INDEX

acceptance, 78–79, 97–98

accomplishments, acknowledging, 31, 78

accountability, 8, 30, 170–171

alone time, 8, 26

balance, 51

conversations for, 45–51

Covid pandemic and, 83

exercise and, 110–111

self-care and, xiii–xviii

talking about at work, 56–58

Bandura, Albert, 112

Barnes, Christopher M., 121–129

bedtime routines, 124–125

Behson, Scott, 53–58, 139–145

Boyes, Alice, xvii–xviii, 91–100

breaks, xiv, 6

for exercise, 113

from exercise, 117

micro-, 7–8

micro-vacations and, 153–158

weaving into your workday, 32

Bridge of Spies (movie), 76

bundling, 150–152

burnout, 4, 81–89

Caillet, Alexander, 159–165

Caspersen, Carl J., 111

catastrophizing, 93–94

changes, starting with small, 7–8

children

affirming, 5–6

communicating openly with, 23, 49–51, 136

health of, 136, 170

mealtimes and, 129

quality time with, 5–6, 39

scheduling time with, 25–26

sick days and, 136

sleep deprivation and, 123

sleep routines for, 124–125

spending time with, through hobbies, 142–145

chores, 39

with friends, 150–152

Clayton, Russell, 109–114

Coleman, Jackie, 59–66

Coleman, John, 61

Collins, Caitlyn, 98–99

commitment, 8, 143–144

communication

about schedules, 23–26

about self-care needs, 59–66

about sick days, 134, 136

about work-life balance at work, 56–58

asking for help, 67–72

with children, 23, 49–51, 136

clarity in, 69–70

crucial conversations in, 45–51

of gratitude, 72

guilt/shame and, 61

“I feel” statements for, 64

listening in, 64–65

soft startups in, 64

with spouses/partners, 49, 59–66, 135

timing for, 63, 127

for working dads, about work, 53–58

with your boss and colleagues, 47–48, 135

with your inner perfectionist, 95–96

compassion, 77, 94, 96

couple time, 9–10. See also spouse/partners

Covid pandemic, xvii–xviii, 60

emotional exhaustion in, 83

hobbies during, 144–145

remote work during, 83

stress management and, 85, 88

taking sick days and, 132–133

Crocker, Nick, xvii, 115–119

dads

communicating about work by, 53–58

self-care for, 11–17

time spent with children and, 55

work-family conflict experienced by, 12

Dobson, Kyle S. H., 147–152

Dowling, Daisy, xiii–xviii

dual-income families, 55

Edmondson, Amy, 30

Emmons, Robert, 86–87

emotional well-being, xvii

conserving energy and, 84, 85, 88

doing less and, 36–41

friendships and, 148–149

gratitude and, 72, 86–87

guilt and, 75–79

hobbies and, 141

mindfulness and, 101–105

perfectionism and, 91–100

permission to recharge and, 3–10

productivity and, 40–41

recharging and, 14–15, 81–89

reducing emotional drain and, 83–85

self-care and, 60, 62, 170

talking with children about, 50–51

empathy, 65

exercise, xvii

breaks from, 117

commitment to, 8

emotional well-being and, 88–89

enjoying, 118

expectations about, 116–117

finding time for, 112–113, 115–119

goals in, 118

importance of, 109–114

scheduling, 25

starting small with, 7

walking meetings and, 32

yoga, 96

family leave, 56

fatigue, xiv, 128–129. See also sleep

emotional, 81–89

fathers. See dads

“The Flexibility Stigma,” 55–56

flexible work arrangements, 47–48

exercise and, 113

for men, 56, 57

remote working, 157–158

sleep and, 129

focus, 36

four-way wins, 13–14

Friedman, Stewart D., 11–17, 169–172

friendships, 6, 147–152

bundling, 150–152

emotional well-being and, 88–89

hobbies and, 142–145

micro-vacations with, 156–157

supporting spouse/partner’s, 9–10

weaving into your workday, 31

at work, 97–98

fun, 165

Gale, Michelle, 101–105

Gandhi, Mahatma, 57

gender norms, 53–55, 99–100

Gino, Francesca, 86–87

goals

acknowledging progress toward, 31

for exercise, 118

for self-care, 61, 63

setting daily, 30

setting with spouses/partners, 49

for values-driven schedules, 21, 22

Gordon, Amie M., 121–129

Gottman, John, 64

Grant, Heidi, 67–72

gratitude, 72, 86–87

Greenhaus, Jeff, 170

Grenny, Joseph, 45–51

guilt, 46, 61, 75–79, 170–171

perfectionism and, 94

shame vs., 76–77

sick days and, 132–133

habits

personal fulfillment and, 62

sleep, 124–127

unproductive, 34

health. See emotional wellbeing; physical health

help, asking for, 67–72

Hirshberg, Jeremy, 159–165

hobbies, 6, 139–145

household tasks. See chores

humor, 95–96

“I feel” statements, 64

income, 12, 51, 55, 56

intentionality, 20

Journal of Social Issues, 55–56

judgment, 29

asking for help and, 70–71

holding back on, 128

of self, 30, 93–94

of women’s vs. men’s mistakes, 99–100

Kabat-Zinn, Jon, 102

life satisfaction, 13–14, 16, 60, 62, 171–172

gratitude and, 86–87

listening, 64–65

Markman, Art, 75–79

Maxfield, Brittney, 45–51

McCollough, Michael, 86–87

meals and mealtimes, 129

mental health days, 134

micro-breaks, 7–8. See also breaks

mindfulness, 78–79, 89, 101–105

benefits of, 102, 104–105

perfectionism and, 96

mistakes

moving on from, exercise and, 117

perfectionism and, 91–100

motherhood penalty, 51

Mother’s Day, 12

motivation

guilt and, 76–77, 79

perfectionism and, 94

needs, xvii. See also values

asking for help and, 67–72

defining, 69

defining your self-care, 6–7

prioritizing your own, 4

Northrup, Kate, 35–41

Oettingen, Gabriele, 78

overthinking, xv. See also rumination

parental leave, 12, 57

parenthood and parenting

big wins in, 39–40

positive effects of on work, 97

priority definition for, 20

quality vs. quantity of time in, 5–6, 39

sleep and, 121–129

transformative nature of, 4

Parents Night Out, 8

paternity leave, 12, 56, 57

perfectionism, xvii–xviii, 91–100

performance, 30

exercise and, 113

friendships and, 149

self-care and, 171–172

performance evaluations, 12

perspective

“50-year,” 24–25

focusing on accomplishments in, 31, 78

friendships and, 149

gratitude and, 86–87

on priorities, 24–25

scarcity mindset and, 34

on stress, 85, 88

Petti, Stefano, 159–165

Pew Research Center, 102

physical health, xvii

exercise and, 109–114

gratitude and, 86–87

recharging and, 16

self-care and, 170

sick days and, 131–136

sleep and, 121–129

vacations and, 161–162

presence, 5, 102, 162

priorities

aligning, 110–111

defining importance of, 24–25

determining, 21–23, 30

doing less and, 35–41

friendships as, 147–152

hobbies and, 139–145

for self-care, 61, 63

setting daily, 30

sick days and, 134

sleep, 123, 124

time management based on, 19–26

worksheet for, 22

problem solving, 142

productivity, xiv, 60, 62

doing less and, 36–41

exercise and, 111

happiness and, 40–41

sleep and, 124

psychological safety, 30

recharging, 3–10, 32, 81–89

spillover effect from, 14–15

relaxation, 88–89

resilience, xvii, 86–87

remote work

Covid pandemic and, 83

to decompress, 157–158

resources, 30

rituals

emotional well-being and, 89

scheduling, 23

sleep, 124–125

Rock, David, 36

Roese, Neal J., 147–152

rumination, 94–95

Samuel, Alexandra, 163–164

Saunders, Elizabeth Grace, xvii, 3–10, 19–26

scarcity mindset, 34

scheduling, xvii

hobbies, 143–144

mindfulness, 103–104

screen time, 125–126

self-acceptance, 97–98

self-care, xiii–xviii

asking for help and, 67–72

benefits of, 60, 62

communicating about your needs in, 59–66

defining, 28

defining your needs for, 6–7

importance of, xvi, 28, 169–172

noticing lapses in, 33–34

personal differences in, 29

sick days and, 131–136

spillover effects of, 14–15

starting small with, 7–8

weaving into your workday, 27–34

self-compassion, 77, 94, 96

self-criticism, 30, 93–94

self-efficacy, 111–113, 114

selfishness, 170–171

self-knowledge, 47

self-management, 33

self-neglect, 33

self-preservation, 34

self-sabotage, 29, 34

shame, 61, 76, 94

“should,” 29

sick days, 131–136

sleep, 6, 32, 121–129

catching up on, 125

conflicting schedules for, 128

habits for, 124–127

relationship-based strategies around, 127–129

soft startups, in conversation, 64

spirituality, 6

spouses/partners

communicating self-care needs to, 59–66

communicating with, 49

give-and-take with, 65

recharging and, 9–10

relationship checkups with, 65–66

sleep health and, 122–123

talking with, for values-driven schedules, 23

stress and stress management, xvii

exercise and, 111, 114

lapses in self-care and, 33–34

mindfulness and, 102

reappraising, 85, 88

recharging and, 16

“third space” and, 62

Su, Amy Jen, 27–34

Sullivan, Tim, 131–136

support, 31

asking for help and, 67–72

technology

disconnecting from on vacations, 162, 163–164

friendships and, 151–152

sick days and, 135

thank yous, 72

“third space,” 60, 62

time management, xvii

doing less and, 35–41

experimenting with, 13–17

friendships and, 147–152

giving yourself permission to recharge and, 3–10

for hobbies, 143–145

small changes for, 7–8

values-based scheduling for, 19–26

weaving self-care your workday and, 27–34

for working dads, 11–17

time off, xvii

disconnecting during, 162, 163–164

frame of mind for, 159–165

friendships and, 147–152

harassment of fathers at work about, 12

hobbies and, 139–145

making the most of, 153–158

micro-vacations, 153–158

preparing for, 160–161

sick days, 131–136

technology use during, 163–164

transitioning into, 161–162

weekend trips, 155

to-do lists, xiii, 156

Total Leadership, 13–17

Twitter, 102–103

uncertainty, xiii–xiv

asking for help and, 69–70

vacations. See time off

Valcour, Monique, xvii–xviii, 81–89

values, xvii

doing less and, 35–41

scheduling based on, 19–26

stress management and, 85, 88

values-based scheduling, 19–26

walking meetings, 32

Westring, Alyssa F., 11–17

work. See also time off

doing less and, 35–41

exercise at, 118–119

fitting exercise into, 113–114

focus at, 36

gender norms in, 53–55, 99–100

negotiating schedules/workloads at, 47–48

psychological detachment from, 88–89

sleep deprivation and, 123

weaving self-care into, 27–34

Work and Family—Allies or Enemies? (Greenhaus and Friedman), 170

work satisfaction, 13–14

workspaces, 32

yoga, 96

Your Brain at Work (Rock), 36