Index

Accessible, as component of A.R.E, 59

Access resilience, 55–56

Affirmation statements, 71–72, 73

Alfa Insurance Company, 7, 14–18. See also Linda’s team

Alignment, 88–90

Anxious dependency style, 12

Apollo 13 (movie), 98

A.R.E. tool, components of, 59–61

Arnold, Magda B., 39

Attachment

definition of, 4–6

styles. see Attachment styles

in workplace, 11–21

Attachment styles, 12–13

Attack–attack cycle, 47–48

Attack–withdraw cycle, 46–47

Automatic thoughts and behaviors, 43–45

Avoidant dependency style, 12

Awareness, 90–92

Bodily sensations, 40

Bonding conversation, 13, 51–53

Bowlby, John, 4–5

Brown, Brené, 50

Center Club Orange County, 113–114

Client-centered therapy, 5

Conflicts, 20

addressing, 99

avoiding, 13

and disconnections, 43

and disengagements, 83

emotional balance during, 81

future, 58

long-standing, 72

primary negative cycles in, 48

resolving, xv, 31

responding to emotions during, 65

solving, 98

teams struggle due to, 2

turning point in long-standing, 72

at work, v, 11, 99

Conflict resolution, 18, 58

Constructive dependency style, 12

Daring Greatly (Brown), 50

Effective dependency style, 12

Einstein, Albert, 78

Emotional bonding, 3–4

The Emotional Brain (LeDoux), 63

Emotional Connection (EmC) process. See also Emotional Connections

acknowledging words and phrases, 50–51

alignment, 88–90

alliance and safety in, 45

automatic thoughts and protective behaviors, 43–45

becoming captain, 111

bodily sensations, 40

brain activity and, 57

capturing emotions, 39–40

challenges in, 85–96

experiential nature of, 78–80

five techniques, 67–72

goal of, 58

identifying the triggers, 27–28

importance of repetition in, 81–82

individuals sharing feelings and thoughts, 36–38

interviews with leaders using, 113–115

leadership and, 77–78

levels of emotions in, 37–42

Linda’s raw spots and levels of emotions, 27–28

negative cycles, 45–49

nurturing connection and emotional safety, 25–26

recognizing emotions in ourselves, 41

slowing down, 18–20

three dimensions of attachment, 40–41

three stages of, xix

trust, 86

use reassuring, 50–51

using as proactive tool, 99–100

using emotional attachment, 19

validation component of, 45

working with conflict, 38

Emotional Connections

and building bonds, 93

and enhancing trust, 88

and improving alignment, 90

and increasing awareness, 92

positive, 6

and power of vulnerability, 95

restoring healthy, 6

Emotional responsiveness, 67–68

Emotional safety, 50

Emotion(s)

capturing, 39–40

expressing, 7–8

in ourselves, recognizing, 41

positive, 52

primary, 32–33

science of, 62–63

shame as, 33

sharing, 70

softer, 32

surface, 32

understanding, 4

Empathic reflection, 69

Engaged, 60

Expressing emotions, 7–8

Five techniques, 67–72

affirmation statements, 71–72

emotional responsiveness, 67–68

empathic reflection, 69

normalizing, 70

reframing, 70–71

validation, 68–69

Functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) images, 57

Girgis, Sam W., 114–115

Goleman, Daniel, 7

Healthy team dynamics. See Team dynamics

Human relationships, nightjars in, 75–76

Independence, 92–93

Innovation, nurturing, 102–104

Johnson, Susan, 57

Joy, feeling of, 34

Leaders/leadership, ix, 1

EmC and, 77–78

role, 57–58

understands emotional balance, 63

LeDoux, Joseph, 63

Lieberman, Matt, 61

Linda’s team

bonding conversation, 51–53

exploring emotions with, 36–38

first session with, 16–18

leader’s role, 57–58

list of raw spots, 61

meeting, 14–16

raw spots and levels of emotions, 27–28

reframing technique, 59–62

thoughts and protective behaviors, 43–45

three layers of emotions in, 39

warning signs, 59

List

of negative emotions, 107

of positive emotions, 109

of raw spots, 61, 105

Minuchin, Salvador, 5

Miroculus, 113

Negative cycles, 16, 45–49

attack–attack cycle, 47–48

attack–withdraw cycle, 46–47

reframing, 81

withdraw–withdraw cycle, 48

Negative emotions, list of, 107

Nonverbal cues, 60

Normalizing, 70

Perls, Fritz, 6

Perls, Laura, 6

Pink, Daniel, 100

Positive cycles

of bonding conversation, 53

sequence of, 53

Positive emotional connections, 102

Positive emotions, 52

list of, 109

Power of connections, 23–29

Primary emotions, 32–33

Professional growth, 100–101

Psychological safety, 67, 85

Pursuer dependency style, 12

Reassuring anchor, using, 56

Reconnection process, 80

Reflection, empathic, 69

Reframing technique, 61–62

Repetition, importance of, 81–82

Resilience, 1

accessing, 55–56

Responding to emotions

during conflicts, 65

five techniques, 67–72

real-life example, 66

Responsive, 59

Ripple effect, 7–8

Rogers, Carl, 5

Sadness at work, 33

Safety, 33, 59, 73, 103

in EmC, 45, 81, 98

emotional, 25–28, 49, 50, 55, 58, 76, 101

psychological, 67, 85

situational safety, 29

team, 91

Science of emotions, 62–63

Secure attachment style, 12

Self-realization, 79

Shame, 33

Sharing emotions, 70

Situational safety, 29

Softer emotions, 32

Still Face Experiment (Tronic), 60

Stress, 40, 41, 59, 67, 72, 76, 79, 83

brain functions during, 59, 102

and danger, 8–9

exploration of values during, 89

factors causing, 91

mitigating, 68–69

negative cycle patterns and, 46

positive cycles during, 61

situational, 58

work, 3, 5, 7, 27, 31

Surface emotions, 32

Team(s)

struggle, 2–3

on thriving situations, 97–100

trust within, 86–88

Team dynamics, 58–59

Team leaders. See Leaders/leadership

Team members, learning, 6

Team success, roadmap to, 4

Thriving culture, 1, 100, 101

Tocigl, Alejandro, 113

Traditional training program, 78

Transparency, 89

Tronick, Edward, 23, 60

Trust, 86–88

building, 87, 96

emotional connection and enhancing, 88

within teams, 86

Unresolved traumas, 91

Validation, 68–69

Volatility, 1, 64, 77, 97

Vulnerability, 50, 93–95

Ward, Richard J., 113–114

Warning signs, 59

Withdraw–withdraw cycle, 48

Work

fun at, 101

sadness at, 33

Workplace

attachment in, 11–21

conflicts, 1, 99

culture, 59

emotions in, 85

emotional intelligence at, 7

safety at, 16, 24, 25–27, 103. See also Safety

stress. See Stress