Chapter 6
The Inclusive Leader
Inclusive leaders have a heightened awareness of the needs of the people around them. And because they have such a rare gift for listening, they’re better able to tap into the talents and ideas of members of their team. As a result, they create an environment that’s both collaborative and understanding. We’ll elaborate on the value of the Inclusive leader in Chapter 14, but in this chapter we want to dig beneath the surface to understand what makes this style of leader tick. More specifically, we want to help Inclusive leaders recognize some of the not-so-obvious psychological factors that can hold them back.
If you’re an Inclusive leader, you’re probably very patient and accommodating. Through your soft-spoken, gentle demeanor, people recognize that you are genuinely interested in their lives. But clearly, underneath this exterior there are deeper motivations, needs, and assumptions that drive you to act the way you do. The more you understand these drivers, the more you’ll be able to consciously control and shape your leadership style.
Based on our research and experience talking to Inclusive leaders, the qualities listed below may have a significant impact on how you lead.
A desire to accept
A desire to surround yourself with the familiar
A desire to accommodate others
A tendency to internalize problems
A desire for harmony
A lower need for achievement and status
Without a doubt, many of these qualities contribute to some of your most admirable traits as a leader. As we discuss these qualities, however, we’ll be focusing a bit more on how they might hold you back in the leadership arena. While you might not identify with all of these qualities, our experience has shown that a number of them probably describe you better than you may initially think.
A Desire to Accept
Leaders with your style often have trouble speaking up about problems, especially if it means criticizing someone else’s performance or ideas. You’d much rather go with the flow, and you’re probably more comfortable sticking with the status quo than asking questions. Inclusive leaders like you often try to make current ideas work—particularly when the ideas were generated by other people—rather than dealing with the tension of disagreement or uncertainty. You have a tendency to give people the benefit of the doubt, and you don’t like having to challenge or confront others.
Because leaders with your style are so agreeable, some people may dismiss your critical thinking abilities, regardless of how sharp they really are. You see, leaders whose styles fall on the western side of the model have a naturally skeptical and questioning nature, whereas leaders like you tend to be warm and accepting. People who see the world through a more critical lens may dismiss your Inclusive approach as too soft, particularly if you don’t speak up when things aren’t running smoothly or when things seem stagnant.
A Desire to Surround Yourself with the Familiar
Another psychological driver that keeps leaders with your Inclusive approach from embracing change is your comfort with—and preference for—the familiar. Situations that might feel stagnant or too safe to more adventurous leaders tend to be comfortable for leaders like you. In general, Inclusive leaders view predictability as a good thing, and they often build structures and routines that help them avoid chaos or surprises. Change can seem threatening, as it introduces unfamiliar elements and pushes you out of your comfort zone. You tend to see the value of what you already have in front of you, whereas leaders whose styles fall toward the top of the model have a tendency to scan their surroundings constantly for new opportunities. This isn’t instinctual for leaders like you, and in fact, you may be reluctant to explore new possibilities that could disrupt your current rhythm. Truthfully, your natural inclination may lean more toward maintaining than leading change.
Don’t get us wrong—if a great opportunity falls in your lap, you’ll probably explore the possibility, but, because you tend to be absorbed in the safety of the predictable environment that you’ve built for yourself, you’re unlikely to initiate radical change. Sure, you may welcome and even suggest some incremental changes along the way, but generally speaking, leaders with your style focus more energy on minimizing tension and uncertainty. Seeking out fireworks—or the latest-and-greatest idea—doesn’t even occur to most Inclusive leaders. Putting out the fires that come up provides plenty of excitement.
A Desire to Accommodate Others
More often than not, Inclusive leaders are eager to meet other people’s needs, even if it means adjusting their own plans. Saying “no” can be very difficult for leaders with your style. You have a genuine interest in other people, and you probably show a great deal of empathy for others. While your concern is genuine, you may have a secondary motivation for being empathic: earning affection. Leaders like you may believe you’ll be more likeable if you make people feel good about themselves, so you probably do things to show interest in others, such as asking questions and listening carefully.
There are many benefits in being accommodating, but you can also negate your personal authority by taking it too far. There’s a tendency for Inclusive leaders to work so hard to protect people’s feelings that they come across as wishy-washy, indecisive, or lacking in confidence. In social situations, they may unintentionally give off submissive cues, such as using hesitant language, speaking softly, avoiding eye contact, and trying to make others comfortable by laughing or nodding. Because you’re eager to please, you may let others dominate the discussion. Physically, you may have a tendency to make yourself “smaller” with unassertive posture and actions such as looking down and putting your hands in your pockets. Not only do these gestures suggest that you lack confidence, but they also send a message to the other person that they have the power. Interestingly, this desire to minimize yourself not only manifests itself physically, but psychologically as well.
A Tendency to Internalize Problems
Another psychological driver that keeps many Inclusive leaders from embracing their personal authority is their tendency to internalize problems. You’d often rather hold in your frustrations with other people than upset relationships. In fact, you may even blame yourself rather than tell someone that you’re unhappy with their performance. If you feel that you’ve offended someone, it may eat away at you, so you try to avoid such situations at all costs. In particular, you don’t want to be seen as overly aggressive, and an unfortunate side effect of this is that others may see you as timid. You probably dislike the idea of having to fight to be heard, but some people may dismiss your input if it’s presented with little authority.
Another reason that many Inclusive leaders internalize problems is their fear of drawing out an aggressive response from others. Leaders with your style don’t like emotional outbursts, and having someone lash out at you can be quite threatening. In fact, you may have an underlying fear of being cut down in public or of someone calling out your personal flaws. Inclusive leaders like you are slow to anger, so you may have trouble relating to people whose emotions are volatile. Generally speaking, people get angry when they feel that their rights have been violated, but leaders with your style tend to have a diminished view of their own rights. When others become angry with you, you may be quick to see their points of view and assume that their behavior is justified.
A Desire for Harmony
We’ve already discussed that leaders with your Inclusive approach have a high need for harmony. This is true both in terms of relationships and in tasks. That is, they have an affinity for routines, and they can work tirelessly at a steady rhythm over extended periods of time. We’d be willing to bet that you can turn out remarkably consistent progress day after day—with a smile. You’re less likely to get bored with routine than leaders whose approaches fall on the northern side of the model.
Leaders with your Inclusive approach tend to describe themselves as calm and patient, and frankly, you may experience less stress than more hard-charging leaders. On the other hand, your patience can be a problem if it causes you simply to accept your lot when the world—or an individual—doesn’t meet your expectations. If you show too much patience, it becomes difficult to set high expectations for others or to instill a sense of urgency. Inclusive leaders may be seen as so focused on harmony that they seem to lack passion. And, in fact, few leaders with your style would describe themselves as having so-called fires in their bellies. They don’t have the same intensity and drive that we see in leaders whose approaches fall on the northern side of the model.
At times, leaders have to push the group to work beyond what’s comfortable to reach their goals. This involves both initiating action and helping the group maintain momentum. In general, leaders with your style tend to prefer a steady, comfortable pace. They don’t like to feel rushed—they’d rather take the time to get things done right. If you consider the 8 Dimensions of Leadership Model, this makes a lot of sense. Remember that those styles on the southern side of the model tend to be cautious and reflective, while those on the northern side are fast-paced and outspoken. Because Inclusive leaders are quite cautious, they tend to process all of the information before acting, and this can cause them to be less responsive to changing environments. When every adjustment of the rudder requires lengthy deliberation, the group becomes less nimble and innovative.
A Lower Need for Achievement and Status
Another psychological driver specific to Inclusive leaders like you is a lower achievement-orientation, especially compared to other leaders. Because your self-esteem is based more on pleasing others and being accepted, you don’t see achievement as the most important thing in leadership or in life. In fact, compared to leaders with other styles, you’re less likely to strive for high status responsibilities. You probably take a pleasant, laid-back approach to working toward goals, and you may savor the process of getting there. Inclusive leaders like to make sure things move as smoothly as they should, but they aren’t anxious to reach the finish line.
Because Inclusive leaders aren’t as achievement-oriented, they’re less likely to push themselves and others. They tend to see the best in people, and they often trust others to pull their weight. Leaders like you assume that others will work at a responsible pace, and even if you suspect that someone isn’t, it may be difficult for you to impose your schedule on them. As we’ve already discussed, you want to avoid tension, so pushing someone to perform may seem like a risky proposition.
Leaders with your style are often less comfortable with power, so they tend to downplay their own status and defer to others who they see as more charismatic or authoritative. Although it isn’t obvious to them, Inclusive leaders can sometimes associate being in a position of superiority over someone as somehow doing that person harm. So, the last thing they want to do is order people around or force them to do things they don’t want to do. It’s easy to see why Inclusive leaders often try to give away power. In fact, you may have a subconscious urge to make yourself as inconspicuous as possible. By being inconspicuous, you avoid the possibility that someone will call you out as a phony.
Some Inclusive leaders may describe themselves as competitive, but they don’t take it personally the way more achievement-oriented leaders do. You probably don’t have a desire to put other people in their place, and likewise, you probably don’t find it humiliating to be bested by someone else. This is because your ego isn’t wrapped up in being number one. This is healthy in many respects, but if taken too far, a lack of competitiveness can pose its own challenges. This is particularly true if you are trying to lead a group of people who happen to be very competitive and driven.
How to Navigate the Rest of the Book
You’ve had a chance to read about some of the psychological drivers that may hold you back as a leader, but what about the good stuff? What about the areas where you naturally excel? Chapter 14 in Part 3 is designed to highlight exactly that: the assets that Inclusive leaders bring to the table. There you’ll find the three lessons that everyone else can learn from leaders like you.
But, of course, other leaders have things to teach you as well. Looking at the model, you may have noticed that the Inclusive Dimension is opposite the Commanding Dimension. Chances are that you may need to focus on this dimension, but depending on your individual situation, there may be others that are more important. Next, go to Part 3, where you’ll explore the lessons that are most important for you right now.