SUMMARY—MASTER MY STORIES

If strong emotions are keeping you stuck in silence or violence, try this.

Retrace Your Path

Notice your behavior. If you find yourself moving away from dialogue, ask yourself what you’re really doing.

• Am I in some form of silence or violence?

Get in touch with your feelings. Learn to accurately identify the emotions behind your story.

• What emotions are encouraging me to act this way?

Analyze your stories. Question your conclusions and look for other possible explanations behind your story.

• What story is creating these emotions?

Get back to the facts. Abandon your absolute certainty by distinguishing between hard facts and your invented story.

• What evidence do I have to support this story?

Watch for clever stories. Victim, Villain, and Helpless Stories sit at the top of the list.

Tell the Rest of the Story

Ask:

• Am I pretending not to notice my role in the problem?

• Why would a reasonable, rational, and decent person do this?

• What do I really want?

• What would I do right now if I really wanted these results?