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Gratitude Versus Driving

Improv Principle #7: Be thankful; you have what you need.

The Attitude of Gratitude

You Are Enough

In Principle #7, we explore the improv mindset regarding an attitude of gratitude.

We commit to the applied improvisational exercises with the understanding that we don’t need to worry that we are not skilled actors. As a matter of fact, the challenge for trained actors is to drop the pretense and settle into our own skin, as Cromwell said, “warts and all.” Yes, it is true that in improv, we often play another character who is totally unlike ourselves, but there is no makeup, costume, or prescripted lines, so just bringing YOU into the scene will result in authentic work. YOU are enough. This phrase may have many meanings, in context, for example, “Rest easy, you can DO this.” “Don’t worry if you need to confront a scary monster, you are enough AND you have what you need!”

In the real world, as healthcare clinicians, we have opportunities to meet and establish new relationships, however fleeting, with people every day.

How do you feel when you’re faced with new people, whether clients or colleagues? Do you consider it a challenge? Or an opportunity?

Philosophers, poets, and neuroscientists all agree, your attitude determines your success.

The principle of gratitude is inherent in the acceptance idea. In practice, the attitude of gratitude is a foundational ingredient to what you might call a conundrum: the anticipatory reaction to whatever life has to offer. It sounds a bit Pollyannaish, but the research bears it out. If you think and act positively, that stance attracts positive interactions. We can’t hedge against all of life’s problems, but the science shows us that a thankful attitude not only ensures a better quality but also adds years to your life.

When we work with someone who listens and acknowledges what we say, feel, or think, we get a rush of serotonin and feel a sense of rapport. We receive a sense of mutual confidence from this kind of relationship; our words flow, we feel energized and drawn toward that person, and we intuitively know, “I am enough” and “we can work together.”

As the doorway to many (yet undiscovered) friendships, let’s elaborate a bit on the concept of “Yes, and ...” in terms of self-image and results.

If we come into a scene thinking, “I am enough and I have what I need,” the two little words, “Yes, and…” cause you to relax and actively listen to what has been said, which should have several positive outcomes.

In Chapter Three, we covered examples of what happens when we do not accept or block what has been given.

Here’s an example of two people who seem to accept suggestions to the problem:

Suggestion: Two sisters plan a vacation.

A:

Let’s go to Hawaii!

B:

Yes, we could, but it’s so sunny there, I’m afraid I’ll get sunburned.

A:

If you wear sunscreen, you should be okay.

B:

Yes, but my skin is so sensitive, it’s impossible to find a sunscreen that doesn’t make me break out.

A:

You could wear a big, floppy hat!

B:

Yes, if I could find one to fit me, but I have a really small head.

You’ll notice that although Person B never says, “No!” directly, the “Yes, but ...” answer is effectively the same. Furthermore, how do you feel about Person B? You likely have a rather negative attitude about that person. Negativity of any sort causes a corticosteroid rush that effectively repels conversation, action, and of course, friendship.

In improv, the action must go forward or it stalls. In the previous example, the action does not go forward.

Now let’s try it again, with the same two people who exhibit an attitude of gratitude by accepting and building upon what the other person offers.

A:

Let’s go to Hawaii!

B:

Yes, let’s! And I could buy a big floppy hat to protect me from sunburn.

A:

Yes, and we could go on a cruise!

B:

Yes! What fun! We could find an island-hopper ticket and see the whole state!

A:

Great idea! I’d like to have a room with a balcony and watch the sunrise in my pajamas.

B:

Yes, and we could go to a luau and learn the hula!

A:

And we could drink Mai-Tais!

See the difference? In the second example, the friends find plenty of interesting things to talk about and their plans are animated. They are free to expand on these elements in many directions, because they aren’t digging themselves out of one problem.

How does this apply in healthcare?

Here’s a scene with two clinicians discussing a patient’s discharge:

A:

Mrs. Smith is so glad to go home today; she’s been here a long time.

B:

Yes, but she says her house has a lot of safety issues.

A:

Oh? I talked to her about taking up the throw rugs and installing a grab bar in the bathtub.

B:

Well, I don’t think anything has been done yet.

A:

I’ll go ask if her son has done that ...

B:

Yeah, she said he promised, but I guess he’s not real dependable.

A:

Okay, maybe her daughter can help find someone to come over and do that.

B:

Yes, but they’re both out of town this week.

A:

Really? Why you didn’t mention this earlier.

B:

You didn’t ask.

Does this sound familiar? Notice how the action does not move forward?

Let’s revisit the previous scene and see how it looks when the players exemplify an attitude of gratitude. They will listen, validate, feel free to add to the discussion, and create possible solutions, so the action moves forward:

A:

Mrs. Smith is so glad to go home today; she’s been here a long time.

B:

Yes, and she says her house has a lot of safety issues that still have to be addressed.

A:

I know. I talked to her about taking up the throw rugs and installing a grab bar in the bathtub.

B:

Well, she says her kids aren’t around this week. Maybe we could call the social worker to find some help for her.

A:

Good Idea. Maybe we can keep her another day and have OT take her on a trial visit home tomorrow.

B:

Yes, or maybe she needs to be in a step-down unit for a few days until she’s a bit stronger and the safety issues in her house are taken care of.

A:

Absolutely! We need to find a better solution. I’ll call the physician.

If you read closely, not every response was an actual “Yes, and ...” statement. However, each “offer” (sentence) was accepted and built upon, so the action moves forward.

Universally, when we have our ideas accepted, we naturally feel heard. If you practice this simple exercise in real life, you will be well on your way to creating a positive relationship with others, as well as giving better care.

Going deeper into the improv concept, the principle is that if/when we accept offers, whenever we feel stuck, remember that it’s all just imaginary and we have what we need.

Yes! You can do anything in improv, because you have what you need. If necessary, you can pull an imaginary rabbit out of an imaginary hat to find the solution to the imaginary problem you face in the scene.

The benefit of this practice to real-life situations is perhaps not so obvious: the practice of solving problems spontaneously and creatively in an applied improvisational exercise (AIE) is cleverly implanted in your subconscious. It’s like the old saying: You can’t un-ring a bell. When we practice these skills in improv, the brain stores the memory of a positive reaction to a creative and spontaneous solution. When we practice being spontaneous and creative, we get better at solving all kinds of problems. It’s a win/win!

Driving

There is a tremendous lot of research on the art of communication and the importance of listening. The concept of driving has a lot to do with not listening well.

Driving is behavior that looks like the opposite of acceptance and an attitude of gratitude, but it’s a little different than blocking or negating. Instead, the driver leads the conversation and exerts their power over someone else. Hence, the focus is on themself, not the other person. It’s what someone might say in a conversation or in an improv scene, when they have one idea in mind and force it on another person, no matter what the context.

Here’s an example:

A:

(Smiling) Hi there, what a gorgeous morning!

B:

(Driving) You’re yawning. (Person A is NOT smiling)

A:

(Laughing, trying to make sense of that comment) Yes, the beauty that surrounds us is relaxing, isn’t it? Perfect weather for fishing.

B:

(Driving) Purple is my favorite color and Cousin Harry was a watchmaker.

A:

(Trying to make sense of that comment) Harry, I remember him. A great fisherman!

Remember, when we work with others, the object is to focus on them; to make your partner look good, not to put them on the defensive. Think of the players as teammates, then think of what it might be like, as the audience observer. Since the previous conversation is so unfocused and confusing, it would be difficult to follow. It would be difficult to find a reason these two people are together, other than perhaps they are related, or maybe they are neighbors, or in a car pool, and had no choice but to converse.

You can also imagine how Person A had to work really hard to make sense out of the random remarks of Person B. Instead of accepting and building on what the partner offers, Person B is driving with lines that are a veiled attempt to force the conversation off the road, so to speak; they don’t deepen their relationship and move the action forward. Person A does a great job of justifying the offer of Person B, but the scene hasn’t really gone anywhere; it’s boring. Because of that, the conversation has a halting quality, the scene doesn’t flow, the action is stalled. In fact, the worst part about playing with a driver is that it’s no fun! [Note: Watching it is no fun for the audience, either.]

In healthcare, when we come together to discuss a patient/client plan of care, a policy, procedure, and so on, we have a built-in focus. We assume we will be able to hear the other person, understand their comments, objectively evaluate and accept the comments, and come up with some plan of action to solve the problem posed. However, we also must evaluate that person’s words and actions subjectively, to be able to accomplish those goals. Sometimes our teammates act like drivers in the conversation.

Here’s how it might happen at work:

Person A:

(Smiling) Hi there, what a gorgeous morning!

Person B:

(Driving) My blood pressure is low.

Person A:

Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. Anything I can do? Coffee, perhaps?

Person B:

(Driving) I don’t feel like taking care of patients today.

Person A:

Well, if you’re sick, you should go home ...

Person B:

(Driving) Did you see the news about the Royal Family?

You’ll notice that when someone purposely derails a conversation, there’s no sure way back on track; not only does the action stall but the other person also tends to wonder if the driver is in their right mind! Both onstage and in real life, if you veer too far afield, your listener gets distracted, you lose the point of your activity, and work stops. In improv, this can quickly morph into the dreaded crazy card. Playing the crazy card is easy to do (as previously) and is known in improv as a cop-out, an excuse for bad improv. It happens when the scene gets so wacky, it has no point. The very young or those who attempt to bring attention to their own cleverness most commonly offer it. [Note: It’s not clever.]

Low-Risk Group Exercises

Exercise 5a—Nonverbal Mirroring

Time: 10 to 15 minutes, depending upon the number of partner switches.

An easy, fun exercise to practice acceptance and an attitude of gratitude.

This game has no dialogue. Players work in silence, while facilitator plays various sorts of dance music. (Vary the music every 20 to 30 seconds.) The goal is to work as one person.

Hint: Warn players not to go too fast or their partner won’t be able to follow. This isn’t a competition.

1. Find a partner you haven’t played with before.

2. Partners face each other standing a few feet apart. Choose who leads first.

3. The game begins when the music starts.

4. Person A leads; Person B copies (mirrors) Person A’s movements.

5. After ~30 seconds the facilitator signals a change by yelling, “SWITCH” or sounding a gong, and so on.

6. Person B leads; Person A copies (mirrors) Person B’s movements.

7. Continue changing leaders for several minutes (vary the time length).

8. Thank your partner.

9. Switch partners and play the game again!

Allow the exercise to continue as long as you like. Remind players to focus on their partner, and move as one person, looking in a mirror.

Debrief:

What happened that surprised you in this exercise?

What did you learn about nonverbal communication?

How did this exercise cause you to feel differently about your partner(s)?

Exercise 5b—Listening Game

Ask for a volunteer to demonstrate this exercise.

This is another pairs mirroring exercise, to practice listening. Each partner will have one minute to explain an average event in their life (e.g., what I did to get ready this morning; my favorite meal; how I learned to shave, how to make a bed, etc., or ask for a suggestion.) Use a timer.

Directions:

1. Direct players to find a partner they haven’t worked with yet.

2. Give each other permission to stare at each other’s face and mouth.

3. Explain they will need to SPEAK SLOWLY.

4. Pairs decide who goes first, as the Storyteller.

5. When facilitator says “BEGIN!” the Storyteller has one minute to talk about the agreed-upon, average event.

6. Meanwhile, the Listener stands close enough to hear what the Storyteller is saying (without invading the teller’s personal space) and focuses on each word the Storyteller speaks.

7. As the Storyteller speaks, the Listener gently, quietly “mirrors” each word. They will, in essence, be speaking together.

8. After one minute, call “SWITCH!”

9. At the end, call time and remind players to thank their partner.

Debrief:

How did that feel as the Storyteller? The Listener?

Was it easy or difficult? Why?

Share with your team and journal your reflections.

 

Notes

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