Introduction

ARE YOU LIVING THE LIFE YOU’VE ALWAYS DREAMED OF?

We all dream, we all imagine, and we all plan. But why is it that some people achieve their dreams, and most do not?

For more than a decade I have been asking audiences all over the world two provocative questions:

1. Are you living the life you’ve always dreamed of?

2. If you got to live it over again, would you live it differently?

Surprisingly, only 10 percent of hands go up in response to the first question and 90 percent of hands go up for the second question. And when pressed on the second question, about what they would do differently, the most common responses are, “I would live my life with more passion, with purpose, with more intention, and without procrastination” and “I would live it with fewer regrets and I wouldn’t waste time on the things that don’t matter.”

I know that feeling because for years I lived like the 90 percent. I didn’t start out that way. As a kid I dreamed and imagined doing and being anything and going anywhere. There were no limitations, no fears, no worries, and nothing seemed impossible for me to achieve. I believed and lived like this throughout my childhood, until I reached early adulthood and went off to college. It was there that life started dealing me reality checks, upsets, and setbacks that disrupted my dreams and distorted my belief system.

That’s what Living Beyond “What If?” is about. There are two parts to the book. Part 1 focuses on releasing the limits we place on ourselves as a result of life’s crushing blows that test our faith, stamina, courage, strength, and resilience. How we respond to these challenges can determine the trajectory of our lives. We don’t always know how our stories will end, but we can influence their direction by the choices we make, which are based on the beliefs we hold, and by the attitudes we adopt.

In an authentic way, I share how my own stories played out and shaped my life’s trajectory. I suffered through and survived several near-death experiences, failed relationships, betrayal and broken trust, financial devastation, rejection, loneliness, career setbacks, and experiences of being minimized and marginalized, overlooked and undervalued, even while overperforming in many of my career roles. I was living neither my dreams nor the life I had imagined. In other words, I was living and surviving, but I wasn’t thriving and enjoying life.

I detail how my dreams became overshadowed by hurt, disappointment, loss, grief, anger, self-doubt, brokenness, failure, insecurity, fear, and a lack of faith. These experiences caused me to place limits on myself and to ask the proverbial questions that begin with What If? What if I fail? What if I get rejected? What if I go broke? What if I get hurt? What if I succeed? I had so many disempowering conversations with myself that talked me out of seizing new opportunities, taking risks, and getting out of my own way. These conversations caused me to stay stuck at “one day I’m gonna,” and as days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months and then months turned into years, I had yet to realize my dreams.

I wanted a better life, but for years I repeated a cycle and didn’t know how to get out of it. If I didn’t do something drastically different, I would be doomed to a life of regret. So I began my transformation. Part 1 details that journey and the steps I took to remove the self-imposed limitations of procrastination, fear, entertaining disempowering “What if?” beliefs, avoiding risk, and choosing bad company, and to rid myself of the toxic effects of these limitations.

Part 2 continues my journey beyond releasing the limitations and describes the long and difficult road I traveled to realize my dreams after many years of tears. Once I confronted the realities of my self-imposed obstacles, I started a new journey in search of significance. I reimagined my life by identifying my why and developed a life plan that would keep me focused and accountable. I grew up, and I became wiser. I started asking the right questions, I adopted the right mindset, I reevaluated my relationships, and I started making better choices. As life coach Iyanla Vanzant would say, “I did my work.” Part 2 details for the reader the steps, strategies, and tactics I employed to get to where I am today.

The book cover says it all! The water is my happy place and where I found serenity in the midst of these life challenges. It was by the ocean that I dreamed, imagined, reflected, and reinvented myself. I hope that the woman you see on the cover exudes joy, peace, fulfillment, gratitude, and victory, because it is an image of my present reality and the woman I have become. I’m so thankful for the journey and the many lessons it taught me and the many gifts it deposited in me.

One of the biggest lessons and gifts I received from my experiences is that my life’s journey is never just about me. It is about others. It is about you—special people who were assigned by destiny to cross my path in life and who needed to hear my story. I learned that my story is also your story, and your story is someone else’s story. It is with that in mind that throughout this book I have included the stories of others who over the years were mentees, coaching clients, colleagues, and contacts. They granted me permission to share their stories because they agree that their stories are your stories.

They all faced battles similar to mine, and it is comforting to know I wasn’t alone. They had a different set of circumstances but they have experienced similar effects and lessons that have shaped and guided their lives. They also embarked on their own journey toward releasing the limits in their lives so that they too could realize their dreams.

It is my belief that you didn’t come across this book accidentally, because I believe everything happens for a reason. I believe our paths were meant to cross. It is my prayer that my story and the stories of others will bring you the inspiration, hope, and courage you need to start living beyond “What If?”