IN YOUR LIGHT I LEARN HOW TO LOVE. IN YOUR BEAUTY, HOW TO MAKE POEMS. YOU DANCE INSIDE MY CHEST, WHERE NO ONE SEES YOU, BUT SOMETIMES I DO, AND THAT LIGHT BECOMES THIS ART.

Rumi

CHAPTER 1

THE SENSUAL BODY AND MIND

Getting in the mood for love is a journey of the mind, body, and spirit, as you awaken every part of your being to the pleasures of sensual love. From wooing your lover to embracing, kissing, and tantalizing touch, prolonging the tension of the sexual buildup is an art in itself.

THE SENSUAL BODY

Awakening your body ready for the pleasures of lovemaking is a celebration of the joy of being a sexual being. Treating your body with reverence, loving it, and preparing it for lovemaking, is part of that celebration.

Feeling at home and comfortable in your body is a cornerstone of relaxed, uninhibited, and—most importantly—joyful lovemaking. Many people find it difficult to love their bodies. There is always a part that is too big, too small, too wobbly, or, somehow, just not good enough.

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Accept yourself

In order to befriend your body, you need to acknowledge its “naturalness.” Try to see it as part of the natural landscape. As a rule, you don’t judge nature with a critical eye, deciding “that mountain really should be smaller,” or “that meadow should be flatter.” You accept nature as being just right as it is.

Do the same with your body. Look at it with a true lover’s non-critical eye and recognize it as being perfect just as it is—part of the great natural order.

The kama sutra teaches that the body should be treated as a sacred object and that preparing the body for sex—a sacred act—recognizes that reverence. A householder in Vatsyayana’s time would take great care of their body, ensuring that it was ready for the sensual pleasures in store.

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THE FEMININE DUTY

"WHEN ONE WANTS TO APPROACH THEIR PARTNER IN PRIVATE THEIR DRESS SHOULD CONSIST OF MANY ORNAMENTS, VARIOUS KINDS OF FLOWERS, AND A CLOTH DECORATED WITH DIFFERENT COLORS, AND SOME SWEET-SMELLING OINTMENTS OR UNGUENTS."

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THE MASCULINE DUTY

"ONE SHOULD BATHE DAILY, ANOINT THEIR BODY WITH OIL EVERY OTHER DAY, APPLY A LATHERING SUBSTANCE TO THEIR BODY EVERY THREE DAYS, GET THEIR HEAD (INCLUDING FACE) SHAVED EVERY FOUR DAYS AND THE OTHER PARTS OF THEIR BODY EVERY FIVE OR TEN DAYS. ALL THESE THINGS SHOULD BE DONE WITHOUT FAIL, AND THE SWEAT OF THE ARMPITS SHOULD ALSO BE REMOVED."

Bathe in the elements

Cleansing before lovemaking is not just a matter of sexual hygiene, it also marks a change of mental state, washing away the cares of the day. As an alternative to showering with your lover, you’ll find bathing in nature, using natural elements, both refreshing and fun. Use whatever is around you—stream, lake, or sea—to splash in with your lover. If you are in an arid landscape, use a bottle of drinking water to bathe your hands and feet. If you live in an urban area without ready access to nature, consider taking a walk with your partner in a nearby park, or even just through your neighborhood, taking time to notice any trees or flowers, before returning home for a bath.

Bathing can involve all the elements, not just water. If the weather is mild, have an exhilarating “air bath”—take off your clothes and feel the fresh air on your naked skin.

Try a fiery “sun bath.” Enjoy the nourishing energy of sunlight all over your naked body for a few moments before covering up or seeking the shade.

AWAKENING THE SENSES

The kama sutra revels in sensory pleasures: food, drink, scents, and music. Enlivening all your senses before lovemaking transforms it into a heightened experience of pure delight.

The best lovemaking delights—and makes full use of—all your senses: the touch of a lover’s fingers, the unique smell of their body, the sounds of their pleasure, the taste of their skin, the look of love in their eyes. But it is easy to rely on one sensation to arouse you. For some it is often visual cues, while for others, touch can be a crucial source of pleasure.

Taking time to awaken all the senses, by trying the familiar in an unfamiliar way, is a liberating experience that adds playfulness and creativity to your relationship as you imaginatively stimulate your lover’s senses.

Sensory treats

Heighten and arouse your senses by playing together before you make love. Plan a sensory stimulation exercise using gathered items as the ingredients for a “sensual picnic basket.” When planning your basket, consider each of the senses in turn and prepare—without your partner seeing—a range of different objects for them to taste, touch, smell, and hear.

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TASTE

Prepare bite-size morsels of different foods. They could be small pieces of fruit with interesting textures, such as peeled grapes, or perfumed mango or lychees. Try squares of chocolate or pieces of crystallized ginger. Make sure it is all fresh and organic. Have some water to hand as well and, for a hot day, frozen fruit juice is great too.

SOUND

Find natural objects to create “wild music,” such as pebbles to knock together, crisp twigs for snapping, or dry leaves to rustle and crunch.

TOUCH

There is a wealth of textures to choose from, wherever you are—sand to run through fingers, blades of grass to tickle over skin, drops of cool water, bark from a tree, feathers, or a silk scarf.

SMELL

Scents are the most delicious of all: pine cones, driftwood, fresh flowers, herbs. You could also try some essential oils, dabbed onto tissues.

When your hamper is ready, blindfold your lover. This will enliven their other senses as well as enhancing the trust and intimacy between you.

Take your time to arouse each sense in turn. Kiss their lips, then feed them morsels of food, letting them touch and smell each morsel first. Massage and nibble their ears, then create different sounds around them—can they guess what they are?

To awaken their sense of smell, pick up the objects and slowly waft their scents under your lover’s nose. Do they bring up any memories? Allow time between the scents for the sense of smell to recover.

Now play with different textures.

Finally, hold up something beautiful, such as a flower or shell, so it is the first thing your lover sees when you remove the blindfold.

Explore your partner

An erotic variation on this exercise is to treat your lover as your own sensual picnic hamper. Ask them to blindfold you, then explore their body using different senses in turn. Smell every inch of their skin, explore it using your fingertips, and, finally, use your tongue.

THE ART OF WOOING

Love talk, gifts, shared leisure activities—the kama sutra recognizes all these as important aspects of courtship. Today they remain an essential preliminary to seduction and are valuable whether you are new lovers or life-long partners.

Vatsyayana recognized the importance of preparing the mind—as well as the body—for love. Wooing might seem an outdated concept, but the joys of seduction, however long you and your lover have been in the relationship, never fade.

The kama sutra advises that lovers spend time with each other talking, eating, and gently touching before lovemaking. Vatsyayana, describing a typical seduction scene of the time, recommends talking “suggestively” as a wonderful way to build up your anticipation. Share your fantasy romantic scenarios and be imaginative in how you communicate. Leave love notes and send each other suggestive text messages and emails: the aphrodisiac power of erotic talk cannot be overestimated.

Lovers’ gifts

Vatsyayana recommends bouquets of flowers, clothing, and jewelry be offered while courting. These are still acknowledged as the classic gifts of seduction. But while giving is an important part of wooing, gifts need not be material objects.

A gift can be verbal, simply saying, “I love you” or “You look gorgeous” to your partner, for example, or noticing something different about them—a flattering haircut or new clothing item—and commenting on it. In a long-term relationship, this acts as a welcome reminder that your partner is still “seeing” and appreciating you. Simple gifts such as cooking your lover’s favorite meal (and clearing away afterward) are treats that show thoughtfulness.

Spending time together, sharing pastimes and simple unhurried pleasures, are among the greatest gifts you can give in a relationship. This is even more important if you have children, to remind yourselves that you are lovers as well as parents. Take time to court each other anew, rekindling the early spark of your love affair.

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LOVE TALK

"IN THE PLEASURE-ROOM, DECORATED WITH FLOWERS, AND FRAGRANT WITH PERFUMES, ATTENDED BY HIS FRIENDS AND SERVANTS, THE CITIZEN SHOULD RECEIVE THE WOMAN, WHO WILL COME BATHED AND DRESSED, AND WILL INVITE HER TO TAKE REFRESHMENT AND TO DRINK FREELY. HE SHOULD THEN SEAT HER ON HIS LEFT SIDE, AND HOLDING HER HAIR, AND TOUCHING ALSO THE END AND KNOT OF HER GARMENT, HE SHOULD GENTLY EMBRACE HER WITH HIS RIGHT ARM. THEY SHOULD THEN CARRY ON AN AMUSING CONVERSATION ON VARIOUS SUBJECTS, AND MAY ALSO TALK SUGGESTIVELY OF THINGS WHICH WOULD BE CONSIDERED AS COARSE, OR NOT TO BE MENTIONED GENERALLY IN SOCIETY."

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LOVERS' GAMES

"WHEN A BOY HAS THUS BEGUN TO WOO THE GIRL HE LOVES, HE SHOULD SPEND HIS TIME WITH HER AND AMUSE HER WITH VARIOUS GAMES AND DIVERSIONS FITTED FOR THEIR AGE AND ACQUAINTANCESHIP, SUCH AS PICKING AND COLLECTING FLOWERS, MAKING GARLANDS OF FLOWERS, PLAYING THE PARTS OF MEMBERS OF A FICTITIOUS FAMILY, COOKING FOOD, PLAYING WITH DICE, PLAYING WITH CARDS . . ."

THE EMBRACE

A simple embrace is a moment of stillness. Wrap your arms around your lover and you express your feelings with your whole body and heart.

Simply holding your partner lovingly is an act of great tenderness. Whether it’s a fully clothed, reassuringly lingering hug, an arousing prelude to greater passion, or perhaps the warm, satisfied cuddle of post-coital bliss, being in your lover’s arms inevitably increases your feelings of intimacy.

Vatsyayana understood this and devoted a whole chapter of the kama sutra to the embraces that indicate “the mutual love of a man and woman who have come together.” It may seem a tame subject for a book better known for its acrobatic sexual positions, but the power of the embrace lies in its simplicity.

A tender touch

The next time your lover feels tense, hold them calmly in your arms in a strong embrace and feel their tension begin to gradually slip away as their shoulders relax and drop and their body becomes softer. This kind of tender touch, which comes without demands or expectations, nurtures the connection between you and your partner.

Embraces can also express deep desire and passion—it’s the intention you bring to an embrace that gives it its meaning—but at its heart is always a sense of togetherness.

Melting and merging

As part of slowed-down lovemaking, the hug is invaluable. A “melting embrace,” in which you hold each other with your whole bodies touching for a long time, is great for gently “tuning in” to each other before lovemaking. As you hold each other, let your breathing harmonize, bringing your awareness into the moment, and enjoy the love connection between you.

Take time to hold your partner and make every embrace matter. If you are usually the first to break an embrace, then next time you are hugging and are about to let go, hold on for a few moments longer and let your love express itself in your encircling arms.

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EMBRACING

Vatsyayana’s observations on the variety of embraces, distinguished by their setting or intention, demonstrate the pleasures of this simple human touch.

"WHEN A MAN UNDER SOME PRETEXT OR OTHER GOES IN FRONT OR ALONGSIDE OF A WOMAN AND TOUCHES HER BODY WITH HIS OWN, IT IS CALLED THE ‘TOUCHING EMBRACE.'"

"WHEN A WOMAN IN A LONELY PLACE BENDS DOWN, AS IF TO PICK UP SOMETHING, AND PIERCES, AS IT WERE, A MAN SITTING OR STANDING, WITH HER BREASTS, AND THE MAN IN RETURN TAKES HOLD OF THEM, IT IS CALLED A ‘PIERCING EMBRACE.'"

"WHEN TWO LOVERS ARE WALKING SLOWLY TOGETHER, EITHER IN THE DARK, OR IN A PLACE OF PUBLIC RESORT, OR IN A LONELY PLACE, AND RUB THEIR BODIES AGAINST EACH OTHER, IT IS CALLED A 'RUBBING EMBRACE.'"

"WHEN ON THE ABOVE OCCASION ONE OF THEM PRESSES THE OTHER'S BODY FORCIBLY AGAINST A WALL OR PILLAR, IT IS CALLED A 'PRESSING EMBRACE.'"

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EXPLORING YOUR LOVER’S BODY

A beautifully intimate gift to your lover is to take the time to investigate their body inch by inch, from the crown of their head to the tips of their toes, and awaken their entire body through your touch.

According to Eastern sexual wisdom, the whole body is an erogenous zone—once it is awakened by an imaginative touch. Get to know every inch of your lover’s body as they lie back, relax, and surrender to the pleasure of being adored.

Part of the fun of doing this is to find those unexpected hotspots, so, to begin with, avoid the obvious contenders—genitals and nipples—and focus your attention on those areas you might not normally think of as sexual. Some starting points are:

  • Caress your lover’s head, slowly stroking it with your fingertips, and run your fingers through their hair.
  • Explore the shape of the hand and forearm using the tips of your nails, and run your tongue all the way along the inner arm from the wrist to the elbow crease.
  • Trace every detail of your lover’s back with gentle caresses and soft circles, then bring your lips very close to the skin to blow along the length of it.
  • Knead and gently shake the buttocks, and kiss along the crease where each cheek meets the top of the thigh.
  • Play with the toes, gently pulling and pressing each in turn, and blow into the creases between the toes.

Vary your touch

Use hands and fingers to stroke, knead, press, and enfold. Fingertips can circle, trace, caress, and scratch—and use a light pressure to make the skin tingle. Also keep the movements slow and continuous.

Use your mouth and tongue and intersperse feathery kisses with wide open caresses. Try blowing, biting (gently!), and sucking.

Make use of your entire body: try gently tweaking and circling with your toes, and stroking calves and kneading buttocks with your feet. If you have long hair, sweep it lightly over your lover’s skin.

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SCRATCHING

"WHEN LOVE BECOMES INTENSE, PRESSING WITH THE NAILS OR SCRATCHING THE BODY WITH THEM IS PRACTICED."

SENSUAL MASSAGE

Loving touch is one of the most erotic ways to arouse delicious sensations of anticipation, and a sensual massage is the ultimate way to explore and awaken every inch of your partner’s body.

Home and away

A massage is the ultimate form of relaxation, so, in order to attain a state of complete bliss, your setting needs to be comfortable, warm, and free from distractions. At home, prepare a soft area for your lover to lie on, allowing yourself enough space to move all around their body. Think about how to enhance every sensual aspect of the setting—for example, deep, rich colors add to the visual experience, and you might play gentle music.

A romantic outdoor setting that is farther from home requires a little more work, but the added sensual nature of the setting—perhaps the sound of a running stream or the smell of the sea—will enhance the experience. Privacy is crucial. In order to relax completely, you need to ensure you won’t be disturbed. Nudity is more comfortable on a warm day but, in hot weather, avoid sunburn and find a shady spot. Under the canopy of a large tree is ideal.

Massage ingredients

Prepare everything you will need before you begin the massage. The essentials are:

  • Something soft for the receiver to lie on (you could make a mattress out of blankets covered with a sheet or towel, or try a camping mat and sleeping bag covered with a towel).
  • Towels (plenty—they can also be used as support for knees, elbows, and ankles).
  • A pillow or rolled towel to support the receiver’s head.
  • Something soft to place underneath the giver’s knees.
  • Oils (see opposite).
  • A soft wrap (to allow the receiver to be warm and comfortable after the massage without having to dress).
  • Water to drink afterward.

Oils

Preparing oils for massage is a sensual experience in itself. You will need a carrier (or base) oil to help your hands glide—try almond or grapeseed. Add some essential oils for fragrance. These should only ever be used in dilute form. Add six drops of essential oil to two tablespoons of carrier oil and you should have the right quantity for a full body massage.

Essential oils with aphrodisiac qualities include sandalwood, ylang ylang, rose, and jasmine. Lavender is a great all-round oil and is wonderful for general relaxation, while neroli is especially sensual. Experiment to find the combination that delights you both.

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Prepare yourself

Make sure you are both happy to give and receive a massage. Bear in mind that any tiredness or resentment will be felt through your hands. It’s a good idea to tune into each other first by breathing gently together and eye-gazing.

Giving a massage can be physically demanding, so before you begin, stretch to relax your neck and shoulder muscles, then give your hands a shake. When massaging, lean in using your weight, rather than muscle tension, to exert pressure so that the movements come from your whole body and flow through your arms, rather than pushing with them. Keep movements rhythmic and avoid straining when reaching or exerting pressure.

Massage strokes

There’s always room for intuition, imagination, and spontaneity with a sensual massage, but learning some basic strokes will get you off to a good, confident start.

Basic massage strokes are simple to learn and can be put to good use when touching your lover at other times, too. When you need to break contact with your lover’s body, to replenish the oil or change stroke, do it as smoothly and gently as possible so that they barely notice.

EFFLEURAGE

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This is the starting stroke. Effleurage involves wide, sweeping strokes of the hand that glide across the body, spreading the oil and seeking out areas of tension.

PETRISSAGE

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When a deeper touch is required, petrissage is ideal. Knead the flesh with a squeezing, rolling, and lifting action, moving your hands alternately. This feels great around the waist and on the buttocks.

FRICTION

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Areas of deep tension are released using friction. Lean your weight onto the pads of your thumbs with a slight circling motion to apply pressure to a specific area.

HEELING

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Stretching out your hands and lifting up your palms and fingers, use the heels of your hands to push muscle away from you in a deep, penetrating, circling stroke, which is ideal for thigh muscles and buttocks.

KNUCKLING

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This is good for fleshy areas such as the buttocks and thighs. Press down and twist with your hands bent into a loose fist while moving the knuckles.

FINGERTIPS

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Use your fingertips for light, delicate caresses of the face and little fingertip-steps along the length of the back.

Giving a sensual massage

Use the following steps to guide you through an allover sensual massage, repeating the individul strokes as many times as feels good.

Devoting your undivided attention to every part of your lover’s body is a wonderful gift, but individual sections can be enjoyed on their own when you don’t have time for a full massage.

Once you discover what your lover likes most, you can devise a tailor-made massage for them.

THE BACK

1

Warm some oil in your hands and glide your palms down your lover’s back, either side of the spine. Pull them back up to the neck.

BACK OF THE LEGS

2

Knead the buttocks with the heels of your hands. Moving down to the backs of the legs, use sweeping strokes with a steady rhythm. With hands in a “V” shape, squeeze along the leg muscles with the thumbs and forefingers. Be careful at the backs of the knees.

FACE

3

Ask your lover to lie on their back and kneel either side of their head. Massage the face with outward strokes and pay special attention to eye and jaw areas. Place your thumbs in the center of your lover’s forehead and gradually draw them apart. Now massage the earlobes with little squeezing and pulling movements.

ARMS AND HANDS

4

Use effleurage on the arms, working along the length of the forearm muscles, then from elbow to shoulder. Massage each hand, using your thumb to work on the knuckles and joints. Gently pull each finger in turn.

CHEST AND ABDOMEN

5

Use gliding effleurage strokes between and over the breasts or pectoral muscles to release tension in the chest. As you move down to the abdomen, keep your touch warm and gentle, and let your hands rest on the center of the stomach for a few moments. Circle your hands over the belly, in a clockwise direction.

FRONT OF THE LEGS

6

Working along the fronts of the legs, use a petrissage stroke for deeper pressure on the thighs and a much lighter touch to circle the kneecap.

FOCUS ON THE FEET

7

Hold the feet softly for a few moments of grounding, then smooth over the tops of each foot with your thumbs. Play with the toes, gently pulling, stretching, and shaking each in turn. Use a light pressure around the instep and, as you finish with each foot, again enfold it lovingly in both your hands.

THE KISS

Kissing is a vital way to connect intimately with your lover throughout lovemaking—before, during, and after. For kama sutra lovers, the “way of the mouth” is an art in itself.

The mouth has an immense capacity for giving and receiving pleasure. It is packed full of nerve endings, and combines the properties of the penis (the tongue) with the vulva (the mouth and lips). According to the ancient Eastern path of Tantra, a woman’s upper lip is connected to the clitoris by a special nerve channel.

From the first, tentative kiss of new lovers to love-filled, post-coital caresses, the way you kiss expresses so much. Gentle, light, feathery kisses evoke tenderness, while deep kissing expresses intimacy and urgent, erotic energy.

Vatsyayana sets out different types of kisses, from the “nominal” kiss—when one lightly touches the mouth of their lover with their own—to the intense “fighting of the tongues.”

Kissing is an essential part of foreplay, triggering arousal and passion. But the joy of a long, sexy kiss should be enjoyed at any time, especially in long-term relationships, and not just as a prelude to sex.

Kindling kisses

Kissing can also be a way to gently awaken your sleeping lover and tenderly indicate your desire for them, as the kama sutra suggests beautifully with two “kindling kisses” (see Awakening, opposite).

Surprise kiss

Next time, surprise your partner and, instead of that quick kiss, express all your love for them with your mouth and tongue—but without words.

  • Suck your lover’s thumbs and fingers and lick the skin between the fingers.
  • Delicately lick and suck your partner’s mouth, taking upper or lower lips between your own for gentle sucking and licking.
  • Gently nip the upper or lower lip with your teeth.
  • Kiss around the mouth, and the upper and lower lips in turn. Be delicate with your tongue, retreating and advancing, darting and circling.
  • Alternate between hard, urgent kisses and soft, feathery ones.

Sensational kissing

Experiment with different temperatures: use ice-cold water or a warm drink and dip your tongue into each in turn before kissing, teasing your lover with the contrasting sensations.

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AWAKENING

"WHEN A WOMAN LOOKS AT THE FACE OF HER LOVER WHILE HE IS ASLEEP AND KISSES IT TO SHOW HER INTENTION OR DESIRE, IT IS CALLED A KISS THAT KINDLES LOVE. WHEN A LOVER COMING HOME LATE AT NIGHT, KISSES HIS BELOVED, WHO IS ASLEEP ON HER BED, IN ORDER TO SHOW HER HIS DESIRE, IT IS CALLED A 'KISS THAT AWAKENS.'"

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THE KAMA SUTRA KISSING GAME

"AS REGARDS KISSING, A WAGER MAY BE LAID AS TO WHICH WILL GET HOLD OF THE LIPS OF THE OTHER FIRST. IF THE WOMAN LOSES, SHE SHOULD PRETEND TO CRY, SHOULD KEEP HER LOVER OFF BY SHAKING HER HANDS, AND TURN AWAY . . . SAYING, 'LET ANOTHER WAGER BE LAID.'

IF SHE LOSES THIS A SECOND TIME, SHE SHOULD APPEAR DOUBLY DISTRESSED, AND WHEN HER LOVER IS OFF HIS GUARD OR ASLEEP, SHE SHOULD GET HOLD OF HIS LOWER LIP, AND HOLD IT IN HER TEETH, SO THAT IT SHOULD NOT SLIP AWAY, AND THEN SHE SHOULD LAUGH, MAKE A LOUD NOISE, DERIDE HIM, DANCE ABOUT, AND SAY WHATEVER SHE LIKES IN A JOKING WAY . . ."

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THE WAY OF THE MOUTH

Caressing with the mouth alone is a highly erotic way to begin lovemaking. Make it delicious for you both by starting with light kisses, slowly tracing the contours of your lover’s body with your lips.

Caress the curves

Soft kisses across the belly can be wonderfully sensual, while delicate kisses on the inner thigh are tantalizingly tingly for many people. Try the nape of the neck—blowing lightly on the soft hairs there—and run your tongue along the line of the shoulders. Seek out areas of soft skin to nuzzle with your mouth—the crease of the elbow, armpit, small of the back—and trace wet kisses around larger areas of your lover’s body.

Nibble earlobes and experiment by gently exploring your lover’s inner ear with your tongue. But be warned: it might drive your lover absolutely wild, or could arouse fits of giggles rather than moans of pleasure—it’s not to everyone’s taste!

Play with your lover’s nipples with your lips, tongue, and teeth. A man’s nipples respond to a teasing touch just as well as a woman’s, and are often ignored.

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Bite of love

As you increase the pressure of your kisses from light to firm, you may be tempted to use your teeth lightly, too. Vatsyayana advises that “all the places that can be kissed are also the places that can be bitten, except the upper lip, the interior of the mouth, and the eyes.”

A bite that leaves a red mark can be painful, so go gently, be aware of your lover’s pain threshold, and choose a little light nibbling on fleshy areas such as the buttocks, rather than sinking your teeth in. The kama sutra gives detailed advice on the kinds of biting that can be pleasurably performed. These include:

  • Hidden bite—shown only by the excessive redness of the skin.
  • Swollen bite—the skin is pressed down on both sides.
  • Point—a small portion of the skin is bitten with two teeth only.
  • Line of points—small portions of the skin are bitten with all the teeth.
  • Coral and jewel—bringing together the lips (coral) and teeth (jewel).
  • Broken cloud—marks on the breasts that consist of unequal risings in a circle, and that come from the space between the teeth.
  • Biting of a boar—marks on breasts and shoulders that consist of many broad rows of marks near to one another.

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FOUR KINDS OF KISSING

"KISSING IS OF FOUR KINDS: MODERATE, CONTRACTED, PRESSED, AND SOFT, ACCORDING TO THE DIFFERENT PARTS OF THE BODY WHICH ARE KISSED, FOR DIFFERENT KINDS OF KISSES ARE APPROPRIATE FOR DIFFERENT PARTS OF THE BODY."

ORAL SEX: DIVINE PLEASURES

Oral sex is the most intimate of sexual acts, and one of the most erotically satisfying. It is also an act of “honoring,” in which you worship the sacred in your lover.

Sexual symbolism

In the kama sutra, the male and female genitals are regarded as sacred and should be treated with reverence. The vulva is honored as the gateway to life, the most divine part of a woman’s body. “Yoni” is the Sanskrit word for the female sexual organs and means “sacred place,” the source of all life and universal bliss. It symbolizes the female energy of the great goddess and was worshipped in early cultures with “yoni goddesses”—the Venus figures with exaggerated vulvas that appear in some of the earliest known pieces of art.

Power and fertility

The erect phallus represents male sexual power and fertility and, in India, symbolizes the male energy of the god Shiva, and is known by the Sanskrit term “lingam.” Sculptures of the erect lingam can be found in Hindu temples, where it is worshipped as an emblem of generation and recreation. These representations of lingams often have a yoni at the base to show the inseparability of male and female energy.

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Mutual oral sex

“Congress of a crow” is Vatsyayana’s term for mutual oral sex, or the “69” position. An exciting way to pleasure each other, lying down with one partner on top is visually stimulating, but the most relaxed position for many couples is lying side by side, head resting on the lower thigh of your lover.

This is perhaps best enjoyed as an arousing interlude during foreplay rather than as the main course, as it can lead to the “worst of both worlds” with neither partner able to fully immerse themselves in their own enjoyment or concentrate on pleasuring their lover.

Be careful, too, of getting overexcited in the throes of passion and accidentally biting your lover’s genitals!

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CONGRESS OF A CROW

"WHEN A MAN AND WOMAN LIE DOWN IN AN INVERTED ORDER, THAT IS, WITH THE HEAD OF ONE TOWARD THE FEET OF THE OTHER, AND CARRY ON THIS CONGRESS, IT IS CALLED 'CONGRESS OF A CROW.'"

THE ART OF FELLATIO

Fellatio, with its intensely erotic sensations, is highly sexually satisfying. Just knowing that your lover is enthusiastic about pleasuring you orally can be a great aphrodisiac in itself.

Teasing sensations

For maximum pleasure—and to ensure your lover doesn’t ejaculate too soon—build up slowly and vary the sensations. A firm touch with lots of lubrication works best, so keep moistening your lips with saliva.

Tease him first, by arousing the area all around his lingam. Play with his pubic hair, massage, kiss, and lick his inner thighs, and run your tongue right along the line at the top, tantalizingly close to scrotum and lingam.

Hold his scrotum, delicately pulling, tickling, and squeezing the skin (especially around the very sensitive rear of the scrotum), then take it into your mouth, running your tongue around it and flicking it with your tongue to produce delicious sensations.

Flick and swirl

Firmly holding the shaft of his lingam, begin to lick along its length, alternating between using the full width of your tongue and just the tip. Then flick your tongue around the glans, and slowly circle your lips and tongue around it. At the same time, rhythmically squeeze the shaft with your hand, or move it up and down using the lubrication you’ve created from your saliva. Swirl your tongue around the glans and then the shaft while holding him tightly in your whole mouth.

You might try relaxing the muscles at the back of your throat and swallowing a few times—an unusual and arousing sensation for him. Then take him in your mouth slowly and teasingly, gradually moving your mouth down all the way as far as you can go, and suck hard. Slowly slide your mouth all the way back up, stopping at tiny intervals to press harder with your lips and to suck.

The magic flute

Alternate between using mouth and fingers—try “playing the flute.” Hold the base firmly so that the skin is pulled down, and “corkscrew” your finger up and down the shaft. Squeeze, pinch, and nibble the most sensitive spot just below the glans. When your hands aren’t busy on his lingam, caress his thighs or buttocks and cup and play with his testicles.

As his arousal peaks, full stroking movements—imitating intercourse—are usually preferred with firm hand or mouth and a definite rhythm. Men should be careful not to thrust too deeply into their lover’s mouth, and to give warning when they are about to climax. As he does, flick your tongue across the tip and stroke the shaft with your hand.

Oral sex and the kama sutra

The kama sutra has imaginative suggestions for “mouth congress,” including:

  • Nominal congress—the lingam is softly and gently caressed by the mouth.
  • Sucking a mango fruit—the lingam is fiercely sucked and kissed with about half of it held in the mouth.
  • Pressing inside—the lingam is given long, deep sucks with the whole of the mouth, then slid out again.

THE ART OF CUNNILINGUS

Oral sex on a vulva—cunnilingus—offers intense and exciting sensations. Those who find it difficult to orgasm during intercourse often find it much easier during oral pleasuring, and may even enjoy multiple climaxes.

Cunnilingus is most satisfying when it is an “all-body” experience. So build up the sexual tension slowly. Begin by stroking and kissing your lover’s entire body. Caress their breasts and nipples, then slowly move down, teasingly, caressing and licking their belly, inner thighs, and the line of flesh where the top of each thigh meets the pubic area.

Take time to appreciate the sight of their yoni—and tell them so—before starting to gently kiss the whole area. Now use your tongue in one firm stroke all the way from perineum (between anus and vagina) to clitoris. Kiss the lips of the yoni, then use your finger and thumb to make a roll of flesh. Gently move your fingers up and down, rolling the flesh between them as you suck and nibble along the length of it.

Now hold the lips apart and play with the outer and inner lips using your mouth, lips, tongue, and fingers. Take time to inflame and arouse the area before gently using your tongue or fingers to push back the hood of the clitoris, fix your lips around it, and stimulate it by sucking and flicking your tongue and nudging it with the tip of a hard and soft tongue.

Guide each other

If your lover is too excited to give verbal cues, their movements may guide you as they shift position to increase stimulation to a particular area. Stroke the tender perineum, and caress the buttocks and inner thighs.

Now use your hand and fingers to stimulate the vagina. Try stroking the inner wall with your fingers, paying special attention to the front and upper part, one to two inches inside, where the flesh is slightly ridged and spongy. For some, erotic sensitivity is located in one particular zone of the anterior vaginal wall—the G-spot—while for others the pleasure zone is more spread out. Experiment!

Build to a climax

As your lover gets more excited and approaches orgasm, keep the movements of your mouth, tongue, and fingers rhythmic, and be prepared to increase the pressure. At this point they may prefer you to use your fingers on the clitoris, circling with regular, steady pressure while stimulating the vulva with your tongue. Continue to lick, suck, and stroke throughout your lover’s climax, then, as they relax, tenderly lick the whole area from the perineum right up to the mound of Venus in long, sensual strokes of your tongue, a beautifully loving sensation.

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YONI KISSES

"SOME WOMEN OF THE HAREM, WHEN THEY ARE AMOROUS, DO THE ACTS OF THE MOUTH ON THE YONIS OF ONE ANOTHER, AND MEN DO THE SAME THING WITH WOMEN. THE WAY OF DOING THIS SHOULD BE KNOWN FROM KISSING THE MOUTH."

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