Chapter 3
Put Your Best Foot Forward: Perfect Phrases to Establish Your New Role
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When I was in school, the new kids were usually either instantly popular or instantly unpopular. The tone they set the very first day stayed with them. The same is often true for new managers. That’s why it’s important to start by consciously creating the right momentum.
Whether we find ourselves supervising former peers, managing employees who wanted our position, or supervising a team that is used to slacking, we can expect to be tested. Some employees try to take advantage of our status as a new manager, and others may wait for us to fail. As a new manager, use Perfect Phrases to proactively address issues before they manifest. See which phrases help you start out on the right foot.
Perfect Phrases to Address Former Peers Who Are Now Employees
If you were in my position now, what would you say to me?
I need your help, understanding, and support in my new role as your manager because I can’t do this without you.
If our changing roles create bumps in the road, let’s not pretend things are fine when they aren’t. Let’s talk openly so we can shape our new relationship deliberately and consciously.
We used to complain about the manager before that was me. While I won’t consider you disloyal if you find yourself talking among yourselves about me, I hope you will come to me directly with the issues.
I know employees can turn management bashing into an art form. If you come to me instead, we can resolve issues before they become problems.
I’m not comfortable criticizing upper management with you anymore. However, if you have an issue you need help with, I’m here for you. Instead of complaining about problems, we can address them.
How do you feel about my being your manager?
Do you have concerns about the change in our positions?
Perfect Phrases to Address Friends Who Are Now Employees
If you were managing me instead of me managing you, what would you say to me now?
My being your manager could be awkward because we are so close. What ideas do you have about how we can handle our new working relationship in light of our friendship?
I value your friendship and that won’t change. During business hours I am a manager first. Please work with me instead of taking it personally if my loyalty to my position seems to conflict with my loyalty to you as my friend.
I am concerned that I might be suspected of favoritism toward you since we’re friends. I will be careful to avoid that because it could divide the team. Please don’t take it personally but also tell me if you think I take impartiality too far. I want to be fair to you and the others I manage.
Outside of the office I am responsible to you as a friend. Inside the office I am responsible to you as your manager and to the team and the company. Please support me in balancing those responsibilities.
Perfect Phrases to Address Team Members Who Wanted the Promotion You Got
I know you applied for this position. This is a tough situation for us both. Can I count on you to support me the way you would have wanted me to support you?
If you had gotten the promotion instead of me and you were sitting across the table from me as my new manager, what would you say to me now?
Do you want to talk about how you feel about my getting this promotion?
If I hadn’t gotten this promotion, I might feel some resentment toward the person who did. Is it possible that you feel that way?
I understand your frustration and even anger. I think that’s normal. How can we move past this and focus on our goals?
Our new formal work relationship could be awkward for both of us. How do you see us working together as a team?
Perfect Phrases to Address the Acting Supervisor You Are Replacing
If you were me stepping into this position, what would you ask the person leaving?
What do you know that I need to know?
Tell me three things you do managing this team that work really well, and three things to avoid.
I need your help with the transition, because you know so much. Can I count on that?
You’re the expert on how to manage this team. Please tell me anything you think I need to know and give me a heads-up when I do things you wouldn’t recommend.
If people go to you instead of me, will you let me know? They’re used to going to you, and I need to know what’s going on.
In the beginning you’ll know more than I do, so it will make sense for people to go to you instead of me. Will you refer them to me anyway so we can transition quickly and smoothly? Thanks!
Perfect Phrases to Set the Initial Tone with Employees
These are phrases for you to use in a kickoff meeting with staff.
If you were the new manager, how would you start?
What have new managers done in the past that you liked?
We’ll continue doing business as usual. Before I make changes, I’ll learn how things are done and why they are done the way they are.
I have my own style and ways of working. Before I introduce changes, though, I’ll study the existing culture so changes will be smooth.
I’ll observe you in your job at times to learn what you do. I may have a few questions or suggestions for you. Give me honest feedback to my suggestions so I can refine my understanding of what you do every day.
We are a team, and as manager I am also a member of that team.
I’ll tell you about anything that affects you. Please be open with me too.
I will meet with each of you privately to see how we can support each other.
Perfect Phrases for Your Initial Individual Meeting
Meetings with new employees help us get to know them and address issues before they become problems. Employees can prepare by reviewing their jobs and job descriptions.
Before we meet, please prepare by reviewing your job description and your daily tasks, then evaluate how they match.
What do you need from me as your manager?
Are there obstacles to doing your job that I might be able to help you with?
What motivates you?
What have managers done in the past that worked well for you? Why did it work?
What have managers done in the past that didn’t work well for you? Why didn’t it work?
What advice do you have for me as your new manager?
What aspects of your job do you think should be dropped?
What would you like to see changed around here? Why?
What is the best praise you ever received?
Tell me about your dreams and career goals.
Is there anything else you want to talk about that might help us work together better?
Here’s how I like to be updated. Does that work for you, or do you prefer another approach?
I plan to copy you on e-mails that have info you need for background information. Unless I ask for specific input, you can assume you don’t need to do anything about them. Even so, if something stands out that you want to comment on, I invite it.
I have an open-door policy for emergencies. For routine questions that can wait, I appreciate your saving up several to minimize interruptions.
Perfect Phrases to Handle Questions You Can’t Answer
No one expects the manager to have all the answers right out of the gate, except maybe ourselves. It doesn’t impress anyone when we pretend to know things we don’t, and we’re not deficient for having a learning curve. Here are some phrases to use when you can’t answer a question.
What do you think?
Let me check on that and get back to you.
I don’t know, but I’ll find out.
I’ll research that and get back to you. What background information can you give me to inform my decision?
I haven’t learned that yet. Do you want me to find out for you, or do you have another place to get that information?
In my previous position this is how we handled it. I don’t know the procedure here yet. I’ll find out.
I’m going to wait for (item) to make a decision.
I will let you know as soon as I have gathered enough information to decide.
That information is confidential. What I can tell you is (more limited info). (Use this for truly confidential information. Don’t hide behind it because you don’t know the answer.)
Because I could only provide a partial answer now, I’ll wait to answer until I can give you a complete answer.
Perfect Phrases to Establish Yourself with Your Manager
Sometimes our own managers need a little nudge to support us in doing the jobs we were hired to do. Here are some phrases to elicit help.
What advice do you have for me as a new manager?
What assignments do you want me to take off your plate?
I want to free your time up as much as possible. How do you see me doing that?
I need my team to come to me directly in order to supervise effectively. Will you encourage them to do that?
Can I count on you to refer my staff back to me when they come to you with a request they should direct toward me?
I assume you want my team to report to me now instead of you. When do you want them to come directly to you?
Am I free to make decisions about (item) without consulting you?
I plan to send you a written weekly update to ensure information continuity. Does that work for you?
Perfect Phrases for Handling Employees Who Try to Take Over
Some employees confuse an invitation for collaborative input with abdication. When employees try to take over, here are some words you can use.
I have a collaborative style and like to get everyone’s perspective before I commit to a course of action. I’d like your input in my decision too.
Sometimes employees confuse a request for input with a request for making my decision for me. Your input will expand my thinking, even if I don’t seem to apply what you say.
I understand you have strong ideas about how this should be done. I’ll consider them before I make my decision. Your input is important, and this is my decision to make.
Are you aware that you went over my head when you did that?
I appreciate your expertise in this area. However, the success or failure of this project rests with me, and that is why I make the final decision about this.
What prompted you to take that action without consulting me? (Careful with the tone on this one—be curious, not confrontational.)
If you have problems with a decision, let me know. Otherwise, I assume you will be working as agreed.
I made the decision to do it this way because (reason). Unless we come up with a better way that we both agree to, I need you to follow this procedure. Will you commit to that?
You have great ideas and I want you on my team to come up with a better approach. Until then, everyone needs to do it this way, including you. Are you on board?
Here are the situations where I want you to make the decisions (list). Here are the situations where the decision rests with me (list). This is because (reason). We can talk about it and adjust if there is a problem. Otherwise, please follow instructions.
Perfect Phrases to Introduce Hands-On Involvement
We need to familiarize ourselves with the jobs our employees do. Perfect Phrases gracefully let them know we plan to shadow them.
I will shadow you in your work occasionally. It is not to check up on you; it is to check in with you.
I understand you’re used to working on your own. My goal is to learn what I can to help you do your job, to find out how I can support you.
You’re the expert because you do this every day. I want to learn from your expertise.
The more I understand your job the better I will be able to support you.
A manager once told me, “If you want to learn how to do a job, go to the people who do it.” I’d like to learn from you.
Sometimes a second pair of eyes catches things others miss. I’ll be familiarizing myself with what you do, asking questions, learning from you, and providing a second pair of eyes.
Perfect Phrases to Announce Change Gracefully
Since many people don’t like change, it’s important to choose our words with care when we announce new policies and initiatives. Here are some phrases.
I’m committed to telling you about decisions that affect you.
I have some changes to announce. I’ll start with what is changing, when, and why. Then I will tell you who it will affect and how much control we will have over what happens.
This is different from how we have been operating. Let me explain why it will benefit us all.
Now that you have heard this latest news, what are your thoughts and feelings about it?
What do you understand the changes to be and how they will affect you?
I shared what information I have. I’ll do my best to get answers to the questions I can’t answer yet.
I am aware of the following rumors. I want to address them all.
Please share with me any rumors that you hear so I can clarify the situation.
Passing rumors instead of verifying them is a destructive form of gossip. Gossip doesn’t serve our team, but clarifying rumors does. I will respond to all questions about rumors you’ve heard.
Perfect Phrases to Handle Resistance to Change
If we anticipate resistance to our change announcements, we can soften it by addressing the possibility of resistance before it happens.
I am about to announce a change. It will take some getting used to. If your first reaction is to resist, please check the impulse and give this change the chance to succeed.
Like any change, this one will probably feel awkward at first. Once you are used to it, I expect it will feel more natural than what we are doing now.
It’s human nature to try to resist change. My goal is not to defeat resistance. My goal is to help us all move through the resistance, accept this change, and become more productive as a result.
I invite your suggestions to help us get through this transition and make it as easy as possible.
Here are the problems we are experiencing. If we do not solve the problem ourselves, upper management will dictate changes. Let’s make our own changes.
I understand why some of you might resist this change. It’s mandated and I need you all behind it. How can we all get behind this?
When I first heard about this change, I had doubts, too. But now that I understand it better, I see how it’s going to work. Let me explain.
Perfect Phrases to Support Change You Don’t Agree With
If we disagree with a new initiative, we can express our opinions directly to our supervisors. When we announce unwelcome changes to our teams, we don’t need to pretend to like them, but we do need to express full support of them.
Management has decided to make this change and as part of the management team, I support it.
I understand this change will create more work for you and isn’t popular. Still, it’s our policy now. I’m open to input about how we can smoothly implement it as long as we are supporting the initiative.
This is what was decided and this is what we’re going to do. We can move forward resentfully and make ourselves miserable or we can find a way to live with it. I say we make the best we can of it.
I know this is difficult. Since we don’t have a choice, let’s talk about how we can make it work.
We have four choices with this change. We can accept it as directed, adapt it to our situation, quit, or suffer. The last two aren’t options most of us want to take.