3. What to Share—and What Not to Share—on Social Media

Social media is all about being social and sharing your thoughts, experiences, photos, and more. That said, is everything you do and think ripe for sharing? What do your online friends want to see—and what would they rather not see from you?

Deciding what to share on social media is a delicate dance. Share too much (or the wrong things) and your friends will quit reading your posts and maybe even “unfriend” you. Share too little and your friends will forget you’re even there. You need to figure out just what kinds of things to share and how often to share them.

You see, a social media post is not a blog post or an entry in your diary; it’s more like an item in a news ticker. Put another way, a social media post is a news bulletin, not a feature story. So say what you need to say and be done with it.

This means you should try to keep your posts to no more than a few sentences. Just long enough to get your point across, but not so long that readers will get bored. If your posts are too long, your friends will simply skip over them. Shorter is sweeter.

When you don’t have the space to provide a lot of background information in a particular post, you can also link to more information. If there’s more behind the story, include a link to a web page that offers more details. Readers can click the link to read more on the linked-to site.

To that end, your writing style should be casual, not formal. Write like you speak. Imagine yourself sitting with a group of friends in your local bar or coffee shop, telling them the latest piece of information. Whatever you would say to them is what you should write in your post. Avoid unnecessary formality; casual is good.

That doesn’t mean you can get sloppy. Although you don’t have to use complete, proper grammar and punctuation, you want to avoid unnecessary misspellings. Misspelled words mark you as less informed than you might actually be and cause people to take you less seriously. Take the time to spell things correctly.

Also, and this is important, while you don’t have to use 100% totally correct grammar and punctuation, you should never write in all capital letters. WHEN YOU WRITE IN ALL CAPS, IT LOOKS LIKE YOU’RE YELLING. Learn how to use the Shift key and not the Caps Lock key on your keyboard. You don’t have to properly capitalize every word (especially if you’re typing on your smartphone), but don’t capitalize every word and every letter. Just don’t.

Let’s face it, when reading onscreen, your eyes are drawn to any pictures on the page. We like looking at pictures, especially pictures of people. If you have a picture in your post, more people will look at it than if the post were text-only. If you want to draw attention to a post, include a picture. It’s that simple.

In fact, some social media are built around image sharing. Pinterest and Instagram, for example, are visual social networks. Yes, you can add descriptions to your Pinterest pins and Instagram photos, but it’s the images that you’re sharing.

You can include images with your posts to most other social media, too. Even Twitter, which originally allowed only text messages, now lets you include photos with your tweets. My Facebook News Feed is almost exclusively composed of status updates with photos. Like I said, we live in a visual world—and we need to communicate visually.

This might mean that you upload a photo to accompany the text message you planned to post. It might mean you post only a photo that you’ve taken with your smartphone or previously stored on your computer. If social media help you document your life, an important part of that documentation will be in the form of digital photographs.

You’re not limited to photos, though. Most social media let you post videos along with your text-based messages. The video is probably something you shot with your smartphone or tablet—or even (with some social networks) live video of what you’re doing at this moment. If pictures are good, moving pictures are better!

Except that it really isn’t. Yes, you are posting things about you, but you want your friends to read those things and interact with you about them. If you’re selfish about what you post, your friends will tune you out and you’ll only be talking to yourself. As with any social situation, you want to initiate a conversation—and that means keeping your audience in mind when you post.

In other words, you need to post about things that are of interest to your friends. If a post is only of interest to you, no one else will read it.

What, then, counts as interesting information that your friends will want to read? Here are some suggestions:

• Post things that are important to you and your friends. We’re talking moments and events that are important to you, but that you also think your friends might care about, too.

• Post things that your friends and family want to know about. Friends typically want to know if you’ve done or seen something interesting, taken a vacation, met a mutual friend, and such. If you think someone’s interested in it, post it.

• Post about major life events—things in your life that your friends and family need to know about. These are important moments and events, such as anniversaries, birthdays, graduations, celebrations, and the like.

• Post important news updates. If you have recently been ill or hospitalized, update your friends on how you’re doing. If you have a new job or a new volunteer position, let your friends know. If you’ve moved to a new house or condo, spread the word via a social media post. If something important has happened in your life, update friends and family via social media.

• Post important news about your spouse or partner. Your social media updates don’t always have to be about you. Many of your friends are likely mutual friends of your spouse, so if anything major has happened to your partner, include that information in your status update—especially if she can’t post herself, for whatever reason.

• Post important news about other family members (with their permission, of course). You might know something about a cousin or nephew that others in your family might not have yet heard. Share your information with other family members via a social media post.

• Post about mutual friends. It’s tough to keep track of all your old friends. Start the chain going by posting what you know, and let your other friends pass it on to their friends, too.

• Post about upcoming events. If there’s something coming up that’s important to you and interesting to your friends, let them know. Maybe you’re singing at an upcoming concert or worship service, maybe you have a big golf tournament, maybe you’re hosting or participating in a big charity event. If you want your friends to know about (and maybe attend) the event, then post about it.

• Post interesting thoughts. Look, you’ve come this far in life; you’ve earned your opinions. Share your wisdom with your friends and family via Facebook status updates—in a noncontroversial, inoffensive way, if you can.

• Post links to news stories your friends will find interesting. Many people get their news from social media, primarily from friends who share articles of interest. Don’t overdo it, and know your audience, but it’s okay to socially share the news of the day.

Social networks are meant to be social; they want your posts to be seen by as many people as possible. This isn’t private email we’re talking about. Social networks are public networks, not private ones.

Because everything is so public, you can do a lot of damage to yourself by posting something stupid. And people post stupid, harmful stuff all the time. It’s like some folks forget that social media are public media, not private media. Just remember, everything you post can and probably will become public—and ultimately come back to haunt you.

What and how much personal information to share via Facebook and other social media depends to a degree on your personal comfort level and your personal life. But in general, you shouldn’t share any information that might prove embarrassing to you or your family, or that might compromise your current job or associations, or future job prospects. (Or, for that matter, that might make you vulnerable to identity theft.)

Naturally, what all this means is going to differ from person to person. If you serve on a homeowner’s association filled with ultra-conservative neighbors, for example, you might not want them to know that you’re a dyed-in-the-wool liberal. And if all your golfing buddies are agnostics, you might not want to make a big deal about being a born-again Christian.

But it goes further than that. If you’re preaching the “just say no” drug message to your children or grandchildren, you might not want to list Cheech & Chong’s Up in Smoke as one of your favorite movies; it might compromise your integrity on the matter just a bit. For that matter, you might want to hide all those photos that show you drinking margaritas on the beach, for both your kids’ sake and to ward off any awkward questions from teetotalling employers or neighbors.

In fact, pictures can be more damaging than words. A picture of you holding a cigarette in your hand could be used by your insurance company to raise your health insurance rates. Photos of you partying hearty or just acting goofy can raise doubts about your decision-making abilities. Do you really want your pastor or your grandkids or your ex-husband’s lawyer to see you in compromising positions?

The same goes with the content you post on social media sites. There are stories, some of them true, of careless (and carefree) employees posting about this afternoon’s golf game when they were supposed to be home sick from work. Employers (and spouses and just about anyone else) can and will keep track of you online, if you’re stupid enough to post all your comings and goings.

And it’s not just factual stuff. Spouting off your opinions is a common-enough online activity, but some people will disagree with you or take more serious offense. Do you really want to get into an online argument over something you posted in haste after a few drinks at the club?

For that matter, it’s a really bad idea to use social media to criticize the people you work for, the people you work with, or the people you associate with in the community. Posting about how much you hate the president of the neighborhood association will eventually get back to her, and then you have a whole bunch of fences to mend.

With some social media, such as Facebook, you have the option of making a given post visible only to those on your friends list. Although it might be tempting to share intimate details with your online friends, think about who these “friends” really are. How many of your social media friends are close, intimate friends? How many are merely acquaintances, or just people you work with or went to school with? How many are people you really don’t know at all?

If you have a hundred or so people on your friends list, that’s a hundred or so people who could be reading about how you hate your kids, or how you cheated the IRS, or how you really feel about the people you work with. It’s not hard to imagine how this personal information can come back to haunt you.

What you have to remember is that on social media, you’re not invisible. It’s a public community; everything you post may be readable by anyone. Post only that information that would be safe enough for your family, friends, and co-workers to read.

You see, on social media, discretion is definitely the better part of valor. When in doubt, don’t post it. It’s okay to keep some thoughts to yourself; you don’t have to post every little thing you think or that happens to you.

So don’t deliberately post controversial opinions just to stir the pot—and don’t feel compelled to add your (conflicting) opinions as comments on other posts. Social media are not the places to argue politics, religion, or other sensitive subjects. Save your inflammatory comments for your family’s Thanksgiving dinner.

Similarly, not everyone wants to hear the gory details of your latest knee surgery, what you found in your teenaged son’s room yesterday, or what color underwear you’re wearing—or if you’re not wearing underwear at all. There’s the concept of TMI (too much information), and you want to avoid including TMI in your social media posts. If you’d rather not see those kinds of details about other people, don’t subject them to your similar details, either. There’s such a thing as oversharing.

This is especially the case when you’re complaining about the people you work with or deal with on a daily basis. Yeah, I know, your boss (or the leader of the neighborhood commission) is a jerk, but it’s nothing I can do anything about. On the other hand, if this jerk sees your posts, you’ve just created a bit of an awkward situation for yourself. Remember, social media are public media, and if you post it, your boss or group leader or whomever will eventually see it (especially if troublemaking co-workers point it out to him). Don’t post anything that you don’t want someone to see. Period.

Posting this sort of information can also put you at risk for identity theft. Avoid posting anything that a digital thief could use to gain access to your personal accounts. That means not only your address, phone number, and such, but also information that could be used to guess your passwords—your mother’s maiden name, your birthdate, your pet’s name, your favorite color, and so forth. And definitely never, ever post your Social Security number.

A large part of keeping yourself safe online is simply not doing anything dumb. Posting personal information on social media is dumb. So don’t do it.

Similarly, you don’t want people you don’t like to know where you are right now. If someone is out to get you, they don’t need to know that you’re enjoying cocktails at the corner of Fifth and Main. You want to minimize contact with unfriendly people, not make it easier for them to harass you.

In short, it’s okay to post where you were after the fact, but not beforehand. You want to keep your current whereabouts private.

Similarly, don’t post information about your daily or weekly routines. You don’t want to tell the bad guys that you’re always in yoga class on Wednesdays at 4:00, or have a standing golf game every Saturday morning at the club. Keep your routines private.

These posts are all false. They spread lies and untruths, and take up valuable bandwidth in your news feed. Some people obviously believe them; others see them for what they are—urban legends, conspiracy theories, and “fake news” that mislead the gullible among us.

Unfortunately, these questionable posts are often quite popular, going viral as they’re shared from one person to another. In the old days, your crazy relatives shared these sorts of posts via email; today, they’re shared via Facebook and Twitter instead. If you’ve been on social media at all, you’ve no doubt seen your share of them.

These posts are easily identified as what they are, which is total cow manure. You should never, ever share or retweet these sorts of posts. You should never start new ones yourself, unless it’s very clearly a joke. A lot of people believe these things, and we don’t need to contribute to their lack of intelligence. Just ignore them.

Similarly, you shouldn’t post pictures of other people without first getting their permission—especially if those pictures are in any way compromising. Even though you may be okay with it, a lot of people don’t want their mugs plastered all over Facebook or Instagram. Some people wish to remain more private, and we need to respect their wishes.

Now, this can be a tricky issue. What if you’re taking pictures at a neighborhood block party—are those pictures of your neighbors okay to post? What about pictures you took at your son’s graduation or your granddaughter’s birthday party? These are all public events, and thus might be fair game—until you run into that one neighbor or parent who doesn’t want her or her children’s pictures posted publicly. Like I said, it’s tricky.

The best approach is to ask permission before you post. Most people will say okay. If you can’t ask permission, the safe thing to do is to not post that particular photo of or information about that particular person. Or you can go ahead and post it but take it down if someone complains. I have to recommend the more discreet approach, but I do admit to posting without permission on occasion.

Some venues will ask that you don’t post pictures of their events. In this instance, respect the request. I recently attended my grandson’s preschool graduation ceremony, and the teachers explicitly asked that group pictures not be posted to Facebook or other social media because some parents don’t want their children thus exposed. That was a fair request, and one I honored. You should do the same in similar situations.

Finally, consider which pictures of your kids and grandkids are appropriate to post. That picture of your granddaughter in her swim suit may be cute to you, but lascivious to someone else—and potentially embarrassing to her. We all want to show off our kids and grandkids, and I’m the worst offender in this, but sometimes family pictures should be limited to family only.

Most social media conversations are good. Some aren’t. Some devolve into online shouting matches. Others just get silly. Still others would be better served as a private chat between two people, not as a public message thread.

When, then, should you join the conversation? And when should you exercise more restraint and not add your two cents’ worth?

Here are some do’s and don’ts for joining conversations in social media:

• Do join a conversation when input is asked for or encouraged.

• Don’t join a conversation if your input is no more substantive than “Me too” or “You bet.”

• Do join a conversation if you have knowledge or experience that would be useful or interesting.

• Don’t join a conversation if you have absolutely nothing new or unique to add—or if you simply don’t know what you’re talking about.

• Do join a conversation to lend support to a friend. Sometimes a comment can be like a virtual hug or pat on the back, and that’s a good thing.

• Don’t join a conversation just to cause trouble. We’re talking randomly negative comments that have little bearing on the original post, save to raise the hackles of those reading. This is commonly called trolling, and you shouldn’t do it. If it’s obvious that you’re among a group of right-wing Republicans, there’s not a whole lot of good that can come out of posting your left-wing Democratic opinions; you’re not going to convert anybody—you’re just going to make them mad at you. As tempting as it might be to sound off against those you disagree with, there’s really no point in being a troublemaker.

• Do join a conversation if you can move it forward, by providing additional information or viewpoints.

• Don’t join a conversation just to hijack it in a different direction. It’s not your conversation, it’s the person’s who started it. Keep things on track!

In short, an online conversation is just like one in the real world. If you can add something to the mix without derailing it, then join in. If you have nothing important to add then don’t.

The problem is, if you share too many things on your news feed, people are going to start tuning out. You want them to see the interesting things you share, which is difficult if you’re clogging the feed with too many uninteresting or irrelevant things you’ve shared.

The key, as with all posting, is to know what your friends will find interesting and what they’ll find frivolous. Here are some tips:

• Do share items of direct interest to your online friends.

• Don’t share items that you find interesting but your friends won’t.

• Do share items your friends are likely not to have seen otherwise.

• Don’t share items that you’ve seen repeatedly online. Chances are that your friends have already seen it, too.

• Do share funny pictures and videos. If they made you laugh, they’ll probably amuse your friends, too. (But exercise some restraint; no one really wants to see the twentieth cat video you posted today.)

• Don’t share items that you haven’t independently verified. The last thing you want to do is spread inaccurate information, fake news, or urban legends—or even URLs that lead nowhere.

• Do share posts from friends and family members, if they’re relevant.

• Don’t share photos of people who don’t want their pictures shared. For that matter, don’t share any private information that you have in your possession.

• Do share pictures of your younger children and grandchildren. People like looking at cute family pictures—as long as you don’t overdo it. (And as long as the pictures aren’t inappropriate, of course.)

• Don’t share inflammatory messages, photos, and hate speech. If you can’t be civil and respect others’ opinions and rights, you don’t belong on social media.

At first blush, identifying people in a picture sounds like a good thing, like you’re helping out the person who posted that photo and didn’t add any tags. Maybe you know someone in the photo he didn’t, after all.

The problem is that not everyone wants to be singled out online. Tagging a person has the unfortunate effect of making that photo visible to all of that person’s friends, even if she doesn’t want her friends to see it. Maybe the photo is less than flattering, or records embarrassing or unwise behavior, or places that person in a place where he doesn’t want people to see him. In essence, tagging a person without his knowledge or permission can cause all sorts of problems for the person being tagged, even if it’s just giving that person a little more visibility than he might want.

The bottom line on this one is pretty clear. Unless you know the person wants to be tagged, you shouldn’t tag him. Maybe that means asking first, maybe it means not tagging that person in the photo, maybe it means not posting the photo at all. Some people like to remain as anonymous as possible; you should respect that decision and err on the side of caution.