Chapter 1

What You See Ahead of You Depends on What You’re Looking for and How Far Away You Are

Choose something to admire. It could be a flower, a football game, a friend, a plate of French toast, or anything else on which you would like to focus for the moment. Made your choice? Great!

Now, in your mind’s eye, put it as close to your nose as possible. What do you see?

Again imagine the same thing but place it as far from your nose as possible while still retaining the ability to see the object and distinguish its major parts. What do you see?

Finally, in your mind’s eye, move it to that spot in the middle ground where it’s clearest to you at that distance. What do you see?

You have just experienced perspective. Did you stand close enough? Did you stand too far away? Did you pay attention to the middle distance in your field of vision? Where you are standing in relationship to what you are looking at can make a huge difference. Of the three perspectives you tried, which was the most informative in this case?

There isn’t one right perspective. In life, in order to really see and understand what we’re looking at, we’re often called upon to see and hold multiple perspectives simultaneously.

Try the same three perspectives with your own aging. What do you see and what do you infer or understand from that?

Now try the same three perspectives with your potential retirement. What do you see and what do you infer or understand from that?

Now try the same three perspectives through the lens of your life planning. What do you see and what do you infer or understand from that?

Henry David Thoreau is quoted as saying, “The question is not what you look at but what you see.” I would argue that the question is not only what you see but also what you infer or understand from what you saw. That inference and insight is essential to effective adulthood because it can drive both belief and behavior consciously and unconsciously for a long time.

Let’s set aging and retirement aside and use those three perspectives to examine ourselves as an After 50 demographic.

A LOOK AT OURSELVES FROM A SIGNIFICANT DISTANCE

According to the U.S. Census Bureau and AARP, we are a population of 108.7 million people age 50 plus, of which 53.5 million of us are women and 55.2 million of us are men.¹

The “Baby Boomer” group of people born between 1946 and 1964 totals 76.4 million. There are 32.3 million “Traditionalists” born before 1946.²

Our 50-plus population will continue to grow by 19 million people in comparison to an expected 6 million increase for the 18–49 population. This has significant implications for our so-called entitlement programs such as Social Security.³

Our average 50-plus household population is 2.35 people, suggesting the kids have mostly moved on, at least for now.⁴

Seventy-five percent of us are white/non-Hispanic, 10 percent are African American, and 9 percent are Hispanic. Shortly, the 50-plus Hispanic population will equal the African American population at 12 million.⁵

According to the 2016 Employee Benefit Research Council Retirement Confidence Survey, 27 percent of us are working in retirement.⁶

A December 2014 Society for Human Resource Management (SHRM) study explored the reasons employees age 55 plus retired from one employer and then went to work for another one. Their reasons for working were: money (72 percent), enjoyment/occupying time (58 percent), health-care benefits (45 percent), and social interaction (42 percent).⁷

In a 2014 Merrill Lynch Work In Retirement study, in partnership with Age Wave, 52 percent of working retirees said they took a break of an average of 29 months after retirement to relax and recharge before going back to work for an average of nine years.⁸

According to research from JP Morgan, men age 65 today have a 78 percent chance of living another 10 years. Women age 65 have an 85 percent chance.⁹

A 2014 survey by the Employee Benefit Research Institute suggests that only 44 percent of U.S. households have tried to calculate how much they will need to save for retirement. The Employee Benefits Security Administration predicts that you will need to have 70 percent of your pre-retirement income available each year after retirement to maintain your standard of living when you stop working. If your pre-retirement income was $80,000, this would mean you would need $56,000 per year from all sources of funds for the rest of your life. If your pre-retirement income was in the lower spectrum, you will need 90 percent. This means that if your income was $27,000 before retirement you will need $24,300 per year from all sources for the rest of your life.¹⁰

The U.S. Government Accountability Office (GAO) 2015 study shows that about half of the households with people age 55 and older have no retirement savings. Retirement savings are an indicator of other financial resources as well, whereas absence of retirement savings suggests few if any other financial resources. Social Security provides most of the income for about half of households with people age 65 and older.¹¹

A LOOK AT OURSELVES FROM A MID-RANGE VIEW

Generation-based labels and constructs are clearly popular and in common usage: Silent Generation/Traditionalists (born 1900–1945), Baby Boomers (born 1946–1964), Generation X (born 1965–1980), Millennials (born 1981–2000), and Generation Z (no consensus on beginning or ending birth year).

There are approximately 55 million Traditionalists living in the U.S. today, allowing for deaths and immigration.

Frequently used characterizations of the Silent Generation/Traditionalists are respecting authority, duty bound and rule oriented, dedicated to giving back, loyalty, emphasizing law and order, desire for power/status/achievement, and believing in personal responsibility.

There are approximately 76 million Baby Boomers living in the U.S. today, allowing for deaths and immigration. They represent close to one-quarter of the estimated 2012 U.S. population of 314 million people.¹²

Raise your hand if you believe that your birth year is the primary determiner of who you are.

Raise your hand if you believe that there is a low level of diversity among people born between 1900 and 1945 so that they can be easily and readily captured as a homogenous group.

Raise your hand if you believe that there is a low level of diversity among people born between 1946 and 1964 so that they can be easily and readily captured as a homogenous group.

Why is this important? Because subscribing to groupthink about birth-year labels can automatically limit your options and creativity as you move into your own aging and retirement. Who we are and who we have become depends on three features:

1.Birth year

2.Where we were raised

3.How we were parented

Arsenio, born in 1966, grew up in a large, raucous New Orleans family. There were always older cousins plus aunts and uncles to keep tabs on him and his siblings. In many ways his maternal grandmother, always nearby, was the dominant adult of his childhood. His parents, both hard workers but not college educated, were determined that he would not only get a college degree but that he would earn it from a big-name school. As a consequence, his schoolwork and progress were monitored much more closely than that of most of his friends. Sometimes he thought it was a burden, but mostly he experienced it as reliable love for him. He did go to a good college and has built a fine professional career since then. Arsenio does regret living so far from his family now.

Michelle, born in 1966, grew up in Albuquerque. Being fully bilingual, her language abilities were often sought out for translation and letter composition by Spanish speakers in her neighborhood. Her parents, especially her father, were fiercely committed to her developing a combination of self-esteem, diverse interests, good education, and the ability to move gracefully across the many social community boundaries in her native city. Eventually she became an activist and executive director of a local nonprofit. Sometimes it’s a struggle to balance her work time with her husband and kids, but she loves her life most days.

Randi, born in 1966, was raised in Manhattan. She went to camp as a girl at a lake in the Adirondacks and her parents took her every other year to Florida to see her grandparents. Her mother, a great lady, was a museum volunteer and a strict Catholic who raised her daughter the same way. Her father was an agnostic who worked most of the time. Their shared loves as a family were theater and classical music performances. Until she went away to college in Ohio, New York and Florida were her geographic world. In college she met and fell in love with a fellow student from Brussels. Eventually they married and now live in his home city.

Rob, born in 1966, was raised on the family farm in Kansas. He loved sports and was very active in Future Farmers of America. His parents were both active church members, and Bobby and his two sisters grew up with a strong sense of family loyalty, cohesiveness, and right and wrong. Until Bobby won an FFA-related trip to California at age 15, he had never been out of the Midwest. To his parents’ and his girlfriend’s alarm, he fell in love with California and declared his interest in going to one of that state’s universities. When he was 19, going to school in California on a sports scholarship, he realized he was gay. It changed his life.

Were Arsenio, Michelle, Randi, and Rob all affected by the major events in both this country and overseas that they lived through between 1966 and today? Of course they were, and they undoubtedly share preferences about life as a result. Is their birth year enough to cluster them together as a uniform quartet? I doubt it.

A LOOK AT OURSELVES FROM UP CLOSE

Each of us uses life models, sets of structures, and expectations that make things make sense to us. They are very personal and dear to our hearts. One of the most common is the Four Stage Life Model. It’s linear, predictable, we’re used to it, and anything else seems either unnatural or weirdly unacceptable. Most of us are so accustomed and attached to our models that we don’t see them anymore. They can act as our life’s foundation and we use them to set our expectations and behavior. It’s like driving to or from work and, upon arrival, not remembering seeing any of the streets or traffic lights; we’re on autopilot. At the autopilot stage our models can turn on us quickly without our even being aware of it.

The Four Stage Life Model looks like this:

1.Childhood

2.Education

3.Work and Family

4.Retirement

It seemed to work so well for our parents and grandparents. But our world is very different from theirs. So is this model obsolete?

For many, if not most of us, I believe the answer is a resounding yes.

Why? Let me count some of the ways:

1.Many of us are living far longer than our parents’ generation, and with those additional years (even decades) our needs and expectations will be different than in generations past. Will you live longer and healthier than your parents?

2.Living longer will require engagement and stimulation for more years than previously assumed.

3.Living longer will require more money over a longer period of time to support us, keep us active, keep us housed and fed, and keep us healthy.

4.The famous financial planning three-legged stool may require a fourth and a fifth leg. The first leg, the planned benefit retirement with pensions, is growing scarce and potentially unreliable over a course of many years. The second, Social Security, could be at risk, at least in the form it is now. The third leg, retirement savings, is, in the majority of households, grossly insufficient. The fourth leg is one or more additional, if small, active and passive income streams that are begun long before retirement. The fifth leg is adequate insurance coverage for health and for our survivors who may not be able to jump quickly into the workforce if necessary. Do/will you have all of the legs in place and absolutely assured? How long will you have to work at what you are doing now? What kind of additional income streams can you create now so they can be built upon before or after retirement?

5.The elimination of entire segments of jobs, companies, and industries puts income security at risk. It also puts professional identity, work-related belonging, and the opportunity to be employed again at risk. What we studied in college and learned in the jobs we later held are no longer a guarantee of employability in the future. How solid is the match between your skills/expertise and the emerging, in-demand jobs/gigs in today’s world of work for pay? What have you done to update your employability and skill set if you want or need to return to some form of work eventually?

6.Many of our institutions—marriage, churches, health-care systems, employee/employer partnerships, governments—have transformed, and in so doing weakened traditional safety nets. With later-in-life divorces on the rise, the perceived value of churchgoing on the wane, health-care costs rising, employers showing little loyalty to employees, and government programs inadequate, that support has weakened. Institutions have their membership, financial, and commitment limits. Can anyone or any institution be more responsible for you than you are? Upon which institutions can you depend for your future?

If the Four Stage Life Model is outmoded, what should take its place?

I propose a six-stage model:

1.Childhood

2.Work/Education

3.Work/Family

4.Work/Extended Midlife

5.Work/Leisure, and

6.Needs Help Elderly

What? No retirement? How unfair! Well, not really. Let’s get real here, one stage at a time.

CHILDHOOD

Childhood used to be simple to identify. Children were young and shorter and less mature. And with years and height and experience, they grew out of it. And, they left home. Now it’s much more complicated. Kids move out and often move back in, but not always alone. Employment problems, financial difficulty, marital problems, and saving money for education are only a few contributing factors. While these kids may also be grown-ups, and living with parents on an extended basis prolongs the parent/kid bond, the jury is still out on the long-term impact on both the adult children and the aging parents. For our purposes I would like to define children as those dependent upon their parents for financial support, food, shelter, and guidance about crucial life choices, regardless of age. Still, I think childhood is a valid life stage even if it is dramatically extended through significant, elongated dependence.

WORK/EDUCATION

Take a hard look at the price, value, and impact of a college education, which is more expensive than ever. Many people think student debt and the greatly reduced ability to support oneself when paying off student loans is the single largest obstacle to moving on into more advanced maturity. Education now includes a shorter shelf life of knowledge acquired upon graduation because of the pace of change. Many students are working AND going to college. This prolongs greatly what used to be the launch at graduation: off on his or her own at last.

WORK/FAMILY

Clearly the family norm, by any current and valid statistical measure, is no longer Dad, Mom, 2.5 children, a dog, and a cat. Families have multiple, simultaneous work and careers. Divorce exists all around us as do single-parent households. Kids have activities that may or may not mix part-time work with ongoing schooling. Work doesn’t only look like a job anymore. It can also look like freelancing, project work, entrepreneurial efforts, and multiple gigs instead of one employer with one job. Almost no one, except possibly those owning their own small, stationary businesses, will work for one company or stay in the same job for years. Going back to school to update our skills periodically across our lives is going to be increasingly common. Without it we will slip from employable to unemployable, often without noticing it.

WORK/EXTENDED MIDLIFE

If we’re going to live longer and healthier, we have a choice to make. Do we want to add those years to our elderly period or would we like to add them to our midlife? I vote for midlife because I firmly believe that the period between age 50 and elderly can be the most rewarding of our lives. We can do some of the most significant, creative, meaningful things in our lives at this time. We may not be slowing down as we age, but there will be a shift in the balance between work (freelancing, entrepreneurial efforts, and jobs) and leisure (volunteering, individual creative projects, athletics, hobbies, travel). There will certainly not be a dead stop, as in one day fully employed, next day fully retired. We’ll still be driven by the need for an income stream, extended belonging (which we often find at our place of work), meaningful engagement, and ongoing intellectual stimulation.

WORK/LEISURE

We have an opportunity later in our lives to create a smoother and easier flow between work and leisure. Hopefully we are more comfortable in our own skins, seeing work and leisure less as competing opposites and more as permeable containers with energy, attention, and satisfaction flowing back and forth between them like one of Rudolf Steiner’s Flow Forms.

NEEDS HELP/ELDERLY

We may not be the first to realize we’ve reached the point where we need help in one or more aspects of our lives. Or we may. Regardless, denial may arise. We may not want to recognize it and neither may our loved ones. Reality may intrude. I think it’s a skill, certainly a graceful skill, to listen well to someone who thinks we need help—or to ask for it when we realize we need it—and then make a clean, informed decision about it. The distribution of our lives over a potentially longer time frame will require reorienting ourselves to altered realities and needs. It will also mean surrendering models that are obsolete, and that can take tenacity and courage.

It’s my expectation that getting into the habit of having and using more than one perspective regularly is going to be a life skill that, although it’s work to do, is much more likely to result in a high quality of life. I invite you to revisit this chapter whenever you catch yourself relying on a single perspective and suspecting, even half-heartedly, that more than one perspective might give you the information and answers you need.

My sincere thanks for your interest, engagement, and tenacity. These traits should serve you well as we go forward.

And now . . . onto Today’s New 50-plus Lives.