Truth 19. Less can be a whole lot more

Cut descriptive words—adjectives and adverbs—to a bare minimum. Mark Twain wrote in a letter to a 12-year-old, “If you find an adjective, kill it.” He may have been objecting to the flowery, ornate language that was common in the nineteenth century; his own prose is simple and eloquent. Today, heavy use of adjectives and adverbs doesn’t suit our cynical modern tempo, and—just as important in the business world—it works against believability.

What do you think if a car salesman tells you this? This is the most amazing car in the world, and its features are incredibly advanced.

What has he said? Nothing. He’s used abstract descriptive words to shortcut substance. It’s silly for him to think he’s succeeding, if the goal is for you to buy the car; but why do so many organizations communicate in similar ways? Depending on adjectives and adverbs may be the source of a lot of empty corporate rhetoric. This tendency shows up especially in press releases, which often tout “our world-acclaimed, industry-leading technology company’s groundbreaking new gadget.”

The solution again is simple. When you review what you’ve written, cut out all those words unless you are certain that they’re absolutely needed. Try to show rather than tell or describe. Stick to the facts and honest ideas. If you don’t have any, get some or don’t communicate! That’s what today’s readers want.

If you believe that your boss or the company’s executives want those three-dollar words in your organization’s news releases, Web site pages, or newsletters, make an effort to explain the logic in showing, rather than telling. Give them examples. They may agree once they see the point.

Your goal: Strip it. Here are three ways:

1. Cut words and thoughts that don’t contribute to your message—You’ve already defined what you want to accomplish, and this tells you instantly what’s essential and what’s not. Look for extra ideas that don’t reinforce your argument or lead the reader in a different direction, and throw them out. And look for words that interfere with your message because they’re not needed, not totally appropriate, or not clear.

This is from a major organization’s news release (names changed to protect identities):

The Web site has a number of features including an interactive map of the site plan that is complete with descriptions of the numerous features. There are also RSS feeds that allow subscribers to get notified when there is an event or any news. In addition, the Web site also offers its users the ability to support the Shipley project by writing to County or Town elected officials.

Try rewriting this before you read our edited version at the end of this section.

2. Use an eagle eye to spot repetitions in words, phrases, and ideas alike—For example:

Because the necessary supplies came late and were not delivered on schedule, unfortunately, Project J, I am sorry to say, will probably be delayed.

Better:

Because the supplies came late, Project J will be delayed.

In addition to tightening the language, you can often substitute better words or phrasing and improve readability. For example:

If in your opinion you think John is ready to handle a major project like Project J, let me know and I’ll consider assigning the project to him.

Better:

If you think John is ready to handle a major assignment, I’ll consider asking him to handle Project J.

3. Look for repetitive sounds in your copy—The read-it-aloud technique presented in Truth 2 is a wonderful help in self-editing. The idea: Reading what you’ve written aloud will immediately show you where you need to make changes. Doing this highlights unnecessary repetition and awkward constructions so you know exactly what to cut or reword. Here’s a sentence we wrote for an early version of this chapter:

This method will immediately identify the need for clarity.

Try to say it aloud and all the y sounds force you into a sing-songy rhythm. So we rewrote it this way:

This method will instantly show you why it’s important to be clear.

Remember, these are ideas for you to write with, rather than rules. Absorb the ideas, and you won’t have to worry about mastering hundreds of rules. You’ll know how to figure out how to improve your own writing. (See a problem with that last sentence? Two how to’s in a row? Try rewriting it.)

Rewrite challenge

There are many ways to edit—that’s why it’s not a science. Here’s one way the paragraph cited in the first editing tip can be rewritten:

The Web site features an interactive map of the site plan that lists all its features. It also has RSS feeds, notifying subscribers of news and events, and links to county and town officials so Shipley Project supporters can contact them directly.