CHAPTER 7: TIPS FOR SOCIAL WELL-BEING
Why social well-being is important
Human beings are by nature social beings. We have a strong in-built desire to connect to others. We develop this need from birth – babies and young children need love and security to survive and thrive. To be lonely is stressful. Some say that this stems from our hunter/gatherer forbearers who needed to group together to avoid attack.11 Social isolation, on the other hand, is on par with high blood pressure, obesity and lack of exercise as a risk factor for illness and early death.12
People who feel more connected to others have been shown to have lower levels of anxiety and depression. In addition, they have higher self-esteem, greater empathy for others, are more trusting and cooperative and, therefore, others are more open to trusting and cooperating with them.
As they work from home and have less day-to-day contact with others, people are feeling increasingly isolated. The challenge is to create real social connections in a world dominated by technology.
Here are a number of activities, hints and tips that can help you improve your social well-being.
Support network map
To improve your social interactions, start by completing a support network map. This will help you identify who is in your network and the quality of your relationships.
To do this, brainstorm the people who form your network:
•At work
•Other professional organisations
•Family
•Friends
•Health professionals
•Other support networks
For each person, rate whether there is:
1.A strong existing relationship;
2.A relationship you’d like to develop further; or
3.No relationship as you have yet to establish contact.
If you have some missing connections, talk to the people you trust and ask them for their recommendations.
Consider what you can do to improve the quality and/or the quantity of your social interactions.
Connecting with others in a virtual world
You may think that loneliness can be cured via physical contact. One study shows that it is shared experience rather than physical contact that is more important.13 Here are some suggestions for how to connect with others:
•Make time in your diary to meet up (virtually or in person) and talk openly to the people you value and trust at work.
•At the start of meetings, instead of diving into business, begin with a personal connection, for example a check-in question about a childhood memory or asking participants to choose a picture of a weather condition to illustrate how they are feeling. This can be fun and lighten the mood, and gives everyone a chance to connect and get to know one another on a personal level.
•Be genuinely interested in others. For example, enquire about a person’s family (e.g. birthday, pets, health, etc.), ask about an event the person recently experienced or comment on something newsworthy – “What did you think about…?”
•Offer to host virtual team events or to find ways of engendering team spirit. Holding a pub quiz or organising a lunchtime cookery challenge helps increase a feeling of shared experience and camaraderie.
•Outside work, consider what hobbies, interests, sports or activities you pursue with others. You might need to join an online group to do this. For example, you may not be able to go to a local gym, but there could be online classes. You may not be able to visit an art gallery, but you can join an art appreciation group and do online visits to national galleries.
•Consider connecting to local interest groups via social media, such as neighbourhood groups that have been formed online.
•When you can meet people either online or in person, smile. People are more likely to smile back and engage with you.
•Keep a diary or write a letter to a friend. If you are not able to connect online or face to face, record your thoughts the old-fashioned way – on paper.
Be grateful
Research shows that people who express their gratitude of others feel more positive about themselves and their lives, and are better able to build strong relationships. They live healthier lives and are more likely to bounce back when difficulty hits. Gratitude is a way of acknowledging the goodness in your life.
Here are some suggestions for expressing gratitude:
•When you wake up each morning for the next week, before doing anything, express to yourself what you are grateful for/why you are blessed.
•Write a thank you note, email or text – this not only makes the other person feel good but also will make you feel better. No time to write? Tell them in person how much you appreciate what they have done for you.
•Count your blessings – set yourself time each day or once a week to write down three things that have gone well for you and that you are grateful for. In doing so, re-live the sensations you experienced connected to the event and the impact it had on you.
As part of my personal development in well-being, I set myself a goal of expressing gratitude. I realised I had never directly expressed my gratitude to my family for the happiness and support they give me. Over the course of two or three months, I made a point of showing my gratitude to them. To my surprise, family members have since expressed their gratitude to me. This has strengthened our relationship and given all those involved, including myself, a ‘feel-good’ factor.
The power of helping others
Helping others has a powerful impact on our well-being. By helping others, such as via volunteering, you are also helping yourself to feel good and increase your social well-being. The act of giving back to the community boosts your own happiness. In studies, volunteers who gave to others in whatever form on a regular basis showed an improved ability to manage stress and stave off disease, as well as reduced rates of depression and an increased sense of life satisfaction.
Some years ago, during a particularly stressful period at work, I decided to join a voluntary organisation that provides services to the local community. Volunteering added a completely new dimension to my life and put the problems I was facing at work into perspective. I still volunteer for the same organisation today and gain a sense of purpose and fulfilment from helping others, which I believe makes me better able to cope with life’s pressures.
Consider how you could provide a helping hand to others, for example a neighbour, an elderly person, a school, a youth club. There are lots of opportunities to volunteer online if physical contact is difficult.
At work, you could volunteer to be a mentor or a coach, for example, or to buddy with someone new to a role.
Reflection and action points from this chapter
Isolation and lack of meaningful human relationships is life-shortening. We are not an island and we need social interaction to live long and healthy lives. This means making a concerted effort to stay in touch with co-workers, family and friends. As we have seen, helping others and showing appreciation can also have a health-boosting effect. Consider what affirming actions you can take to increase the quality of your social interactions.
11 Hunter-Gatherers, Archaeological and Evolutionary Theory, Second edition, Robert L. Bettinger, Raven Garvey, Shannon Tushingham, Springer Publishing, New York, 2015.
12 https://science.sciencemag.org/content/241/4865/540.
13 www.ericaboothby.com/what-happens-when-people-attend-to-the-same-thing.