7 The language of print: a style guide
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Evelyn Waugh
Scoop, 1938
WRITING STYLE
Newspapers use individual house style so that they have their own way of writing and layout. Most newspapers and magazines have their own house style book, which new recruits have to learn. It’s therefore difficult for a book such as this to give a prescription of style that will be common to all newspapers. Instead, this chapter aims at making generally acceptable stylistic points. The rest you will learn on the job.
There isn’t much space in a newspaper, so the language we use must be:
• clear
• unambiguous
• to the point.
There’s no room for too many words. Schoolroom English is not news writing English. The answer is to write simply, then what has to be said will be clear. And write it short.
1 Go for shorter words if possible
Sentences should be full of bricks, beds, houses, cars, cows, men and women.
| Call a spade a spade | not | ‘an implement for’… |
| a cat is a cat | not | a ‘feline creature’… |
| near | not | adjacent to |
| now | not | at this moment in time, or at the present time |
| during | not | in the course of |
| before | not | prior to |
| because | not | in consequence of |
| save | not | effect a saving |
| from | not | as from |
| watched | not | kept observation … or observed |
| although | not | despite the fact that. |
2 Avoid little used or unusual words
We should never try to show our readers how clever we are, or baffle them with our knowledge e.g. use ‘meeting’, not ‘rendezvous’.
3 Try not to use adjectives or adverbs excessively
An adjective has its uses, when it is employed properly. A sentence with every noun preceded by an adjective is tedious and clumsy and loses its pace. If you want to shorten the number of words, see how many adjectives you can take out without damaging the meaning.
4 Use shorter rather than longer sentences
A sentence should be only as long as it takes to make the point, to tell the fact, the one fact, that is best per sentence. The longer a sentence is, the more complicated it becomes in structure and punctuation.
5 Try to write in the active voice rather than the passive.
‘The boy told the truth’ is far clearer and better writing than ‘The truth was told by the boy’. The sentence is strengthened in the active voice, and the words are fewer.
6 Keep punctuation simple
Only use punctuation when the meaning could be in doubt. Punctuation that causes the reader to go back and read a sentence again is bad punctuation. If you find you’ve written a sentence with a lot of commas and semi-colons, split it into separate sentences.
In general, all your writing should be as informal and as conversational as possible. Conversational writing style does not mean being casual or indifferent about the words you use. The challenge is to convey precise messages using normal, informal language.
Don’t use jargon. Government specializes in it; lawyers, doctors, academics, scientists have a language of their own. You have to translate this professional language. For example do not use:
1 ‘Water scientists will test for parts per million to see if the lead content exceeds government standards.’ Use instead: ‘The water will be tested to see if it contains too much lead. ‘
2 ‘Police apprehended the suspect after he fled the scene on foot.’ Use instead: ‘The suspect ran away. Police chased and caught him. He was arrested.’
Writing for impact
Sell the story in the intro. This gets attention, tells what the story’s about and why it’s important.
Tell the story in the body of the story.
End it with a conclusion that is memorable. The ending can do a number of different things. It can tell how to act on the information received, how to get more information; and when readers might expect to get more information.
The intro
The intro (selling the story) should be as universally interesting as possible. It should hook the interest by getting the audience to stop and read/listen/watch. For the intro, include:
• what is new about the story
• what is the most important fact in the story
• what is the most interesting fact in the story
• what part of the story will have the biggest impact on the most people, locally
• what does it mean for me?
The body
In the body of the story:
• make sure you cover who, what, where, when, why and how
• select which points or facts you will include
• select which points or facts you will leave out
• select which points or facts can be generalized in few words.
• Does this fact have any real meaning for the reader?
• Does this fact contain valuable information?
• Does anyone (except me) care about this information?
Put related ideas and facts together. Look for a logical flow of thought and ideas. Make sure the body explains, repeats, amplifies the points made in the intro, and tie the elements of your story together with content-driven connecting or transitional words such as but, still, so, regardless, and.
However, be careful about using words like meanwhile or meantime, which are becoming clichés. They have their place in a story to compare the time frame from one event to another, but they are often used mechanically as a crutch rather than creatively as a tool to make transitions from one story to another. Don’t do it.
The ending
Look for a logical end that sets the reader up for what might happen next, the follow-up; or possibly restate the ideas and focus of the story. There are various types of ending:
1 The Main Fact: this is a restatement of the main fact of the story, usually the fact you used to sell the story at the start. This should not just be a simple repeat, but should explain and expand the original fact as a result of what has been said in the body of the story.
2 The Additional Fact: adding a fact at the end can put the story in perspective. However, the new fact can’t leave unanswered questions. It must be able to stand on its own while bringing the story into focus.
3 The Differing Opinion: when the story is controversial there are always at least two sides to the argument. If one side is making the news in this particular story, the other point of view can appear in the ending – ‘Jones’s lawyer says there’s no way he’s guilty.’
4 The What Next: your story concentrates on what happened today, but looking ahead is a natural way to end. What will happen next? What can we expect now? How will the people involved react considering today’s developments? – ‘Jones was sentenced this morning. His lawyer says: “We’ll be appealing”.’
5 The Twist: a strange, interesting, ironic or funny twist to the story. The end is a good place to put it – ‘An hour later – Jones and the prosecutor were married.’
6 The Reader Information: sometimes it’s important to end the story by giving your readers information they can act on – ‘If you’re interested in finding out more about the subject, call this number’.
Checklist for good storytelling
• What do my readers need to know to understand the story?
• What do they already know or not know?
• What will turn my readers off?
• What is the point of the story?
• Where does it start?
• What happened?
• Am I telling too much?
• What is the one thing I want my readers to take away from the story and remember?
• How can I sell this story to the reader?
• How can I stop them doing something else and read the story?
STORY ORGANIZATION
Every story is different, but there are some basic guidelines that will help. Start with a short, hard-hitting lead. Write a brief paragraph as the lead, which gives the major news of the story. Then write a second paragraph that will provide major points of the news event that would not have fitted properly into the first paragraph (you don’t want to crowd everything into the first sentence of the story).
Then provide background. The third paragraph of the story, and following paragraphs if necessary, should provide background that will explain things for the reader. Background can come from someone you have interviewed, who might explain something; or from the reporter, to make the story clearer. Even fast breaking news stories need background paragraphs to explain what has happened before. For example, in a story about day one of an accident you might use these paragraphs to give some information about the number of similar accidents there have been at this spot in the last year. If there is more than one major point, use background paragraphs to wrap them all together. Then you can develop them in later paragraphs separately.
Present news in order of descending importance. Continue reporting news of the story using paragraphs in order of descending importance. Inverted pyramids (news point first etc.) are seldom constructed in order of time sequence (chronologically). When you want to write chronologically (from the beginning of the event to the end), you might prefer to use a different writing form (start with the latest news of the story, and then make a transition right back to the beginning of the whole thing – where someone was born, how the story started).
Use quotations. A good time to introduce the first direct quote is after you have given the reader the major news and background information. Get all that out of the way first, then introduce a direct quote. Separate direct quotes by using additional news, background and paraphrases of what was said. Sprinkle quotes throughout the story rather than string them together in a block. That’s boring. Remember, quotes are useful because they let the person in the news communicate directly with the audience with a really exciting, interesting saying.
Use transitions. A paraphrase, a background paragraph, a paragraph with additional news or even a direct quote can be used as a transition to move readers smoothly and logically from one paragraph to another. Transition alerts the reader that a shift or change is coming. Transitions can occur in several ways:
• numerically: first, second, third
• by time: at 3 o’clock, by lunch time, 3 hours later
• geographically: in Midlevels, outside the attacker’s house, Western residents
• with words: also, but, once, meanwhile, therefore, in other developments, however, and, but.
Do not editorialize. Reporters report the news and are the eyewitnesses to the news. Your job is to tell the reader what you saw and what other people said; what happened. You should not include your own personal opinions. If you think something is wrong, or bad, let someone say it and you can then report it.
Avoid ‘the end’. News goes on and then stops. It doesn’t have a conclusion, like an essay does. Readers should realize that although the writing might have stopped, the story goes on.
Adding life and power to your stories
Three key ways of improving your stories are:
1 Personalizing (telling the story through people, using their individual stories as examples of a larger concept)
2 Foreshadowing (telling the reader early that there is going to be a problem later in the story)
3 Using sidebars (to add something extra to the story without destroying the main story or idea).
Personalizing
This is not difficult, but means you must think about your story in a different way. Personalizing is using the human element. The story that is humanized jumps out and grabs the reader’s attention. Try to humanize, give the ‘people-angle’ to a story, whenever you can. For example, if you are doing a story about a cutback in welfare money, talk to someone who will be affected, find out what they will have to do to keep living at the standard they are now. This is writing features through experiences; not telling about facts and figures, but using the facts and figures to show how someone will be affected by an event. Showing people’s experiences makes the feature come alive. For example:
Jerry stretched out his arm. And closed his eyes and he prays. The white clad figures become a blur as the injection takes effect. The heart by-pass is about to begin.
Foreshadowing
This is giving the reader a warning of something that is to happen later in the story. Good reading gives enjoyment as well as providing information. The best enjoyment comes when there’s suspense, so long as it is done properly, with due warning of what is to come. You have to give the reader hints about what is to come in a story. No one wants to read a happy story about someone, only to find in the last sentence that the person has died. The readers need to have some indication that a sad fate awaits the heroine. This keeps them reading. So you have to give some warning clues throughout the story; clues that suggest but don’t give away the facts of the ending.
Sidebars
Sometimes you can’t include everything you want in the main story because it will make it too long or involved. Not everything that needs to be reported fits comfortably under one lead. You may have a hard news angle and a feature angle. They can’t both go in the one story. So you also write a sidebar, a second story that picks up one particular point or explains more fully. The sidebar is a simple device and allows you to break up a story if it is too long or complicated or has too many angles. Write a main story and give the reader an overview, then write separate accounts of other aspects of the story. This breaks the complete story up into manageable proportions.
For example:
• doing a football story: use a sidebar about the coach or one of the players.
• doing a story about pollution in the local river: a couple of sidebars about what kills fish, and about an old man who remembers what it was like before it was polluted.
• covering a speech: the main story might be the news of the speech, with several sidebars about reaction from people to the speech.
• a government meeting story: the main story covers the meeting, and sidebars cover public reaction, the reason behind decisions, history of events that resulted in votes, and public reaction to government decisions etc. The public needs to know the decision, the reasons behind it, and what other people think about it.
NEWS IN THREE PARAGRAPHS
Here is another way of thinking about how to write news stories. Try to do it in three concise paragraphs. Think of the lead sentence as containing two phrases. See each paragraph as three lines, each with a phrase no longer than one-and-a-half lines.
Para 1
The first phrase of the lead contains the most important facts of the story. The second phrase is composed of secondary information (often the attribution). For example, not:
Police Inspector Lee of the Kowloon Police Division said today that two 16-year-olds died of gunshot wounds sustained during a fight in Waterloo Road…
but:
Two 16-year-old students from the International School died of gunshot wounds during a fight yesterday in Waterloo Road, according to the police.
Para 2
This would then be important but not essential information to the story. In this paragraph you would give the reader some background information to understand the piece. You might have to explain some aspect of the story. This second paragraph can also be used to give names of sources or victims. The names of the two 16-year-olds, for example, are critical to those who are concerned in the story but not to the general reader, so there’s no need to give the names in the first paragraph. If you don’t name them in para 1, they have to be named in the first phrase of para 2.
The second phrase of para 2 is reserved for the attribution or background material that is not terribly important, e.g. other names, addresses and so on.
Para 3
Phrase one should in some way elaborate on the first phrase of para 1. If you don’t have enough material to write more than one phrase about a story, you probably need to find another lead. The second phrase of para 3 can be used for background material or to identify a source of news more completely.
The first phrase in para 3 often elaborates on the story’s first phrase in the lead with a direct quote, for example:
‘Taxes must be raised in Hong Kong if quality of life is to be maintained’, Legco member Joe Lee said yesterday during a debate on pollution in Hong Kong.
‘Taxes have not been raised in the Territory since 1990 and budgeted expenses for next year exceed income by $X million dollars’, said Mr Lee, who’s been a Legco member for ten years.
‘People in Hong Kong can kiss quality of life good-bye if more money isn’t found to improve pollution and clean up the city’, said Mr Lee who also unsuccessfully called for tax increases last year.
This para can also contain the rest of the story, and some background.
This does not mean, of course, that you can’t start a sentence with an attribution when failure to do so would confuse the reader, or that there are only three paragraphs to every story. Para 1 could always be made into several. Third paras could be several if there is a lot of background, or there could be two lead sentences when there is a combination of important lead factors, which together would make one sentence too long. For example:
‘Consumers will pay an additional quarter per cent sales tax on all non-food purchases from next year as a result of a new law in Hong Kong. The money will be used for a 5.5 per cent raise for police and fire-fighters’, said Legco member, Mr Lee.
This story has essentially two leads: consumers paying more, and police and fire-fighters getting more.
An alternative approach for a major news story with more paragraphs could be as follows:
You should tell the reader:
1 The news and what has happened
2 The historical context (how it fits in with what’s gone on before)
3 The contemporary context of the story (how it fits in with what’s happening elsewhere, if it does)
4 The impact (how it’s going to affect the reader).
Following these paragraphs detailing the facts of the story, more can follow, which readers can read if they are interested in getting the full picture. It works like this:
Parliament yesterday decided not to go ahead with a new anti-pollution Bill, [the news]
The unanimous vote was the third time in two weeks that Parliament has blocked a plan by the Prime Minister. He says the plan will go’ ahead anyway, [the context]
If the Bill does not go ahead, this will be the only developed country not to have such a law. [the scope]
The proposal would cost a lot of money, but taxpayers would pay only a small proportion of the full cost in implementing the Bill, [the impact]
After that you can write the rest of the story at whatever length you like, looking at major themes expressed in these first four paragraphs and developing them as necessary.
NEWS INTROS
There are two types of news intros: hard and soft.
Hard news intros
Summary intro
Everything is hung on it – all the facts. For example:
The Financial Secretary, introduced his last-ever Budget today in Parliament in an attempt to cut taxes and bring inflation under control.
This contains the six basic ingredients: who, what, where, when, why and how. This is a common news intro, but be careful it doesn’t get too long and include too many facts.
Instant name intro
This is used when the person you are writing about is so important or so newsworthy that their presence is the main part of the story. For example:
Bill Clinton has just started his final State of the Union Address in Washington.
Delayed name intro
This is used when the person involved is not inherently newsworthy but has become so because of what they have done or said. For example:
A man accused of murder told the District Court yesterday that he had no memory of stabbing to death his lover.
General intro
This is used when the reporter, faced with a number of competing angles none of which seems very important or interesting, and which makes for difficult writing as a single lead, decides on a general angle.
For example:
The Governor, John Smith, has presented a revolutionary package of measures to government aimed at getting his old age pension scheme approved.
The second sentence would then support this general intro with a specific fact or quote.
Single fact intro
This contrasts with the summary intro, and is used when one angle is particularly strong and needs highlighting. For example:
The Governor, John Smith, called his new pension package ‘a revolutionary idea which must be passed at yesterday’s meeting of the House.
Dash intro
This is used when the main point can be covered very briefly. For example:
Inflation is on the increase – and that’s official.
or:
Drinking harbour water can be fatal – so says a leading medical specialist in the Territory.
Personalized intro
Generally in news stories, we try not to use the personal pronoun ‘I’. It suggests too much subjectivity (although it’s fine in a feature or column). The personalized intro is the exception, and places the ‘I’ at the centre of the action. The journalist witnessing the event carries its own newsworthiness. For example:
I joined the terrified women and children as they moved back into Kosovo.
This is a feature intro with a byline.
Subjective intro
News often has the appearance of objectivity when, in fact, it is the journalist commenting. For example:
The new Financial Secretary has only been on the job for less than a week – but already he looks just the job to ensure that Hong Kong’s finances will stay on track.
This is an opinion reflecting the bias of the paper or the journalist. This is a feature intro, not a news intro.
Punning intro
This is particularly popular in the tabloid papers, particularly in British papers like the Sun and the Mirror. It provides brightness to the copy. Names of TV programmes, stars or films and well-known conversational phrases are often used. For example:
‘Bye bye’ to ‘ Allo ’ Allo as the TV comedy finishes. 161
Story intro
This is used when the unusual aspect can best be conveyed through a brief chronology of events. In this, the intro shows how good the use of ‘There is … ’ can be as an opening, and then moves quickly on to the narrative.
There were red faces among Germany’s police yesterday. First they allowed four armed and dangerous criminals to cruise out of their high-security prison, having placed a car at their disposal, as well as DM 2 million in used notes. Then they lost all trace of them.
Soft news intros
Soft news stories have the news element at or near the opening, but the news is treated more colourfully and some of the rules of hard copy reporting are broken to provide a softer feel to the copy.
Direct quote
Starting with a direct quote ‘softens’ the story, as in this example:
‘We might have to fix that before we open – can’t have different shades of green there, it’ll make everyone seasick!’ That’s just one of the worries for staff as they put the finishing touches to the new international art exhibit due to open tomorrow. Thousands are expected to come to the exhibition which is being held as part of Scotland’s Edinburgh Festival.
Question intro
Beginning with a question mark softens the story, as in this example from the London Daily Mirror:
Heard the one about the bank robber who wore his balaclava mask back to front? When he pulled it down he couldn’t see to point hisdummy gun at the cashier and nearly died laughing. But it’s no joke – it really happened yesterday at a branch of Lloyd’s bank in Luton, Beds.
However, please don’t use question intros simply to pose a question: ‘have you ever wanted to climb to the top of a mountain at night?’ Readers don’t want to have questions thrown at them. They want answers.
Delayed angle intro
Delaying the main angle is difficult to achieve, and needs to be handled with caution. It works by arousing the reader’s sense of curiosity and will fail if the reader is not curious to know how it all ends. It is best kept for when something unusual has happened and the reader is kept in suspense before being let into the secret. For example:
John’s father never said much. ‘Whatever makes you happy’ was all he said when John announced he was going to join the army. So John joined up as a soldier, at the very bottom of the pile. That was 18 years ago, during that time he’s seen the world; fought in many wars; been married and divorced, and done all the things soldiers do. Today his life changes forever, he becomes a general.
Eyewitness human interest
The reporter focuses on a specific person before looking in more detail at the story. For example:
A small blonde-haired girl had an expression on her face that said she could never cause any trouble. Her teacher looked on with quiet satisfaction. She had helped to turn Gretel’s life from misery to happiness and now she is the star in a training video to help others to do the same.
Surprise intro
Building up the climax softens the story, for example:
At 60 mph, all you can hear in this car is the ticking of the clock. But what else would you expect in the latest Rolls Royce?
THE INVERTED PYRAMID
This is an old approach to news writing, which traditionally stresses the notion of having the most important elements at the top (all usually in the first sentence) and the least important (often called background) briefly at the bottom. It’s a useful notion for stories based in the main on one source. However, for the vast majority it oversimplifies the writing and creative processes. News values operate throughout the whole story and background, and can occur anywhere in a news story. Sometimes when a story is unintelligible without any background information it will be better to put it higher up, even right in the intro. Make your news story a mixture of quotes (direct and indirect), factual details, background information and occasional brief analysis, comment, description. Each of these elements usually comprises separate thematic sections. Within each section news values apply: the most important comes first, the least important last. Instead of a single inverted pyramid it is better to think of a series of inverted pyramids, so a story might turn out like this:
• Lead: summary of story, expansion of the intro
• Second section: new source
• Third section: background
• Fourth section: return to source from intro.
So if you take a news story such as a murder, for example:
• Section 1: the intro with the details of an arrest
• Section 2: the response of the parents of the murdered girl
• Section 3: details of the three men charged with the murder
• Section 4: police reaction.
All hard news stories are built around the conventions:
• Factual details
• Dramatic content
• Quotes
• Reaction/comment/description/analysis.
QUOTATIONS AND SOURCING
Journalists always have to interview people to get information for any story, whether news or feature. The result of the interview is used in the story in one of three ways:
1 As a direct quote
2 As an indirect quote
3 As unattributed background information in your own words
When you interview for a story, you should use a mixture of these three methods of writing the story. Otherwise it will be boring.
Direct quotes are useful to a journalist’s story: they enable people to speak directly and talk for themselves. Indirect quotes tell what the speaker said without using the exact words.
Beware of pronoun ambiguity: when you use general reference pronouns in a quote (it, this, that) you often water down the quote and make the reader doubt whether the person quoted is actually addressing your point. When you have an effective word to quote, don’t use the word in the text before your speaker uses the word.
For example:
Flabbergasted doctors made a discovery that may save Joe’s life – he has the same cancer. ‘I was flabbergasted’, said Dr Smith.
Do not characterize the quote for the reader. Always leave the reader to decide what the quote means. For example:
‘He never had a chance’, his daughter said. Later, in an interview, she said with dignity, ‘A lot of people…’
This quote has two problems: ‘in an interview’ and ‘with dignity’. Don’t use ‘in an interview’ unless you feel your reader will not understand that the comments came from the interview. Here, it’s obvious, so not necessary. ‘She said with dignity’ detracts from what is obviously dignified comment from the daughter. Don’t intervene to tell the reader how to think.
Where to put quotes
Quotes can be used almost anywhere, but:
• Never in the lead of a news story.
• Almost never in the lead of a feature story (although in a feature lead a quote might work best, but only sometimes). Learn what your editor likes (for example, don’t try it without a really very good reason).
• Indirect quotes, of course, can go in the lead, followed in the next sentences by an expansion of a direct quote.
Remember: not everything is worth direct quotation. Quotes can be:
• direct
• quoted partially (one or a couple of words)
• paraphrased
• used only as background information and put without attribution in your own words.
Direct and indirect quotes
Direct quotes allow people to speak directly. They talk for themselves. When we quote, we reproduce the words that the speaker used. We reproduce – not create – the words.
Indirect quotes tell what the speaker said without using the exact words. You might change the words only a little; the tense may change, and the viewpoint change from first person to second person.
Indirect quotes may be:
• paraphrased
• in the writer’s own words
• summarized, reduced to the bare essentials.
Direct quotes add a lot to the colour and credibility of a story. By using direct quotes you are telling your readers that you are putting them directly in touch with the person speaking. They are the words of the speaker. Direct quotes tell the readers that something special is coming, and they make the story look better and easier to read by loosening up a clump of dense type. However, the fact that someone says something does not mean it is worth quoting. Most of what you learn gathering the facts and background for the story should be presented as summary in your own words. Only when the direct quote is better than anything you could write, or comes from a source that is so important to the story that it must be quoted, should you use direct quotation.
Direct quotes add impact to a news story. They can bring the reader into direct contact with the action. They can add authenticity and colour to a news story; the firsthand emotion of a participant, the terror a mother felt for her child. When you hear lively, interesting, colourful and appropriate words, you will want to use them in direct quotes.
Indirect quotation can be close to the speaker’s words, or a broad paraphrase. It is the substance of what the speaker said put into your words.
Indirect quotes add information, allow the journalist to bring the source of confirmation into the story and give the story authenticity and credibility.
What to quote directly
Crisp, clear, dramatic, meaningful quotes give a story more interest.
However, don’t have too many. You need some direct quotes, but you also need to have the confidence to recognize what is worth quoting directly. Look for:
1 Unique material. If you can say: I’ve never heard that before,’ it’ll often make a good quote because your readers probably won’t have heard it either. But don’t quote it all, or at length. Look for the core of the quote, and use that, not all the rubbish that usually comes with the really interesting quote. There’s a famous quote from a movie star. She was asked how she felt about playing the dumb blonde. She said: I’ m not offended at all because I know I’ m not dumb. I also know I’ m not a blonde.
2 Important quotes by important people. If I say: Something must be done about unemployment, who cares. I’m not important and no one wants to know what I feel about unemployment. But if the Governor says it, then it’s news and should be quoted directly. Generally, look for good quotes from public officials or well-known personalities in news stories and features.
3 Accuracy. Accuracy in direct quotes is the main thing. You can only use the exact words in a direct quote. You don’t have to use them all, but the words you use must be exact.
Fragmentary quotes
These are partial quotes; a word or phrase of direct quotation dropped into a sentence. Some examples:
The ‘element’ he was referring to consists of young adults who, he said, ‘run around with almost no clothes on’ and use ‘terrible language.’
Several proposals were discussed last year as a ‘minority bill of rights’, but never voted on.
Pollution, it was found, was ‘highly concentrated’ in Mongkok.
If the speaker’s words are clear, concise and informative, you can use the full quotation. If not, paraphrase.
Avoid putting quote marks around single words used in their usual and ordinary sense. For example:
Fire officials said they suspect ‘arson’.
Parenthetical insertions
Too often journalists use incomplete or vague direct quotes, and try to patch them up by inserting missing words or phrases in parentheses.
For example:
‘We intend to force them (the laws) through parliament’, Smith said.
‘They (private donations) are the difference between a good and great hospital’, Clarke said.
If direct quotes need to be patched up, like this, they aren’t worth using. The parentheses are awkward because they are intrusive. They stop readers in their tracks. The best way is to turn the awkward or incomplete quotation into indirect quotation, and work in the missing material or explain the vague reference. For example:
The law will be forced through parliament, said Smith.
Private donations make the difference between a good and a great hospital, Clarke said.
Remember: direct quotes should be used when the speaker says things in a more forceful, interesting, direct or unusual way than could be achieved by a paraphrase or a summary. If the speaker’s words are garbled, unclear or the syntax is awkward, then don’t try a direct quote, paraphrase.
Redundancy
In presenting a summary followed by direct quotation, avoid unnecessary repetition or awkward redundancies. It wastes space to tell readers the same thing in only slightly different form in successive paragraphs. For example:
If the firms were to be found guilty at the trial, the door would be open to bring criminal charges against the top executives. ‘If the corporation is found guilty, the next logical step may be to prosecute on individual responsibility’, the prosecutor said.
Getting rid of the redundancy it would read:
If the firm were to be found guilty at the trial, the door would be open to bring criminal charges against top executives. ‘That would be the next logical step’, the prosecutor said.
Transitions
Many news stories include only one or two quotes. The quotes are used to add emphasis or to lend support to a summary, and may be attributed or not. It is easy to work the quotes into the story if you begin with an indirect quote and follow with a simple direct quote. The indirect quote is a transitional device that bridges the gap between what went before and the direct quote. For example:
Robert Smith, owner of Bob’s Fish Shop, said bad prawns are only a small problem in the fish business. ‘Out of a thousand prawns, we might get one that’s bad’, he said.
Alternatively, the first sentence identifies the speaker and introduces his or her ideas or views. The second sentence gives the speaker’s views, specifically and precisely in his or her own words. For example:
According to both parents their son is doing very well since he started going to the new school. ‘He’s beginning to read and write well,’ his mother said.
Or there may be an indirect quote followed by a direct quote, followed by an explanation for the reader. The indirect quote makes it clear who is going to speak about the figures and gives a couple of specific examples. Then the direct quote tells the reader what the figures mean.
There is continuity of thought, and the direct quote is introduced smoothly into the story. For example:
The reduction in interest rates is already being felt in the housing market.
After a slow winter, sales are beginning to pick up, according to Henry Lee, director of the Happy Estate Agency.
He quoted statistics compiled by his organization that reflect daily transactions by 39 real estate firms.
Lee said that in the past two weeks, his office has seen from seven to 13 contracts a day compared with three to five earlier this year.
‘Right now the housing market in this area is very good’, he said, ‘sales are about 20 per cent above last year’s.’
Mortgage rates peaked at about 8 per cent earlier this year; the current rate is 6.5 per cent.
When you are writing a story in which several speakers are quoted, always use a transitional paragraph of summary or an indirect quotation to introduce a new speaker.
The summary in the writer’s words provides the narrative and prepares the reader for the direct quotations. For example:
Mrs Lee chased the men for several blocks, stopped them, and started hitting one of the robbers who had her necklace. ‘He really started begging me to stop when he saw my handbag, she said.
Don’t just throw direct quotes into the story. Set them up, prepare the reader. Let the reader know who’s going to talk, and give some indication of what the speaker will talk about.
Some direct quote examples
1 Quotes that put words together in an unusual way.
2 Quotes that emphasize or highlight a point. For example:
For breakfast, Andy eats a banana, a pear and an apple plus vitamin pills and ‘various herbal compounds’. ‘It tastes like a mouthful of sand,’ he says. Then he swims before going to work. At midday he does more work in the gym. Dinner is steak and a baked potato, ‘with only a small bit of sauce’, vegetables, and lettuce. And a multi-vitamin pill ‘to cover anything I’ve missed’.
3 Quotes that give a concise, telling story. For example:
The friends of Hong Kong socialite Mrs Williams are still talking about the ‘absolutely unique’ 35th birthday she gave last month. It was a costume party. Arriving in costume meant that all 38 people invited to the lunch had to dress in outfits costing less than $150.
‘Some people thought we should have set the limit at $100 and really made it tough’, explained Mrs Williams. ‘But I was afraid if I did that, no one would have taken it seriously. If the limit was $100, a lot of them wouldn’t even have tried. As it turned out, Mrs Williams said, all of her guests were real troupers. ‘These are women who spend more than $150 on their hair alone. They just dont have suitable things in their wardrobes, so they went out and shopped at places they’d never shopped at before’, she said. ‘They were so clever and original.’
When to paraphrase
You can use someone’s information without quoting simply by summarizing what the person said or by paraphrasing without quotes.
Attribute information when:
• the person is an expert (‘The Treasury Secretary announced’)
• the person makes an unusual claim (‘Mary Smith saw three cats climbing a tree together’)
• the person is identified specifically with an idea (‘Einstein’s theory’)
• someone makes a personal attack or a criminal charge (‘Police say they have charged…’).
Lazy reporters will quote too much of a person because they haven’t checked the story out. You should be selective in the quotes you use.
Too many quotes detract from the really good ones.
Always summarize or paraphrase when:
• you can make a statement or clarify a thought better than your interviewee. Explain a theory in simple words.
• you can verify the information from several different sources.
• the speaker talks about generally known information in common language.
• you are writing about statistics or dates (if you read the report, you can say what it says without quoting someone) or if you see something happen (then it happened and you needn’t quote).
• what you are quoting is authoritative but unclear (things like government reports, which use difficult jargon as common language); don’t quote the jargon, explain and paraphrase.
Speech phrase order
The speech phrase is nothing more than the subject and verb of a normal English sentence: for example, ‘She said she intends to run for office next year’.
Normally it is best to stick to the subject—verb word order in speech phrases just because it is normal word order, as in:
• Smith said
• The Governor said
• The mayor said.
There is generally no real reason to reverse this order. Usual word order helps readers. Unusual word order makes them slow down and sometimes it confuses. There is no reason in this sentence why the speech tag word order is reversed: ‘ “It was what we wanted and what we expected”, said the speaker’. It would be better to simply make it: ‘… the speaker said.’
Sometimes there is a good reason for changing this word order. For example:
‘Frankly, this looks awkward,’ said John Smith, senior manager of the publishing company, ‘and I don’t like being put into awkward situations.’
Or:
‘Frankly, this looks awkward,’ John Smith said, ‘and I don’t like being put into awkward situations’. Smith is senior manager of the publishing company.
Nonsense speech phrases
Avoid nonsensical verbs in speech phrases. No one is able to laugh, cry, chuckle or gasp a coherent statement – ‘ “I just don’t know the answer to that one,” he frowned’ (frowned????).
Stick to ‘said’, or perhaps ‘replied’. Of course, if a frown is significant, then use it:
Smith paused and frowned. ‘I just dont know the answer to that one,’ he said.
Speech phrase positions
The speech phrase preceding the quote
These are sentences that follow the normal word order of subject—verb—object. These quotes put the speech tag first and the quotation second. For example:
A Navy spokesman said, ‘no one was killed’.
Indirect quotations can also follow this word order:
He said Hong Kong is continuing to grow.
The governor said he does not believe China will do anything difficult.
The word ‘that’ often appears in these indirect quotations as a connector between the speech tag and quotation, for example: ‘The governor said that…’. This connector is optional and is frequently omitted when the sentence is clear without it; ‘that’ is more often omitted than included.
The speech phrase following the quote
In news writing this is the most common form of usage. For example:
‘I would hope that passports are sorted out,’ said the Prime Minister.
This word order is also often used in indirect quotations:
The low rainfall in February isn’t unusual, according to the weather bureau.
Never use the inverted ‘said he’. You can say: said the Prime Minister; or said John, but never said he or said him.
The speech phrase placed within the quote
This is also normal and acceptable grammar, and happens when the quote is a complete sentence that can stand by itself. The speech tag is placed at a natural break in the quote, often between the subject and verb:
‘But,’ he added, ‘Our city’s too big.’
‘My first love,’ she whispered, ‘is Hong Kong.’
Again, never say ‘whispered she’ (except maybe in a poem).
The speech phrase inserted immediately after the verb
This can be done in either direct or indirect quotation, for example:
‘He did not shoot, he said, ‘because there were too many people around.’
The speech phrase inserted between two sentences
Here the quote consists of two sentences joined by a linking word such as and, or, for, but, so. For example:
‘Well, he told me to go there,’ she said, ‘but he wasn’t there.’
‘Audiences are used to it now,’ she said, ‘so we’ll have to do something else.’
Extended quotes
In news stories it is often necessary to use several sentences of direct quotation in succession. For example:
‘I love him,’ she said of her husband, ‘he is a very important part of my life and has been for 25 years.’
Sometimes one speech tag can do for two sentences, if it comes no later than the end of the first sentence:
‘Last night we had some excellent food,’ Susan said. ‘For lunch the other day we had soup. This is my favourite place to eat out.’
You can also use this kind of quote to introduce a whole paragraph of direct quotation. In such cases, however, the speech tag often ends with a colon and the direct quote is put in a separate paragraph:
The governor made the same observation about budget growth:
‘I wonder when people are going to get angry. Budgets and taxes can’t continue to grow at this rate.’
Verbatim texts or long excerpts from texts that run over many paragraphs are generally introduced by a speech tag such as
The text of the governor’s statement: [followed by the full statement].
Extended quotes may run over two or three paragraphs but still need only minimum attribution. Note how in the next example the single speech tag in the first paragraph manages to support two full paragraphs of direct quotation:
‘Sleep is much more of a problem with old people than with children’, he said, ‘A sleepy child will crash out anywhere, but older people just don’t have the need to sleep as much so find it more difficult.
‘Even a not very caring parent will try hard to get kids to go to sleep.
No one will do that for an old person.’
Note: there are no quote marks at the end of the first paragraph. There are opening quote marks at the beginning of the second paragraph, but the closing quotes come only at the very end of the entire quote.
Checklist
1 Complete sentences make the best quotes. To be useful, a quote must be a complete thought.
2 Don’t use parentheses within a quote when the quote cannot stand alone.
3 Be sure the major point of a sentence is entirely quotable.
4 Beware of pronoun ambiguity: when you use general reference pronouns in a quote (it, this, that) you often water down the quote and make the reader doubt whether the person quoted is actually addressing the writer’s point.
5 When you have an effective word to quote, don’t use the word in the text before your speaker uses the word.
6 Do not characterize the quote for the reader. Always leave the reader to decide what the quote means.
Attribution and sourcing of quotes
To give credibility to news adequate attribution is a necessity in most news stories. Every news story should include enough attribution to assure the reader, viewer or listener that the story is accurate and believable. Attribution should be subordinate to the facts of the story. Attribution that becomes bigger than the information the story is intended to convey damages the story by confusing the reader as to what is important. A three or four paragraph story with attribution repeated several times is a weak story. Excessive attribution wastes precious news space, and is seldom necessary in the lead to a story. This is particularly true when adequate attribution will follow in the body of the story.
In routine news stories, one attribution may be enough. For example, in a brief story about a traffic accident, ‘police said’ used once will probably be enough to support the story. The attribution should come after the lead, probably in the second and no later than the third paragraph. Get the attribution into the story before the reader starts to wonder where the story came from. Attribution in the lead is necessary when the source of the story is as important as or more important than what is being reported, e.g. ‘President Clinton said today’. Attribution is a must here because the source determines the importance of what is being reported.
Not all stories need specific attribution, sometimes it is implied. Brief stories, for example the announcement of a special meeting or speech, may be acceptable without attribution. You do not have to attribute information to a source if one or more of the following is true:
• the information is a matter of public record
• it is something generally known by people
• it is available from several sources
• you are the eyewitness
• it is easily verifiable by people
• it contains no opinions
• it is not controversial.
Anonymous sources
Sometimes we use a source for a story who, for excellent reasons, should remain anonymous. Anonymous sources should be used as infrequently as possible (everything should be ‘on the record’ wherever possible); when you do use them, you must attribute somehow. Try to preserve your credibility as a journalist by giving as much information as possible about the source without identifying it. For example, ‘a source close to the governor said’.
Sometimes you may have to change someone’s name for a good reason. Then you must tell readers that the name you are using for a quoted source is not the real name: ‘Li – not his real name – said…’
Editing quotes
Direct quotes represent the exact words of the speaker, not the words of the reporter. This means you report what the speaker said exactly the way the speaker said it. But what if the speaker uses loose or awkward syntax, makes a mistake in grammar, or gets so wrapped up in pronouns or references that the meaning gets lost? Or you are translating from one language to another? The easiest solution is to use indirect quotes, when you can paraphrase. Put the quotes in your words – paraphrase – so you can straighten out or simplify the message. Leave out the bad bits. No one ever has to be quoted directly.
If the quote is a good one, then edit carefully and fairly. Unless you want to be unfair and show what a fool the speaker is (and we should never want to do that), you should always correct the grammar. We all speak colloquially, and the spoken language is not as precise and formal as the written language. Fix up colloquialisms that look strange on the page, and which might be fine in speaking but less acceptable in writing.
The quote marks tell the reader that what is said within them is not only what was said, but what was meant.
• quotations must be accurate
• never make up quotes and never change them
• never take quotes out of context; this may change the meaning
• never add quotes to one another if taken at different times; they may be out of context.
Identifying people
People must be identified clearly and accurately. Don’t misspell names, for example. Know who people are, and ask them to spell their names for you.
Sometimes age is used as an extra identification, as in police stories. In most news stories, identify a person only once. However, don’t use sexist identification of people (e.g. ‘a woman’) unless it adds significantly to the story. (Be warned about the: ‘Woman does something for the first time’ story. We’re past that.)
TENSES
News stories about events that have already taken place are written in the past tense and call for active verbs. When you write in the past tense, you must couple the verb with a time element – for example, ‘The speech continued on Tuesday’.
Some news stories contain no specific time references, such as feature leads or feature stories that put more emphasis on the story and less on timeliness. This is also true of stories about past events, where the fact that something has happened is important, but the exact time is not known or is relatively unimportant. For example, ‘The Prime Minister has announced…’
When you use the present there is no need for time references (‘The Prime Minister says …’). Timeliness is sometimes emphasized by use of the present tense.
Stories about events that will happen (coming events) require specific time elements, both day and hour, as well as a different form of the verb. For example, ‘will meet at 3 o’clock’. Future is usually expressed by the use of the auxiliary verb ‘will’. Sometimes, however, you can use the present tense to imply the future: ‘The team leaves tomorrow for the United States’ or ‘Legco meets tomorrow…’.
Normally, the main verb in the sentence determines the tense of the verbs that follow. For example, ‘He tried to do a good job but failed’ or ‘he does a good job but fails’.
The verb in the second clause generally follows the first verb’s tense, but not always. It depends on the meaning expressed in the second clause. For example, ‘The governor said that Hong Kong was rapidly becoming overcrowded’. Here, the meaning is not that Hong Kong was becoming overcrowded but now it isn’t any more. It’s a past statement about a continuous event still happening. The governor is referring to the present, so the second clause should be in the present or future tense: ‘The governor said that Hong Kong is becoming overcrowded’.
STORY BACKGROUND
Background to a story makes the story meaningful to the reader. It is the reporter’s job to make sure that sufficient background is given in a story to let the reader understand what is going on. The skill of the reporter – and the sub-editor – is to give just enough information so that the average reader won’t be weighed down with too much information. Usually one sentence will be enough in a normal length story (by normal length story I mean about five or six paragraphs). However, don’t delay the news by giving the background. It’s what’s happening that readers want to know about.
The way to construct the story would be:
• para one: the news point
• para two: fuller info or quote to support the news point
• para three: background as to why the story is important.
• para four: pick up the news event again
• para five: what’s going to happen next, or what it means.
Background is better for a story than interpretation; interpretation runs the risk of introducing too much opinion or bias. So, explain as you go along. Background can also be added for interest. A few extra words of detail add bite to a story. Instead of simply referring in a story to Tiananmen Square, add a few words to remind the reader that that’s where the riots took place and when.
Story treatment
For hard news stories it is usually best to simply give the news hard and fast; what has happened. However sometimes, for variety, it can be done a little more like a story. For example:
Several soldiers were hurt yesterday in a landmine explosion in the New Territories.
They were following a 14-year-old boy who later admitted that he had planted the explosives.
The soldiers said he was a ‘cute little guy’ who hung around the camp gate asking questions. They had talked to him and answered his questions – on explosives.
Or:
Gurkha soldiers at a camp in the New Territories thought that the friendly 14-year-old boy was a ‘cute little guy’.
He would hang round the camp asking questions.
The Marines told him what he wanted to know – about explosives.
Then one day the boy led a number of the soldiers into a minefield outside the camp – a minefield he had laid himself.
Some of the Gurkhas were hurt.
The boy, caught later, said he had been tortured by the triads to make him do it.
The source of news reports can also be delayed. For example, it is not always necessary to say right at the top that this is a court story:
Golfer Joe Bloggs lost his temper, took a swing – and broke a policeman s jaw.
It happened between the eighth and ninth holes on the Sydney golf course.
Bloggs, a 42-year old accountant of Paddington – a ‘fairly quick golfer’ — was playing the course behind Sergeant John Smith.
And Bloggs told the sergeant: ‘Get a move on, you’re slowing us up’.
The sergeant said: ‘We can’t go any quicker because of those chaps in front’.
Then, Mr K. Lawyer, prosecuting, told the magistrates court yesterday, the sergeant received a ‘hard blow’.
He was taken to hospital with a broken jaw, concussion and amnesia. He has lost six weeks work, but is expected to return on December 1st.
Bloggs later told police Sergeant Smith had tried to throw him: ‘I was out for a game of golf not a punch-up. I stepped back and hit him once’.
FURTHER READING
Bagnall, N. (1993). Newspaper Language. Focal Press.
Giles, V. and Hodgson, F. W. (1996). Creative Newspaper Design.
Focal Press.
Hamlett, T. (1998). TYR Style Guide. HKBU.
Hodgson, F. W. (1993). Modern Newspaper Practice. Focal Press.
Hodgson, F. W. (1998). New Subediting. Focal Press.
Hough, G. (1994). News Writing. Houghton Mifflin.
Itule, B. and Anderson, D. (1997). News Writing and Reporting for Today’s Media. McGraw-Hill.
Keeble, R. (1998). The Newspaper Handbook. Routledge.
Laakaniemi, R. (1995). Newswriting in Transition. Nelson-Hall.
Mencher, M. (1991). News Reporting and Writing. Dubuque.
Stone, G. (1992). Newswriting. Harper-Collins.