You and your fiancé or fiancée should review both credit reports together. I am a firm believer that bad things happen to good people, but let’s face it, some people are just irresponsible. If there are credit hurdles to overcome, you both need to know it going in. This is an opportunity to open up the lines of communication on a tough topic. What you really want to know is: What happened, why did it happen, and what can we do together to prevent it from happening again? I always hate to see that person on the TV talk show that had “no idea” what they were getting into when they married the wrong person. Many secrets would have been revealed if they had pulled a credit report up front.

I’ve heard it said that there’s only two things that are guaranteed: death and taxes. But if your would-be spouse also owes back taxes, the debt will never simply go away, not even in bankruptcy. A tax lien attaches to property, garnishes wages, levies bank accounts, and wreaks havoc on your life. If your future spouse has a tax lien, marrying him or her can bring you under that lien. The first thing most couples do when they get married is open a joint checking account. If either party has a tax lien, the day will come—probably sooner than later—when your assets in that account will be frozen and then taken away, and no longer belong to you. If there’s a tax lien, deal with it immediately. Settle it, set up a payment plan, whatever it takes, but remember, the IRS does not go away. A judgment is the most intense type of a collection. Judgments can be awarded on defaulted debts such as child support, apartment complexes, and auto repossessions—just to name a few. If a judgment shows on either report, you need to confront it and come up with an action plan. If you intend to buy a car financed with a decent rate, rent an apartment or home, or buy a home in your future, you need to get the judgment paid and released. I’ve seen judgments drop credit scores hundreds of points. It’s a blemish you don’t need and cannot afford.

Ideally you want to see charges being paid in full monthly, and balances going down each month—after all, your other half is getting ready to get married. Shouldn’t they be trying to reduce debt versus adding to it? Take this opportunity to isolate and attack the problem together if there is one.

I’ll never forget the day that Andrew walked into my office. We had met months before, and I’d approved him for a loan to purchase a new home. He had been house hunting with his Realtor for about six months, and had placed an offer on a house. We sat down to update his file, and when I pulled his credit, my jaw dropped. “What’s wrong?” he asked. I had to look him in the eye and tell him that his credit score had plummeted 246 points—wow. Suddenly, a look came across his face that told me he knew exactly what had happened. He was right. Right after our first meeting, Andrew met a woman who, he thought, was the one. He was so sure, and so in love that two weeks after meeting her, he cosigned for a brand-new car. He never thought twice, knowing that they would be together forever. Little did he know, she had a different plan. The permanent license plates hadn’t even come in yet when she dumped him. Who was to blame really didn’t matter. Now, here we were, and he was faced with repossession on his credit report, and no chance of obtaining a mortgage loan. I bring you this story to show that cosigning a debt is not an endeavor to take lightly. You’d better be willing and able to pay that debt should the other party not be able to do so. Even better advice, don’t cosign for anyone. If you must cosign for a college-bound child who doesn’t have sufficient credit, fine. But make sure the bills come to your address and have your child make payments directly to you. You then send the payments to the creditor. Your credit depends on it. Trust but verify.

This raises an equally important question. If you want to go with individual accounts because your future spouse has a history of overdrafts and bounced checks, why are you still getting married? The problems are not going to be isolated to the joint checking account. These problems are symptoms of a broader lack of discipline and responsibility that is going to come up again and again throughout your marital history. Why do you want to invite problems like that? This fairly simple decision—joint or separate accounts—may lead you to question the whole premise that you want be get married.

Sounds easy, right? The truth is, much like holding a CFO designation in a big corporation, it’s a tough job that requires a tough attitude. You may meet with some resistance from the ranks when you make the tough decisions, such as getting rid of the movie channels to save $17 a month or recommending your spouse cut back on his or her spending habits. I’m not saying you have to be an obnoxious dictator—there is a balance here, but you also have to remember why you were elected—to save your family’s financial life and make a better future for all of you.

Many fiscal problems come up because neither person specifically took responsibility for these important matters. Worse still, what if you take responsibility but your spouse spends money behind your back? The budget is useless unless both sides agree to it, and you can find out a lot about your future spouse by his or her reaction when you propose a family budget and assigning the CFO. Most marital problems are rooted in disagreements about money; but you can spot emerging problems even before you enter the legal contract. Unless your prospective spouse is willing to agree to these basic necessities, your future marriage could already be doomed.

Creating your own log will prove to be both therapeutic and eye opening, and both spouses should be involved in this piece—let’s face it, there may be debts that one hasn’t exactly told the other about. This exercise will not work if there are any omissions, so a vow of honesty should be taken up front. All members of the family need to be made aware of the new budget and be willing to adhere to it. Once you have determined a specific monthly amount that will be saved, you’ll need to determine if those funds are to be put into a savings account right away every month (an automatic savings deposit is a good idea), or if your family has debt, determine which debts will be paid off first. Celebrate every month that your savings grows and your debt decreases, and make a point of keeping track of progress monthly, every six months, and annually—just like a performance review. Remember, a “budget buster” will occur from time to time (car repairs, insurance deductibles, etc.). Be prepared, and don’t let these minor setbacks discourage you. Life happens!

How does this relate to credit? Medical bills are the number one cause of bankruptcy. “Insurance should have covered that” is not recognized as a solution to remove a medical collection, yet it’s the most common explanation that I hear. Here’s the bottom line: If you receive a medical bill, you must confirm if you really owe it, and if you do, pay it or set up a payment arrangement. If you find that the insurance should cover it, get on the phone with the insurance company and confirm that they are paying it. It’s your responsibility to be sure it ends up a zero balance account. The root of “healthy relationship” is health. As the cost of health care continues to skyrocket, so should the attention you pay to the options in your health care plan. If you are in a position where both of you are employed by companies that provide health benefits, consider yourself very fortunate. At least you have the option to choose between two health care plans to find the one that best suits your needs. The first consideration is to talk candidly about who feels better about their employment stability and the stability of the company overall. If your company is downsizing or you think that your job is in jeopardy, your partner’s plan is probably the best option. If each of you has a job with a stable company, then compare each plan’s coverage, monthly premium amounts, deductibles, copay for prescriptions and office visits, as well as the list of physicians on each plan. By making this simple comparison, the choice should become obvious. Don’t ignore your deductibles and coverage, because when it’s time to use the insurance, you’ll quickly find out how much it can cost. Be sure you’re prepared for a medical emergency, and have proper coverage for your family.

The first thing to look for is the judge’s signature, date of finalization, and the stamp of approval. A petition for divorce or temporary orders are not the same as a finalized divorce decree. As the saying goes, it ain’t over until it’s over. Once you’ve determined your prospective spouse is really divorced, look for any long-term resulting debts such as alimony and child support. These monthly payments need to be taken into consideration when establishing your new budget, and you need to know how many years remain. Although child support ends at 18 in many cases, sometimes it is much longer depending on the circumstances. For example, is your ex financially responsible for any future college tuition or student loans? While you’re there, take this opportunity to confirm that the child support or alimony payments are current and are not delinquent. Next, look to see if there is any real estate owned and to whom it’s awarded. There may be lump sums of money due to the ex that can wreak havoc on your honeymoon plans. If a marital household was awarded to one spouse or the other, be sure that the mortgage obligation has been addressed. Awarding the property does not release the other spouse of liability on the loan if it is a joint account, so the property should be sold or refinanced if at all possible. I’ve seen many credit situations arise as a result of an ex-spouse not paying a mortgage on time. Don’t let the ex’s irresponsibility sabotage your ability to buy a home later.

A true story that makes this point: Cindy is a long-time client of mine. I’ve provided two loans for her over a 10-year period. I’ll never forget the first time she came into my office. A single woman with a great job, she bought her first home and received a good rate for the time—8 percent. A couple of years later, she came back to refinance when rates were considerably better. She had gotten married, but said that her husband had some bumps and bruises on his credit, so the plan was to do the refinance in her name alone. He would, however, be added to the title because Texas is a community property state. We completed the refinance at 6 percent with no problem.

A couple of years later, I received another call from Cindy. Rates were at an all time low, and I was able to offer Cindy a great rate at 4.25 percent with a lowered term to help her pay her home off faster. Everything looked great until I received the title commitment. My processor came into my office and said, “Rodney, we have a problem.” Attached to the title of Cindy’s home was a $54,000 judgment for back child support owed by her new husband. As a result, Cindy was unable to refinance her home. Not only that, but she could not sell her home without this judgment being satisfied. I called to advise Cindy of the problem, and could hear the devastation in her voice. She had no idea that this existed, and never even knew he was obligated to pay child support because his children were adults. Unfortunately, there was nothing I could do to change her situation. This is not as uncommon as one may think. It’s a great example of why full disclosure up front is imperative.

The job history and résumé reveal more about people than where they work and what skills they possess. It is also an attribute of character and anyone who exaggerates qualifications to get a job has a character flaw. Do you think someone like that—who would lie to an employer—might be just as likely to lie to a spouse? It’s a question worth pondering.

The bottom line is this: Think with your head and not your heart. Ignoring the risk by purposefully not asking the right questions is simply inviting trouble. And believing that “love means never having to say you’re sorry” or “love conquers all” is part of the delusional mystique or the romantic. Believe me, you will find very few romantics who have also succeeded financially. It’s more likely that the successful person—who has managed to accumulate wealth and maintain a happy marriage—is more likely to be a pragmatist.

In the next chapter, I explore the equally important (and potentially more expensive) of the affairs of the wallet: divorce. Even if you are not yet married, you need to read this chapter so that you know what lies ahead if you don’t perform your “relationship due diligence” today.