Would you tell your love that you “don't have the bandwidth” for something? Or would you say you “don't have the time”?

Would you say, “Let me ping you on that”? Or would you say, “I'll get back to you”?

Would your Valentine's Day card read, “You're my top resource, Valentine”? Or would it say, “I love you to the Death Star and back”?

Would you put something on his or her “radar screen”? Or “execute on” a promise or commitment?

You get the idea.

Weblish words sprout from technology and have no business being applied to people. They sound as if they were being uttered by a robot in a flat, mechanical voice—not a human being with a brain and soul and actual blood pumping through an actual beating heart.