INTRODUCTION

Organizational leaders recognize the power of influence for producing results. They know that the ability to influence is critical to leading in contemporary organizations, where flat, matrix, or other nonhierarchical structures emphasize relational power over positional power. Leading in such complex environments highlights the need for:

However, even the best attempts at influencing others can fail, and when that happens, leaders often find themselves in conflict. So what has always been a key leadership skill—conflict resolution—has become even more critical. But too often, leaders receive little formal training in conflict resolution, and they struggle just to manage the simplest interpersonal conflicts. Without the ability to understand a conflict’s root cause and the intervening variables at play in a conflict situation, a leader’s efforts to facilitate resolution often fall short of the mark.

In my career as a consultant, business leader, and leadership trainer, the conflict-resolution lessons I have learned that work—and that I try to pass on to clients, staff, and peers—revolve around three consistent, essential concepts.

I believe we can use these three concepts as tools to hone skills that lead to a more rigorous and productive analysis of conflicts. Further, those sharpened skills can help us develop more grounded strategies for resolving conflict. Of course, any time you deal with human interactions, as you do when you find yourself in a conflict situation, rigorous and grounded are debatable terms. Social interactions and relationships are fraught with uncertainty. However, I have chosen those words for two reasons: First, I use them in the context of the behavioral sciences, the study of the actions people take in response to a wide variety of internal and external experiences. Second, by using the analytic techniques I discuss in this book, readers will be able to ground their response to conflict in a step-by-step, logical approach.

I have found that the right analysis and a proper grounding go a long way toward resolving conflict. It is a superior approach to the way that unskilled leaders often react (or overreact) to a conflict. By applying the lessons of this book, readers will be able to apply a thorough, proven methodology for resolving conflicts. I describe a method that can be summarized in ten steps. Following these steps, a leader can analyze a conflict and move toward its resolution with more assurance of a positive outcome for everyone involved.

The perspective I take in this book is to see and treat the reader as a participant in a conflict. However, the concepts and techniques discussed here can also be applied by someone in a third-party role. For example, leaders are often asked (or they choose) to intervene when others are in conflict and need assistance in resolving their differences and reaching consensus. I dedicate a section of the book to that particular set of circumstances.

When managers learn conflict resolution, they often learn to improve their ability to communicate effectively with others under difficult conditions. Solid communication skills are certainly necessary when it comes to resolving conflicts. But there are many other tools that are equally critical to conflict resolution. This book discusses three tools that leaders can use to expand their conflict-resolution skills.

It’s not enough to know about these tools—you also need to practice a method of evaluating a conflict before deciding how to use your communication and interpersonal skills to deal with it. If you’re not a skillful communicator and are unsure about your interpersonal skills, those facts alone won’t sabotage your ability to manage and resolve conflicts. But a lack of skill in those areas can subtract from the utility of whatever strategy you use to address the situation. The other tools and techniques discussed below will help you to make up for a deficit in your interpersonal and communication skills.

Finally, let me share some of my assumptions about conflict. I have developed these assumptions from experience—my own and that of leaders I have coached and otherwise guided toward positive conflict resolution.

CONFLICT IS INEVITABLE. Yes, you can prevent some conflicts, but you will face scores of conflicts and potential conflicts each day. Fortunately, most are so insignificant that we hardly think of them as conflicts. That said, you can’t get conflict out of your life—no matter how skilled or knowledgeable you are. You must learn to prioritize conflicts and determine which ones to tackle—to resolve the resolvable and manage the unresolvable.

CONFLICT IS NOT NECESSARILY BAD. There are times that conflicts—when handled right—can create an atmosphere for creativity and innovation. When the right conditions exist, or when they can be created, and when a skilled approach is applied, conflict can lead to rewarding collaborations.

THERE IS NO ONE RIGHT WAY TO HANDLE CONFLICT. Although in this book I suggest techniques and processes for resolving conflict, human interaction is too complex to manage in any formulaic manner. The more tools you have in your kit, and the more strategies you can create as viable options for action, the more likely you are to find the most productive path to follow for any particular conflict.

CONFLICT-MANAGEMENT SKILLS CAN BE LEARNED AND IMPROVED. Some people seem to have a natural affinity for picking up skills, whether it’s influencing, golf, woodworking, drawing, or some other pursuit. But natural ability isn’t necessary for learning. If you think that you are ineffective at resolving conflict, you can learn to be effective. And if you are effective, you can raise your level of expertise and success. As you read through this book, think about times when you tried to influence a person or group but were unsuccessful. Think about how you could have used the ideas and tactics presented here to increase your chances of resolving conflicts.