Chapter 3

The Vortex of Invincibility

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.

—Theodor Seuss Geisel

Chris Rock has said, “Life ain't short. Life is long!” If you aren't clear about what inspires you and moves you towards becoming your true self, life will be long, tedious, and disappointing.

The key to freeing your soul and encouraging it to soar is to recognize areas of your life where you excel. Once this happens, you'll begin to withhold power from the activities, people, and interactions that dare to clip your wings, and concentrate on what brings you the most joy.

The Vortex of Invincibility empowers you to make these discoveries. Each of its three steps (four if you choose to take on the Bonus) will reveal important aspects about you and allow you to hone in on your natural strengths. When combined, the steps will help you identify who you truly are and where you should focus your energy.

This chapter continues your exploration of Stage One—Unconscious Incompetence—and begins your journey toward becoming who you were born to be.

Let's get started.

Step One

Identify three positive moments in your life when time absolutely flew by.

At various times in your life, you've experienced this incredible feeling of lightness. It's as if the world melts away and nothing remains but you and your soul. Some have experienced this feeling when chatting with a loved one. Some feel this profound sense of stillness when meditating. Some feel it when participating in sports. Others tap into it when playing with their children.

When time simply flies by, you have achieved emotional nirvana. You simply are and have zero conscious thought.

Please take a few moments to identify three positive moments when you've achieved this all-too-rare state of peace.

Think about the circumstances involved. Where were you? Who were you with? What activity were you engaged in? Did this happen before or after another specific event?

Now identify your physiological state at that time. How did your body feel when you entered that zone? Did you feel light? Did you smile? Was your breathing full and did you feel completely relaxed? Try to remember as best you can how you felt in the exact moment when time stood still.

Here's how Rick G. of Naperville, Illinois, a Reinvention Workshop participant, described his time-standing-still memory:

I remember the first time I went skydiving. All of my friends were nervous wrecks, but I was incredibly excited. My adrenaline was pumping like crazy. I was literally nowhere to be found. My friends said they tried talking to me, but I wouldn't answer. I was completely engulfed in the moment. As I stepped out the door of the plane, I experienced a sense of freedom unlike anything I had ever known. For what seemed like an eternity, the world was mine. I had never been in such an amazing state of peace.

Please write your three time-standing-still moments in the space that follows:

Step Two

Identify the three people you most admire and the character traits they display.

Over the course of your life, you've encountered an enormous number of people. From friends and family you see often, to TV stars, spiritual leaders, and business icons you've never met, thousands have crossed your path. But only a select few leave an indelible mark. There's no denying that you're naturally drawn to some and repulsed by others.

While many inspire with their accomplishments or generosity, certain people simply “fit” better with who you are. This is not an illusion. Some say this feeling stems from encountering a kindred spirit. Others suggest it's from sharing a similar type of childhood. What matters is heeding the inherent truth of this connection.

Please take a few moments to identify the three people you most admire and the character traits they display. They can be living or dead, and people you know well or know only by name. Focus on the specific aspects of their personalities that ring true. Think about why each person makes your list. Why do they outshine the rest? What draws you to them?

Is it how they make you feel when you're in their company? Is it what others say about them, or their dedication to honing their craft? Is it the legacy they left behind, or the impact they had on the world? Be clear on the rationale behind your choices, and use adjectives to describe them—such as honest, determined, spiritual, compassionate, vulnerable, daring, intelligent.

This is how Carol V. of Los Angeles, an online Workshop participant, described one of the people on her list:

One of my most-admired people is my grandfather. My earliest childhood memories include him and me playing sports, watching TV, or going out to eat. But what I most admired about him was his honesty. You could always count on him to deliver the truth. It was never presented in a way that inflicted pain. He was a master at that. No matter who it was, he was always able to tell them the truth and do so in a way that made them closer. He was one of those rare people who excelled in both his personal and business life. Looking back, I'm confident that his success was due to his incredible ability to communicate effectively. He just made everyone comfortable.

Please list the three people you most admire and their character traits here:

Step Three

Identify three accomplishments or times when you've been proud of yourself.

Small victories win the war; within these victories hide the secrets to understanding where you're compelled to soar. By examining moments of excellence, you can extrapolate key indicators that define when you're operating in a manner that's congruent with who you truly are.

From winning awards and completing difficult assignments, to getting the companion of your dreams or hitting the game-winning shot, there were times in your life when you've succeeded brilliantly. Conversely, there were other times when you failed miserably. This is not a coincidence. Your DNA is programmed to excel in a very specific manner. To fight this is an effort in futility.

As an example, imagine Quentin Tarantino directing Steel Magnolias. While he certainly could have done the job, some characters would probably have ended up losing limbs, resulting in a different kind of story from what the writers and producers originally had in mind. The same holds true for you.

If you're a square peg, trying to jam yourself into a round hole will only result in pain..

Identifying moments of accomplishment or times when you've been proud of yourself will help you develop a clear sense of your personal “sweet spots.” These moments reflect circumstances when everything aligns perfectly, and you're able to achieve astounding results with relatively little hardship. These moments may include being recognized for your contributions, rewarded for your abilities, trying something new and completing the task at hand, or feeling amazing because you participated in a particularly gratifying activity, such as helping someone in need.

Try to identify why you were compelled to succeed. Was it because of the person you were working with? Were you trying to impress a peer, coach, or mentor? Did someone say you could, or—often equally powerful—that you couldn't, accomplish your stated goal? Or was it because you were engaged in an activity that came as naturally to you as breathing?

Mark A. from Buffalo Grove, Illinois, a Reinvention Workshop participant, described this time when he was proud of himself:

I remember when I was about 15, me and my family worked in a soup kitchen that our church arranged. We were there for over 10 hours. It was Thanksgiving, and there were many, many people who came to enjoy a nice hot meal. I was very tired at the end of the day, but I specifically recall feeling very proud of myself for taking the time to be there and help others. Obviously, we didn't get paid. That absolutely didn't matter. It just felt really good to be there and share the holiday with so many wonderful people.

Please list your three accomplishments or times when you've been proud of yourself and the reasons you believe you were able to succeed:

Review of Step One

In Step One, you were asked to identify three positive moments in your life when time absolutely flew by. The purpose is to help you understand when you feel most at peace. Acknowledging these remarkable moments enables you to take a milestone step toward reliving this way of being as often as possible. By becoming aware of what makes you feel invincible, you can begin to understand where you'll find true fulfillment.

You may recall Step One of The Vortex of Vulnerability asked you to consider when you're likely to “lose it” and plan routes away from such situations. In contrast, Step One of The Vortex of Invincibility encourages you to steer your life towards the people, interactions, or activities that bring you the most joy.

Robin Davis of Los Angeles is a gifted singer who performs professionally. When she sings, life couldn't be sweeter. The stage is her home, and she often works gratis because there's no place she'd rather be.

Where do you feel most comfortable? Even if you didn't get paid a cent, what activities would you enthusiastically pursue?

Look back at the moments you identified, and examine what it is about them that you find gratifying. Is it that you're able to engage in the activity without fear or judgment? That you feel appreciated, listened to, or loved? That you achieve a state of mind where you can fully focus without interference from outside thoughts? That you're able to complete what you started? Whatever the reasons may be, embrace them. They are integral to what makes you tick.

Try to recognize commonalities in these moments and begin focusing on ways of being that require zero conscious effort, yet create an indisputable sense of comfort.

Too often, we concentrate on everything that's wrong instead of everything that's right.

It may take you a while to embrace these aspects of who you are. But by prioritizing what's most natural for you and pushing what's not to the side, you'll have discovered one of the fundamental keys to living a rewarding life.

Once you have that combination in hand, you can use it to unlock the mystery of making time fly.

Review of Step Two

In Step Two, you were asked to identify three people you most admire and the character traits they display. The objective is to gain an understanding of who captures your interest and the motivation behind your attraction. This exercise functions like a mirror for the inner you, providing an honest reflection of who you inherently are. What you admire in others directly reflects what you most desire for yourself and provides insights about who you are. It's therefore very important to be completely honest when exploring why each person made your list.

For instance, if Microsoft founder Bill Gates is one of the people you named, what is it about him that you respect? Is it his business success, vision, willingness to take risks, philanthropic efforts, or notoriety?

If your sister is on your list, what is it about her you appreciate? Is it her openness, ability to communicate well, passion for life, or ability to love and forgive?

Try to pinpoint the characteristics that stand out. By identifying what you admire in others, you open the door to understanding how you're hard-wired to succeed. The odds are good that you, too, would excel if you focused on these particular areas of your life.

For example, if one of the people on your list is your mother and you admire her tenacity, compassion, and ability to persevere, the chances are good that, whether you demonstrate it regularly or it's suppressed deep within you, you also are tenacious, compassionate, and a person who perseveres no matter the circumstances.

Similarly, if you admire your coworker's calm, creativity, and high-degree of integrity, it's likely that you also possess these inherent traits.

Machiavelli said, “A prudent man should always follow in the footsteps of great men and imitate those who have been outstanding.” This fifteenth-century politician's advice remains true to this day. Kobe Bryant, All-Star guard of the Los Angeles Lakers, has been compared to Michael Jordan, former guard of the Chicago Bulls, both for how he plays and how he communicates with the press and fans. Despite his achievements, Bryant's replication of Jordan's mannerisms, competitive spirit, and manner of speech is often criticized.

Given that Jordan has been consistently voted as the best basketball player of all time and led the Bulls to six NBA Championships, Kobe should have no shame for emulating him.

Imitation isn't merely the sincerest form of flattery. Replicating the actions and embodying the character traits of those you admire is a flat-out brilliant strategy.

To further understand this concept, consider those you deplore. What is it about them that makes your skin crawl? Is it their selfishness, cruelty, lack of integrity, or allegiance to something that goes against everything you stand for? By examining what you loathe in others and reversing those character traits, you'll find what most aligns with your personal aspirations.

The map that leads to your destiny is within you. Your job is to learn to read it and follow it.

Circle of Four

As you embark on your journey of discovering your WHAT and becoming who you were born to be, consider those with whom you choose to travel. A component of your success is establishing a Circle of Four that not only encourages you to reach your full potential but also accurately reflects who you want to become.

Your Circle of Four is made up of the four people you consider cornerstones. It includes both those you admire—such as a mentor who you seldom see but have access to—and those dearest to you, such as your best friend or closest family member. The sum of these four people directly reflects your life.

For example, the median net worth of your Circle of Four is likely to be very close to yours. If two in your Circle are broke and two have just enough to scrape by, the odds are good you're concerned about where your next meal is coming from. If your Circle of Four includes three people who consistently complain about their careers and one who is living their WHAT, it's likely you want better for yourself but aren't busting your butt to get there.

Be wary of those whose goals and objectives don't closely mirror or exceed yours. (See Figure 3.1.) While it may be comfortable to surround yourself with familiar faces, they must support your mission or their weight is going to drag you down. While it's a hard thing to do, it might be necessary to cut the rope if they hold back your efforts to soar. Take a few moments to review your current Circle. Be honest about what you see.

Figure 3.1 Be Fully Aware of Who You Surround Yourself With

To flourish, you need accountability partners who both inspire and encourage you. Be conscious of the power your Circle holds. With the right people in your Circle, anything can happen. With the wrong people, nothing will. Choose wisely.

Review of Step Three

In Step Three, you were asked to identify three accomplishments or times when you've been proud of yourself. The purpose is to focus on moments when everything clicked and explore why you succeeded. Since childhood, you've proven over and over that you possess the ability to succeed. Whether it's walking, feeding yourself, or driving, when you've put your mind to it you've created your desired results.

The triumphs on your list represent natural talents. Accepting these Gifts as fundamental pieces of who you are will help you achieve long-term satisfaction.

Also understand your motivation to excel. Why do you believe you were able to perform in these particular areas? Were you inspired by a certain teacher? Did you have a coach who brought out the best in you? Were you determined to be recognized? Did you simply feel compelled to complete the task at hand? Try to recall your state of mind. There was something that ignited the flame. Take the time to uncover what it was.

Jack W. from Lake Geneva, Wisconsin, a personal friend, had been a C student for most of his life. In college, however, he earned an A in every economics class he took. While he felt he worked just as hard in other classes, he couldn't achieve the same results. Jack recognized his innate attraction to the subject, and he leveraged that Gift into becoming an economics professor at a well-respected Midwestern university.

The more you concentrate on the areas of your life that spur your soul and breed victory, the happier you'll be.

“Bonus” Step Four

If identifying your strengths is difficult, consult those closest to you. Those who care about you will support your personal development.

You may recall that Step Four of The Vortex of Vulnerability risks long-term hurt feelings and even the destruction of fulfilling relationships. In contrast, Step Four of The Vortex of Invincibility can create stronger personal bonds as you enroll others in your transformative process.

This is how I recommend you proceed to ask those who know you best for their opinions:

Each meeting should be light, fun, and inspiring. Remember, you want to focus on the areas of your life where you excel. Once you have the information, use it to pursue what comes most naturally to you, and move your life forward with vigor and dedication.

The Vortex of Invincibility: Assembling the Puzzle

To complete The Vortex of Invincibility, examine the items you've identified, and look carefully for patterns.

For example, in Step One you might have identified a moment when time stood still as happening when you played sports. In Step Two, you might have chosen to admire Wayne Gretzky, arguably the best hockey player of all time. And in Step Three, maybe one of the accomplishments you listed was helping your high school sports team win the state championship. This sort of pattern makes clear that sports is an area of your life where you feel comfortable.

Write down all of the commonalities you notice from reviewing your answers to the three (or four) steps in this chapter. Focus on repetitive themes such as family, sports, friendship, career. Take your time, allowing yourself to uncover as much as possible.

In this final step of review, the positive emotional drivers that lead to most of your fulfillment will float to the surface. Don't deny what you uncover. To effect meaningful, permanent change, you must be willing to accept how you're structured to thrive. If you then couple that understanding with supportive choices, you'll have the ability to reinvent your life.

If the commonalities and patterns aren't evident, don't panic. This exercise is designed to begin creating awareness. By diligently pursuing where you're most likely to experience peace, elation, and an undeniable sense of stillness, you'll expose your natural talents. This inevitably leads to focusing on activities and interactions where your soul soars.

The Completion of Stage One

This concludes your exploration of the first stage of learning—Unconscious Incompetence. The following chapter introduces you to the next three stages—Conscious Incompetence, Conscious Competence, and Unconscious Competence.

Get ready for liftoff!

The Vortex of Invincibility—Takeaways

• Recognize the areas of your life where your soul is wired to soar.
• Direct your life toward the people, interactions, and activities that bring you the most joy.
• Hone in on your natural strengths.
• Identify when you typically achieve emotional nirvana.
• Figure out why you're naturally drawn to some people and repulsed by others.
• Replicate the actions and embody the character traits of those you admire.
• Understand your personal victories to determine the areas where you'll flourish.
• Accept your Gifts as fundamental parts of who you are.
• Consider who's in your Circle of Four, and proactively choose to make required changes.
• Recognize your strengths. If necessary, recruit family and friends to help.
• The more you concentrate on areas of your life that breed victory, the happier you'll be.

---