Chapter 9
Facilitating communication techniques
‘Mend your speech a little, Lest you may mar your fortunes.'
William Shakespeare
In chapter 8 I discuss the art of listening and how, when done well, it can be a powerful aid to building trust, demonstrating empathy and establishing a connection with just about anyone. In this chapter, I will expand on this theme by looking at facilitating communication techniques. These include minding your language and choosing your words carefully, applying a growth mindset, reframing for solutions, using mindfulness, and other practical techniques leaders can use to hone their communication skills.
Adopting a growth mindset, assuming positive intent and taking a solutions focus are great places to start.
A growth mindset
American psychologist and researcher Carol Dweck introduced this concept, comparing fixed mindsets and growth mindsets in her book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. Dweck argues that a growth mindset associates success with effort and attitude and a firm belief in the capacity to learn, grow and develop, whereas a fixed mindset associates failure with a lack of fundamental ability, which is largely innate.
I strongly recommend all leaders to adopt and encourage a growth mindset when holding career conversations. Central to this mindset is a fundamental belief that all individuals, if they choose to, have the opportunity to improve and grow through sustained effort, and that learning supports career growth and development. Effort, Dweck argues in an earlier book, Self-theories: Their Role in Motivation, Personality, and Development, ‘gives meaning to life'. It means you care about ‘something that is important to you', that you ‘value things and commit yourself to working toward them'.
This is an outlook of particular importance for those with low levels of self-esteem. It's not positive thinking per se, but rather a belief that career achievement is attributable to our attitude towards success. Believing that success can be achieved with effort, study and application rather than being ‘gifted' is crucial to career growth and, ultimately, satisfaction.
In 1993 Anders Ericsson and associates introduced the term deliberate practice to describe what's required to achieve mastery in one's field of expertise. Innate talent cannot account for expertise. Science has yet to discover a gene for being a champion golfer, a top musician or an award-winning artist.
What is required is not just any kind of practice or effort, but a very specific type characterised by hard, repetitive work that may not be inherently motivating. Practice should include well-defined and specific goals, meaningful problem-solving feedback, stepping outside our comfort zone, and monitoring our progress towards skill attainment that stretches personal and organisational limits. ‘The lack of inherent reward or enjoyment in practice as distinct from the enjoyment of the result (improvement),' Ericsson points out, ‘is consistent with the fact that individuals in a domain rarely initiate practice spontaneously.'
Dweck's and Ericsson's research and theories offer leaders important insights into the precursors of success in the short and long term.
Mindfulness
Mindfulness is simple in theory and practice. It means ceasing to do things automatically or unconsciously, but rather living ‘in the moment', paying full attention to what you are doing when you are doing it.
We have all eaten a meal while thinking of something else, or perhaps while watching television, and been barely aware of what we are actually eating. So often, preoccupied by the ‘noise' of living, we fail to take in all the delights our experiences offer. By slowing down, paying attention, being aware of cultural cues and living in the moment, free of judgement, we can better monitor our reactions and responses to others. Being non-judgemental is critical. Accepting rather than judging what we see and hear helps us to respond more objectively and effectively.
I believe mindfulness is one of the best-kept secrets of the modern leader's toolkit. Developing mindfulness requires meditation training and practice — as little as five minutes a day can be beneficial. You may be surprised by the impact of mindfulness on your wellbeing and how much it can increase your enjoyment of life and work. In my experience, this is a much overlooked imperative for leadership effectiveness.
When I first started practising mindfulness, I kicked off with 10 minutes of meditation a day. I now find 30 minutes is sufficient to set me up to cope effectively with all the challenges of the working day ahead. I find it centres and settles me, particularly when facing a number of competing issues or problems where my thoughts might be racing, my body feeling the effects of stress. Mindfulness can be highly beneficial for your employees' wellbeing too. Being aware in the moment and free of judgement is wonderful for creative and inspiring career conversations!
A solutions focus
Adopting a solutions focus is another powerful tool for driving better and more effective communications. As with a growth mindset, a solutions focus is more than just being ‘positive'. It is conceptually simple, but like any other skill it takes practice and will suit leaders who are motivated by working positively and creatively. I first came across the idea in the early noughties and found it such an effective communication tool in all areas of my life that I wished I had discovered it earlier. It even helped me communicate better with my daughters in their teenage years, when nothing else seemed to work!
In their book The Solutions Focus, Mark McKergow and Paul Jackson stress that the key to finding solutions is to keep things simple and to deliberately focus on solutions, not problems. The authors provide excellent tips on how to develop a solutions focus and demonstrate the rewards this approach brings. Here I outline some of the authors' ideas and tips. I also share some examples adapted from Anthony Grant's applications, which I have found especially helpful for getting the most out of a solutions focus and putting it into practice in career conversations.
In my experience, when leaders focus on problems, the problems seem to grow larger— until they create feelings of overwhelming frustration, which lead to inertia, inaction and a sense of being ‘stuck'. Have you ever been in a meeting where participants discuss a problem over and over and are mentally exhausted when the solution fails to appear? Focusing on problems may not be helpful in finding the solutions. Most often a fresh approach is called for. The way we talk about problems can give them oxygen. We're more likely to make progress if we change the way we talk about them by reframing our conversations in favour of solutions talk. This requires thinking differently about ‘problems' by viewing them not as obstacles but as ways forward for which we have yet to determine the right solution!
There will be times when we must start by focusing on a problem but then get quickly back to solutions talk and actions. Both leaders and employees are best served by directing their energy to challenges to which they can ascribe a solution. This might seem obvious, but I have seen too many individuals and teams commit time, energy and resources to unsolvable problems.
If a problem is described in vague terms it's almost certain to be unsolvable. My advice is when you hit an unsolvable problem, assign it elsewhere and move on!
A solutions focus is more about tracking progress than diagnosing problems. This in itself is more inspiring and motivating than describing problems in detail, which can simply dull the senses rather than enlightening us. As Jackson and McKergow point out, the solutions focus practitioner keeps things simple by making a study of what people are doing when things are ‘better'.
Further, looking for exceptions, when things are or were better, is a key lever. Exceptions often hold the key, as they may point to all or part of the solution, though it may be disguised and need teasing out. I have found this a really powerful tool, particularly when clients seem to be stuck in the problem.
Reframing problem-focused language
Here are some examples of how leaders can reframe problem-focused career questions they may be tempted to ask their employees by using more helpful, solution-focused language.
Problem-focused question:
‘You seem dissatisfied with your career, what do you think the problem is?'
Reframed as a solution-focused question:
‘Can you point to a time when you were happy in your work or broader career?'
Follow-up questions:
‘What was going on? Can you tell me more about that?'
Problem-focused question:
‘You don't seem to get along with your peers — do you know where you're going wrong?'
Reframed as a solution-focused question:
‘So you want to get along with your peers? [This is a somewhat rhetorical question used to reinforce a more positive mindset.] Can you tell me about an example of where and when you have got on well with one of your peers?'
Follow-up questions:
‘Can you tell me more about that?' or
‘What could be a small step you could take to do things differently?' or
‘Can you tell me about a time when you did this successfully?”
Problem-focused question:
‘Why have you taken such a long time to address your career issues?'
Reframed as a solution-focused question:
‘You've really stuck it out in your career, through thick and thin — how have managed to cope and do this so well?'
Follow-up questions:
‘Who has been helpful to your career so far, and what did they do to assist you?' or
‘Who else might be able to help?'
These examples demonstrate how powerful simple reframing can be in moving a problem-focused conversation onto a more productive and useful solution path.
Encouraging solution talk provides the context and environment for more helpful career conversations with employees, particularly if they feel ‘stuck'. Shifting our language from a problem focus to a solution focus can be subtle and takes conscious practice, but mastering this skill is thoroughly worth the effort. Collaborating with our employees to co-construct career solutions is a powerful, empowering and immersive experience that helps drive highly productive connections.
Achieving mastery takes a great deal of practice. That said, you can start using this communication technique straight away, taking small, incremental steps towards becoming a skilled practitioner. Immediate results provide the best motivation to keep practising. Remember, as Jackson and McKergow argue, to keep it simple, make a start, and if you find something that works then keep doing it.
Additional useful communication techniques
I encourage leaders to follow former PepsiCo CEO Indra Nooyi's advice and ‘assume positive intent' in all discussions, and I don't do this lightly. It may not be easy if your employee is being flat-out unreasonable, but trust me, the principle is always worth remembering and applying in all your interactions with others, as it will set a positive, non-judgemental tone for the conversation.
Here are some further communication tips to help you guide career conversations:
- Be open in your approach, explaining the reasons behind the information you share or the questions you ask. For example:
- – ‘John, I'd like to share some background on current career pathways because it may help guide your career aspirations. Is that okay?'
- Ask permission to offer advice or support. Unsolicited advice can breed resentment! For example:
- – ‘John, I have a suggestion that might help. Would you like me to share it with you?'
- Respond empathetically with a view to enhancing their self-esteem. Think about how you might feel in their position. Look for ways to convey your understanding and sensitivity to their feelings and position.
- Use self-disclosure, if appropriate. For example:
- – ‘John, I understand how much this concerns you. I've been there myself, and this is how I approached it … '
- Acknowledge emotions and avoid judgement (refer to Marion's career story in chapter 3) to help calm employees who are stressed or upset. This can help reduce tensions and redirect the conversation onto a more meaningful (solution-focused) path. For example:
- – ‘John, I can see how much this has upset you. Would you like me to help?'
Peter's career story
One day Peter, an aspiring young junior salesman who had joined the sales team less than a year before, knocked on my office door and asked if I had a minute. I was the sales manager of a large industrial products firm.
The minute turned into a two-hour career discussion. Peter shared with me a problem that was causing him significant anxiety and even loss of sleep. Peter was convinced that one of his co-workers, Anthony, was ‘white-anting' him, undermining his career prospects. In sharing this, Peter's posture and language were uncharacteristically aggressive.
To help build empathy and take some of the charge out of Peter's emotions, I acknowledged that I could see he was upset and understood how he might feel. When I asked him what his evidence was for feeling this way, his answers were vague, such as, ‘Oh, I heard on the grapevine that Anthony wasn't helping my cause'.
Over time this led Peter to conclude that Anthony was actively and deliberately trying to subvert his standing in the company by unjustly criticising his performance. Peter had concluded that Anthony was jealous of his achievements and saw him as a threat to his own career progression. He also made it clear that he didn't like Anthony and therefore hadn't reached out to him over the matter.
It was true that, in this sales-focused company, a competitive spirit was encouraged, not just between members of the sales team, but throughout the organisation. For the most part, competition between employees had a positive influence on the organisation, in which openness, trust and constructive conflict were encouraged and role modelled by the leadership team. Listening to Peter's tone and language, I suspected there was more to unpack here.
After some careful probing, Peter was still unable to point to any clear evidence to support his assertions. At this point I felt it was time to steer the conversation away from the ‘problem' of Anthony's alleged behaviour. I reframed Peter's expressed feelings about Anthony by asking him, ‘So you want to get along with Anthony?' Peter replied, ‘Of course I do.' Which completely changed the tenor and direction of the conversation.
Had Peter replied in the negative, this would have uncovered a quite different issue to be resolved! In solutions focus mode, I went looking for exceptions: I asked Peter to tell me about a time or times when he had got along with Anthony. This enabled him to take a more circumspect and rational view of his relationship with Anthony by highlighting occasions when Anthony had actively helped him gain new leads and contacts that directly led to sales wins. That is, times when the relationship was already working positively! As the discussion progressed, Peter began to realise that what he was being told by others about what Anthony was saying about him flew in the face of his own experience of working with Anthony.
The obvious question was why Anthony would want to hold him back after helping him succeed? It just didn't stack up. At that point I asked Peter what he thought was going on. Peter canvassed a few options but after reflecting, and in the light of no hard evidence, he concluded that this perceived issue was a complete misunderstanding driven by throwaway comments passed through a number of parties and taken out of context.
Shifting the discussion towards thinking of his relationship with Anthony not as a problem but as part of the solution had the desired effect by fostering a more constructive and useful approach and outlook.
Peter realised that he had misread Anthony's motives and that his career could actually continue to benefit from Anthony's help. Peter decided to proactively reach out to him to nurture the relationship. Applying a growth mindset and solution-focused approach, together we explored other development initiatives that Peter could realistically pursue with Anthony.
Although Peter's relationship with Anthony had prompted the discussion, it turned out that Peter's perception of his own capability and development was really at the heart of his concerns, and not his perceived problem with Anthony. Having identified this as the central issue I could not only help Peter gain a more productive view of his relationship with Anthony but also set some SMART development goals that he could start working on straight way. This helped Peter move forward from a negative, anxious mindset to feeling motivated and re-energised. Peter's ‘have you got a minute?' question turned into a two-hour career conversation that was inspiring for both of us!
Key learnings
In this career story the presenting ‘problem' of Peter's relationship with Anthony turned out to be a red herring. Resolving their relationship issue would not in itself have got Peter closer to his development goals. It took a fresh approach, careful listening, reframing and empathy, combined with a fundamental belief in a growth mindset, to ‘unpack' the issue and move the conversation to a more useful place. The moment when your employee gets that ‘light bulb' insight is very powerful and exciting. Sometimes you won't know when it will come, just that it will!
Leaders need to take the necessary time and mindful care with their employees to allow these processes to unfold. Such an investment will pay off in the long run, especially for leaders who are inclined to pretend the issues don't exist or will somehow miraculously solve themselves without help.