SUMMARY—MAKE IT SAFE

Step Out

When others move to silence or violence, step out of the conversation and Make It Safe. When safety is restored, go back to the issue at hand and continue the dialogue.

Decide Which Condition of Safety Is at Risk

• Mutual Purpose. Do others believe you care about their goals in this conversation? Do they trust your motives?

• Mutual Respect. Do others believe you respect them?

Apologize When Appropriate

• When you’ve clearly violated respect, apologize.

Contrast to Fix Misunderstanding

• When others misunderstand either your purpose or your intent, use Contrasting. Start with what you don’t intend or mean. Then explain what you do intend or mean.

Create a Mutual Purpose

• When you are at cross-purposes, use four skills to get back to Mutual Purpose:

• Commit to seek Mutual Purpose.

• Recognize the purpose behind the strategy.

• Invent a Mutual Purpose.

• Brainstorm new strategies.