Author’s note

It’s been famously said that when writing a book ‘you don’t choose your subject; your subject chooses you’. Certainly that was the case with my previous books that form the ‘trilogy’: Persuasion and Mind Power. I’ve spent a lifetime studying persuasion, how the mind works and body language: both academically and in my working life where observation skills and self-awareness were (and still are) crucial to achieving positive outcomes and an understanding of other people.

Interest in non-verbal behaviour, or ‘body language’, has grown rapidly in recent years because in this fast-paced and time-poor world we’re constantly judged on first impressions. People are making snap decisions as to whether they trust us, like us, want to work with us, have a love affair with us – and much more. As research continually points out, words alone don’t provide the whole picture. It is in the nature of the human condition that we communicate more through the body than merely through language.

Every day we constantly have to interpret what another person’s body language is telling us – as well as controlling our own to create the right impression. Two-way traffic!

You may have come across the oft-cited study in the 1970s which concluded that more than 90 per cent of meaning in any interaction is derived from non-verbal cues – the manner in which your body ‘talks’ and also the way that you say things (vocal) – and just a mere 7 per cent from the words you actually speak.

We can play around with the actual figures of course, but the fundamental point is that the overwhelming meaning of a message, when communicating with others, comes from an unconscious display of the ‘silent’ language; this either reinforces or detracts from the words being used. Research has shown that the most successful people, in all walks of life, are ‘intuitive’ in deciphering these signals.

‘All the world’s a stage’

Actors have to be masters of body language in order to convince us to believe in the role they are playing while at the same time helping us to ‘suspend our disbelief’ (since it’s not real life) so that we can engage with and put our own emotions into the performance. When we see mannerisms and gestures that ring true to a particular emotion, or what’s being said or felt, we unconsciously accept the ‘message’ and go along with the make-believe – good acting!

Just recently I noted down an excerpt from a review of a play in London’s West End:

... I believed in her persona. The body language and demeanour and status were all well observed ... she combines dance and theatre to convey emotions and thoughts so that the audience is able to interpret without the need of words.

Since we’re all acting out certain ‘roles’ in everyday life, both in our personal lives and especially at work, body language is the way in which our bodies communicate our own or a ‘character’s’ attitudes. There’s nothing ‘false’ about it – as Shakespeare told us:

All the world’s a stage, And all the men and women merely players; They have their exits and their entrances; And one man in his time plays many parts.

(As You Like It)

The ‘magic’ of body-reading

Just like a professional actor, when you’re acting out your role in everyday life you have to make sure your body language is appropriate for the character you’re playing, otherwise your ‘performance’ is not congruent and your message not believable.

Certainly, this was brought home to me as a youngster, fascinated by magic and the psychology behind its presentation. After painstakingly acquiring magical knowledge and then being let loose to perform ‘effects’ (conventional and ‘mind-reading’) I was eventually accepted as one of the youngest ever members of the Magic Circle. There the magicians’ dictum, courtesy of the famous Robert Houdin (from whom the great Houdini had taken his name) was drilled into me: ‘A magician is an actor, playing the part of a magician.’

What was that all about? Well, I was told that, since most communication is conveyed through your demeanour – in posture, gestures, eye contact, voice, confidence – just like any other ‘actor’ in the performing arts, you had to become an expert in conveying the right impression – to be ‘believable’. Your body language had to reinforce the part that you were playing. That separated the good performer from the mediocre – presentation was all.

Even more to the point – just to complicate things for this youngster – the discipline of magic that was of interest to me was not conventional magic but ‘mind-magic’ or mind-reading. This meant that ‘tuning in’ to other people’s thoughts and being able to ‘read’ body language (coupled with certain ‘magical’ techniques of course!) was essential in order to perform the miracle. So there was a double necessity for me in acquiring body language knowledge and skills. I’d chosen that branch of magic – mind-reading and ‘mind-magic’ – that relied, in part, on being able to read body language well.

What people do with their bodies is a window to their subconscious thoughts, so close observation is the key to reading minds. Thus began a lifelong journey in honing perception skills and becoming more self-aware. My own body language had to be right too, in order for an audience to suspend their disbelief and accept that their minds (or thoughts) were being ‘read’.

All this brought home to me two important things:

1. In real life we’re constantly trying to read minds by observing body language. We’re all engaging in mind-reading in one way or another.
2. Body language is a two-way street. You need to be aware of:
   • your own body language – and the messages you are giving out (after all other people are ‘reading’ you)
   • how to ‘read’ the body language of others to determine the messages they are giving out.

Years of performing ‘mind-reading acts’ honed and furthered my interest in body language. Academic study in psychology and related fields meant that when I was let loose in the world of work, the awareness, thankfully, was already there.

Becoming ‘fluent’ in body language

After we’ve been through the 7 Lessons you’ll have all the tools you need to become an accomplished reader and user of body language. Our aim is therefore twofold:

1. To develop the self-awareness you need to control your own body language so that it delivers the right outcome for you.
2. To sharpen your senses so that you can read body language in others and react in the appropriate way.

After all, if you’re trying to get inside the mind of the other person – by observing what’s happening on the outside – they’ll be doing the same to you. So you’ll need to use the right body language to convey the impression that you mean to make – as opposed to leaving it entirely to your subconscious, as you’ve done in the past.

You’ll become an adept mind-reader and have greater success in fathoming what a person’s really thinking. All you’ll need is to be able to decipher gestures that you previously paid no attention to (both the subtle and the blindingly obvious), and also to be aware of your own gestures and how they might be provoking a reciprocal gesture in the other person.

I’ve cut out a lot of the ‘peripheral’ information that scientists have discovered – sometimes it’s not worth ‘dissecting’ things for the sake of it – to concentrate on what is practical. After you’ve absorbed the 7 Lessons and then combined them with daily practice you’ll be transformed into a body language ‘wiz’.

In conclusion

At the end of the 7 Lessons you should find you have raised your awareness to the extent that you:

• become more intuitive in deciphering other people’s body signals
• are aware of your own ‘bodytalk’.

Also you will be able to control it and use it to great advantage to enhance your own communication style – with friends, strangers, family, work colleagues, customers, clients.

This is a book for everybody – whatever you do, if you have contact with other people (few of us can be excluded from this category) and you want to know how to read people better and simultaneously make yourself more effective in conveying the impression you intended to create, then read on.

So here it is. This is for you: the person in a hurry – enjoy the journey!

James Borg