DALTON COACHED AUSTIN and assists him in delivering feedback to David Allison, a direct report he has struggled with since Austin's promotion to vice president. Dalton helps Austin deliver delicate feedback to make sure he and David are aligned moving forward.

PEOPLE-CENTRIC SKILLS IN THIS CHAPTER

• What a Combined Coaching and Mentoring Approach Looks Like
• How to Deliver Contentious Feedback
• Use of Silence

KEY WORDS

• Coaching
• Mentoring
• Feedback
• Feedback Sandwich
• Constructive Criticism

At Kelli's request, Dalton hung around another evening so he could join Austin in chatting with David on Friday morning. He switched to a flight around lunch, which was aggressive, but he had to get home for the weekend. With the time change, Dalton would not be home until after 7:00 pm and it was his weekend with the kids. He hated traveling on Fridays, but he acquiesced to his clients—specifically Kelli. He liked Austin and wanted to be there to help and support him. In the back of his mind he also thought that if this went as well as anticipated, there should be plenty of add-on work as well. As an added bonus, the only seat he could move to on the new flight was already in first class. He traveled in first most of the time due to his status on American Airlines, but it was really nice not having to wait on an upgrade. He was Executive Platinum and was still trying to figure out how to get to Concierge Key.

He did not find out about this change until midday Thursday and had to make sure Leslie could keep the kids a little while longer. The kids were very disappointed but understood. Liora, being very mature and emotionally intelligent, handled this in stride. Caleb was also very mature in some ways but much more emotionally immature than his younger sister. Caleb struggled hearing this news but his dad promised he would be home for his game on Saturday and would hang out and watch a movie Saturday night, just the three of them. This seemed to calm him down. Dalton tried never to miss one of Caleb's games. Caleb wanted him there but Dalton got pure joy out of seeing his son excel and grow and it bothered him to miss any of his games as much as it bothered Caleb.

He did see this as an opportunity to see if Lauren wanted to hang out that evening for a bit. He really enjoyed her company and rarely spent time with someone that “got it.” It was invigorating. Dalton sent her a casual text; he did not want to seem too forward but he really enjoyed spending time with someone with whom he had so much chemistry. “Hey—I am not leaving until tomorrow afternoon; want to grab a drink?”

Within a few minutes, she responded with an emphatic “Yes! Tell me when/where.” Dalton was worn out from the long week, so he wanted to minimize his plans; they discussed meeting for happy hour after work at the bar at the Hilton where he was staying.

Dalton did not have time to change so he went directly to the hotel bar, ordered drinks for both of them, and scrolled through his phone, clearing as many emails as possible. Lauren casually walked in and warmly greeted Dalton. They continued their conversation from the previous two nights like it had never ended. Time flew by. Drinks, dinner, and more drinks. Dalton did bring up the subject of Angela and asked what her issues were going in with her. Lauren mentioned her frustrations and, after chatting with her, Dalton understood her issues in greater depth, even though she couldn't pinpoint them exactly. It was mainly due to her emotions and use of them. Dalton suggested that Lauren take a step back and try to understand rather than assume. Dalton said, “Angela is a single mom and without understanding her fully, I think it's shortsighted to think critically of her. With an open mind you might have a completely different perspective.”

Before either looked up, it was closing in on 10:00 pm. Lauren had no interest in leaving; they were enjoying each other's company too much. Dalton invited Lauren up to his room to continue the evening but made it clear it was just to hang out and nothing more.

They retired upstairs and watched a movie; both fell asleep midway through, in each other's arms. Dalton's alarm went off at 5:30 am and Lauren hurriedly gathered her stuff and ran out, as she needed to get home and change. Before leaving, they hugged goodbye. This was not your friendly, casual hug. Lauren wrapped her arms around his neck and Dalton put his hands around her waist and slowly moved them to her back, gently rubbing her back while hugging her. The hug lasted much longer than either anticipated. Dalton walked her to the elevator and, before the elevator arrived at the 32nd floor to send Lauren downstairs to her car, she turned, came close to Dalton, moved him against the wall, and kissed him deeply. The elevator came and went and the kiss continued. Dalton eventually pulled away, not because he wanted to but because they both needed to.

After Lauren left, Dalton quickly packed and got dressed. He grabbed a quick breakfast and headed down to the office to meet Austin. He recounted the plan and was very interested to see how David would react to being confronted. He went through his notes and made sure Austin was on board with the plan to discuss with David:

• Discuss some of the rumors that Austin heard that make him think someone is trying to stir the pot, but he is moving forward with a clean slate.
• Austin understands David was very deserving of the position Austin was promoted to.
• That is not what happened so we are at a crossroads.
• What can Austin do to help David move past this?
• What are David's long-term goals at the company?
• Are there any projects David would like to be in charge of?
• How can Austin help him get there?
• Ask for David's assistance on creating a positive culture for the rest of the team.
• Give David the opportunity to elevate to Austin's official number two.

Dalton discussed with Austin the importance of the feedback sandwich when chatting with David. The environment needs to be viewed as positive, but Austin needs to make it clear that the previous behaviors would not be tolerated moving forward. Possibly that would not need to be said; it could very well be implied based on the situation. He walked through the feedback sandwich with Austin.

THE FEEDBACK SANDWICH

The Feedback Sandwich is a method of introducing feedback to any employee by surrounding it with praise. It starts with the bread (positive feedback) to begin the conversation on a high note. Be careful not to spend too much time praising at the beginning, because this will dilute the “meat” of the feedback message.

Next, deliver the opportunity for growth in a positive tone. Avoid accusations but remain focused on the message that must be delivered. The “meat” should be the most tangible part of the conversation. Finally, close the feedback session on a positive note. Praise a strength they have or, in this instance, tell them you are confident they are going to adjust and be successful. This balances out the constructive feedback with some positivity.

The feedback sandwich can be overused and Dalton made sure Austin knew he must be flexible with David. “If David reacts negatively to the start of the conversation, shift into the feedback quickly. Be flexible in your approach to this conversation. He might expect this and get frustrated when he hears the positive because he knows there is a lot of negative to come!” Austin understood and agreed with Dalton.

“It seems to be in vogue to rail on the feedback sandwich as people know it is coming; they want to hear the bad news right off the bat. As long as you are flexible in your approach to feedback, the sandwich concept still works very well!” Dalton exclaimed.

PROVIDING CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM

Dalton spent the few minutes before David came in to discuss a few key points on constructive criticism. Dalton explained that providing constructive criticism is a skill that requires you to focus on four key areas:

1. Focus on one issue at a time. Avoid addressing multiple issues. This will only cause confusion and frustration.
2. Focus on timely, specific feedback. Once you identify an issue, make sure you do not wait too long to deliver the critique. The more time passes, the less effective it will be.
3. Most important, focus on observable actions or behaviors. Avoid generalities.
4. Finally, focus on a plan to change the behavior. Depending on the extent of change that must happen, your plan may be a simple adjustment.

Dalton continued, “David's situation does not fit perfectly into these four key areas but, in general, these criteria fit in any situation.”

Austin and Dalton walked over to the conference room where they were scheduled to meet David (Figure 11.1), a long room with an oblong table that seated 10. Dalton wanted to make sure they spaced out in the room so not to intimidate David. Physical spacing is important in any potential conflict.

Austin sat at the head of the table, the first seat as they walked in. Dalton sat behind the table, facing the door, in the middle seat. David walked in casually but with confidence. David and Dalton had never met, so they went through the normal pleasantries and Dalton wanted to ease David's concerns immediately. He stated, “Kelli has engaged me to assist some of the team in executive coaching and developing their coaching and mentoring. This seemed like a great opportunity for me to meet some of Austin's management team.” Based on David's reaction, he seemed passively apprehensive but accepting.

Austin commenced the dialogue. “David, I know you have a busy schedule and I appreciate you taking time to chat. I know we have not seen eye to eye on everything since I have taken this role. Starting today, I want us to have a clean slate. Everything in the past is in the past. I need help creating a culture of collaboration and cohesiveness. I cannot do this alone. Everybody respects your knowledge of the company and of IT. I want to create a department that we both can be proud of.”

Austin was walking a fine line, complimenting David to build him up, but David already thought he should have Austin's job, so would this help or hinder collaboration? Dalton knew Austin was armed with specifics if David wanted to discuss the past but, hopefully, David saw the present that Austin was giving him: another chance, a clean slate.

David seemed to react well to this message. He sat tensely until Austin's initial message. He was very stiff and upright, sitting with his hands crossed on his chest and his legs crossed. After Austin's initial message, his shoulders relaxed, he uncrossed his legs and arms, and he leaned forward and took a deep breath.

“Austin, thank you,” David began. “Anything I can do to help I would be happy to do.” Both Austin and Dalton were somewhat surprised at how accepting David was of this message. Instead of responding immediately, neither gentleman said a word. Austin took a cue from Dalton and decided not to respond. David was peering down and avoiding eye contact for a few seconds. After approximately five seconds of silence, David, appearing contrite, continued, “I have not been happy over the past few months and it has probably shown. I have not been very supportive and, well, I hope we can move forward.” Their use of silence showed David that more was expected in his response. Instead of filling the silence with words, they waited, and David filled the silence with additional necessary information. David's apology definitely felt sincere and Dalton knew this was a turning point for David and Austin. In Dalton's opinion, the conversation could have gone one of two ways: David accepted the message and made an effort to move forward and foster a positive environment (which appeared to be David's choice) or it could have gone downhill fast, with David in denial. Dalton was very happy with how this conversation was kicking off.

They continued the conversation for 20 more minutes, discussing next steps. David was not just participating, he was lending and generating ideas. Austin took a step back and listened to David's ideas and let him take the lead. This was in line with the strategy they discussed prior to the meeting: empower your employees and give David the opportunity to shine as number two. If he does not like that position, then we will look at moving on without him. Thankfully, this does not appear to have been necessary.

Dalton walked back with Austin to his office, reviewing the conversation. Austin could not have been happier with the results. Dalton tempered his enthusiasm as David now had to follow through with results and that might be another story. Dalton recommended formal one-on-one meetings with David at least weekly to start to make sure David was receiving the appropriate amount of face-to-face conversation. Austin was very appreciative of Dalton's help and they discussed touching base in a few weeks to see how things were progressing.