ENDLESS EXCUSES

MY TEENAGE SON is a master of excuses. I talk to him about a problem, and he’s always got a new reason why it’s not his fault.”

The Danger Point

It’s easy to be lulled into a series of never-ending excuses—particularly if the other person doesn’t want to do what you’ve asked and learns that as long as he or she can give you a plausible reason, all bets are off.

“I go to work before my son leaves for school, and he’s constantly late. First he told me that he was late because his alarm broke. The next day the old car we bought him had a problem—or so he says. Then his friend forgot to pick him up. Then he had a head cold and couldn’t hear his new alarm. Then . . .”

The Solution

With “imaginative” people, take a preemptive strike against all new excuses. Gain a commitment to solve the overall problem, not simply the stated cause. For instance, the first time the person is late, seek a commitment to fix the alarm—and anything else that might stand in the way. Repairing the alarm only deals with one potential cause. Ask the person to deal with the problem—being late.

“So you think that if you get a new alarm, you’ll be able to make it to school on time? That’s fine with me. Do whatever it takes to get there on time. Can I count on you being there tomorrow at eight o’clock sharp?”

Then remember, as the excuses accumulate, don’t talk about the most recent excuse; talk about the pattern.