4. Face the Thoughts
Running or burying your head in the sand to hide from the little monsters in your mind that tell you all sorts of awful things will just allow them to compound and will eventually cause more damage than good. If you don’t face these poor thoughts, you will never challenge them and overcome them. You have to acknowledge your feelings. If you’re thinking about it, it already has power. You must address the root of the problem that caused the thought and stand up to it.
The reality is that 80 percent of everyone’s thoughts contain some sort of negative content, so having these negative thoughts is a normal part of life. The secret is to recognize them when they occur and then control your response to the thoughts when you recognize them.
You Give Up Your Power
When you refuse to face and experience your feelings, you give up your power to control them. It is you who have given them power. To stop this, you need to be willing to accept that feelings are a part of life. When you deny your feelings, you diminish your life experience and limit your awareness of your personal experience. Your life is only one-half lived because you cannot avoid your feelings. Only your conscious knowledge of these thoughts as they exist inside you—creating chaos, whether you are aware of it or not—can free you. You must be willing to experience those feelings that you have tried to avoid by control, submission, or plain out avoidance.
Throughout each day, while you go about your routine, you consume stimuli, which often bring negative thoughts as you attempt to solve problems. The difficulty isn’t that you have negative thoughts. The problem comes when you believe your thoughts are true and let them consume your mind.
The thoughts in your mind work together to create stories that are often false, but your beautiful and powerful mind makes them sound believable. The problem is that you buy into these stories and take ownership. You don’t step back to get a better perspective. You don’t ask yourself necessary questions about your thoughts, such as, is this thought true? Is this thought important? Is this thought helpful? These simple questions help to put the thought into perspective and determine its validity.
Label your thoughts. Instead of saying, “I’m terrible with money,” say, “I’m having the thought that I’m terrible with money.” Instead of saying, “I’m never going to have any money,” say “I’m having the thought that I’m never going to have any money.” The difference might seem subtle, but it can help you gain the perspective that you are not your thoughts.
Thank your mind. If you’re having anxious thoughts, such as, “I hope I’ll be able to get out of this debt...I hope I don’t lose my job...” say, “Thank you, Backseat Driver, for attempting to keep me safe, but there’s nothing that you need to do right now. I’ve got it under control.” Make notes to yourself and let your Backseat Driver know when it can take a break.
You must learn to talk to you yourself like a friend instead of an enemy. When you start to feel anxious, upset, or sad, take it as a signal to pay attention to what you are thinking about.
The reality is that most negative self-talk is false, irrational, and self-defeating. It makes sense that the first thing you want to do is question what is happening and not just let your bad feelings marinate in your mind. You must ask yourself what are you saying to yourself that is making you feel upset? Do you really want to do this to yourself?
Breathe Deeply
Negative self-talk often creeps in and happens so automatically that it can be hard to figure out exactly what you are saying to yourself. It is important to find a way to calm yourself so that you can slow your mind and thoughts, and detect what negative messages you are using. A quick way to relax is to take many deep abdominal breaths.
Every thought you have goes through the same process when it’s developed. It’s similar to creating plays for a sports team to execute. Some work, but others do not. You must explore them before you discard them. The goal is to respond to the landscape and alter the plan as needed. You must do more than just develop thoughts. You need to execute at a level that moves you toward your goal. You must be the master of your thoughts and work to eliminate self-defeating talk that ensures you lose before you even begin to play.
Respond to Negatives with Positives
Write down a positive and nurturing statement that counteracts the negative self-talk. Make it in the first person. For example: “I learn from my financial mistakes whenever I make them.”
Meditation is the best way to control your thoughts. Meditation involves the art of concentration and quieting the mind. In meditation, you not only control your thoughts but you also bring qualities of inner peace and oneness to the forefront. Tap into the calming power of your heart and use it as an alternative force to take the place of the negative mind. Meditate on positive thoughts and words of affirmation daily. (There are a number of sources where you can learn to meditate or refine what you already know.) If necessary, meditate as often as needed, day and night, to keep negative thoughts from taking over your mind.
When you spend all your time and energy avoiding, denying, or suppressing your feelings, you cannot focus your energy and awareness on your goals and dreams or enjoy your life. If you don’t face your feelings, they will continue to push you until you can face them. Thinking happy thoughts to cover your feelings only delays the inevitable. Keep putting this energy into a container; sooner or later it’s going to explode, no matter how much you affirm or visualize it staying contained.
Visualization is wonderfully effective when used to create your own experience. Just like it sounds, it means clearly seeing all aspects of a situation, decision, or dilemma you face. For example, when you experience fear, self-doubt, or anxiety about a situation or a thought, visualize yourself in that situation or of having that thought. Imagine that you are being, doing, and acting in your own best interests as you envision yourself. Most important, believe that the outcome will be favorable. Then you are better prepared to do and act in your life.
Take a deep breath and prepare to confront each trigger that causes negative thoughts. Running away or burying negative thoughts will cause them to compound and fester in your mind. After you identify what causes your negative thoughts, it’s better to face them head on. Challenging negative thoughts when you first recognize them can help diffuse their power to expand into every area of your life.
Only by having the courage and wisdom to experience your feelings and know who you are, where you are, where you want to go, why you want to go there—keeping aware of the assets you have to get you there—can you become an empowered person who is insightful, purposeful, organized, and free.
When you decide to face and experience your feelings, know yourself and your life, you are free to choose your response to each situation. With no call to action, the self-talk will fall silent and you will instead hear your own inner guidance. And that message is always life enhancing:
Focus on the thought that you are having and determine if it is a complete thought or a half-thought that has no merit.
Is this a reoccurring thought?
What is the worst thing that can happen if this thought became reality?
Is the thought negative or positive?
What is the lesson you can learn from this thought?
Visualize your life without ever having these thoughts.
Thought Question
What reoccurring thought do you have that keeps you from pressing forward?
Mind Changer
Realize that feeling stuck can be temporary if you take the steps to change.