, yet you always reference the flowchart as if your respective walls share the same visual images. Agree on a mutual way to communicate and capture progress now that you know better.
Sometimes the engineers coding your latest product are working across town. They are frustratingly slow, and they miss deadlines. Go to their office (even if it’s in a garage). Is it noisy? Cold? Does the sensory environment impact your ability to think? Do your colleagues share the same experience? Did they know they could ask for noise-canceling headsets? What changes can you make right away to help?
Visit the recipients of your work. Do you manufacture safety glasses? Visit the factories that use them. Connecting to the end user provides a sense of purpose. Look around. Taking in the environment may also inform innovation. You hadn’t realized that the factory workers were repurposing your packaging material as stuffing for children’s toys. Can you help market those teddy bears? Can you offer to buy some for your team? Do a joint project.
Do you know how the environment will be impacted by your latest building plans? Government officials blithely said they can “move the water.” What does that mean? Will homes be affected? Trees? Transport routes? It can sound easy until you arrive on-site. Once you visit the community, the neighborhood complaints become clear.
Did you just have the second tense phone call after five increasingly hostile email exchanges? Don’t just sit there, do something. Ask the person you are sparring with if you can meet at a place that matters to them. It may be their office, the building site that’s raising blood pressures, or the music shop that brings that person joy. No matter the choice, you will learn a great deal and connect more.
When meeting someone on their turf, come prepared to talk in terms of their interests. Do research in advance so you can ask informed questions. Check the local newspaper or blog to tap into timely concerns.
Ask open-ended questions and be prepared for answers you didn’t expect. Don’t be afraid to ask for explanations of jargon, abbreviations, or words you don’t understand.
Engage in active wonder. Relinquish the urge to judge; instead, allow yourself to feel the moment. Listen to understand. Don’t be pressured to match their story with one of yours.
You’ve invested the time and resources to meet community members, collaborators, and colleagues where they are. Now what? Take the time to reflect. If you are organizing the trip, agree on a place for everyone to gather after an interaction to ask: “So what? What does this mean for me, for my company, for the wider world?”
KEEP IN MIND
• The excitement of entering someone’s space and all of its novelty may feel like an Instagram moment for you. Don’t take pictures right away. Have your meeting. Bond. Then ask if you can take a photo. The camera will capture the connection (if you made one), and it will be a much more valuable image than a tourist shot grabbed without permission.
• Pack your flexibility and sense of adventure. It’s what you don’t expect that can teach (and delight you) the most.