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Getting Your Boss to Listen

How can I get the boss to listen?” That’s a question I often hear from clients. Perhaps you have the same problem. Is it sometimes hard to complete a project because you can’t get the boss’s attention? Do you head home feeling frustrated because your boss won’t give you the feedback you need? Or, even worse, does your career feel off-kilter because you and your leader are out of sync?

No boss is perfect, most managers are too busy, and some are flat out weak. But complaining won’t get you anywhere, and you have too much at stake to just throw up your hands when the communication process breaks down.

Part of your strategy as an entrepreneurial professional is to communicate smoothly with your bosses and clients, no matter how difficult it may be to reach them. Your goal is to assure delivery of your key messages even when it doesn’t seem fair that you have to do so much of the hard work.

These tips can help you get through to your boss

Even if you and your boss communicate pretty well, these strategies can make your messages even more effective:

1) Be succinct. Assume your boss is busy and won’t want to waste time. If you ask for three minutes to discuss something important but then talk for 10 before reaching your point, the boss could be feeling impatient or annoyed by the time you make your case.

2) Plan ahead. Before your conversation, be clear in your mind about your points, and be prepared to state them simply and directly. To prevent confusion or distraction, limit the number of items you intend to raise. If you’ve requested a meeting where you’ll discuss several issues, propose a brief written agenda. A simple e-mail with a sentence about each topic can set up your conversation in a good way.

3) Be clear about your goal. Sometimes you have to choose between having your say and having your way. It can be tempting to use your face time for venting about your problems, but that might not lead to solutions. Be strategic in the way you frame your issues, and focus on positive proposals that will support your specific objectives.

4) Understand their communication preferences. If you don’t get through, it may not be the content of your message so much as how or when you deliver it. Different people take in and share information in different ways. For example, bosses who are extroverts may be “external processors” who want to use you as a sounding board while they explore their own thoughts. While in processing mode they might not pay much attention to your agenda, so you should wait. And introverts may find listening to be tiring, so don’t make your pitch after they’ve been through exhausting meetings. Notice how your boss communicates with her boss or clients, and try the same techniques. If she tends to put her most important requests in writing, do the same with yours.

5) Be a mindful listener. Strong communicators are active listeners. Your bosses expect you to listen carefully, and good listening helps you understand what they want. But at times when we think we’re listening, we’re sometimes focused on something else, such as what we want to say next. When you truly concentrate on deep listening, you’ll come across to your boss as alert, centered, and respectful.

6) Let go of frustration. If the boss doesn’t seem to listen, you actually have two challenges. The first, of course, is to break through the logjam by becoming an even better communicator. But there is only so much you can do, and much of this is about the boss, not about you. So the next challenge is to learn how to not let it bother you so much. It’s vital that you don’t obsess, or your annoyance could make the situation worse. Writing in a journal is one way to examine your negative reactions and let go of some of the emotion.