“All great things are done for their own sake.”

Robert Frost, Poet, playwright

“Escape 9–5, live anywhere, and join the new rich…”

I'd been working hard for five years, growing my business when I read Tim Ferriss' lifestyle-hacking manifesto, The 4-Hour Work Week in 2007. While I loved the products and services we offered, there was something missing, and I was convinced that Ferriss had put his finger on what it was; I needed to restructure the business so I could spend less time working and more time having adventures!

I met with my team, and we spent months analysing, streamlining and automating. By February 2008, I was ready to take my first “mini-retirement”; a three-month holiday to one of the world's premier ski-resorts.

“This is it!” I thought as I booked my tickets. “Finally, I'm going to have what I've been looking for. I'm going to be fulfilled, peaceful and exhilarated. I'm going to take my skiing to a new level, feel super-successful and have brilliant bragging rights.”

But that's not how it worked out.

After the euphoria of the first week or two on the slopes had passed, I started feeling distracted, uneasy and bored, with a busy mind and sore feet. I was supposed to be on top of the world. Instead, I was in the doldrums! I had the circumstances of success, but I wasn't having the experience of success.

I flew home six weeks early and went back to the drawing board.

So am I saying you shouldn't have goals?

No, I'm not. Goals can be really useful tools for focusing your attention, marshalling your resources and measuring progress. But, just like any other tool, improper use can lead to injury. Toxic goals often take one of the following forms (you'll recognize some of these as having the “hidden hamster wheel” structure):

• I want [goal] so I can be [happy / peaceful / secure / successful].
• I want [goal] so I can stop feeling [unhappy / insecure / not-ok].
• I want [goal] because [I think I should want it / I don't know what I really want / I'm afraid to go for what I really want].

All these goal structures are based on the mistaken belief that our feelings come from something other than THOUGHT taking form in the moment. People typically respond to toxic goals in one of two ways. They either:

1. struggle and strive, failing to achieve the toxic goal (sometimes for years), and finally give up with a sense of frustration and hopelessness, or…
2. succeed in achieving the toxic goal, experience an initial rush of euphoria, then feel a sense of emptiness and lack. This is often accompanied by the sentiment “So that wasn't it either…”, followed by the setting of yet another toxic goal (often “bigger and better” than the last one).

The two million pound security blanket

A few years ago, I was working with a client who had set himself a goal to raise 2.1 million pounds. He explained that he'd calculated 2.1 million pounds as the amount of money he needed to have in his bank account before he could feel a sense of security. Toxic goal alert! It raises an important question:

How secure can a person ever feel when they're believing that their security comes from something outside of them; something other than the principle of THOUGHT taking form in the moment?

Many toddlers have a security blanket or teddy bear. Psychologists refer to this as a “transitional object”; something that “gives” the child a sense of comfort and security in times of change or uncertainty (e.g. bedtime). Of course, we know that the blanket or teddy bear can't actually “give” the child a feeling of security or comfort; that can only come from within the child themselves. It just seems to the child as though the feelings come from the transitional object. But it doesn't work that way. It only works one way; inside-out.

Every adult knows that the child's security blanket involves a trick of the mind, but how often do we look to adult “teddy bears” (e.g., jobs, possessions, money, relationships) as though they're somehow different?

There's nothing wrong with material success. But you're much more likely to enjoy it when you build it on your sense of inner security and true peace of mind.

Toxic goals are contaminated thoughts. You weren't born thinking them, and you were motivated to learn to walk and to talk. You were motivated to use your hands, to play and to explore. You were motivated to make and create; to love and connect with other people. And you still are, whether you're already aware of it or not.

So how can we relate to goals in a way that is fulfilling, productive and healthy?

One of the great things about authentic desires is that they don't need to be realistic; you want what you want, whether you think it's possible for you or not. When you discover an authentic desire, you may have no idea how you're going to achieve it. That's OK. When you step into the unknown, and keep moving forward, your wisdom will guide you in discovering the path (the “how”). If you're willing to “make a space” for your authentic desires, and take action, you'll be amazed at where they will lead you.

Once you realize that your clarity, security and well-being isn't dependent on setting or achieving goals, then you can relax, and allow your wisdom to guide you. As you begin to realize you don't need anything to be OK, you also realize there's no urgent need to uncover your authentic desires; they'll emerge in their own time.

In the meantime, stay in the game. 80% of success is showing up, and authentic desires often find you when and where you least expect it.

So, with that in mind, I'd like to take you somewhere very special, to a place that holds the answers to all your questions, and the solutions to all your problems…