‘You don’t have to be ill to get better.’

Eric Berne

I spent 13 years at school. I learnt a lot. I learnt about algebra, how to use a Bunsen burner, how bad I am at woodwork, a few things about dinosaurs and the joys of life under the Romans. On reflection, though, I don’t feel I learnt much about life and how to make the most of it. I explored the inner workings of a frog, but I never learnt about how to understand myself and other people. I learnt to stand up when a teacher came into the room and to hand in my homework on time if I wanted to avoid detention. But I wasn’t taught how to set goals, manage my emotions or how to handle conflict. For me, school prepared me for exams. It didn’t prepare me for life. I appreciate a lot has probably changed in education now, but that was my experience.

If you asked me a few years ago, ‘would you like your life to be a brilliant and wonderful experience both for you and those around you?’ I would have answered a resounding ‘yes’. However, if you then asked me how I intended to make this happen, I would probably have waffled on for several minutes before coming to the conclusion ‘I’m not so sure’. But I’ve learnt a lot over the last few years. My answer now would be very different.

Over these next seven chapters, you will get to hear what my answers are. They are based on over twenty-five years studying psychology, running my own business and, more importantly, my observations and conversations with tens of thousands of people. My job as a professional speaker and my experience of running seminars on subjects related to ‘change, motivation and relationships’ have given me a fascinating insight into what does and doesn’t work in people’s lives. My work has taken me from Tanzania to Todmorden, from Hong Kong to Halifax, from India to Islington and from Malaysia to Manchester. Whatever the country, whatever the culture, I learnt this – people are basically the same. They have similar hopes, dreams and challenges. They want to improve their lives, be happy and create a better future for their children. Of course there are differences, but if you dig beneath the surface, you find overwhelming similarities.

Why SUMO?

A few years ago I came across the phrase SUMO. I don’t recall who said it but I do remember what it stood for – Shut Up, Move On. To some people this seems like a rather aggressive statement, but let me explain what I mean when I say ‘Shut Up, Move On’. Firstly, I am not suggesting people simply need to ‘get over it’ or ‘pull themselves together’ (although there may be occasions when both of these responses are necessary). Neither does it mean ‘forgive and forget’ or ‘just ignore reality and get on with life’. SUMO, for me, captures the essence of what I believe are the key truths around success and fulfilment. Let me elaborate.

When I was a child I learnt the Green Cross Code. It was a code intended to keep children safe when crossing the road. I learnt the phrase ‘Stop, Look and Listen’. When I use the words ‘Shut Up’, I am encouraging people to stop what they’re doing, take some time out and look at their lives and reflect on how they are thinking and behaving. I want people to listen. Yes, be prepared to listen to others but, more importantly, listen to yourself. Go beyond the noise-filled, activity-driven, fast-paced existence of daily life and spend some time alone with your own thoughts.

‘Shut Up’ also means ‘let go’. As you read this book, there may be views and opinions you have about life that you have clung onto simply through habit. My goal is to challenge you to consider whether your outlook on life is helping or hindering you.

In recent years we’ve sometimes substituted the phrase ‘Stop, Understand’ for ‘Shut Up’. A less provocative phrase, it still captures the essence of SUMO. It pays to take time out to Stop and Understand who we are, where we’re heading and what we need, or don’t need, to get us there.

The ‘Move On’ part of SUMO is saying a number of things. It is meant as encouragement that whatever your past experiences, your future doesn’t have to be the same. Tomorrow can be different from today – if you want it to be. Move On is asking you to look at your future, to see the possibilities that lie ahead rather than be stuck in the reality of your current circumstances. It’s a call to take action, to do something. It’s a challenge not to ‘think on’ but ‘Move On’ and we’ll look at ways to make that happen.

The phrase SUMO now underpins my personal philosophy on how to make the most of life. It is a challenging phrase, but it’s also one that is meant to encourage and inspire you both in your work and personal life. Hopefully, it’s a phrase you will always remember. In Latin SUMO means ‘choose’ and I sincerely hope what you’re about to read will help you make some wise choices in every aspect of your life.

Let me explain my approach in writing this book. Firstly, I have aimed to make the concepts I write about memorable. For instance, I’m convinced there is not a book in the world that has the concept ‘Ditch Doris Day’. I have also included sections called ‘The personal stuff’. It’s not compulsory that you read these sections, but I believe they bring life – and colour and context – to what we’re exploring. They also reveal my own struggles and occasional successes as I wrestle with applying these ideas to my own life.

To help you engage further with the material, I ask a number of questions. Your experience of this book will be richer and more revealing and rewarding when you spend some time, however briefly, chewing over your answers.

I’ve also sought to make the material simple and accessible (so much so that my organization now works in both primary and secondary schools helping children use the principles). But behind the simplicity are some well-tested and tried tools and methodologies: Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, Solution Focused Therapy, Appreciative Inquiry and the work of the positive psychology movement all underpin my work. But relax. You don’t need an understanding of any of these in order to benefit from this book. So, whatever your background or your experience of reading this kind of book, my goal is simple – I want to provide ideas and insights that you can use. Immediately.

Finally, although you might not notice, I have tried to add some humour. The ideas we look at are very important, but that doesn’t mean we cannot have the occasional smile. I hope you agree.

Enjoy.