DEFERENCE TO AUTHORITY

PEOPLE WHO WORK FOR ME FILTER WHAT they say by guessing what they think I’m willing to hear. They take little initiative in solving important problems because they’re afraid I’ll disagree with them.”

The Danger Point

When leaders face deference—or what feels like kissing up—they typically make one of two mistakes. Either they misdiagnose the cause (fear) or they try to banish deference with a brash command.

Misdiagnose. Often, leaders are causing the fear but denying it. “Who me? I don’t do a thing to make people feel uncomfortable.” They haven’t Learned to Look. They’re unaware of their Style Under Stress. Despite this disclaimer, the way they carry themselves, their habit of speaking in absolutes, their subtle use of authority—something out there—is creating fear and eventual deference.

Then there’s the other misdiagnosis: leaders who face “head-bobbing kiss-ups” often think they’re doing something wrong when, in fact, they’re living with ghosts of previous leaders. They do their best to be open and supportive and to involve people, but despite their genuine efforts, people still keep their distance. Often, people treat their leaders like celebrities or dictators, regardless of the fact that they’ve done nothing to deserve it.

Before you do anything, you need to find out if you’re the cause, if you’re living with ghosts of bosses past, or both.

Command it away. Many leaders seek the simple path. They tell people to stop deferring.

“It seems to me that you’re agreeing with me because I’m the boss and not because what I’m saying makes sense.”

“Absolutely!”

“I’d prefer that you stop deferring to me and simply listen to the idea.”

“Okay. Whatever you say, Boss!”

With ingrained deference you face a catch-22. If you don’t say something, it’ll probably continue. If you do say something, you may be inadvertently encouraging it to continue.

The Solution

Work on me first. Discover your part in the problem. Don’t ask your direct reports. If they’re already deferring to you, they’ll whitewash the problem. Consult with a peer who watches you in action. Ask for honest feedback. Are you doing things that cause people to defer to you? If so, what? Explore your peer’s path by having him or her point out your specific behaviors. Jointly develop a plan of attack, work on it, and seek continued feedback.

If the problem stems from ghosts (the actions of previous leaders), go public. Describe the problem in a group or team meeting and then ask for advice. Don’t try to command it away. You can’t. Reward risk takers. Encourage testing. When people do express an opinion contrary to yours, thank them for their honesty. Play devil’s advocate. If you can’t get others to disagree, then disagree with yourself. Let people know that all ideas are open to question. If you need to, leave the room. Give people some breathing space.