Chapter 5
Perfect Phrases to Foster Open Communication
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Communication is two-way by definition. So much of what managers call communication really isn’t. Genuine communication happens when employees feel safe to speak freely. How often does that occur? Few employees report feeling safe questioning instructions and directives. That means bad ideas regularly go unchallenged and good ideas are often never heard. That means employees don’t dare to say no to projects that overload them past capacity. That means employees hesitate to question unclear directions and make up what they don’t understand. That means employees aren’t really team members because the team isn’t really a team. We can’t afford to have that be our world.
Managers often discourage communication without realizing it. Do you ever ridicule an idea? Are you ever defensive when criticism is directed against you? Have you ever retaliated either directly or indirectly against someone who spoke up? If you have, you sent a message throughout the team that it is not safe to speak. When we help the people we supervise feel safe speaking up or asking questions, we benefit from their ideas, we can address minor problems before they become major issues, and we are less likely to be faced with unpleasant surprises.
The beauty of open communication is much greater than the problems it avoids. The beauty is in the possibilities it unfolds. Troubleshooting becomes a synergistic fiesta. Brainstorming becomes fervent. A routine meeting can energize the team enough to solve the energy crisis. (I exaggerate, but you get the point.) I recently returned from a synergistic meeting with my team so on fire with ideas that I got more work done in an hour than I had the previous week. (This time I’m not exaggerating.)
So let’s not just use synergy to avoid problems. Let’s use it to become vital and strong. The phrases below will help you get going.
Perfect Phrases to Ensure Employees Keep You in the Loop
If you ever wonder if you should tell me something or cc me on something, go ahead and do it.
Please tell me about any changes regarding (topic). I don’t need you to tell me about (other topic).
Is there anything going on I might want to know?
I know you know how to do your job. Just update me to keep me in the loop.
I want to check in with you, not check up on you.
I’ll tell you about anything that affects you. Please tell me about anything that affects me and the team.
Please give me an update of your progress by (time).
Is the project running on schedule?
Is everything within budget?
Are the quality specifications being met?
What can I do to support your work?
No one told me about (item). Next time, please update me about events like that.
My manager said you came to him directly about (topic). I am concerned that you went over my head, but I’m more concerned about our relationship. What made you decide not to come to me first?
If you include me earlier in the process, we can synergize our thinking and come up with ideas neither one of us could come up with alone.
Perfect Phrases to Encourage Feedback
Sometimes employees don’t believe managers really do want feedback. They need extra permission and encouragement to offer an alternative perspective. They’re so accustomed to looking for the “right” answer that they are afraid to give input. Here are some phrases to give extra encouragement.
Imagine you did have an objection to this initiative. What would it be?
Please tell me what you like about this plan (procedure, idea, etc.). What would make you like it more?
What do you believe could conceivably go wrong with this in the worst possible scenario?
What do you think of this? There is no right answer.
Do you see a better way of doing this?
What do (I, we, you) need to know to make this endeavor successful?
What have I overlooked? Is there something that is outside my radar that would be useful?
Pretend I don’t know anything. What would you tell me about this? If we both have the same perspective on this, one of us is unnecessary.
I didn’t hire you to agree with me. Synergize with me, yes, but agree with me, no.
Perfect Phrases to Encourage Questions on Policies and Directives
Please ask three questions about my task request. If we are making assumptions, I’d like to find out now.
I want to make sure my instructions are clear. What is your understanding of what I just said?
What did I leave out?
What would you like reviewed?
What will your first step be?
What questions do you have?
What ideas do you have about (topic)? I might be missing something.
Please take a moment and summarize our discussion so far.
What main points stand out in what we said?
Let’s see if I communicated well. What did you hear me say?
I want to make sure we are headed in the same direction. Where do you plan to start?
Perfect Phrases to Get a Quiet Employee to Communicate
Some people on the team share everything and drown out the quieter ones. I want to hear more of what you have to say.
I used to hold back from talking to my manager because I didn’t know if it was safe. I want you to feel safe talking to me. Please test me.
We need your input to move forward.
This is not personal. This affects our ability to do our jobs. Tell me where you stand on this.
I often find the team members who speak the least are the ones who have the most to say. What’s on your mind?
How can I make it easy for you to share what you think about what’s going on?
Perfect Phrases to Encourage Team Members to Communicate Directly and Effectively with Each Other
We waste a lot of time when team members go through us when they should be dealing directly with each other. Plus it can be divisive when we hear issues individually, from only one perspective. Here are some phrases to get employees talking to each other.
Who do you think needs to know about changes regarding (topic)?
Let’s make a list of all the stakeholders in this project so you can update them about developments.
What information do you need to update (Name) on?
Have you spoken with (Name) about this?
Please talk to (Name) directly about this.
I’d like a joint recommendation.
I notice you didn’t copy (Name) on this e-mail. Please include (him, her) in future communications.
I’d like for you to handle this directly with (Name).
Perfect Phrases to Encourage Employees to Admit Mistakes
If we react poorly when employees tell us about their mistakes, we’re likely to create a dynamic where they don’t tell us about problems until it’s too late. Here are some phrases to encourage employees to admit their mistakes.
I like to replace the word mistakes with “learning experiences.” I’ve had plenty of those.
The way I like to hear about mistakes is with a plan of action to keep from making that mistake again.
I assume there will be mistakes. That’s normal.
Please tell me when you make a mistake so I can help us both do our jobs better. It might be that I haven’t guided you well.
I expect mistakes. When you make mistakes, it tells me you’re thinking, you’re making decisions, and you’re taking risks.
When you make mistakes, try to make new ones, or the same ones at a more sophisticated level. But even if you make the same old ones, do tell me.
Perfect Phrases to Encourage Employees to Resolve Conflict
When team members collide, our challenge is to keep from siding with one employee over another. However, we do want to avoid staying so neutral that an aggressive employee can tyrannize others. First get them talking.
If you have an issue with (Name), please talk with (him, her) directly. If you need support with the issue, I can meet with you both. It’s not fair to either of you for me to hear your perspective when (Name) is not here to share (his, hers).
We can’t afford to have team members who don’t get along. I prefer you work it out yourself, but I am willing to help if you need me. I’m not willing to let this negative dynamic continue.
I’m tasking you to come up with a way to work together. Let me know what you come up with by (time).
You two don’t have to like each other, but you do have to find a way to work together.
Please describe the situation from the other person’s perspective. What words would (she, he) choose?
Perfect Phrases to Invite Feedback About Your Performance as Manager
How open are you to feedback? Employees respect leaders who invite, listen to, and learn from the feedback they receive. These phrases and questions will help.
I’d like feedback, and I don’t want you to say what you think I want to hear. I do ask you to be gracefully assertive in your word choice, however.
How does my communication style work for you? What works? What doesn’t?
How’s my listening? Do you think I hear what you say?
I know there are some things about how I (communicate, manage) that can be challenging. Is there anything specific that would help us work together?
When I get focused, I may be (rude, abrasive, curt) without realizing it. If it’s a problem for you, please tell me.
When I improve as a manager, your job gets easier. That’s why I need your feedback.
This takes courage, but I’m going to ask the question anyway. What can I do better?
I am interested in hearing what I’m doing right, but I’m particularly interested in what I could be doing better.