Chapter 7
Life-Altering Principle #1
Y
No
Your life is the sum result of all the choices you make, both consciously and unconsciously. If you can control the process of choosing, you can take control of all aspects of your life. You can find the freedom that comes from being in charge of yourself.
—Robert F. Bennett
Throughout your life, you've experienced thousands of life-altering events that were completely within your control. They all reflect choices you made—consciously or unconsciously. The resulting impact on your life is the foundation upon which the concept of Y
No (pronounced Yay-No) is built.
There are precise moments, which I refer to as YNo moments, in which you either move toward growing and thriving, or digress in a direction that's inconsistent with your true self. A key to living a fulfilling and genuine life is taking control of these life-altering moments and choosing the paths that are beneficial for you.
YNo is the principle of recognizing when you're faced with a “moment of truth” that will have meaningful impact on your life and making the choice that's the most appropriate and nourishing for you.
Please take a few minutes to reflect on your life and identify as many life-altering events as you can. These may include
- Graduating from college
- Getting married
- Breaking a limb
- The birth of your child
- Starting a new job
- Getting in a fistfight
- Crashing your car
- Making a game-winning shot
Many YNo moments will be obvious, such as a marriage proposal. Others may seem insignificant if you aren't paying close attention. For example, you might agree to meet a friend for drinks even though you don't enjoy drinking. Or you might donate money to a politician who your boss supports but you secretly despise.
The more you agree to participate in activities that don't feel right, the more likely you are to feel your life is out of control. To avoid this, you must address each YNo moment with equal seriousness.
This may be a hard concept to swallow. How can a bar invitation demand as much attention from you as a marriage proposal?
The answer is this: Any time you undertake an activity without evaluating the impact your choice will have on your life, you run the risk of compromising your state of mind.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not suggesting that you rigidly refuse any action about which you're not 100 percent gung-ho. But I want you to recognize that it's a YNo moment.
The key to regaining control of your life is to make deliberate choices with an understanding of the consequences. Once you do, you'll stop childishly blaming others for your actions. If you choose to undertake an activity that makes you uncomfortable, at least you'll have consciously made the choice based upon review of your options. Being resentful of the person who asked you to perform the activity is misguided.
As you practice YNo, you'll shift to focusing on the potential result of a decision (e.g., facing 60 payments at $500/month) whenever you're faced with a YNo moment (e.g., buying a car you can't afford). As a result, you'll have a greater opportunity to base your actions on what is most true to who you inherently are.
Living with Y
No
Living the principle of YNo is hard work because it requires you to be fully aware of the choices you make. But the more you learn to recognize YNo moments, the easier it will become. To most effectively implement the principle of YNo in your normal routine, do the following:
- Look for YNo moments throughout your day. This tends to be the hardest part because you're probably in the habit of blowing past YNo moments without thinking about them. However, learning to recognize these moments will have a profoundly positive impact on your life. To reinforce this learning, take a few minutes before you go to bed each night to note the most important YNo moments you faced during that day.
- When confronted with a YNo moment, slow down. Take the time to obtain a clear understanding of the situation—including what's expected of you and what's truly right for you.
- Identify each of your options. Recognize that there are often choices beyond yes or no, and consider alternatives to the obvious.
- Evaluate the consequences of each possible path. Try to envision the effect of your decision an hour from now, a month from now, and a year from now.
- Make a choice and then commit to it. After you've put the work into recognizing and evaluating the YNo moment, step up and own your decision.
- Act on your choice with the strength of conviction. If you need to explain yourself, do so with empathy, but also firmness.
At first this process may be alarmingly uncomfortable; but that's true of almost any journey worth taking.
This may also require you to devote an extraordinary amount of time and energy when you start out. However, most people get the hang of it within just a couple of days. After that, your main challenge will be to reduce the amount of time required for you to work through the process.
Stick with it. As you incorporate the principle of YNo into your everyday life, it will become increasingly easier; eventually it will become almost effortless.
An Example of a YNo Moment
Not long ago, I faced a YNo moment that could have had a significant negative impact on me if I hadn't clearly evaluated the situation and potential consequences. One path would have provided meaningful benefit to a friend and the accomplishment of his objectives, but would have led me down an uncomfortable road. Another path represented an opportunity to participate in my friend's wonderful cause while still being true to myself.
What led to the moment was a discussion regarding The Prosperity Project, a one-day seminar for high-school and college-age students designed to teach both financial literacy and the identification of a vocation one can pursue with zeal. I'm proud to be associated with this project, and I'm even more proud of my friend for creating it.
When he asked me to be a presenter, I instantly recognized it was a YNo moment. I quickly weighed my options, decided that participating was in line with my nature and personal objectives, and told him I'd be glad to take part. My friend is very knowledgeable about economics and finance, and I'm an expert at helping people identify their WHAT, so I assumed he would handle the financial literacy aspect of the curriculum and I'd tackle the vocational component.
When we next got together, however, I realized that he'd interpreted our conversation to mean I was accepting responsibility for the entire presentation, both financial and vocational. I'd neglected to base my YNo decision on a clear understanding of the other person's expectations. This misunderstanding created a second YNo moment. To address it, I used the following process:
After a few minutes of discussion, we agreed that he would handle the financial literacy presentation. This process took little effort. And because I was clear in communicating my decision and the reasons behind it, my friend felt no animosity and we proceeded to jointly create a terrific presentation.
However, had I not recognized the YNo moment and just gone along with my friend's plans, it would have caused damage. First, the presentation wouldn't have been nearly as effective because I'm not an expert on finance. And second, I would have resented my friend for putting me in the uncomfortable position of doing his job for him and failing at it to boot. Both the students and our friendship inevitably would have suffered.
The You of Today Affects the You of Tomorrow
One of the most significant aspects of effectively managing your YNo moments is making choices today that will have a positive impact on your future self, the you of tomorrow. When you think this way, you're less likely to apply for a job you know would be a terrible fit; eat greasy foods that make you feel awful afterward; say something in anger to a loved one that might permanently change the relationship; or drive when drunk, which risks completely ruining your future.
When faced with a YNo moment, choose whatever option provides the most rewarding long-term benefits, allowing the you of tomorrow to look back and give thanks to the you of today.
No—Takeaways- Begin to recognize YNo moments.
- Favor choosing the option that provides the most rewarding long-term benefits.
- YNo makes difficult decisions easier as you move from being overly concerned with how you affect others to making choices that are most congruent with your soul.
- The key to regaining control of your life is to make deliberate choices with an understanding of the consequences.
- Shift to focusing on the potential result of a decision whenever you're faced with a YNo moment.
- Allow the you of tomorrow to look back and give thanks to the you of today.
