Index
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A
Abandonment, 203–204
Ability:
confusing motivation and, 139–143
link between motivation and, 138–139
motivation vs., 153
power of single barrier to, 153–154
Ability barriers, 224
brainstorming to eliminate, 154–156
joint exploration of, 145
motivation barriers and, 153, 159–160
positive deviants’ response to, 11
power of single barrier, 153–154
pretending to involve others in solving, 149–151
questions for diagnosing, 146, 155–156
unfinished business in eliminating, 159–160
Abuse, 56–58
Accountability conversations, 224
and collaboration, 152
to discover intentions, 27
lack of training for, 75–76
and potentially devastating feedback, 235
preparation for, 15
repeated, 22
self-assessment of skills for, 247–251
(See also individual topics)
Accountability skills, learnability of, 39
Acting out of your concerns, 32–34
Adrenaline, 50, 56, 57, 88, 114, 180, 181
Advice, avoiding, 145–148
Advising, where necessary, 156–159
clear expectations, 199–200
for difficult problems, 213, 220
and making assumptions, 197–198
and predictable bad endings, 196–197
specific responsibilities, 199
summarizing conversation, 205–206
time factors, 200–201
WWWF, 198–199
Allowing violations, 1–6
Ambiguous causes, 140
AMPP model, 185–188
“And” thinking, 37
Anger:
curiosity vs., 61
dealing with, 181–190
dissipating, 182–184
understanding, 180–181
Asking (AMPP model), 185
Asking for ideas, 148–156
and avoiding quick advice, 145–148
and biasing responses, 148–149
and needing to have all the answers, 151–153
and pretending to involve others, 149–151
and sources of influence, 153–156
Asking for permission, 89
Assumptions, 51–53
revealed through nonverbal communication, 33
when agreeing on a plan, 197–198
Attribution errors, 52–53 (See also Fundamental attribution error)
Attribution studies, 51
Audits, 203
Authoritarian leadership style, 115
Authority, confronting, 226–229
B
Barriers:
joint exploration of, 145
physical, 157–159
questions for diagnosing, 61, 124, 146, 155–156
(See also Ability barriers)
Behavior:
borderline, 237–239
impacted by gadgets, 67–68
natural consequences of, 227
nonverbal, 33
stories that justify your worst behaviors, 58–59
unwillingness to behave badly, 7–8
Biasing responses, 148–149
Bierce, Ambrose, 75
Big problems (see Difficult problems)
Bookmarks (for staying focused), 166, 175–177
Borderline behavior, 237–239
Brainstorming:
to eliminate ability barriers, 154–156
in relationship conversations, 233
Breaking from the pack, 229–231
Broken promises, 31
Contrasting in dealing with, 87
Bureaucratic barriers, 157–159
C
“Can I …” questions, 36
Carlin, George, 47
Certainty of silence, choosing, 35–38
Challenger space shuttle disaster, 6
Charisma (as motivator), 111–112
Checkback, 205
Checkup, 204–205
Choose What and If, 18–44, 222–223
about promises clearly broken, 31
about unclear and iffy infractions, 31–32
case example, 29–30
for difficult problems, 212, 214–215
getting to the right conversation, 24–26
and not speaking when you should, 32–41
prioritizing issues, 27–28
signs of dealing with wrong problem, 19–24
and speaking up when you shouldn’t, 41–44
Stay Focused and Flexible, 190
unbundling the problem, 26–27
when encountering new problems, 166–167
Civility, 8–9
Climate for conversations:
establishing, 47
in hazardous half minute, 49–50
Commitments:
checking for, 206
and effective solutions, 147
making it easy to keep (see Make It Motivating)
Complicated causes, 140–141
Complicated infractions, 9, 77
Complicated problems (see Difficult problems)
Concerns, acting out of, 32–34
Conclusions:
harsh, 93–94
jumping to, 51–53
Create Safety, 73
Describe the Gap, 102–103
for difficult problems, 216–217
Make It Easy, 163
Make It Motivating, 134
(See also individual topics)
Confronting authority, 226–229
Confucius, 137
Conscience, nagging, 34–35
Consequence bundle, 111
and perks, 116
use of power to expand, 113
Consequences:
explained to resistant workers, 126
and masked causes, 142
natural (see Natural consequences)
reasons to explore, 124
as source of motivation, 134
and unbundling of problems, 26
Content of infractions, 24, 178
Content–pattern–relationship (CPR) model, 24–26
in analyzing problems, 178–179
in deciding what to discuss, 28, 45
Contrasting:
for difficult problems, 216–218
at end of accountability conversation, 200
when breaking from the pack, 230
when describing the gap, 86–87
when discussing emergent problems, 168, 169
when discussing repeated infractions, 100
Conversing, 228
Coping, 228–229
CPR model (see Content–pattern–relationship model)
Crimson Tide (film), 112
Critical-event follow-up, 202
Criticism, follow-up perceived as, 203
Crucial accountability, 1–14
foundation of, 172–174
learning positive skills for, 12–14
and positive deviance, 10–12
providing polite ways for exacting, 8–9
with serious/complicated infractions, 9
and unwillingness to behave badly, 7–8
and willingness to allow violations, 1–6
Crucial Skills newsletter, 246
Culture changes, 236–237
Curiosity, anger vs., 61
Cutting out, 228
D
Data, behavior impacted by, 68, 158
Deadlines, ambiguity in, 201
for difficult problems, 212, 217, 218
end with a question, 97–98
knowing what not to do, 77–80
learning from positive deviants about, 80–81
share your path, 91–97
start with safety, 81–91
in tough situations, 98–101
Diagnosis of problems, 106
Diagnostic questions, 97–98
Differentiating yourself, 41–43
Difficult problems, 211–224
Agree on a Plan and Follow Up, 213, 220
Choose What and If, 212, 214–215
Make It Safe, 216–218
Describe the Gap, 212, 217, 218
Make It Motivating, 212, 218–219
Master My Stories, 212, 215–216
Stay Focused and Flexible, 213, 219
(See also “Yeah-Buts”)
Difficult/unpleasant tasks, 138–143
Dirksen, Everett, 165
Discipline, 127–128
Dishonoring peers, 43–44
Dispositional view:
and excessive use of power, 113–114
situational view vs., 52
E
Effectiveness formula, 147
Ekman, Paul, 33
Emergent problems (see Stay Focused and Flexible)
Emotions (feelings):
dissipating, 182–184
effect of attempting to hide, 33–34
explosive (see Explosive emotions)
getting to source of, 184
Empathy (for difficult bosses), 227
Empowerment, involvement and, 148
Ending conversations (see Agree on a plan)
Entrapment, 78
Escher, M. C., 258
Exaggerating cost of expressing views, 37–38
Expectations:
and motivating others, 110–111
praise for meeting, 256–262
repeated violations of, 21–22 (See also Violated expectations)
when agreeing on a plan, 199–200
Explosive emotions, 179–189
dealing with anger, 181–190
understanding anger, 180–181
F
Facts:
for dealing with borderline behavior, 238–239
when sharing your path, 94–95
Fear:
and discussions of emergent problems, 168
as motivator, 115
Feedback:
asking for, 161
potentially devastating, 234–235
Feelings (see Emotions)
Flexibility (see Stay Focused and Flexible)
Focus (see Stay Focused and Flexible)
checkup and checkback, 204–205
for difficult problems, 213, 220
frequency and type of, 201–205
and micromanagement or abandonment, 203–204
problems with, 206–208
reasons for, 206–208
Force, 114, 115 (See also Power)
Forgetting promises, 206–207
Fundamental attribution error, 52, 53
avoiding, 95
Contrasting to avoid, 86
helping others to commit, 55
G
Gadgets, behavior impacted by, 67–68
Games, avoiding, 77–78
Gaps, 76–77 (See also Describe the Gap)
Groundhog Day:
avoiding, 98–101
eliminating, 24
and nagging, 242
and repeated infractions, 22, 25
Groundhog Day (film), 22
Group attacks, 90
Group learning tools, 263
H
Hands-off management style, 204
Hazardous half minute, 49–51
Hearsay, 233–234
Helplessness, 38–39
Hidden victims, 120–121
Human resources:
and problem employees, 233
and way out of line people, 236
Humanizing questions, 59
Humor, inappropriate, 90
I
Ideas, asking for (see Asking for ideas)
Identifying problems (see Choose What and If)
If question (see Choose What and If)
Inability to change, 244–246
Influence:
and commitment-keeping, 153–156
identifying sources of, 60–68
personal factors in, 60–61
social factors in, 61–64
structural factors in, 64–68
using sources of, 69–70
Information access, 158
unclear and iffy, 31–32
Innuendo, 78
Intentions, unbundling of problems and, 26–27
Involvement:
to enable others, 146–147
to motivate others, 147–148
pretending to involve others, 149–151
J
Jumping to conclusions, 51–53
L
Lack of motivation, signs of, 106–107
LaMotta, John, 33
Leadership:
knowledge and, 151
lack of training for, 76
Leadership styles, 115
Lewin, Kurt, 115
Long-term benefits, 120
M
Make It Easy, 137–163
by advising where necessary, 156–159
by asking for ideas, 148–156
by avoiding quick advice, 145–148
and biasing responses, 148–149
by checking both sides, 159–160
and confusing motivation and ability, 139–143
for difficult problems, 212, 218–219
by jointly exploring barriers, 145
and link between motivation and ability, 138–139
by making it safe, 160–162
and misdiagnosis of problems, 138–143
and needing to have all the answers, 151–153
and pretending to involve others, 149–151
skill needed to, 143–145
and sources of influence, 153–156
Make It Motivating, 105–135, 224
approaches to avoid, 111–116
case example, 131–133
and charisma, 111–112
and consequence bundle, 111
and creating work-arounds, 129–130
and diagnosis of problems, 106
for difficult problems, 212, 218–219
and expectations, 110–111
by exploring natural consequences, 117–123
finishing conversations about, 130–131
by matching methods to circumstances, 123–127
oversimplification in, 107–110
and perks, 115–116
and power, 112–115
signs of lack of motivation, 106–107
and use of discipline, 127–128
Manipulation, avoiding, 149–151
Marginal work, 237–239
Marston, Ralph, 211
Masked causes, 141–143
choosing silence, 53–54
choosing violence, 54–58
for difficult problems, 212, 215–216
and the hazardous half minute, 48–51
in hearsay situations, 234
with “humanizing questions,” 59
identifying sources of influence in, 60–68
jumping to conclusions/making assumptions, 51–53
personal factors in, 60–61
social factors in, 61–64
structural factors in, 64–68
that justify your worst behaviors, 58–59
using sources of influence in, 69–70
Micromanagement, 203–204
Mirroring (AMPP model), 186
Misdiagnosis of problems, 138–143
Money (as motivator), 65–66
Motivation, 223–224
ability vs., 153
confusing ability and, 139–143
of difficult bosses, 227
involvement and, 147–148
lack of, 106–107
link between ability and, 138–139
Master My Stories, 71
power of any source of, 153
Motivation barriers, ability barriers and, 153, 159–160
Move to Action, 193
Agree on a Plan, 195–201, 205–206
Follow Up, 201–208
(See also individual topics)
Mutual Purpose:
and collaboration, 152
for difficult problems, 216–217
when dealing with difficult bosses, 227
when describing the gap, 84, 87–89
when discussing overwork situations, 240–241
when discussing repeated infractions, 100
Mutual Respect:
effect of force on, 114
when describing the gap, 83–85
N
Nagging, 241–242
Nagging conscience, 34–35
Natural consequences:
in case example, 131–133
of difficult bosses’ behavior, 227
explaining, to resistant workers, 126
exploring, 117–123
and masked causes, 142
as source of motivation, 134
“Nice” (organizational culture), 207–208
Nietzche, Friedrich, 57
Nonverbal behavior, 33
Not speaking when you should, 32–41
and acting out of concerns, 32–34
and choosing certainty of silence, 35–38
and feelings of helplessness, 38–39
and nagging conscience, 34–35
O
On-the-spot creativity (see Stay Focused and Flexible)
Osgood, Charles, 225
Oversimplification (of motivation), 107–110
Overwork, 239–241
P
Paddleford, Clementine, 195
Paperwork (as barrier), 158
Paraphrasing (AMPP model), 186–187
Passing the buck, 78–79
Path to Action:
in hazardous half minute, 50–51
of the other person, 184–188
paraphrasing of, 187–188
and sources of feelings, 180
when dealing with explosive emotions, 180–181
when describing the gap, 93
Pattern of infraction, 24–25, 178
Peers, dishonoring, 43–44
Perks (as motivator), 115–116
Permission, asking for, 89
Personal ability barriers, 154–155
Personal factors, in mastering your stories, 60–61
Petersen, Donald, 259
Physical barriers, 157–159
Positive deviants, learning from, 80–81
Potentially devastating feedback, 234–235
coping with failure of, 129–130
motivation through, 112–115
Praise, 256–262
for following process, 261
for groups, 261
for individuals, 261
more than you think you should, 257–259
and problem solving, 256–257
spontaneous and structured, 261–262
Predictable bad endings, 196–197
Preparation for accountability conversations, 15
Priming:
to create safety, 187–188
in relationship conversations, 232–233
when leading root-cause discussions, 161–162
Priorities, differing, 124–125
Prioritizing issues, 27–28
Privacy (for accountability conversations), 89–90
Problem-based relationships, 242–244
Problems:
choosing right problem to address, 223
diagnosis of, 106
with Follow Up, 206–208
misdiagnosis of, 138–143
new problems arise during conversation, 174–179
(See also Difficult problems)
Promises:
broken (see Broken promises)
forgetting, 206–207
Purpose (see Mutual Purpose)
Q
Questions, 223
to ask employees, 151–153
“can I …”, 36
for diagnosing barriers, 61, 124, 146, 155–156
for diagnosing not speaking up when we should, 32
at end of accountability conversation, 97–98, 100, 200
humanizing, 59
for Six-Source Model, 253–256
when describing the gap, 97–98
R
Reading groups, discussion questions for, 263–264
Recurring/repeating problems, ability barriers and, 155–156
Relationships:
effect of force on, 114
effect of infractions on, 25–26
when dealing with emergent problems, 178–179
Repeated infractions, 21–26
discussing the right issues with, 23–24
Contrasting when discussing, 100
getting increasingly upset about, 22–23
and nagging, 241–242
tools for handling, 24–26
(See also Groundhog Day)
Resistance:
effect of force on, 115
overcoming, 125–127
Respect:
when describing the gap, 83–87
Responsibilities, specific, 199
Rewards (as motivator), 65, 115–116
Right conversation, getting to the, 24–26
Risk:
of project for which follow-up is needed, 202
of speaking up, 35–38
Root causes:
asking for permission to discuss, 160–161
identifying, 156
priming to ease discussion of, 161–162
Six-Source Model, 60
Rules (as barriers), 157–158
Safety:
and asking for permission, 89
creating, 73
effect of force on, 115
to make commitment-keeping easy, 160–162
mutual respect for, 83–87
privacy for, 89–90
signs that safety is at risk, 82–83
in starting conversations, 81–91
watching for safety problems, 96–97
when breaking from the pack, 230–231
when dealing with anger, 181–182, 187–189
when dealing with difficult bosses, 227
when people feel unsafe, 168–169
Sandwiching, 77
Scary people, 235–236
Scheduled follow-up, 202
Self-assessment of skills, 247–251
Sharing your path, 91–97
avoiding judgments/harsh conclusions in, 93–94
and keeping others in the dark, 92–93
and sharing your story, 95–97
start with facts in, 94–95
Short-term benefits, 119
“Should I …” questions, 36
Silence:
choosing, 53–54
choosing certainty of, 35–38
and difficult problems, 222
in face of violated expectations, 2–8
warning signs of going to, 39–41
Six-Source Model:
diagnostic questions, 252–255
for difficult problems, 218–219
Master My Stories, 68–71
structure of, 60–68
Skills self-assessment, 247–251
Social ability barriers, 155
Social factors, in mastering your stories, 61–64
Social norms, violations of, 1–4
Solutions, commitment and, 147
Speaking up when you shouldn’t, 41–44
and differentiating yourself from others, 41–43
and dishonoring peers, 43–44
Standards:
clarifying, 236
holding people to, 42–44
Stay Focused and Flexible, 165–191
for difficult problems, 213, 219
need for, 166–167
when explosive emotions take over, 179–189
when new problems arise, 174–179
when people feel unsafe, 168–169
when your trust has been violated, 169–174
Stepping out of content, 97, 101, 132, 133
Stepping out of the conversation, 122, 168
Sticky problems (see Difficult problems)
Stories, mastering (see Master My Stories)
Structural factors:
and ability barriers, 155
in mastering your stories, 64–68
Summarizing (planning discussion), 205–206
Surprise attacks, 78
T
Tactically inferior solutions, 147
Threats, consequences as, 121–122
Time factors, in agreeing on a plan, 200–201
Topics of conversations (see Choose What and If)
Trust:
creating bedrock of, 174
violation of, 169–174
U
Unbundling problems, 26–27
Unclear infractions, 31–32
Uncommunicative spouses, 231–233
Unexpected events (see Stay Focused and Flexible)
V
Victims, hidden, 120–121
Violated expectations:
dangerous situations created by, 229
defined, 76
as gaps, 76–77
providing polite ways for dealing with, 8–9
repeated instances of, 21–22
willingness to allow, 1–6
(See also Broken promises)
Violated trust, 169–174
Violence, 54–58
physical, 181–182
W
Washington, Denzel, 112
Way out of line people, 235–236
What conversations to have (see Choose What and If)
What not to do, 77–80
Whether to have conversations (see Choose What and If)
Work on Me First, 15
Choose What and If, 45
(See also individual topics)
Work-arounds, creating, 129–130
Workload, 239–241
Worry, 207–208
Wrong problem, signs of dealing with, 19–24
WWWF model, 198–199
Y
“Yeah-Buts,” 225–246
borderline behavior, 237–239
breaking from the pack, 229–231
confronting authority, 226–229
culture changes, 236–237
hearsay, 233–234
inability to change, 244–246
nagging, 241–242
overwork, 239–241
potentially devastating feedback, 234–235
problem-based relationships, 242–244
uncommunicative spouses, 231–233
way out of line or scary people, 235–236
Z