CHAPTER
12

Everyday ASMR

In This Chapter

  • How to infuse ASMR practices into daily life
  • Picking up on context clues
  • When ASMR sensations become a problem
  • Everyday ASMR videos

Now that you have a grasp of what ASMR is and how it works and have identified your triggers, as well as started using online content for rest and relaxation, you may be wondering if your newly learned ASMR techniques and practices have any application in real-world scenarios. The answer is yes!

However, you do not have to bust out the webcam or set up a YouTube channel in order to help others through ASMR techniques. We have identified several areas in everyday life in which ASMR practices can subtly soothe others, helping them relax and become aware of the tingles inside.

In this chapter, we illustrate the various opportunities in the workplace or your private life in which you can use known ASMR triggers to help someone. We also let you know when those triggers will help and when they can hinder, so you can learn when to apply them and when to avoid them at all costs.

ASMR: An Extraordinary, Everyday Occurrence

Even though ASMR experiences are intrinsically tied to everyday events, they are not everyday occurrences. Rather, they tend to be situations people have been in many times before that somehow become spontaneous events that hit the right nerve at the right time and make them wish it would never end.

KEEP IN MIND

The ASMR experience is an extremely subjective event, so there is no guarantee that using any or all of these tips will trigger everyone you come in contact with.

More than likely, you probably have caused an ASMR tingle or two in your life, even if you didn’t know it at the time. Have you ever held a sleeping baby in your arms and felt her let out a gentle sigh of contentment? Even though she had been rocked and cuddled numerous times in her short life, there was something about the way you were caring for her in that particular moment that caused her to react as though nothing could get any better. Though we cannot prove it, chances are what she was feeling in that moment was something similar to ASMR.

What if you could conjure that same feeling every day in friends and strangers alike? What if the way you acted on a conscious level affected people on a subconscious level? What if it could lead them to an ASMR experience? Would you try it?

Well, you can; in fact, in some industries such as the health-care field, cosmetology, and massage therapy, this kind of personal care and attention is critical to vocational success. If you are ready to apply ASMRtist techniques to your everyday interactions, get ready to provide a little comfort and contentment while learning how a little TLC can go a long way!

Building a Better Bedside Manner

The late Maya Angelou once said, “I have learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” It is the fundamental key to applied ASMR, and it all begins with the ability to build a better bedside manner and to empathize with others.

You’ve probably heard this term before in reference to the way doctors interact with their patients in a hospital or clinical setting. Bedside manner is a kind of body language that affects professionals’ vocal tones, physical stance, openness, presence, and concealment. In the medical setting, it is this manner that can have an impact on how patients react to their doctor’s assessment. Generally speaking, a good bedside manner is one in which physicians remain calm and reassuring toward the patients, offer appropriate forms of physical communication, and convey their patients’ condition in simple but compassionate terms that can be understood easily.

DEFINITION

A bedside manner is the traditional way of referring to how a doctor interacts with her patient. It also refers to the caring way in which ASMRtists interact with their viewers.



However, the concept of the bedside manner goes beyond the health-care industry; in fact, it comes up in a variety of customer service–related fields. For example, cosmetologists and spa specialists (such as skin care consultants, massage therapists, and holistic healers) typically consult with their clients in order to help them feel comfortable before beginning a service. You can also see aspects of the bedside manner in hotels, restaurants, retail, and any number of other service-based fields where personal attention is at the core of the experience.

There are five main components that are critical to establishing a good bedside manner, and each plays a role in applied ASMR practices and techniques. Though some people believe that a good bedside manner cannot be taught, you can work on various components in order to offer your customer, client, or co-worker better overall service when interacting with you, no matter what kind of work you do:

  • Showing empathy: You must be able to identify with what the other person is going through. Empathy is another trust-builder and one that can make or break the experience.
  • Maintaining eye contact: This skill can help you establish a better bond with the individual. Be sure to keep your gaze gentle and your facial expression warm.
  • Listening: Do not interrupt until the person has obviously paused. It may take the person a while to articulate her concerns. Be sure to hear what is said and unsaid (see the next section for more on reading the unsaid messages).
  • Sparing a moment: Although you may have a schedule to keep, no one likes to feel rushed. Take the time to have a moment or two for someone who needs extra attention.
  • Touching: If someone is already feeling very comfortable and relaxed, this may be the moment when you can trigger the tingles. Keep physical contact appropriate and sincere.

Above everything else, be true to yourself. This is one case in which you can’t “fake it until you make it.” People tend to see through insincerity fairly quickly, and if they suspect that you are being less than honest, it will not help you to create an atmosphere of trust.

TINGLE TIP

Although not everyone may respond to your mindful mannerisms, do not become frustrated. Stay calm in every situation. Not only will it help the person you are currently assisting, but also everyone else will feel your mood in the room. Keep in mind that you only have one chance to make a good first impression.

Cold Reading

Have you ever been around people who have seemed to know what you wanted before you ever asked for it? Contrary to what you may have thought, they do not have ESP or any other super power, and it’s not that they have been around you so much that they simply “know.” Rather, they are reading your body language for clues, comparing you to those who have exhibited those same attributes in the past, and making a logical assumption as to what would make your experience more enjoyable. In short, they are cold reading you.

Cold reading is a stage technique in which mediums, mentalists, and illusionists use body language, age, gender, and other clues to obtain large amounts of information about someone in a short period of time. It is a fairly simple process that looks impressive and yet is comprised of superficial facts and highly probable guesswork.

Some ways in which you can learn to cold read an individual include the following:

  • Get to know the individual and find out more about her interests and hobbies.
  • Ask open-ended questions and pick up on verbal and nonverbal cues in the answers (also known as “listening between the lines”).
  • Make appropriate assumptions about the individual based on the information that you have.
  • Pick up on context clues that may give you additional insight into the individual.
  • Delve deep to make sure you have all of the relevant information, and clarify any necessary details.
  • Assess any needs and offer effective solutions.

For example, one of the masters of the cold read was the physician Joseph Bell, upon whom Sir Arthur Conan Doyle based Sherlock Holmes. By watching the way someone walked into a room, he could deduce a lot about the individual. A quick removal of a hat, erect posture, and the repeated use of the word “sir” could indicate the person had some military experience; a large knot on the ring finger near the nail may have indicated that the person was a writer; and a bruise on the chin just under the jaw line may have implied the person plays violin. There are a number of clues you can pick up on about a person when you pay attention to the individual’s body language and mannerisms.

In many cases, the success of applied ASMR techniques comes down to whether or not the person feels that she has been heard and/or understood. Therefore, your ability to be attentive via cold reading will go a long way toward building trust with someone. Merely taking the time to listen, nod, and offer a sympathetic “um-hmmm” to show you care may be enough to trigger the ASMR sensation in someone else.

DID YOU KNOW?

ASMRtists cold read their audience all the time, though they do it through viewers’ comments and requests. When they are researching material for their next segment, they think about what their fans want to see and look for opportunities to meet those needs in new and unexpected ways.

Proper Presentation

It’s not always possible to predict what ASMR techniques will be most effective in any given situation. As you learned in Chapter 9, not everyone gathers information in the same way, so triggers are equally subjective as well. However, there are those times when actions speak louder than words. What tingle heads haven’t had that moment in which they were triggered not by what a person does, but the way they feel when they watch that person do it? It may be the most ordinary task in the world, but when performed by someone else, it triggers the tingles every time.

In everyday language, this is known as the art of the presentation. Presentation is about enhancing aesthetic appeal. It is the difference between a plate full of food and a course that has been plated by the chef. The recipe may be the same, but somehow, it just looks different. Although it is commonly associated with the culinary field, presentation is applicable in a number of vocational settings, including ASMR. Generally speaking, it consists of two elements: the deliberate gestures that go into the process and the decorative end result.

DEFINITION

Presentation is the art of modifying, processing, arranging, or decorating something in such a way as to enhance its visual appeal.

Although it occurs on an almost subliminal level, deliberate gestures send a clear and distinct message to individuals that they are in good hands. They are usually small portions of an overall action, but they are the element that goes above and beyond what people normally expect.

You can see examples of these gestures frequently in your everyday life, such as chocolates laid across a freshly turned-down bed, a receipt that is carefully folded into a little envelope, or an invitation that is so beautiful it could be a present itself. Even if you do not see the process that goes into creating the special end result, you are affected by the sentiment behind it. In turn, when people are able to see the loving, purposeful movements you made that signal an underlying commitment of care, it can lead to a powerful ASMR event that few people can describe coherently.

One of the best examples of how deliberate gestures lead to the ASMR sensation, as well as a decorative end result, is the “Relaxing Towel Folding Tutorial/ASMR” video by Maria “GentleWhispering” (youtube.com/watch?v=CHiKxytbCWk). In this 18-minute segment, she draws upon her skills as an ASMRtist, as well as a former hotel housekeeping specialist, to smooth, fold, crease, and handle linens in ways that few people do around the house. The result is a jolt of ASMR goodness for viewers, as with each movement she demonstrates how an ordinary event can really be extraordinary when performed with thoughtfulness and care.

You, too, can look for those opportunities around your workplace to add some ASMR actions to your routine. Do you work in a hospital or health-care setting and take the time to pull a sheet up or smooth down a blanket? That simple act of kindness can make someone’s day. Did a client ask for a cup of tea? Bring out a small tea service and make it in front of them like a little ritual. Do you work in a clothing store? Don’t simply show customers to the dressing room and leave them to their own devices. Gently assist them with buttons and zippers and help adjust the garments so they can have a better sense of fit when they look into the mirror. Do you work in a restaurant? Take the time to place menus, napkins, and other accouterments on the table in such a way as to convey that your customers are the most important people on the planet.

DID YOU KNOW?

When you delight customers and clients with something extra that they didn’t expect, studies show that they will very often reciprocate the gesture. For example, one study showed that when serving staff brought candy with the customer’s bill, tips were higher.

We understand that everyone gets busy and there will be times when you can’t slow your pace down, but when you take the time to demonstrate through your words, actions, and mannerisms that you are willing to go the extra mile for those in your care, it can result in increased business, happier customers, and perhaps a tingly feeling of relaxation they didn’t know they could feel before they met you.



When ASMR Gets in the Way

While some people have to work hard in order to identify their triggers, experience ASMR, find content creators that work for them, and apply ASMR techniques in their daily lives, others come by it naturally. For the latter, there are therefore times when the ASMR experience can actually get in the way.

It is not always easy (or fun) to be a real-life, unintentional trigger for those types of people. When your natural mannerisms and melodic speaking voice causes an ASMR reaction in others, it can make for awkward situations. The most common is the ability to put people to sleep. We have heard countless stories of people whose friends tend to nod off in their presence (usually when they are talking), causing them to wonder if the individual is exhausted or if they are really that boring.

If something similar has happened to you, allow us to reassure you that you are not a dull conversationalist. You can also take comfort in the fact that there is something about you that the other person finds comforting and soothing and causes them to succumb to an ASMR experience. However, we do understand that that you may not want your friends falling asleep on you, so if you would like to retrain your voice so it is a little less tingle friendly, here are some things you can try:

  • Change your pitch ever so slightly so your cadence conveys enthusiasm to the listener rather than relaxation. You can actually do this by smiling, as many people are able to “hear” the smile in others’ voices.
  • Monitor your pacing so you neither talk too fast nor too slow. Switching this up throughout the conversation will help people be less likely to become hypnotized by you.
  • Consider your volume when you speak. If you are quiet, your listener has to concentrate more, which can lead to an ASMR experience. Try to be a little louder.

Above all, avoid rhythmic speech patterns that can be perceived as monotonous by other ears, and hopefully your pals will avoid visiting dreamland when they come to see you!

Another potential consequence of being an unintended ASMR trigger for someone else is being the recipient of perceived amorous feelings that arise as a result of the surge of hormones flooding the nervous system during an ASMR episode. As you learned in Chapter 1, scientists who have looked into the ASMR phenomenon such as Dr. Craig Richard have suggested that the relaxed, tingly sensation and slight euphoria people feel is most likely caused by endorphins, which stimulate a release of dopamine and oxytocin in the body. Dopamine is the “feel-good” hormone that results in an intense blast of alertness, improved short-term memory, the desire to explore the world around us, and a lack of inhibition. It is complimented by the softer, longer-lasting, and cuddlier hormone oxytocin, which is also known as the “love hormone” and is responsible for people being able to bond to someone else. When these two chemicals are secreted during an unrecognized ASMR event, the individual may project those feelings onto the person she believes to be causing them in kind of a “love at first tingle” moment.

This may not be a bad thing. If you feel the same way about the other person, by all means tingle on! We have certainly seen our share of ASMR love connections. However, it is far more common for those feelings to be one-sided and therefore requires the triggering person to defuse the situation before things become too uncomfortable.

It is not always easy to know if an individual’s romantic feelings are ASMR related or not. However, if you know you have been a trigger for others in the past, you may want to listen for some key statements such as the following:

  • “I could listen to your voice all day.”
  • “I immediately relax when I am around you.”
  • “You have a way of calming me down.”
  • “I love to watch your hands move.”

If you suspect that you are triggering someone and you do not share their feelings, there are a number of things you can do beyond changing your pitch to resolve the situation:

  • Avoid being alone with this person and stay in a group so that various voices and tones will merge with yours and be less likely to cause an ASMR reaction.
  • Be mindful of the mannerisms and gestures that may be triggering the individual, especially if she has hinted at them in the past. Keep your hands in your pockets and avoid playing with your hair, touching the other person, or doing anything that could cause an ASMR spark.
  • If all else fails, be frank with this person and simply tell her you are not interested. You do not have to tell her why you think her feelings are misguided (she might not understand anyway), and in many cases, it’s enough to put some distance between you.

KEEP IN MIND

If you are on the other side of this coin and are the one being triggered by someone you know, you don’t have to be embarrassed by it. You are not the first person that this has happened to. Sometimes it is best to get the whole thing out in the open as a way to acknowledge the individual’s effect on you and move on. By simply saying “Your voice is very soothing” or “I’ll bet your kids love to hear you read them a bedtime story,” you can mention their effect on you in a nonthreatening, appropriate way. That person may even be flattered!

Examples of Everyday ASMR

The following videos are examples of everyday situations in which people have reported experiencing ASMR. These videos illustrate how you may be able to use some of the techniques ASMRtists use in your personal and/or professional life in order to relax others around you or, in some cases, even trigger the tingles!

The Least You Need to Know

  • You can infuse ASMR techniques into the way you interact with others.
  • One’s “bedside manner” is very important.
  • Gentle gestures mean a lot.
  • The ability to experience ASMR can be a hindrance at times for some, and there are things you can do to avoid being an unintentional trigger to someone else.
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