chapter

4

Accuracy, Clarity, and Brevity

 

 

 

• Accuracy

• What to Check

• References

• Clarity

• Brevity

• Types of Writing

• Four Characteristics of Media Writing

• Exercises

 

 

The story was datelined Palestine, West Virginia, and appeared in the New York Times in March 2003. The first paragraph described Gregory Lynch, father of Jessica Lynch, an Army private who had been captured by the enemy during the U.S. invasion of Iraq that spring.

Mr. Lynch, the story said, “choked up as he stood on his porch here overlooking the tobacco fields and cattle pastures, and declared that he remained optimistic.”

Pfc. Lynch had been missing since her unit had encountered the Iraqis less than two weeks after the war had begun. Although U.S. forces had been making steady progress toward Baghdad, they had met more resistance than expected. Lynch’s capture was symbolic of the troubles the Americans were having. About two weeks after her capture, on April 1, Lynch was rescued by a special forces unit. Her rescue became one of the major news events of the war, and although she had done relatively little, she became a symbol of U.S. military prowess.

From the time she became famous, everyone wanted to know about Lynch, her family, and her background. The New York Times sent one of its star reporters, Jayson Blair, to West Virginia to see where she was from and to talk with her family, neighbors, and friends.

Blair filed a story filled with colorful quotations and detailed descriptions, including the line in the second paragraph above. The problem with the story is that most of it was not true. Blair never went to West Virginia, and he never talked to any of Lynch’s family or friends. Most of the story was either made up or plagiarized from other sources.

How could an editor know this? After all, Blair had been one of the Times’ best young reporters. He had kept the newspaper ahead of other news organizations with his work on the D.C. area sniper story a few months earlier. He had the clear confidence of the top editors of the paper, particularly Howell Raines, the executive editor, and Gerald Boyd, the managing editor. In the daily business of journalism editors have to trust their reporters.

Still, with this particular story and with the sentence quoted here, alarm bells should have gone off in the head of someone in the editorial process. Tobacco fields? West Virginia? Virginia, not West Virginia, is a state that is noted for growing tobacco. West Virginia is mountainous and not well suited for tobacco. West Virginia produces some tobacco (as do many states), but the pairing of tobacco and West Virginia should have raised the eyebrow of some editor and provoked a question or a phone call checking to see whether the description was true.

A look at a map might have added to these doubts. Palestine is located north of Charleston, closer to Ohio than to Virginia. This is an unlikely place to have a tobacco field, much less “tobacco fields” that could be seen from someone’s back porch.

Less than a month after the story ran, Blair had resigned from the Times, and much of his journalism for the previous two years had been discredited. He had made up facts for dozens of stories. Many of them, such as the line about tobacco fields in West Virginia, could have been checked easily by a sharp-eyed editor. In fact, some were, and suspicions about Blair’s reporting grew among the subeditors of the Times. But the errors were overlooked or dismissed by those who maintained their faith in Blair’s ability. (The story of Blair’s downfall, which ultimately led to the resignation of Raines and Boyd and a restructuring of the editorial process at the Times, can be found at Journalism.org, http://journalism.org/resources/briefing/archive/blair.asp.)

The first job of any editor at any level is to help ensure the accuracy of the information that the news organization presents. All other concerns are secondary. The second job is to make sure the information is clearly written and presented in a context that allows the reader to understand it. The third job is to aid in presenting the information efficiently so that the reader’s time is not wasted. Accuracy, clarity, and brevity—along with precision, which was discussed in the previous two chapters—are the characteristics of writing that all editors should strive for.

Accuracy

 

Accuracy is the most important consideration of an editor. Accuracy is the central reason for much of what an editor does. In the pursuit of accuracy a word of doubtful spelling is checked, one last fact in the story is looked up, or a source is called close to deadline when some part of a story is in question.

A reputation for accuracy is a publication’s most valuable resource. Not only does it inspire the confidence of readers, but an obvious willingness on the part of editors to strive for accuracy opens up new sources of information for the newspaper and often gets the paper out of embarrassing and dangerous legal entanglements. A reputation for accuracy might be the surest way to ensure the survival of the publication. One example of this is the reputation for reliability that the New York Times built during the “yellow journalism” era. While other papers, especially in New York City, were trying to outdo one another in their sensationalism and outrageous-ness, the Times remained a calm, thoughtful voice that readers found they could count on. Today, the one New York paper that survives from that era is the New York Times.

No substitute exists for accuracy. Readers are notoriously unwilling to accept the very reasonable excuses that reporters are inexperienced, that the publication is understaffed, or that the paper was having a busy news day. Few readers have any concept of what the pressure of deadlines can do to good reporting or editing. What they do understand is that a headline did not accurately reflect the content of a story, that the capital city of their home state was misspelled, or that their child was misidentified in the cutline of a picture that included several other children. Readers won’t easily forgive such mistakes, nor will they forget them. Just a few errors are enough to get a publication in trouble, damage its credibility, and demonstrate to readers that it is unworthy of their attention—and money. Like weeds in a garden, a bad reputation needs no cultivation; all it needs is a start.

For an editor the pursuit of accuracy is a state of mind. An editor must be willing to check everything that is in doubt and must be willing to doubt anything. An editor must cast a cold eye on the work of the reporters, even those with the most experience and the best reputation; the editor must demand an accounting from them as much as from novices. The editor must even be willing to doubt his or her own knowledge and experience and must occasionally recheck what he or she knows to be true. Such editors can make life hard on themselves and those around them, but their efforts will pay dividends for the good reputation of the publication.

What to Check

 

An editor cannot check every single fact in a story. (A few magazines, however, take pride in doing just that.) Time pressures will not allow a daily newspaper editor to do this even if the resources were available. Instead, an editor must be alert to the things in a story that are most likely to be wrong. Certain elements of stories should always raise some questions in the minds of editors. The following is a list of some of those elements.

Names and titles. There is no quicker way for a publication to lose readers than to misspell names. A name is a person’s most personal possession; to misspell it shows inexcusable sloppiness on the part of the writer and editor. If there is any way possible, names should always be checked for proper spelling. Titles present another problem area for journalists. An editor should do his or her best to ensure that titles are checked and correct. Titles, of course, should conform to AP style or the style used by the publication, but otherwise they should be technically correct, that is, they should be written as those who use them regularly would write them. For instance, most people probably think that a person who teaches at a college or university is a “professor.” That title would suffice for most readers, but for those who know better there is a vast difference between “professor” and “assistant professor.” The journalist should seek technical as well as general accuracy in titles. An efficient and effective editor knows where to look or whom to call to double-check these important matters.

Numbers. Any time there are numbers in a story, bells should ring in the editor’s head, especially if those numbers are supposed to add up to something in a story. An inconsistency in numbers is easy to check if the answers are contained in the story, but such inconsistencies are often overlooked. Too many editors look at numbers and assume that they are correct. Editors cannot make such assumptions safely. They need to make sure that percentages add up to 100 and that all other numbers add up correctly.

Places. Editors should be extremely careful about describing places and place names. To say that something is happening in Nashville when it is really happening in Knoxville, to describe St. Louis as the capital of Missouri, or to write that Holland is part of Scandinavia can make a publication look foolish.

The story’s inner logic. We have already said that the numbers in a story should add up correctly. So should the facts. Readers should get a good idea of the time sequence of a story even if the facts of the story are not presented in chronological order, as they almost never are. Questions that are raised in one part of the story should be answered in another part of the story. One example of not answering questions raised in a story would be saying, “This building is the third tallest in the state,” and not mentioning what the two taller buildings are. All of the facts in a story should have a logical relationship to one another, a relationship that the reader can easily discern. Throwing facts into a story without proper transitions and a logical sequence presents obstacles to readers that can ultimately decrease their interest in a story or in the publication.

References

 

Certain references should be near any editing desk. If you find yourself working at a publication where these references cannot be found, you should ask your supervisors to provide them. Once these references are available, learn to use them efficiently. They are fundamental to doing good work as an editor. They will answer most of the common questions you will encounter, so using them should become automatic.

Here are five of the basic and commonly used references.

Dictionaries. Any person who works with words will find a dictionary an indispensable reference tool. A publication of any size should have a large dictionary for reporters and editors. Smaller dictionaries should be provided to individual editors. Dictionaries are most commonly used to help people spell words correctly, but they can have many more uses. Many dictionaries contain a gazetteer (a dictionary of place names); a glossary of foreign phrases; grammar and punctuation guides; maps; the names, identifications, and life spans of famous people; and a list of colleges and universities in the United States.

Atlases. A road atlas and a world atlas are essential references. Reporters and editors must locate places and events for their readers. It is especially important for a newspaper to have accurate, up-to-date maps of the area that it covers, preferably a large wall map that can be used by anyone. Such a map can save the publication a lot of time (and money) and provide another means of ensuring a story’s accuracy. Editors should be particulary careful about the world atlases they use because international borders have changed a great deal in the last two decades.

Almanacs. Almanacs provide a wide range of information that can be easily referred to. For instance, an almanac can tell you how many people live in Boise, the members of the Baseball Hall of Fame, and the way Californians voted in the last presidential election. One of the chief advantages of almanacs is that they are relatively recent; many are published annually. Another advantage is that these annual almanacs are usually inexpensive. A newspaper operation that cannot be persuaded to purchase more expensive reference material will usually provide an almanac for its copy editors. If not, editors who plan to advance in the craft will buy their own. One of the most useful almanacs is The World Almanac and Book of Facts. This book contains features that include a chronology of the year’s major news stories; population; sports; weather; economic statistics; presidential biographies; maps; basic information on cities, states, and nations; U.S. and world history; weight and measurement conversion tables; a perpetual calendar; lists of prize winners; colleges and universities; and a list of noted personalities with their places of birth and birth dates. It also has the text of the Constitution, the Declaration of Independence, and the Gettysburg Address (www.worldalmanac.com/wab-newsletter.htm).

Another extremely useful reference is the Statistical Abstract of the United States. The standard summary of U.S. government statistics, the Statistical Abstract has been published annually for more than 100 years. Use it to find data on population, birth, marriage, divorce, and death rates; educational statistics such as enrollment figures and graduation rates; crime rates; unemployment rates; GNP; poverty rates; consumer price indexes; interest rates; and housing, business, agriculture, and selected comparative international statistics (www.census.gov/statab/www/).

Directories. The most common directory is the telephone directory, and there is usually one at every desk. Although telephone directories go out of date quickly, they are easily used to check the spelling of names and other local facts. If a university, large industrial plant, or military base is located near the newspaper, chances are that these places will have their own telephone directories, and the newspaper office will need a copy of these as well. The second most commonly used directory is the city directory. Sometimes city directories are expensive, but they are well worth the money. A city directory goes beyond the telephone directory in listing the names of the residents of a town, their home addresses and telephone numbers, their occupations and places of business, and their spouses. In addition, a city directory will have a list of all the addresses in the city, usually listed by street name and number and who the occupant of each address is; a list of the telephone numbers in sequence and in whose name the phone is listed; and the officers and proprietors of businesses in the community. A city directory is really indispensable to a serious news operation.

An example of a good directory is the Official Congressional Directory. This is the official source for basic information on Congress. It includes biographical sketches of members with descriptions of their congressional districts, lists of committee assignments and committee staff, and maps of congressional districts. The names, addresses, and phone numbers of foreign ambassadors and consular offices in the United States as well as a list of U.S. ambassadors abroad are also here (www.gpoaccess.gov/cdirectory/index.html).

Encyclopedias. Large news operations will probably have a set of encyclopedias available. These can be extremely useful in providing background information for stories and in checking facts of a less current nature. A good set of encyclopedias can mean an enormous expansion in the editor’s ability to check facts, but encyclopedias can be an expensive addition to the publication. Most publications have a library, where previously published stories and articles are systematically filed. Large publications have put most of this material online, accessible from the writer’s desk. And the World Wide Web contains direct access to the entire contents of many encyclopedias. A few online encyclopedia services are Encyclopedia.com (www.encyclopedia.com/), Wikipedia (en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Main_Page), Columbia Encyclopedia (www.bartleby.com/65/), and Encarta (encarta.msn.com/Default.aspx).

Clarity

 

Accuracy is not enough. After accuracy, clarity must be one of the chief goals of an editor. Facts that are unclear are of little use to the reader. The English language is extremely versatile, but that versatility can lead to confusion when the language is in the hands of amateurs. Editors must be experts in the language and in the proper and clear organization of a story. Editors must be on constant guard against writing or story structures that could be confusing to the reader.

Like the pursuit of accuracy, the pursuit of clarity is a state of mind for editors. It must be constantly with them, and they must make sure that everything they do in some way promotes the clarity of the copy with which they are working. Editors must look at a story with a fresh mind, one that is loaded with facts but at the same time unencumbered with too much knowledge of the subject. Like the reader, the editor must approach a story as one who was not there and did not see it happen and who has probably not discussed it with anyone. This approach is doubly difficult for an editor who may in fact know a great deal about the story’s subject. Editing for clarity demands a rare degree of mental discipline on the editor’s part.

The opposite of clarity is confusion. Confusion can infiltrate a story in many ways, and it is the editor’s responsibility to eliminate this confusion. A common source of confusion is the reporter who does not understand what he or she is writing about. A writer who does not understand his or her subject is highly unlikely to be able to write about it so that other people can understand it. Reporters rarely recognize this shortcoming, however, and it is up to the editor to point it out and to make any necessary changes, assisted by the reporter.

Clear writing is an art, but it is also a skill. Expressing thoughts, ideas, and facts in a clear way is one of the most difficult jobs writers have, even though the product might read as if the clarity were easily accomplished. The mind moves much faster than we can write or even type. Thoughts can be easily jumbled, and so can writing. The key to clear writing is understanding the subject we are writing about. When a writer can express his or her thoughts about a subject in clear terms, then that understanding has been achieved.

Following are some tips for helping writers and editors achieve clarity.

Keep it simple. Many people believe that they can demonstrate their intelligence by using complex terms (such as “terminology”). Their language, they think, will show others that they have mastered a difficult subject or that they speak or write with authority. Consequently, they use big words and complex sentences to express even the simplest ideas.

The problem with this attitude is that people forget their original purpose for writing: to communicate ideas. Any writing that draws attention to itself and thus draws attention away from the content is ineffective. Writing, especially in the mass media, should be as simple and straightforward as possible. Reporters and editors should use simple terms and sentence structures. They should avoid piling adjectives and phrases on top of one another. They should use their talents and intellect not to talk down to their readers, but to transmit ideas and facts as efficiently as possible. They should tell a story, not deliver a report.

Avoid jargon. Jargon is specialized language that almost all groups in society develop. Students, baseball managers, doctors, and gardeners use words that have special meaning for them and no one else. Journalists are not doing their jobs if they simply record jargon, however accurately, and give it back to the reader. Today’s journalists must be translators. They must understand the jargon of different groups they cover but must be intelligent enough not to use it in their stories. Editors, too, must keep an eye out for the jargon that can slip into stories. Editors must make phrases such as “viable alternative,” “optimum care,” and “personnel costs” mean something to the reader. They cannot simply thrust such phrases on the reader and believe that they have done their job adequately.

Be specific. Journalists must set the stage of the story for their readers. They must make sure that the readers have a clear picture in their minds of what is going on, when it is happening, where it is happening, and how it is taking place. Reporters and editors cannot assume that readers know very much about the stories they write and edit. They cannot get by with telling readers that it was “a large crowd,” “a long line,” “a handsome boy,” or a “beautiful girl.” Stories are built on facts—little facts and big facts. Sometimes the little facts will make the difference in whether a reader understands a story.

Readers who have not seen what a reporter has seen will not know what the reporter is talking about. One aspect of this problem occurs with the use of “the,” especially by inexperienced reporters. For example, a lead might begin in the following way, “The City Council Tuesday approved funds for purchasing the new computer system for the finance department.” A reader is likely to ask, “What new computer system?” While covering the story, the reporter kept hearing everyone talk about “the new computer system,” so that is what appeared in the story. Editors need to watch closely for this kind of assumption and to make sure that readers are not left behind by what a reporter writes.

Check the time sequence. Most news stories will not be written in chronological order, but readers should have some idea of the narrative sequence of the events in a story. When the time sequence is not clear, readers can become confused and misunderstand the content of the story.

Use transitions. Transitions are necessary for smooth, graceful, and clear writing. Each sentence in a story should logically follow the previous sentence or should relate to it in some way. New information in a story should be connected to information that has already been introduced. Readers who suddenly come upon new information or a new subject in a story without the proper transition will be jolted and confused. The following first paragraphs of a story about the high costs of weddings illustrate the point about transitions:

The lead assumes that the reader will know what “that all-important question” is. This assumption might be acceptable if the second paragraph properly followed the lead, but it doesn’t. Instead, it plunges the reader into the subject of planning a wedding; the reader has no indication from the lead that this subject is coming next—and what happened to “that all-important question”?

The second sentence of the second paragraph introduces yet another new subject to the reader, again without the proper transition. The reader is taken from a question about planning to the traditionally popular months for weddings with no connection being made between them. In addition, the attribution forces the reader to make another transition. The reader must work out the following unspoken connections: “The man is a jewelry store owner. Jewelry stores sell wedding rings. The jewelry store owner is then an authority about when weddings occur.”

The third paragraph introduces yet another new subject: the length of engagements. Again, the story has no transition. The reader is merely bombarded by one fact after another.

The fourth paragraph talks about how prospective brides attain their wedding rings. What does this information have to do with what has just been said? The writer has left it to the reader to figure it all out. The writer has said, “My story is about weddings. Therefore, anything I put in my story about weddings is okay.”

It’s not just the writer’s fault, however. It was an editor who let this story get into print with no consideration for the reader. Editors are just as responsible as writers for seeing that these things do not happen.

Although a number of techniques have been mentioned in this section that will help the writer and editor to achieve clarity, the key to clarity is for an editor to take on the point of view of the reader. A good editor understands what the reader is likely to know and what needs to be told in the story. That editor can anticipate the questions the reader might have and make sure that the article answers them. The good editor does not read a story for pleasure; rather, the editor reads with the critical eye of an intelligent member of the audience.

Brevity

 

“Brevity is the soul of wit,” according to Polonius, Shakespeare’s ill-fated character in Hamlet. However, Polonius was one of Shakespeare’s most verbose personalities. Words came tumbling out of his mouth. He went on and on. Not only was he verbose, he was boring. Polonius was one of those people everyone tried to avoid. He talked too much.

Publications can do the same thing. They can use too many words, piling phrase upon phrase and letting the sentences run on long after the thoughts have run out. They put too many words in the way of what really needs to be said.

Editors need to recognize when writers are being long-winded. They should remove the well-turned but unnecessary phrase and eliminate that which has already been stated. The process can go too far, of course. Accuracy and clarity should never be sacrificed for brevity’s sake, but brevity should be another major goal in the mind of an editor.

Many editors approach editing a story thinking that it deserves to be a certain length and no longer. Sometimes a writer writes 300 words and an editor wants only 200. How does one go about paring such a story down? Here are some tips:

• Get to the point. What is the story about? What happened? What does the story need to tell the reader? An editor needs to be able to answer those questions in the simplest terms possible. Answering those questions is sometimes the hardest part of writing or editing, but once that is done, the job can become much easier.

• Watch for redundancies and repetitions. Redundancies show a lack of disciplined thinking. They slip into writing unnoticed, but their presence can make the most important stories seem silly. Repetition is also an indication that the editor was not concentrating on the story. Sometimes facts need to be repeated for clarity’s sake, but this is not often the case.

• Cut out the unnecessary words. There might be words in a story that simply add nothing to the meaning of the story. These words are hard to pin down, but a sharp-eyed editor can spot them. They are words like “really,” “very,” and “actually.” They are simply phrase makers and don’t tell the reader much.

• Wrap it up. Finally, when the information has been presented, the story should end.

Types of Writing

Most journalistic situations will offer three general types of writing with which an editor must deal: briefs, short narratives, and long narratives. The exact form that these types will take and the demands on the writer and editor will depend on the publication. The editor must be an expert in dealing with all three.

Briefs. Briefs include headlines, summaries, refers (pronounced “REE-fers,” also called teasers), infographics, and cutlines. (Headlines, cutlines, and infographics are covered more thoroughly in later chapters, but they will be introduced here.) These are short pieces of writing that demand extreme efficiency in the use of the language.

Anyone who has tried to write a newspaper headline properly, with all of its rules and restrictions, knows how difficult that can be. The headline writer must have a clear idea to begin with, and then words must be weighed carefully. They must be accurate and clear, and they must present specific information. They must follow the conventions of most newspaper headlines in that they must simulate a complete sentence with a verb.

Headlines on news web sites and in magazines are not as restrictive, but they demand the same creativity. Headline writers have to think clearly and use few words while observing the rules of their publication. Within these confinements they must be creative, lively, interesting, and accurate.

Summaries and refers demand the same characteristics in slightly different form. A summary is a one- or two-sentence passage that gives the reader a good idea of what to expect in a long piece. Summaries are used in most print publications and web sites. Refers are more specifically used on newspaper front pages and magazine covers. Their function is to direct readers to stories in other parts of the publication.

Infographics (covered in Chapter 8) combine text and visual elements to help the reader understand the information that is being presented. Because of space limitations, the information that is presented must be useful, and the text has to use words efficiently.

All of these forms of writing are difficult to produce. They demand that the editor not only understand the information completely but also understand what information is of the essence or is the most important for the reader. They also demand a wide vocabulary and a grasp of the exact meanings of words.

Short narratives. Short narratives in most journalistic publications take the inverted pyramid form. (The use of the word “narrative” indicates prose and does not imply any specific organizational structure.) The inverted pyramid is a longstanding and excellent narrative structure for presenting information efficiently. Periodically, journalists and educators try to kill it, but its usefulness is such that it keeps coming back. Writing for the Web especially has given new life to the form.

The highly developed nature of the inverted pyramid—its standardized rules and writing conventions—seems at first glance to make it almost formulaic. All a writer has to do is learn the form and plug in the information, it is thought.

The intellectual processes that are involved in writing the inverted pyramid, as with any writing, are much more complex. The writer has to decide what information is most important and must put the information in a logical and approximately descending order of importance. Those decisions are sometimes easy, but sometimes they are not. The distance that an editor has from the information itself can help the writer with that selection.

The writer (and editor) must always keep in mind the source of the information because journalistic convention demands that information be attributed. Attribution, direct quotations, and paraphrasing are standard conventions of journalistic writing that must be observed by the writer and enforced by the editor.

Many of the other journalistic conventions and writing customs of inverted pyramid news stories are found in the checklist on page 111. Editors should have a good sense of when to apply these to the copy they edit.

Long narratives. Long narratives in the journalistic sense are interpretative articles, analysis and in-depth pieces, and feature stories. This kind of writing must exhibit many of the conventions of the short narrative—factual presentation, attribution, direct quotations, paraphrasing, and so on—but the purpose is quite different. Rather than simply presenting information in an efficient form (as the inverted pyramid should do), this kind of writing takes an idea and develops it for the reader’s deeper understanding. These pieces need to have a unity of theme, style, and structure that might not be necessary in the short narrative.

Unity is a most important concept for the long narrative. The article should have a single, central theme that is developed throughout the piece. The writer—and subsequently the editor—should be able to state this theme in one or two short sentences. The theme is not a subject or topic statement (“This article is about the problems that waiters and waitresses have in restaurants.”). It should be more specific, but it should also be broad enough to allow some development. (“Waiters and waitresses employ many skills that most customers never see, from saving a life by knowing first aid to dispensing emergency marriage counseling on Valentine’s Day.”)

Often, the development of a central theme will come after the writer has begun the research on the article. A writer might have an idea about an article, but the theme will not emerge until some information is gathered. At that point, the writer can direct his or her research to gathering information that will help develop this central idea.

An editor should look for a statement of a central theme somewhere early in a long narrative piece. If the editor does not see it or cannot detect it, the piece should be sent back to the writer for additional focusing and possibly more research.

Once a central idea has been formulated, the writer should ask, “What are the various aspects of this theme that need to be developed?” By listing these aspects, the writer can form an outline that will help him or her to put the information together. If we take the example above—the central idea of the difficulties of waiters and waitresses—we might come up with the following aspects of that theme that would help us to develop a long narrative around this subject:

• Uneven training

• Surprises, demands of customers

• Physical demands, hours

• Responsibility without authority (e.g., slow cooks)

• Wages and tips

• Changes in menus

All of these aspects relate to the central idea of the story. As the writer researches the article, his or her ideas might or might not pan out as subjects for the article, but they serve to direct the research.

The writer should at this stage become a reporter and look for ways to illustrate, explain, or develop these aspects of the story. Some of the tools that a writer can use for this purpose are facts (statistics, history, characters, details, etc.), examples (specific people in specific situations), anecdotes (short stories with definite beginnings and endings that make specific points), and quotations and paraphrases from people who are clearly relevant to the topic.

Some topics lend themselves to a long, chronological narrative, which becomes the structure of the writing. The writer can still use many of the tools listed in the previous paragraph to fill out the narrative.

Editors should be good sources of ideas for developing the aspects of a central theme. Editors and writers should discuss a long narrative at each stage of its development. Once the research begins, a writer can become so inundated by information that the focus of the piece is lost. A good editor, unencumbered by a lot of details and standing in for the reader, can help the writer to maintain the focus on the theme.

When an editor sees a draft of a long narrative, he or she should consider how the article develops its central idea and should try to help the writer get closer to that goal. In doing that, the editor must examine the following specifics.

• Introduction. Stories should have an arresting or interesting introduction, a way of getting readers into an article. A writer might do this by techniques such as a bold, broad statement; an illustrative anecdote; or a question and answer. Whatever technique is used, an introduction must be directly relevant to the central idea of the story.

• The nut graph. Early in the article the writer should tell the reader why the story was written—what it’s about, the context of the story, and what the reader can expect to find out. This is as close as the writer will come to stating the central theme of the story.

• Transitions. The various aspects of the story should be tied together with good transitions to let the reader know that while various aspects are being covered, the article is following a consistent theme.

• Sources. Live sources should usually be introduced before they are quoted. Writers should make clear why the sources are in the story and what expertise or relevance they have. Writers should use sources for their relevance, not convenience.

• Conclusion. A story should be brought to a satisfactory and logical end, often bringing the reader back to the point of the introduction. Sometimes the conclusion will look toward the future, or it might be a grand summary. Beginning and endings of long narrative journalism contrast the most with inverted pyramid journalism.

Writers and editors should concentrate on making long narratives rich in information rather than in writing. The writing (like all good writing) should be modest. It should call attention to its content, not to itself. In fact, it is the need for extra fact gathering in long narrative journalism that justifies the greater length. To put it succinctly (albeit ungrammatically), “To write good, you have to have something good to write.”

Four Characteristics of Media Writing

 

All writing for the mass media, as we stated at the beginning of the chapter, should exhibit four characteristics: accuracy, clarity, brevity, and precision. This and the previous two chapters have tried to explain the editor’s role in achieving these characteristics. The basic tasks of journalism—writing and editing—are neither easy nor simple. They require practice and hard work.

But they are just the beginning of the work that an editor must do. To be a complete editor, a person must understand the other jobs that are required by the publication and, more important, the wide responsibilities that an editor has in maintaining the standards of the journalistic profession.

chapter

4
Exercises

 

Each of the stories in this chapter’s exercises presents a set of problems that copy editors are likely to encounter on a daily basis. Students will have to draw on all of the information and skills they have acquired from the first four chapters to edit the stories successfully. Read the introductions to the exercises carefully and follow your instructor’s directions.

Exercise 4.1: Accuracy

The following story contains a number of inaccuracies and inconsistencies that you will need to correct. The list of questions that follows the story will help you to spot some of these.

Convicted murder and rapist Jimmy Allen appeared at a news conference at the state penitentiary in the state capital tonight and disavowed all efforts to save his life today.

He said he is ending his five years of appeals and is “ready to die” for his sins.

Allen, convicted three years ago of raping and murdering the wife of a Greenback grocery store owner and then later killing her husband, lost his final appeal for a stay of execution from the state’s highest court, the U.S. Court of Criminal Appeals, last week.

Since that time, Allen said at a news conference just a few feet away from the state prison’s gas chamger, he has “made peace with the Lord” and is ready to pay for his crimes.

Allen is scheduled to die in the electric chair at midnight on Sunday night.

Meanwhile, David Lauver, an attornery with the state chapter of the American Civilian Liberties Union, said he was preparing another appeal to the State Supreme Court and an appeal for clememcy to the governor.

“We don’t believe the state should be in the business of killing people,” Lauver said. “We are appealing on the ground that the death penalty is cruel and unusual punishment.” Lauver said the Sixth Ammendment prohibits that.

Allen disavowed the ACLU petitions, however, and told newsmen that he would “rather die than spend the rest of my life in prison.”

John Clark, the prosecutor in the Allen case, said last night he was “glad this appeal business was over” and hoped that the execution would be carried out on schedule. “No one likes to see anyone die, but if anyone ever deserves to, this man does,” he says.

Questions

1. What is the state capital?

2. What is the state’s highest court?

3. What method of execution does the state use?

4. What does “ACLU” stand for?

5. What does the Sixth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution say?

Exercise 4.2: Logic and Consistency

The following story contains some key flaws. Edit the story and discuss these inconsistencies with your instructor. Make sure these flaws are cleared up in your final version of the story.

Midville residents are being asked to limit the amount of water they use over the next two weeks during this summer’s drought.

Residents are being asked to turn off water when brushing teeth and shaving, to stop watering lawns, washing their cars and refilling their swimming pools.

Midville gets 90% of its water from Lake Houston in northern Green County.

The city too has cut back on water consumption, including park watering, said city engineer Christine Leatherwood.

At its last meeting, the City Council approved an ordinance establishing a water conservation alert and fines for violating it in the event the city’s water supplies could not refill within a certain time.

In a severe water conservation alert, which would only occur during a major dister, no outdoor water use will be allowed at an time except by a hand-held hose, including golf courses and nurseries.

A fine of will imposed during the alert if the ordinance is violated.

Exercise 4.3: References

Use a resource such as an almanac, Internet sites, or other references to answer the following questions.

1. How many barrels of oil did the United States import in 1996 and which country supplied most of the oil to the United States that year?

2. Imagine that there has been a robbery at 1611 Main Street (or any address that your instructor gives you) and your managing editor has told you that your newspaper cannot get any information from the police and that reporters have been barred from the scene. He wants you to call a neighbor right now and find out all you can. Get the neighbor’s name and telephone number.

3. A caller has told the city desk that she has some information that needs to be given to the public. She says that she can’t talk now, but that if you will call her in thirty minutes, she will reveal some important information. The editor wants to know the person’s name and asks you to help. The editor gives you the telephone number. (Your instructor will supply the number.) Whose telephone number is it, and where does that person live? What kind of work does the person do?

4. Where is Eclectic, Ala. (or another city identified by your instructor)?

5. What are the names of the associate professors of English at your university?

6. Jimmy Carter was the forty-third president of the United States. True or false?

7. In what year was your university founded?

8. In what year was your city incorporated?

9. How many churches are in your city?

10. How many weekly newspapers does your state have? How many dailies?

11. Who is editor of the state’s largest newspaper?

Exercise 4.4: Logic and Consistency

The following story has a number of problems, particularly with clarity of language and transitions. Edit the story to take care of these and any other problems you find.

A young Cottonwood man who in 2004 pleaded guilty to breaking into an automobile and drew a 10-year prison sentence has filed a petition acting as his own attorney charing a judge with improper conduct that allegedly deprived him of a fiar trial.

Jerry Gene McBay was 19 in November of 2004 when he was charged with a felony count of breaking and entering an automobile. He and a friend were accused of cutting a car’s radiator hose late at night in the parking lot of the Double Portion Church of Christ on Old Sawmill Road.

A chase by witnesses ensued and the two were soon arrested, records showed.

McBay was sented to ten years’ imprisonment by Judge A.S. Snider for the crime after being denied youth ful offendor status and probation by the judge. Charges against the other youth were dropped. Records showed that McBay had one previous conviction, for disorderly conduct, although he has had other criminal charged placed against him.

In his 13-page hand-written petition, McBay claims that Snider was “close to” the victim in the case through membership in the same church, that Watson acted improperly in rejected a prosector’s recommendation for a lesser sentence after plea bargaining in the case, that the judge mishandled the attempted admission of evidence relating to the severity of McBay’s sentence and that Snider has a family connection with the school arson case that he said was brought against him for political reasons.

“When my recommendations are refused, I prepare to go to trial because I assume that is all I can do,” said Assistant District Attorney Tim Stoner, who brought the petition to the court after it was mailed to him by McBay from aprison in Starkville where he is serving his sentence.

Stoner explained the he was the prosecutor in the case and that he had recommended McBay be sentenced to a year and a day in prison for the offense, but that his recommendation was rejected by Snider.

Exercise 4.5: Wordiness

Edit the following story. Watch out for wordiness problems.

A private economic research organization has announced the findings of its latest study which shows that the biggest growth in new jobs and population over the next 20 years will take place in Texas, California and Florida.

The Wyatt Institue of Environmental Studies has announced that its study is based on numerous federal and state government figures and statistics, as well as those from many of the major private industries operating in this country.

The study results indicate that a total of 20 per cent of the American workforce will be employed in those three states by the year 2010.

The three states will account for 8.4 million of the 30 million new jobs to be created in the next two decades, the association said, and for about 30 percent of the projected population increase during that period.

The association estimates that the recorded 226.5 million in 1990 population of the United States, will grow by 40 million by the year 2010. Texas will gain the most in terms of population, by adding to it population 5.5 million people, it added.

The smallest increase in jobs—a total of 130,000 over the next 20 years—will occur in the District of Columbia, Delaware and Vermont, said the association.

The biggest growth in jobs in the next two decades will take place in services, trade, communications and finance, it said.

Exercise 4.6: Editing Problems

Edit the following story so that it conforms to AP style. Make sure you deal with other problems in the story. You should discuss with your instructor any additional information you need and incorporate it into the story.

A majority of people in the state favor the raising of Federal taxes on cigaretes and alcoholic beverages, according to the poll conducted by the state’s lagest newspaper.

The propsed “sin taxes” were endorsed as a means of raisng tax revenues and to discourage smoking and drinking, according to the Oct. 25–26 telephone poll of 1,598 adults in a scientific random sample.

Fifty-two per cent said they think state taxes on cigarettes should be raised, while 41% said they should not.

The 52 per cent who said cigarettes taxes should be raised broke down this way: 5 percent said taxes should be reasied to increase revenues, 10 percent to discourage smoking and 33 percent both.

Fifty-five per cent said Federal taxes on alcoholic beverages should be raised broke down this way: 11 percent said taxes should be raised to increase revenues, 9 percent to discourage drinking and 35 percent both.

The state Senate Budget Committee recently drew up a number of proposals to raise taxes next year, including one which would double the excise taxes on cigarettes, liquor, wine and beer.

The proposed increases, which Senate leaders say will be considered next year, would raise the price of a pack of cigarettes by 8 cents, the price of a gallon of liquor by $10.50, a barrel of beer by $9 and a gallon of wine by 34 cents. These increases will riase the prices of cigaretts and alcohol significatly over the price in neighboring states.

Sixty-two percent of the poll respondents said they drink alcoholic beverages, while 32 percent said they smoke cigarettes.

the results of the polls can vary from the opinions of all Americans because of chance variations in the sample. For a poll based on about 1,600 interviews, the results are subject to an error margin of 3 percentage points either way because of chance variations.

Exercise 4.7: Wordiness and Language Problems

Edit the following story so that it conforms to AP style. Make sure you deal with other problems in the story.

A total of 3 men were arested on Chicago’s south side yesterday at around 2:30. The charges were: posession and intent to distribute 30,000 methedrine tablets. The drugs worth is estimated at $150 thousand dollars.

Toby Willetson, a special ageant with the Federal Bureau of Investigation, said the arests were the final result of a 3-month undercover investigation by his agency and other law inforcement personnel.’

Willetson identified the two as Clem Forrest, 49, of Miami, and Newt Felton, 34, of Houston, Tex.

Forrest was arested near 6th Ave South and 23rd St. and Felton was apprehended a few blocks away.

Willetson said the drugs, known by their street name “speed,” were aparently brout to Midville from Florida for sale.

In addition to the Methedrine, two cars and two riffles were confiskated.

Felton is on federal parole in another drug case. If convicted, he receive the maximum sentence of 40 and a fine of $240 thousand.

Forrest may be subject to a five-year sentence and a $5000 fine.

Exercise 4.8: Language Problems and Wordiness

Edit the following story so that it conforms to AP style. Make sure you deal with other problems in the story.

The Green County Comission borrowed more than $500,000 from restricted accounts to meet current expenses. Thats according to a state audit released last Friday.

Much of the indebtitude remains in an unpaid condition, according to county officials.

Loans totaling at least $320,000 were made from the countys road fund to the gasoline tax fund according to the audit that covered the period from October. 1, 1990 through September 301994.

By law, the county’s road fund—called the “RRR fund”—only can be used for resurfacing, restoring and the rehabilitation of county roads.

The other loan totaling $100,000 was made from proceeds of the county’s 1998 general obligations warrant to the general fund to meet current expenditures. The money from the warrant can be used only for capitol outlay expenditures.

The county was notified at the end of July by the state and started a repayment plan then, officials said.

Examiners found the county did not follow the bid law on the purchase of cleaning supplies for 1998 and the minutes of county commission meetings was not indexed from June 1997 through Sept., 1998.

“Several county funds had deficit fund balances,” the audit states.

County Commission Clerk Tony Sanks says that steps were taken to repay the loans, with about $175,000 of the road fund loan already repaid. “We’re taking steps now to pay it off, he said.

Exercise 4.9: Editing Problems

This story is somewhat longer than others in this section and presents a variety of problems for the editor. Read through the story and discuss it with your class or instructor. Is there information that the reporter has left out that is necessary for the story’s clarity? On the other hand, is there too much information?

A Midville policeman shot a criminal during a struggle early Tuesday, then had his weapon turned on him before the suspect fleed and was overpowered by two other officers, police said.

Officer David Stuart shot Anthony Douglas, 31 of Duval Street, in the left side as they grappled over Stuarts.357-caliber handgun pistol behind a house in the 1000 block of Cherokee Street early in the morning shortly after 2 a.m., police said.

After being shot, Douglas continued to fight and Stuart fired again but missed, police said. Douglas then managed to take Stuart’s eapon and pointed it at the officer before running off, police say.

The suspect was found moments later hiding near apartments several blocks away on Murray Hill Court, said police spokesman Tom Regan. Two officers nabbed him, Regan said.

Douglas apparently discarded the deadly weapon after leaving Stuart, Regan said. Investigators found it in a yard near the scene of his altercation with the officer, he said.

Douglas a convicted felon who was released from the penitentiary in December and was listed in stable but guarded condition Tuesday evening at Springhill Memorial Hospital, a spokeswoman declared.

Stuart was scratched during the confrontation, but the spokeswoman said that between the suspect and he, neither was bad hurt. It was difficult to tell who’s injury was worst.

Douglas will be charged with first-degree robery because he took Stuart’s weapon by force, Regan said. He likely will face more additional charges, the spokesman insisted.

Stuart, a five-year veteran, will be assigned to administrative duties until the departments shooting examination team finishes its review, Regan said. The special group of officers investigates any use of deadly force by officers.

The reviews of any fatal police-involved shooting is routinely sent to the district attorney’s office, Cashdollar said. He said a report on Tuesday’s shooting must be sent to District Attorney John Johnson Jr.

No one is more interested than him in such shootings, Tyson said. Such inquiries have only one purpose getting at the truth, he added. The district attorney spoke like he would look into the matter personally.

Tuesday’s chase-and-struggle began shortly after 2 a.m. when Stuart, patroling Duval Street noticed an older model Dodge 600 parked in Baumhauer Park, police said. When Stuart turned his marked cruiser around to check out the car, the vehicle drived off in a hurry with its lights off, police said.

Stuart confronted Douglas at gunpoint as he leaped out of the passengers side of his car, but Douglas grabbed the weapon, police said. Douglas broke away and ran around the side of a house, where Stuart again met him with his gun drawn from his holster, police said.

Douglas grabbed the gun and tried to move it toward Stuart’s face, according to police. Stuart forced the gun down and fired a shot, hitting Douglas in the side, police said. The scuffle continued, however, and Stuart tripped over an air-conditioning unit, losing control of his gun, police said. Douglas picked up the weapon, pointed it at Stuart and ordered him to flee, police said. When Stuart slipped, Douglas ran off, police said.

Thompson and officer Tim McDonald spotted Douglas moments later near apartments in a cul-de-sac on Murray Hill Court, Regan said.

Reagan said he was “not aware” that investigators had found anything illegal in Douglas’s vehicle. The investigation, however, is continuing. The spokesman added that he did not know what affect such a finding might have or whether a jury might be adverse to such evidemce.

Exercise 4.10: Editing Decisions

Editing this story properly demands that the editor make some decisions about how it is written and what information it presents. Edit the story so that it conforms to AP style.

Storms dumped more than 3 inches of rain in spots as they rolled through Green County Monday, flooding streets and contributing to several traffic problems.

Heavy rains led to high water standing in low places as the storms moved northeastward. A check with law enforcement agencies turned up no reports of major damage as of early Monday night.

The state troopers’ office in Evergreen reported several minor incidents on rain-slick roadways.

“But nothing major,” a spokeswoman said.

Outside of street flooding, “we haven’t heard of any damage. We did have some hail in Atmore dime size and smaller,” said Gary Bostic, warning coordination meteorologist with the National Weather Service in Atlanta.

By mid-afternoon, the weather office at Midville Airport had recorded 3.67 inches since midnight.

About 1.3 inches fell in Jonesville, added the weather service’s Sarah Mallet. She said law enforcement officials were trying to substantiate a report of possible wind damage in Brown County.

In Green County, a few Gulf States Power Co. customers found themselves without power when the storms disrupted service. The company experienced brief, scattered outages including some in west Mobile near the malls. Power was restored after about half an hour, the company reported.

Much of the stae was placed under a severe thunderstorm watch Monday as a cold front closed in, triggering the storms in the warm, unstable air ahead of the front. The storms also prompted a special marine warning for the coastal waters. But by early evening, most of the watches had been canceled.

The storm system stretched from the Midwest to the Gulf Coast.

The northern sections of the state took the brunt of Monday’s nasty weather. The weather service received reports of numerous downed trees and power lines in the northern tier of counties.

The weather service in Atlanta issued a tornado warning for part of Beaver County in the central part of the state after radar indicated a possible twister shortly before 3 p.m.