Chapter 14
Lessons from Inclusive Leaders

What Can We Learn from Inclusive Leaders?

Whether you’re highly Inclusive already or suspect that you may need to dial up this dimension, we’ll give you a tour of this people-oriented approach. As we discussed in Chapter 2, the Inclusive approach is located in the southeastern area of the 8 Dimensions of Leadership Model, which means that Inclusive leaders tend to be cautious and reflective, as well as warm and accepting. In this chapter, we’ll paint a picture of these leaders in action.

Inclusive leaders want to provide stability, to show concern for others, and more than anything, to maintain a harmonious environment. They tend to be soft-spoken, and they’re more likely to lead by example than with force. In general, they do a lot more listening and thinking than speaking, and because they tend to be modest, they’re careful not to impose on others. Inclusive leaders work carefully to make sure everything is done “just so,” and they often shy away from radical changes and adventurous ideas. They’re more concerned with being helpful and collaborative, and they’re usually willing to go the extra mile for everyone.

There are many benefits to the Inclusive approach. These leaders care deeply about what other people think. They tend to be good listeners, and they’re always open to other people’s input. When people come to them with a problem or bad news, they handle the situation calmly and empathically, such that others see them as very approachable. Their down-to-earth style helps Inclusive leaders bring people together, and they’re often quite good at drawing out people’s opinions and helping a group reach consensus. Because they have lower ego needs, they’re true team players who are more concerned with reaching goals collaboratively than with earning brownie points or getting ahead of the next person.

Strengths of Inclusive Leaders

They tend to be very people-oriented.

They’re often able to create a warm, safe environment.

They’re able to overlook other people’s flaws.

They tend to deliver reliable results.

They’re often good listeners.

They tend to be patient.

They’re willing to make compromises.

They tend to show appreciation for others’ contributions.

Inclusive leaders bring many gifts to their organizations. Through years of leader-watching and research, we’ve developed three essential lessons that Inclusive leaders have to offer. These three lessons are built around their tendency to seek harmony. If you’re an Inclusive leader, these lessons should ring true to you. If you’d like to work on adding more of the Inclusive Dimension to your leadership practice, these three lessons and their complementary suggestions are a great place to start.

Three Essential Lessons from Inclusive Leaders

There has never been a leader who succeeded without the support of others.

Your words and emotions as a leader carry a lot of weight.

Listening is easy to talk about but hard to do.

In this chapter, we’ll explore these three lessons, point out some obstacles that not-so-Inclusive leaders might face, and offer suggestions for how to bring these lessons to life. Not all of the observations here will describe any one leader perfectly, but we think you’ll gain some very useful insights into your fundamental assumptions and thought patterns around being Inclusive.

Lesson One: There Has Never Been a Leader Who Succeeded without the Support of Others

Inclusive leaders recognize that other people have great ideas, too. This one sounds pretty obvious, but there are many leaders out there who simply aren’t very open to other people’s ideas. This is particularly true of leaders who pride themselves on being able to pull themselves up by their bootstraps because they have a level of self-reliance that is sometimes not conducive to true collaboration. Not-so-Inclusive leaders have been known to act as though they could complete everyone’s work, with better results, if only they had enough time. Leaders who are intensely competitive can often view themselves as a team of one, and on a subconscious level, they may feel driven to succeed entirely on their own as a matter of personal pride. With this mentality, it’s easy to see how some leaders aren’t open to—or interested in—other people’s opinions.

Big Suggestion One: Show People That You’re Open to Their Ideas

Inclusive leaders don’t have high ego needs, so they don’t care where the best ideas come from—they just want the group to come up with great ideas! People tend to feel comfortable bringing their ideas to Inclusive leaders, because even if the ideas don’t get implemented, they’ll be appreciated. Leaders who find the Inclusive Dimension less natural—often, but not always, those whose styles fall on the western side of the model—need to be more intentional about showing appreciation, because it simply doesn’t feel as natural, or even necessary, to them. Their skepticism can shut people down, maybe even make people feel stupid for saying anything at all. Perhaps you feel that you do value people’s input very much. Even if you do, they may not pick up on it because you simply don’t make it clear.

Is It Worth It?

You may be wondering why you should bother putting more effort into this area. After all, you’ve gotten where you are today without giving this much thought. We’d like you to step back and consider, for a moment, your own needs. What can others do to acknowledge your ideas in a way that makes you feel good and inspires you to want to generate more? Looking back on your career—and your life in general—are there any patterns in the types of acknowledgement that tend to refuel you? In our experience, even people who are lower on the Inclusive Dimension want to have their ideas acknowledged. In fact, because they’re often more ego-driven, they may have a high need in this area and enjoy being given credit for their big ideas in public.

One thing the 8 Dimensions of Leadership Model makes clear is that not all people have the same needs, but most people do want to be heard by their leaders. Some people have more to say than others, but they want their ideas to be acknowledged. If your goal as a leader is to help others be the best they can be—and hence, help create a better organization—this is essential. You need to get out of your own head and consider: What can I do to show others that I’m open to their ideas and that their contributions matter? The desire to be recognized is an innate human need—a need that you possess. It costs you nothing, and the ROI is substantial.

Potential Obstacles to Showing People That You’re Open to Their Ideas for Not-So-Inclusive Leaders

• You may get so caught up in your own vision that you can’t see anything beyond it.

• You may be too busy talking to let people share their ideas.

• You may feel threatened or irritated by people who think they’re better than you.

• You may have trouble taking people seriously if they’re too enthusiastic.

• You may have little patience for people who seem hesitant to express their ideas

• You may not even realize that you aren’t open to people’s ideas.

Taking Action

If you remember anything about showing people that you’re open to their ideas, remember this: pause, acknowledge, and attribute. First, pause momentarily to actually evaluate people’s ideas. Rejecting ideas outright without giving them consideration shows a lack of respect. The pause can be ever so brief—just make sure that you actually do consider the idea. Next, acknowledge the idea, even if your initial reaction is that you can’t stand it! On our team, we make a point of using the “yes, and” method wherein people build on each other’s ideas rather than throwing out the all-too-easy “yeah, but.” It’s easy to point out a million reasons why someone’s ideas won’t work. Challenge yourself to build on the ideas rather than simply dismissing them. At the very least, acknowledge the person’s effort. Finally, make a point to attribute ideas and contributions to the appropriate sources. If someone throws out an idea in a meeting that leads to a huge improvement for the organization, let that person know that you remember. Encourage people to keep up the good work, and they’re likely to contribute more good ideas down the road.

Lesson Two: Your Words and Emotions As a Leader Carry a Lot of Weight

Inclusive leaders choose their words carefully and err on the side of diplomacy. Once you’re in any sort of position of power, people will pay more attention to not only your words, but your body language as well. Many intense leaders—typically those whose styles fall on the western and northern sides of the model—often recognize that they have a certain edge, but they may vastly underestimate the impact that their intensity has on other people. For instance, your words and actions may seem fairly harmless in your own mind, but to others, they can come across as combative or demoralizing. When people perceive that you are indifferent or even hostile toward them, it can erode loyalty to both you as a leader and the organization.

Big Suggestion Two: Monitor Your Emotional Output Carefully

As a leader, you’re in a powerful position, and people pick up on your moods more than you may realize. A slight roll of your eyes or an exaggerated sigh may get replayed over and over again in the mind of someone who seeks to please you. Expressions of anger or irritation (e.g., a raised voice, a blunt response), can have an even more devastating impact. Generally speaking, when a leader gives off a lot of negative emotions, it creates a stressful environment where people constantly question their standing. People whose styles fall on the southern side of the model may really struggle in this type of environment, as they have a higher need for stability. Sure, many people need to feel a little pressure to perform at their best, but there’s a big difference between a culture of urgency and a culture of fear.

Is It Worth It?

Many not-so-Inclusive leaders may think people shouldn’t take things so personally. Maybe you agree—they need to toughen up. This is a case where it may be helpful to refer back to the 8 Dimensions of Leadership Model. People whose styles fall on the eastern side of the model tend to be accepting and warm, and they often feel extremely uncomfortable with negative emotions. If you’re a leader who is generally comfortable with conflict, this may be difficult for you to grasp. For people who see the world through a more optimistic, accepting lens, negative emotions can actually pose quite a threat. In fact, your negativity can even derail their productivity. However, showing diplomacy takes thoughtfulness, and this requires more time and energy. It involves putting yourself in the other person’s shoes and imagining their reaction. Then it involves choosing the words that convey your meaning without ticking people off. All this takes effort, and it’s no wonder that some people think, “To hell with it—I’m just going to blurt it out.”

As a leader, one of your jobs is to create an environment that enables people to do their best work. Now, as we’ve discussed, people have a wide variety of needs and preferences when it comes to what motivates them. Guess what? Nobody will be in a position to do their best work if you can’t monitor and control your negative emotions. You may think it’s their problem if they “can’t take it,” but in reality, it’s your problem, too. Callousness has the power to erode trust, loyalty, motivation, and engagement. To be a great leader, you not only have to show concern for the people you lead, but you also must have genuine concern for them.

Potential Obstacles to Monitoring Your Emotional Output for Not-So-Inclusive Leaders

• You may think it takes a lot less energy to simply say what’s on your mind.

• You may resent the idea that people expect diplomacy.

• You may get caught up in how things should go and respond very poorly when they don’t.

• You may not be a particularly patient person.

• You may have trouble filtering your words.

• You may be in such a hurry that you don’t have time for diplomacy.

Taking Action

To monitor your emotional output more carefully, do the following: connect, relate, and channel. If you’re highly driven, you may often breeze past people without really acknowledging their presence, especially when you’re upset. Make a conscientious effort to connect with people personally, even if it’s just making eye contact and nodding. By acknowledging them as human beings, it will be a lot easier to communicate. Secondly, relate to the other person’s perspective. Hear your words from their perspective. Anticipate how they’ll interpret what’s coming out of your mouth. Be forewarned, however, that this takes a lot more time, energy, and practice than it might seem. Finally, work to channel any irritation you may feel toward others into constructive criticism rather than speaking too bluntly and saying something you might regret. If you have high standards—and many leaders do—you will get irritated, but you can choose to use that energy in a more productive way. Remember, your words and emotions as a leader carry a lot of weight.

Lesson Three: Listening is Easy to Talk about but Hard to Do

Many people think they’re great listeners, but listening really is easier said than done. Inclusive leaders have a patient, supportive style that makes them well suited to actually listen. They actually want to hear what the other person is saying. They’re not pretending. As a culture, we often put an emphasis on the great speaker—the larger-than-life person who can captivate an audience and gain people’s buy-in. It’s true that charisma can go a long way toward leadership success. However, the great listener should also be revered. Leaders who truly listen gain important information from the people who sometimes know more—or at least know different pieces of information—about the organization than the leaders themselves. Not only does listening help leaders gather good information, but it goes a long way toward building trust and respect.

Big Suggestion Three: Work to Facilitate Two-Way Discussion on Important Issues

Inclusive leaders aren’t the most forceful people in the world, so when big issues come up, they may not pull people together with urgency or an inspirational speech, but they are great at inviting people to be involved in the conversation. When decisions need to be made, they actually want people’s input, and they make an effort to seek it out. They aren’t threatened by other people’s contributions, and they see real value in gaining multiple perspectives. Because they aren’t likely to get caught up in the emotions of the issue, they can facilitate a fair, calm discussion. These highly collaborative leaders like to make decisions as a group when possible, and this may be counterintuitive to some leaders who are more autonomous.

Is It Worth It?

One Pioneering leader told us, “As I’ve matured, I’ve grown more tolerant, more accepting, and less critical. I’ve learned to listen more and facilitate better. My advice would be to acquire these characteristics earlier.” What are the benefits of being able to facilitate two-way discussion on important issues? First and foremost, it makes people feel like they’re part of the team—and they are, right? It’s true that you won’t always want to involve everyone in every decision you make, but there are plenty of times when facilitating some dialogue around an issue would be not only appropriate, but quite helpful.

As we’ve discussed, one of the main reasons to seek out the involvement of others is that they may actually know some things that you don’t know! A novel concept, right? They experience your organization and your group differently than you do, and their perspectives could tip you off to something you hadn’t considered before. So we’re telling you that you don’t have to have all of the answers, and that by reaching out to other people, you’ll gain insights and make people feel important. Most fundamentally, you actually have to learn how to value the ideas of other people. Listening will never evolve beyond a painful chore to you unless you actually value what you’re hearing.

Potential Obstacles to Facilitating Two-Way Discussion on Important Issues for Not-So-Inclusive Leaders

• You may not want to take the time to involve others.

• You may not realize that others would even want to be part of the discussion.

• You may feel like it would be a hassle to get people up to speed.

• You may think it would be better to just let people know once decisions have been made.

• You may prefer to divide and conquer rather than tying up everyone’s time in a lot of meetings.

• You may not think that people would have anything all that valuable to offer.

Taking Action

To facilitate two-way discussion on important issues, we encourage you to do the following: invite, relax, and wait. First, invite diverse groups of people to the table. Mix things up a bit from time to time. For example, there may be initiatives where cross-departmental discussion could generate some great ideas. People are generally interested in sharing their viewpoints, so as long as you aren’t calling meetings for the sake of having meetings, most will want to be involved. Next, relax your presence in the discussion. There’s a real difference between leading a discussion and facilitating one. As a facilitator, your job is to encourage members of the group to share—not to do most of the sharing or to guide the discussion on a rigid path. Try to maintain a little distance from the discussion. Be an observer more than a participant. Those whose styles fall on the northern side of the model may struggle with this. Finally, wait longer than you think necessary before speaking. When there’s a lull in conversation, let it ride for a few moments. Some of the more reserved members of your group may never speak if you’re always jumping in with the next question. Give people the time and space they need to contribute.

Conclusion

Regardless of your primary leadership dimension, it’s valuable to adopt some of the Inclusive leader’s patient, accommodating, and even-tempered ways, even if ever so slightly. Specifically, to be more Inclusive:

Show people that you’re open to their ideas,

Monitor your emotional output carefully, and

Work to facilitate two-way discussion on important issues.

Case Study: Show People That You’re Open to Their Ideas

Bettina, a Resolute leader and higher education administrator, learned that she needed to take more time to listen. Early on in her career, she got caught up in her own voice so much that she really wasn’t hearing what others said. Like many leaders, she still struggles with this at times. “When I’m in a meeting,” she explained, “I have to stop the voice inside my head—I literally have to stop it—from planning what I think should be said next and force myself to listen to the conversation.” We asked her what benefits she sees when she does make the effort to listen. “[I’m] actually hearing what other people say and learning. You know, the wisdom of the crowd is amazing,” she said. Bettina has been able to grow in this area, but it hasn’t always been easy. “I have to stop. It’s almost a mantra—to stop, breathe, and say to myself, ‘Listen. Really, you’ll enjoy it. You’ll learn something,’” she laughed. “You know, and then I do. And, then I’m engaged and it’s really a treat, like having dessert. It’s fun.” For Bettina, learning to be more collaborative has revealed a new reality in which people actually do better work together. Like many leaders, Bettina often has a strong vision for how things should go, and doing things collaboratively doesn’t always mean getting to the exact same place she initially imagined. “But [working collaboratively] gets [the group] to the place that we all want to go,” she said. “It’s curious because I find that the crowd ends up molding—modeling maybe—a different endpoint, but it’s an endpoint that I’m pretty darn comfortable with almost all the time.” As a leader who values personal competence, she didn’t realize how much her tendency to want to control the conversation was actually a burden. By learning to engage others in dialogue and do things more collaboratively, she actually reduced her load. “It’s letting go of this burden that you’ve been carrying on your shoulders, thinking that you have to do it all by yourself your whole life,” she explained.