Chapter 9
The Resolute Leader
As the name suggests, Resolute leaders are highly determined. Their strong-willed persistence and their inner strength give people the courage to get though tough times. We’ll elaborate on the value of the Resolute leader in Chapter 17, but in this chapter we want to dig beneath the surface to understand what makes this style of leader tick. More specifically, we want to help Resolute leaders recognize some of the sometimes hidden psychological mechanisms that can hold them back.
If you’re a Resolute leader, you may have a bit of a questioning side. There’s a no-nonsense quality to your leadership, and people probably respect your willingness to speak up about problems. But beneath this tough exterior are deeper motivations, needs, and assumptions that drive you to act the way you do. The more you understand these drivers, the more you’ll be able to consciously control and shape your leadership style.
Based on our research and experience talking to Resolute leaders, the qualities listed below may have a significant impact on how you lead.
A natural skepticism
A drive toward personal mastery
A tenacious drive to overcome obstacles
A predisposition toward disgust
A disdain for weakness
An over-reliance on “should”
We have no doubt that many of these qualities contribute to some of your most compelling strengths as a leader. As we go through these qualities in more depth, however, the emphasis will be on the potential limitations caused by these same attributes. While you might not identify with all of these qualities, our experience has shown that a number of them probably describe you better than you may initially think.
A Natural Skepticism
Resolute leaders have a natural skepticism that can make them less attentive to team dynamics. You probably pride yourself on your critical thinking ability, and after a lifetime of asking challenging questions, you may not have developed the nonverbal behaviors that send encouraging messages to others such as smiling, politely laughing at a joke, or nodding. When you first meet people, you have a “wait and see” attitude. Because of your skepticism, you may come across as disinterested or guarded. To put it another way, you may not have a particularly open or trusting attitude toward other people. Michele, a Resolute human resources director in the insurance industry, put it this way, “When I first meet people—I’m very serious in most business situations—I start out serious. I can be pretty funny sometimes, but not in the beginning.”
Not only are Resolute leaders skeptical, but they often feel the need to voice their concerns. They may feel like they have no choice—when their standards are violated, they take it very personally. This is one of the ways that Resolute leaders gain a sense of power. You may find that when you push others to prove themselves, many of them rise to the occasion, especially when they have a high need for approval. This allows you to drive the relationship. By establishing your high standards, you define what is important. While many people will respond to your high standards by trying to meet them, a few may be turned off by your aggressiveness. Either way, the other party may not feel entirely comfortable with you. Because they probably see you as strong, they may follow you, but often at a safe distance.
A Drive toward Personal Mastery
Resolute leaders have a strong drive to control the world around them, to have some influence on the variables that affect them. More than anything, they want to understand these variables, so they work to develop their own set of principles about how the world works. What they don’t realize is that this is not necessarily how the world actually works, but they attach a lot of “shoulds” to their own outlook on life. People should work a certain way, projects should be managed a certain way, and businesses should be run—you got it—a certain way. Resolute leaders put so much effort into understanding and organizing the world around them because, above all else, they feel a strong internal need to be competent.
Not only do Resolute leaders expect themselves to be competent, but they have very little patience for other people who they regard as incompetent. If they must work with people who they see as less able, Resolute leaders have a tendency to work around them. For example, Resolute leaders may give them minimal responsibility, not include them on updates, and simply not utilize them. Rather than making an effort to fully engage them and discover their passions and talents, they may dismiss them entirely. When people who seem incompetent share their ideas with you, how do you respond? All too often, Resolute leaders express subtle disdain or simply don’t listen.
Leaders with your approach have extremely high standards. When things go well, you may not be too terribly impressed—you expect the best. However, when things go wrong, your disapproval may be clear. Unfortunately, if you only react when things don’t work out, you create an environment where only mistakes are recognized. People may find this both intimidating and demoralizing, and it can cause them to focus more on avoiding mistakes than on really pushing themselves to stretch and grow.
A Tenacious Drive to Overcome Obstacles
Resolute leaders have a strong need for personal mastery. From early on, they have an inherent belief that they need to have control over their lives. This allows for self-sufficiency and (hopefully) guards them from the humiliation of incompetence. Leaders like you tend to build their self-worth on mastery and competency. If you feel that you’re competent, you feel like a worthy person. Because this is so wrapped up in your personal identity, you home in on exactly what you want and put your passion and energy behind it until it’s achieved. You can be very single-minded when you’re working toward a goal, and you’re willing to push through all manner of discomfort to gain mastery. This is one of the benefits of being comfortable with negative emotion. Where others might say “To heck with this,” you’re willing to persist.
Resolute leaders also genuinely enjoy solving problems, and they don’t mind wrestling with ambiguity. In your lifetime, you’ve probably received strong positive reinforcement—both internal and external—for coming up with solutions to tricky problems. On the flip side, you’ve probably also experienced extreme discomfort in situations where you can’t figure out a problem. Some people may be able to shake off such disappointment and move on, but it often really vexes Resolute leaders. It feels unsettling to not resolve the problem, so leaders like you often just keep pushing.
Although Resolute leaders are motivated by solving problems and overcoming barriers, other people aren’t built that way—and it’s not because they’re broken. Many people need to feel excited about goals and to feel that their contributions are recognized. You may have difficulty generating enthusiasm and doling out praise because you’re naturally skeptical of emotional appeals. You don’t tend to give any rah-rah speeches, and you may resent the idea that anyone expects them from you. You want to keep things logical and professional, and you may feel that there’s something vaguely unprofessional about enthusiasm. Rather, you often stick to a more hard-nosed, down-to-business approach. In your mind, that’s your job as a leader.
A Predisposition toward Disgust
Resolute leaders are often vigorous debaters, even if it’s just playing out an argument in their head. Using reason and ingenuity, they enjoy finding the flaws in another person’s argument and pulling it apart. On the surface, this might seem to be just a cognitive exercise. In reality, however, it’s just as much about emotion as logic. And what’s the dominant emotion present when we engage in debate? MRI studies have found that different parts of the brain light up during debate (Westen et al, 2006). Not surprisingly, the prefrontal cortex is active, which is associated with complex cognition. But, interestingly, another part of the brain is also often active: the part associated with disgust.
New research is also discovering a surprising link between many negative emotions and pleasure. Emotions can be addictive. We’ve all heard the phrases, “wallowing in sadness” or “stewing in anger.” Wallowing in sadness or stewing in anger leads to a spike in pleasure, but then leaves the individual feeling worse than before. So the person chases the negative emotion again, and a cognitive pattern develops. Because thoughts are more subtle than drugs or gambling or shopping, it’s difficult to recognize this type of pattern, and it’s even more difficult to stop. Without realizing it consciously, those with the Resolute style often learn how pleasurable being disgusted can feel and go back to this emotion again and again. You may believe that you have no choice but to be disgusted because the errors of another person are so egregious. Perhaps their logic is unforgivably flawed or their actions are inexcusably self-serving. If there is a reason to be disgusted with someone’s behavior, the Resolute leader has a talent for finding it.
Many Resolute leaders have developed a tough shell to manage their discomfort with vulnerability. When pressed, experienced Resolute leaders often reluctantly acknowledge that early on in their careers, they projected their underlying frustration on other things and people. They used to tell themselves that they had no choice but to be disgusted, but they now realize that they were looking for excuses to be outraged. When Resolute leaders get angry, they aren’t often explosive, but they can give off a number of nonverbal signals that can be intimidating. Their actions send messages such as, “Don’t waste my time,” “Are you kidding me?” or “I’m not buying it.” We all have social needs, and for many people, gaining approval or admiration is among them. For Resolute leaders like you, it’s to maintain respect. For this reason, you’re not as concerned with giving off cues that say, “Like me.”
A Disdain for Weakness
Resolute leaders generally have little tolerance for personal weakness. While they hold others to high standards, they may be even more ruthless toward themselves. Because they see being emotional as being weak, they often describe themselves as unsentimental. Unconsciously, you may distance yourself from others to avoid intimacy, particularly in a professional setting. Throughout your life, you may have detached yourself both to ensure order in your world and to protect yourself from being hurt. Even if you’re sometimes able to let your guard down, traces of this fundamental detachment may linger. When leading others, this can pose a challenge. It’s difficult to rally the troops if you don’t have a strong connection with the people.
Because you have a tendency to be detached, you may see what some would call “generating enthusiasm” as coddling. You may be put off by the idea of enabling people who won’t motivate themselves. Because you’re able to set your own goals and keep yourself on track, you may think that everyone should have the ability to do so. When people don’t carry their own weight, you may think it’s not only unfair, but it’s insulting. When people are wallowing in sadness, helplessness, or self-pity, many leaders want to help them work through their issues. You may have a different perspective. Your gut reaction may be utter disgust at their weakness, self-absorption, and selfishness. Truth be told, you have little respect for the role that emotions play in a person’s ability to perform. You are used to pushing aside your own emotions to get the job done. It may be difficult for you to empathize with feelings like helplessness, because you’re more of the mentality that people should pull themselves up by their bootstraps.
An Over-Reliance on “Should”
Resolute leaders often have a clear sense of how things should go. They’ve built their views on logic and analysis. Subconsciously, you may want people to play by your rules (i.e., the right rules), and you may feel underlying irritation toward anyone who chooses not to. And because others have so frequently gotten it wrong, you may often feel like a team of one. Relying on others—especially those who haven’t proven themselves—is difficult. In fact, it may be a comfort to you when the only true obstacle standing between you and your goals is your own effort. When you have to trust others, you don’t have this control, but you still want it. When people aren’t amenable to your attempts to get them to do things the “right” way, it’s probably really frustrating for you. Part of you is tempted to say, “Forget it—I’ll do it myself.” As a leader, you have to accept that you can’t always get people to do things to your exact standards.
You probably have strong opinions about how things should be done. It may be very difficult for you to relate to those who see things differently than you, and you may often feel that you could do things more efficiently than most people. You want to balance quality with speed, and it may be frustrating to watch people who don’t share these values. Your opinions on how things should be done are also built on your own bias toward logic, particularly your logic. Once you’ve worked through the logic of an idea and feel confident in it, it’s very difficult to change your mind. After building a list of solid reasons for your opinions, they become your vision, which you come to think of as fair and objective. What you may not realize is just how much your opinions are actually influenced by your individual experiences and values.
How to Navigate the Rest of the Book
You’ve had a chance to read about some of the psychological drivers that may hold you back as a leader, but what about the positive stuff? What about the areas where you naturally thrive? Chapter 17 in Part 3 is designed to highlight just that: the assets that Resolute leaders bring to leadership. There you’ll find the three lessons that everyone else can learn from leaders like you.
But, of course, other leaders have things to teach you as well. Looking at the model, you may have noticed that the Resolute Dimension is opposite the Affirming Dimension. Chances are that you may need to focus on this dimension, but depending on your individual situation, there may be others that are more important. Next, go to Part 3, where you’ll explore the lessons that are most important for you right now.