TOUCHY AND PERSONAL

WHAT IF SOMEONE has a hygiene problem? Or maybe someone’s boring and people avoid him or her. How could you ever talk about something personal and sensitive like that?”

The Danger Point

Most people avoid sensitive issues like the plague. Who can blame them? Unfortunately, when fear and misapplied compassion rule over honesty and courage, people can go for years without being given information that could be extremely helpful.

When people do speak up, they often leap from silence to violence. Jokes, nicknames, and other veiled attempts to sneak in vague feedback are both indirect and disrespectful. Also, the longer you go without saying anything, the greater the pain when you finally deliver the message.

The Solution

Use Contrasting. Explain that you don’t want to hurt the person’s feelings, but you do want to share something that could be helpful. Establish Mutual Purpose. Let the other person know your intentions are honorable. Also explain that you’re reluctant to bring up the issue because of its personal nature, but since the problem is interfering with the person’s effectiveness, you really must. Tentatively describe the problem. Don’t play it up or pile it on. Describe the specific behaviors and then move to solutions. Although these discussions are never easy, they certainly don’t have to be offensive or insulting.