WORD GAMES

“YEAH, BUT . . .

MY CHILDREN are constantly playing word games. If I try to tell them that they shouldn’t have done something, they say I never told them exactly that. They’re starting to get on my nerves.”

The Danger Point

Sometimes parents (and leaders) are tricked into accepting poor performance by silver-tongued individuals who are infinitely creative in coming up with new ways to explain why they didn’t know any better. Not only do these inventive people have the ability to conjure up creative excuses, but they also have the energy and will to do so incessantly. Eventually they wear you down. As a result, they get away with doing less or doing it poorly, while hard-working, energetic family members (or employees) end up carrying an unfair share of the load.

The Solution

This is another case of pattern over instance. Tentatively STATE the pattern of splitting hairs and playing word games. Let them know they aren’t fooling anyone. In this case, don’t focus exclusively on actions, because creative people can always find new inappropriate actions, “You didn’t say I couldn’t call her ‘stupid.’” Talk about both behaviors and outcomes. “You’re hurting your sister’s feelings when you call her ‘stupid.’ Please don’t do that, or anything else that might hurt her feelings.”

Use previous behavior as an example, and then hold them accountable to results. Don’t get pulled into discussing any one instance. Stick with the pattern.

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