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Start with Heart

How to Stay Focused on What You Really Want

It’s time to turn to the how of dialogue. How do you encourage the flow of meaning in the face of differing opinions and strong emotions? Given the average person’s track record, it can’t be all that easy. In fact, given that most people’s style is based on longstanding habits, it’ll probably require a lot of effort. The truth is, people can change. In fact, we’ve trained these skills to millions around the world and have seen dramatic improvements in results and relationships. But it requires work. You can’t simply drink a magic potion and walk away changed. Instead, you’ll need to take a long, hard look at yourself.

In fact, this is the first principle of dialogue—Start with Heart. That is, your own heart. If you can’t get yourself right, you’ll have a hard time getting dialogue right. When conversations become crucial, you’ll resort to the forms of communication that you’ve grown up with—debate, silent treatment, manipulation, and so on.