Chapter 13

Life-Altering Principle #7

The Slow Death of Not Being the Star

The critic has to educate the public. The artist has to educate the critic.

—Oscar Wilde

Tens of millions of people know who the celebrity of the moment is dating. But only a fraction of that vast audience can plainly state what they want for themselves. And an even smaller number have a six-month or one-year plan for reaching their goals.

Why are so many driven to live vicariously through others? Why do some spend hours in the rain just to catch a glimpse of a popular actor? Why do some feel more connected to a top-selling musician than to people they see every day?

The answer to all of these questions is the same: We're naturally attracted to those who we believe are living their lives to the fullest—people who touch our souls, inspire us to take action, and are living their WHAT.

It's time to recognize that you, too, can become who you were born to be.

When you squander your time pursuing activities that provide no direct benefit, you slide further away from The Pinnacle (described in Chapter 5). As a result, you operate from a place of discontent that makes you feel even more of a need to attach yourself to those you admire.

Such distractions provide only temporary relief, though. Until you become who you were born to be, your soul will make it clear that you have yet to realize your full potential.

You can be the Star. Shake off the slumber, and awaken to the fact that all roads in the state of distraction lead to The Slow Death of Not Being the Star.

The Slow Death of Not Being the Star is the principle of shifting focus away from time-consuming distractions and toward the pursuit of your personal goals.

Take Inventory of Your Current Distractions

According to Nielsen, the average American watches more than 151 hours of television per month. Considering we sleep around eight hours a day, that means most of us spend more than 31 percent of our waking hours in front of a TV. But that's not the end of it. There's going to movies, attending sports events, listening to music, surfing the Internet…for most of us, such non-work related activities add up to over 50 percent of our waking life.

If immersing yourself in pop culture or the arts is your way of pursuing your true self, then the rest of this chapter might not apply to you. Otherwise, you may be frittering away too much of your precious time on being entertained by others. An easy way to find out is to buy a small notebook. For one week, write down how you spend the hours of each day.

Specifically, write down the time that each activity begins and ends, or simply mark the number of minutes you devote to each activity. At the end of the week, pull out your notebook and tally up how much time you devoted to pursuing your life's goals and how much you spent being distracted. The results may shock you.

Chances are you'll find that what you've been thinking of as relaxing “downtime” is actually the dominant force in your life, devouring months and years you can never get back.

The Two Ways to Use Your Time

Though we all like to think of ourselves as immortal, the truth is that our time on Earth is precious and finite. It's important to employ it wisely.

There are only two ways to use your time: spend it or invest it.

Spending Your Time

Spending your time is essentially the same as spending money. You have a limited amount of money, and you use it to fill various needs and desires. Once it's spent, it's no longer available for buying something else.

The same is true of your time. When you choose to devote an hour to something that doesn't advance your life's goals, you've spent that time. It's no longer yours to use, and there's nothing you can do to get it back. You weighed your options as to what you could do with your time, and you chose to spend it on an activity that didn't help you become who you need to be.

Investing Your Time

Investing money typically means putting your assets into stocks, real estate, and other areas that—you hope—will pay off in the long term. Similarly, investing time means focusing on activities that—you hope—will reap meaningful rewards, both as you're doing them and down the road.

In other words, investing your time means focusing on achieving your hopes and dreams.

Creation from Scratch

Instead of spending most of your time consuming the creations of others, consider focusing your time on becoming a creator. Creators are a rare breed. Only a small number of people have the patience, will, and guts necessary to take something from an idea to a tangible form and put it out there for the world to judge. Virtually everyone is a critic.

It's easy to be a critic but hard to be a creator.

Think about it. You go see a movie, watch a TV show, eat at a restaurant, and you immediately have an opinion. Your critique of this book began as soon as you started reading it. When was the last time you put something forward to be critiqued? Better yet, when was the last time you created something you weren't asked to create?

When you were a child, you created things all the time. You drew, painted, made statues out of Play-Doh, and dreamed up stories for you and your friends to take part in. If you're an artist or inventor, then you never really gave up these activities. Otherwise, you probably did. At some identifiable point, your period of creation came to a screeching halt.

It could have happened for any number of reasons. Maybe when you were five someone said your game was dumb, and from that point forward you wouldn't put yourself out on a limb again. Or maybe when you were seven your parents told you to stop getting paint on the floor, and you decided that art wasn't worth the risk of getting yelled at.

Ask yourself this question: “How long am I going to let these moments in my past control who I am today?” Your answer must be: “Not one second longer!”

Stop continuing to give power to those who have long since moved beyond whatever it was that happened years ago. The latter even includes your old self.

Don't let your past control your present and future. Whatever the reasons were that drove you to stifle your creative process—let it go.

The time for you to rekindle your creative energy is now. There's only one you. You're unlike anyone else on this planet, and you have unique Gifts to share and important contributions to make. If you have the talent, passion, and dedication to leverage those Gifts, you can become a creator. And maybe one day, a Star.

Defining What It Means to Be the Star

In this book, being a Star doesn't necessarily mean getting the lead role in a movie or selling out a rock concert. Only a select few have the talent and desire to do that.

What I mean by Star is connecting to your true self and living your life to the fullest. For one person, that might mean becoming an amazingly inspirational second-grade teacher. For another, it might mean being an exceptionally gentle and popular dentist.

As long as you're being true to yourself, it doesn't matter what career you star in. Nor is it important whether the stage you choose is for a relatively small audience or for millions. What counts most is that you pursue what's right for you, and you consistently give 100 percent of yourself to achieve the best performance.

If you're great at what you do, recognition will follow. And while being recognized as a Star might not be your goal, your example will inspire others to follow their life's path—which should be worth any temporary discomfort you experience from your celebrity.

Get a Bigger Plate

One of the most common excuses I hear for not pursuing stardom is “I don't have time. My plate is full.” However, as explained earlier in this chapter, you'll typically have opportunities over the course of any day to devote a meaningful amount of time to achieving your life's goals if you want it bad enough. It's a matter of prioritizing your actions so you minimize spending time and focus on investing it.

Completing this book was a priority for me. With two young boys at home (ages six and nine), three active business units (Bold Enterprises, Bold Development, and Liquor.com), a beautiful wife, a somewhat active social life (I'm 43…it ain't what it used to be), Jiu-Jitsu, golf, and other endeavors, finding time to complete this book was not always easy. As I write this paragraph, my boys are screaming in the background as one of their robot destroyer toys makes its way down the hall singing its battle cry. Though we have an office for the Bold Enterprises team, things are often quite nuts with all that's going on so I attempt to sneak in a bit of writing at home. Silence is rare.

I created this book by snatching stray hours during the day, making a habit of writing immediately after putting the kids to bed, and setting aside more than a few Saturdays and Sundays. Because completing this book was a clearly defined goal, I used every available moment I could to get it done.

Avoid the time sucks. Your life is at stake.

You'll be amazed at how much you can get done if you put your mind to it. If necessary, schedule your day so you have a clear understanding of what you'll be doing, and for how long. Take control of your time…and then take on more than you believe you can handle.

Get rid of the kid-size Elmo saucer that you've been balancing your life on. You're ready for a bigger plate.

Don't Feed the Trolls

A key component to becoming a Star is to stop feeding the trolls. While I'd love to take credit for this awesome expression, kudos goes to Randy Gage (whose WHAT equation is featured at the end of this chapter) for coining it. Feeding the trolls is Randy's analogy for what far too many creators do—listen to, respond, and be affected by those who incessantly whine and complain.

While everyone is certainly entitled to their opinion, trolls thrive on being included in the conversation, especially those they didn't start. Odds are good you've witnessed your share. They'll post on blogs, send emails, corner you at a networking event, and never have anything nice to say. Apparently, their goal is to ridicule creators and engage them in unproductive banter.

As you move forward on your path toward becoming a Star, you'll inevitably come across your fair share of trolls. When you do, take a deep breath, chuckle, disengage, and maintain your focus on adding value to our world.

How Do I Begin the Process of Being the Star?

It's easy to become enchanted with the lives of others. It's fine to be inspired by their accomplishments and to learn from their examples. But when you spend your days obsessing about those you believe are “living the dream,” you lose precious time you could be investing in the creation of your own ideal life. Instead, decide to become a Star yourself, and focus your time and energy on making it happen.

Making this choice is the first vital step in your ascension to stardom. Part III of this book, “Become Who You Were Born to Be,” will guide you through the next steps, which focus on identifying what you were born to do.

Realize Permanent, Positive Change—In Closing

Please accept my sincere congratulations for completing your study of The Seven Life-Altering Principles. Realizing permanent, positive change requires an incredible commitment. I applaud you for giving this your full attention and hope you find the rewards to be immense.

When you're ready, read Randy Gage's Case Study and move on to Part III, “Become Who You Were Born to Be.” The fun is just getting started.