If you and your partner don’t make love as often as you would like, it could be time to reexamine your relationship with sleep.
Sleep and sex are intimately connected; sex is good exercise and relieves mental stress, releasing “happy” endorphins and relaxing hormones. It also strengthens the bond between couple,s and when we’re sleeping well, we’re more likely to feel like having sex.
Exhaustion is a passion killer, though. Sleep deprivation makes it hard to find energy for anything, let alone sex, and sleep pressure ensures that the body will often choose sleep over sex. Research shows that certain sleep disorders, such as obstructive sleep apnea, are associated with erectile dysfunction and lower sex drive.
Fatigue can also disrupt the production of the hormones testosterone and estrogen, which affect sexual desire. In a study, healthy young men saw a 10–15 percent drop in testosterone levels after a week of sleeping for five hours a night.
Lack of sleep also raises levels of the stress hormone cortisol. The “fight-or-flight” stress response redirects blood away from sex organs, and eventually this may lower libido or lead to erectile dysfunction. One study noted that women with increased cortisol experienced lower libido and arousal.
i Double-tap image to read the labels
Day 1
A poor night’s sleep
Tiredness causes irritability and stress
Couples less likely to connect with each other
Neither partner feels like sex
Day 2
After good sleep: feeling energized and positive
Couples more likely to relax and feel intimate
Gentle exercise before bed
Couples feel in the mood for sex
The good news is we can boost our sex lives by getting more sleep. One study found that after one extra hour of sleep, participants were 14 percent more likely to have sex the following day. To help reset your sleep–sex relationship:
• Create a daily “wind-down hour” Before bedtime, spend an hour relaxing together and reconnecting. Don’t focus on sex at this stage; it’s all about relaxation and intimacy. If you both feel mentally and physically exhausted, try a gentle 20-minute yoga or stretching routine to revive flagging energy and reconnect with your bodies.
• Leave smartphones outside Switch off all digital devices before your wind-down hour, and always leave smartphones outside the bedroom.
When sleep goes wrong | Is lack of sleep ruining my sex life?
SEPARATE BEDROOMS
Research suggests that problems often occur at the same time with sleep and relationships. Some couples find that sleeping in separate bedrooms can actually improve their sex life. With each partner able to personalize their sleep space and get enough good-quality sleep, conflict may diminish. Some couples report that “date nights” in the partner’s room provide added anticipation and excitement.
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