I JUST HATE NETWORKING

Most job hunters understand instinctively that there is great power in talking to people. They know, or have heard, that having conversations with movers and shakers is the most effective short cut. Statistically you are more likely to get a job through talking to someone you already know, or someone you should get to know. Talking to people of course isn’t the problem, the issue is talking to people you don’t know.

Most job hunters dislike the idea of networking. They fear the humiliation of asking for favours. They hate it when people don’t call back or say they’re too busy for a conversation. They dislike the idea of selling themselves. Some people even believe it’s unfair or unprofessional. The word ‘networking’ raises all kinds of fears – are you going to have to ‘work the room’, give out business cards, deliver an elevator pitch?

Whatever it’s called, it makes a difference. Even if you undertake just a few easy conversations, even if you only reach out to one or two people, even if you only reconnect with former colleagues and ask them how their jobs are going, you’ll knock time off your job hunt. You can argue about statistics or outcomes, but you can’t argue with the thousands of people who end up with a job offer because of a conversation. Leadership, Development and Team Coach Jo Bond writes:

Unless you plan to live a hermit’s life then an aversion to networking will negatively impact virtually any job you tackle. All networking means is talking with other people to gather information, advice, ideas, suggestions, recommendations, referrals to others, etc. It involves asking questions and actively listening to the responses you are given. It does NOT mean overtly asking for a job.

The first mistake is to believe that conversations will be primarily about you. The focus should be the person you’re talking to. You’ll learn a huge amount by asking questions such as ‘how did you get into this line of work?’ and ‘what’s changing in this sector?’ Even the question ‘what do you enjoy about your job?’ can provide great ammunition for interviews. When the conversation inevitably turns to you, talk briefly and clearly about your experience, what you do well, and what you’re looking for. No cheesy one-liners or slick pitch is required, just two or three quietly rehearsed sentences.

Therefore the reason for these conversations isn’t self-promotion, but organised discovery. Keith Busfield asks:

I wonder how many people understand true networking. It’s about talking to people in any situation and finding ways of getting on with them. If you’re unsure whether you will be able to network, you’re not asking the right questions, which are ‘is it really important? Do I really need to do it?’ Be clear about the outcomes, then find a style of networking that works for you. Go to networking events, but if you’re not good at talking to people you don’t know, volunteer to help run the event, handing out coffee or name badges. Finding ways of helping people gives you a great reason to talk to them. Don’t call it networking as that’s a big, frightening word – think of it as mutually beneficial conversations.

WHO DO I TALK TO?

Classic advice on beginning networking often invites you to draw a circle and write in it the names of everyone you have a professional relationship with, including your accountant, dentist, doctor and vet. This is in fact a random list of names of people who may be entirely unhelpful and unsuitable choices for level 1 conversations.

We need a new word to describe this activity – a mix of investigation, low-key broadcasting of your message, and plain old asking for help. Call it catching up with friends. Start here, because friends will give you plenty of support and will tolerate changes of direction. Next time you meet a friend for coffee, structure the conversation just a little more than normal. You could start by asking someone to review your work experience, reminding you what you’re good at, and what you’ve achieved. You could talk about ideas for what you’d like to do next, and the kind of people you’d like to meet.

Career coach Ruth Winden writes:

There is a misconception that to be a good networker, you have to be outgoing, gregarious or even jovial. Far from it – if all professionals were extroverts, networking would turn into a pretty exhaustive affair. In fact, introverts have two distinct advantages when it comes to networking: they are good listeners and they think before they speak! Introverted networkers don’t need to learn to network, they need to play to their strengths and engage with people one-on-one, have meaningful conversations, and build strong connections over time.

Level 1 conversations are about the gentlest form of networking, and anyone can do it. Most people will not only benefit from these conversations, but enjoy them. You’ll be talking to people you already know and trust, in a way you’ve never done before. This approach helps avoid mistakes that will feel like set-backs. Like the cold rebuff you get when you start a phone call saying ‘you don’t know me, but … .’ Like approaching high level contacts too early in the process – when you’re still feeling bruised by redundancy and you don’t know what you’re looking for. Why give people the opportunity to say ‘not now’ or plain ‘no’ when you’re aware how much these will set you back?

Starting with the level 1 conversations will give you the confidence to get really good at these structured conversations and within about a month or so you will feel ready to move onto that all-important next tier of new people in new organisations.

STARTING WITH THE RIGHT PEOPLE

How do you know if someone is a potential level 1 contact?

• They are easy to approach and easy to talk to.
• They are naturally positive and supportive.
• They have at least a few good ideas for you.
• They will be happy to remind you of your strengths.
• They are the kind of people you can go back to in the future with adapted or even contradictory ideas.
• Some of these people will have obvious contacts (and some won’t).

Those are the must-have elements. In addition, it’s great to talk to people who might actually know something about the job market or what employers are doing, and someone who is capable of introducing you to new people. So only talking to people who are retired, for example, may not move you forward as fast as talking to people who are currently in work, but don’t rule anyone out.

Finally, they are close at hand. That doesn’t necessarily mean they live around the corner. What it means is that when you look at the picture of what is ‘out there’ in terms of work and opportunity, they are in the foreground. Too many people try to scrutinise the far horizon for great contacts, approaching people cold, and miss out on the brilliant connections who are one easy phone call away.

They are the people who will usually ask how you are, and how your family’s doing. They are the kind of people you can trust with an honest account of how you feel about being made redundant. These individuals can be trusted with some important questions and ideas and if you go back to them three months later with a change of plan, they will forgive that.

Why approach these people at all? They possibly know you too well to give you cold, objective feedback on your CV or interview techniques, but they can do so much more. They are natural encouragers, positive minded people who can remind you of what you have done well, and help keep your energy levels up in the weeks ahead. You may feel you know all about them and everything they offer, but they will be natural ambassadors and agents – they will naturally give you a call if they come across a job that suits you.

So, pick up that phone. Your conversation might begin ‘this is going to sound a little strange …’ or ‘I’m going to get this wrong, but …’. The real test of whether you are approaching the right people is that it won’t matter. Level 1 contacts have your interest at heart, so they’re tolerant enough to cope with mistakes and reversals. When you pick up the phone to speak to them you know that you can just begin a conversation, and you don’t need to prepare a script of what you will say.

Start with these small steps. Spend anything from two to six weeks talking to people who are encouragers, asking them questions you’ve never asked before about people they know. Try this with friends, relatives, neighbours, even family – you’ll be surprised at the ideas and great connections they come up with. Don’t go home without asking the question ‘who else should I be talking to?’

REMIND ME – WHY AM I DOING THIS?

The advantages of working for a few weeks with just level 1 contacts are:

• You tell your ‘why I am on the market’ story a few times and get any emotional colouring out of your story.
• You gain confidence from hearing positive feedback.
• You get used to talking about yourself and start to learn to talk about what you have to offer.
• You can try out ideas for new career directions, even off the wall ideas, without being knocked back.
• You can try out ideas for a job hunt strategy, and share your job hunting plans.
• You will receive advice, tip-offs, useful information and background research.
• You can start to formulate answers to more demanding questions about your career intentions.
• You can start to collect warm introductions to level 2 people.
• You start to ‘talk out’ your leaving story and get it out of your system before getting in front of decision makers.
• You will come across useful information and contacts.
• You will get very little resistance and few knock-backs.

On the last point, exercise some caution. Some of your level 1 contacts may indeed be easy to approach, but they may also be the kind of people who will pour cold water on your best career ideas. There are plenty of people out there who are happy to remind you to be ‘sensible’ or want to tell you how difficult the job market is right now. Some of them may have had their own negative experiences. Talk to people who have useful information and contacts (not forgetting that people will always have more ideas here than you think). The time for a hard reality check will come later; for now seek out people with a positive outlook.

Be honest about what you’re asking for – make it clear that you are setting up brief conversations with a range of people to find out what goes on under the bonnet in a particular sector. Ask people for things they are happy to deliver – not CV advice or a job interview, but a good conversation about the world the post holder knows well. And thank people properly. Career coach Julian Childs writes:

People forget appreciation courtesies and to keep contacts informed of their subsequent progress, especially as a direct result of suggestions, advice and introductions received. Basic sincere human courtesies go a long way, whilst their absence slows things down.

HOW DO I BEGIN?

In a sense, if you have to ask that question it may be because the people you intend to approach are not true level 1 contacts. If you have to plan what you have to say at the beginning of a meeting, the people you have in mind may well be level 2 or 3 contacts. At this stage when you pick up the telephone to phone Jane, and if she is really a level 1 person, you don’t have to plan anything beyond ‘Hi Jane, it’s me. Fancy a coffee tomorrow?’ When you move up the networking slope you need to become progressively more focused on what you say – when asking for a meeting, and when the discussion starts. With level 1 people, however, it doesn’t matter how you set the meeting up or how you start (‘Listen, this is going to sound like a jumble sale of ideas …’ or ‘I’m going to tell you how I feel about being unemployed, and I’m going to swear quite a bit’).

USE A SIMPLE STRUCTURE

Before you do meet your supportive and loyal friend Jane, think about putting a game plan in place. This is something you are going to be entirely transparent about, so tell your friend what you’re doing. If your friend has issues to discuss, agree to split the time equally.

Having some kind of loose agenda helps. It makes sure that the conversation doesn’t become just a chat, and it helps cover the things you most need at the moment. Don’t over-formalise things, but your friend probably won’t mind if you start by saying ‘Can I pick your brain?’ and pull out a notebook. It will help you to have a simple outline and script in your head, for example:

Outline script for a level 1 conversation

HOW LONG SHOULD YOU HAVE LEVEL 1 CONVERSATIONS?

Everyone needs them. Even the most confident career changers need level 1 conversations just to ensure that they feel OK and sound OK about the process, and to seek a word of advice from good friends before they put themselves in the hot seat of a job interview.

Most people, particularly those who believe they can throw themselves straight into the job market, need quite a few level 1 conversations. That’s one of the reasons why there is a slight delay factor in picking up on recommended names and connections. If there wasn’t, you could easily be talking to level 2 or 3 people within a week of starting. Use level 1 as a practice zone and a safety area.

How do you know if you’ve done enough? Here are some guidelines:

• You’ve got a short, upbeat and safe statement for any question asking about your leaving story.
• You’re starting to talk confidently about your ‘offer’.
• You have some good names and connections in your notebook, and all you need is the green light of an introduction.
• You have a clear structure in your head for a confident level 2 conversation.

TAKING THINGS TO LEVEL 2

Keep on asking people you know for information, ideas and connections, but once you find level 1 conversations easy, take the first step. Go back to one of your friends and say ‘remember you offered to introduce me to Dave Smith …? If you could do that now, that would be brilliant’. If you catch your friend at a busy moment they may just want to give you an email address or telephone number, but this is less likely to be effective. Follow up on introductions and as you start to talk to people you don’t know, the breakthroughs begin.

Before that stage we will build on the results of your early conversations and polish your CV.