After carefully preparing a proposal that perfectly matched the funder’s interests and was beautifully crafted, you receive a two-paragraph letter telling you your proposal has been declined. Funders employ widely differing levels of tact and courtesy in their rejection letters.

The best letter—if there can be a “best” rejection letter—tells you some specifics about why they didn’t fund your program. Other letters make general excuses about previous commitments to other charities and limited funds.

Then again, you might receive a letter like the one a colleague recently received that said they weren’t being funded again (after 10 continuous years!) and shouldn’t call to ask why because the funder wouldn’t tell them. That message got through loud and clear.

No matter what kind of rejection letter you receive, you’ll be disappointed, but how you deal with rejection is a sign of maturity. Unless the funder expressly tells you not to contact them, it’s wise and perfectly acceptable to call them to try to determine more than what you were told in the letter.

If one of your board members tried to help you get a grant, tell him of the rejection. When informing him that the grant was not approved, be sure to thank him for helping. You don’t want the board member to feel powerless because a grant didn’t come through. That same board member might be able to help you get another one later.

In most cases, a phone call is the best way to follow up on a rejection. Asking the funder to write you an explanation creates more work for them, and if they had wanted to tell you in a letter, they already would have. The rejection follow-up call can either improve your chances the next time you approach a funder or burn your bridges forever.

When making these calls, keep the following points in mind:

If a program officer has been helpful to you concerning why your grant application was not approved, a short note thanking him or her for speaking with you is a nice touch. Even if you were told there was no point in reapplying, the note will help build your personal relationship with someone who, a year later, might be working at a different foundation and be in a position to help you.

The Freedom of Information Act requires that federal government funders give you the reasons for a grant decision. Some agencies require that you submit a request in writing and then make you wait some time before you receive the reasons. Others simply tell you over the phone what you need to know. Private funders are under no such obligation, but many, if not most, will share with you what they can within the funder’s policies.

“Three strikes and you’re out” has many connotations these days, but I also use it as my general gauge as to how often to apply to a funder unsuccessfully before giving up on them. I figure that the first time I approach a funder, the “we’re already committed to other charities” excuse is probably genuine. If I’ve subsequently done a decent job to cultivate them, the second time that excuse begins to ring a little hollow. By the third time, I know they’re just being polite.

In the best cases, you’ll receive comments from the funder that either allow you to modify your proposal the second (or third) time to increase your chances of being funded or allow you to eliminate them from your prospect list. In other cases, you won’t know what went wrong. If your research tells you a funder should be open to your proposal, you should try more than once to give them the opportunity to fund your charity.