Improving Your Boundary Management

Once you have an awareness of your own style, you can start thinking about how to make adjustments so that the positives of your boundary-management approach outweigh the negatives. The following five-step approach can help you navigate work and personal boundaries:

Step 1: Identify What Is Not Working for You

First, identify what you want to change about the way you manage work-life boundaries. What aspect of boundary management is not working for you?

Difficulty managing work-life boundaries typically centers on one or more of the following four issues: time management, boundary permeability and control, managing expectations effectively, and transitions between roles. Each of these issues is described below. As you read the descriptions, think about which, if any, relate to your situation.

Time management. Difficulty in this area highlights how little time you have to accomplish tasks in any one sphere of life. There are only 24 hours in a day, and often you may have more to do than can be accomplished in the amount of time that is available. However, you can make choices about how you allocate your time among roles. You can change how you spend your time and how you manage the trade-offs associated with those choices. The important thing to remember is to make conscious choices and to reflect on what matters most and, consequently, where you want to devote your time.

One way to tell if you have a time-management problem is to look at how you are spending your time. Use Exercise 3, Time Audit, to indicate the approximate number of hours you engage in each of the activities listed (the total should add up to 168 hours, or one week).

Boundary permeability and control. Boundary permeability and control (too little separation between work and family) problems suggest that you allow yourself to be interrupted very easily. You may not focus on your personal time during nonwork hours because you are getting too many calls from work. Or it may be that you can't focus at work because you keep receiving calls from home. If you get too many interruptions, setting limits might help. On the other hand, inviting more interruptions could make your life easier by allowing you to take care of issues as needed instead of letting them accumulate.

Intentionally exercising the degree of boundary control you have may lead to a more satisfying lifestyle. For example, workers who telecommute can benefit from dividing home and work roles so that family members understand when work occurs. One way to do this is to have a separate office space at home that is only used for working. That way, it is clear to you and others when you are at work and not open to being interrupted.

Read each of the following statements. If one or more of these apply to you, you may have a boundary-control problem:

• You constantly feel overwhelmed by requests.
• You have no time to concentrate.
• Friends, family, your boss, or coworkers complain that you are always distracted.
• You feel that you have no time for taking care of yourself.
• Your boundaries are so rigid that they don't allow for flexibility.

Managing expectations effectively. Managing expectations—your own and those of others—plays a big role in how satisfied you feel in your boundary-management strategies. If you expect to focus on parenting or work the way your parents did, consider what this will mean for you in light of all the technological and social changes that have happened between generations. Similarly, if you have family members, colleagues, a boss, or direct reports who have what you consider unrealistic expectations, discuss your perspective with them to find a solution that is mutually beneficial. These types of conversations, whether in your family or work life, are often difficult. However, they can lead to positive changes. Your stakeholders (a boss or a spouse, for example) may not be aware of how much stress you are experiencing and may be able to adjust their expectations or help you meet expectations in a new way. Stakeholders can often be the first to come up with strategies for substituting duties, delegating tasks, changing standards, or reducing stress. When talking with your stakeholders, take advantage of the taxonomy introduced in this guidebook. For example, it may be helpful for your stakeholders to know that you are a Separator working in an environment more suitable for an Integrator or that you need more boundary control.

Read each of the statements given below. If one or more of these items apply to you, you may have a problem managing expectations:

• You often feel surprised by what others expect of you.
• You don't really know what others expect of you. You have never discussed expectations about accessibility with your stakeholders.
• You feel that you are often disappointing someone—friends, family, your boss, or your coworkers.
• Differences around expectations trigger confrontations with others.

Transitions between roles. The transitions you make between roles pose their own challenges. However, you can use transitions to your benefit. Depending on your profile, you may want more immediate or gradual transitions. A transition ritual may help ease the transition from one role to another. For example, you can listen to upbeat or relaxing music during commuting time to gear up or unwind as you move from one role to another. You may try changing clothes to signify that you are going to work or that you are at home. Some people find it difficult to switch from a more formal, work-oriented communication style to a family style and vice versa. If your main roles require very different behaviors, focus on the transition between roles. Time buffers are another way to manage transitions. Trying to squeeze in too many things at once can cause problems, in part because it interferes with your ability to effectively transition.

If one or more of the following statements apply to you, you may have a problem with transitions:

• You consistently focus on work tasks while at home.
• You are easily distracted by nonwork issues while at work (such as surfing the Internet).
• You use a work-focused communication style while at home, or vice versa.
• You always feel as if you're working, whether you're actually at work or not.

Review the previously described ways that often trip people up when it comes to managing boundaries. What one or two areas could you improve? Could you better manage your time, better control the permeability of your boundaries, better manage expectations, or better manage transitions? Or maybe it's some other boundary problem that got you interested in this guidebook. Use Exercise 4, Areas for Improvement, to list areas where you could improve your management of boundaries.

Step 2: Learn about Boundary-Management Techniques

Learning and applying boundary-management techniques will increase the number of options you have for effectively managing boundaries. According to Kreiner, Hollensbe, and Sheep (2009) and Kossek and Lautsch (2008), several options are available to you.

Use technology to manage boundaries.

• Use technology to stay in touch with work or home.
• Use technology to separate work and home (set up separate e-mail accounts for different roles, for example), enabling you to select how and when you are contacted.

Make changes based on values, needs, and other personal choices.

• Create a system for determining what is to be worked on or responded to.
• Focus on a limited number of priorities.

Create or manage physical boundaries.

• Only bring home certain types of work (administrative details, for example, rather than a full project).
• Check personal e-mails or call home only once a day and tell people outside work about your e-mail schedule.
• Have separate key rings, bags, computers, and so on for work and for home.

Control your time.

• Set aside blocks of time to handle work or home tasks as appropriate.
• Set aside time each day, week, or month for specific tasks.

Create time and a location for self-care.

• Choose a specific place for relaxing or for enjoying personal time.
• Set aside time to enjoy the activities you find relaxing.

Set and manage expectations.

• Indicate your boundary-management preferences to your boss, coworkers, family, and others.
• Tell significant people in your life about your various obligations so that they understand your situation.
• Explain to people who throw you off balance that you want them to interact with you differently. For example, say, “When you call me at work, I get distracted. Could you only call in cases of emergency?”

Be willing to negotiate your schedule.

• Create trades with a work or home partner (for example, say, “I'll do the grocery shopping if you take the kids to band practice”).

Find a role model.

• Identify someone who manages his or her boundaries well and seek his or her advice. It might be even more helpful to ask someone with a boundary-management style similar to your own style.

Find a substitute.

• Let go of activities that do not reflect your needs or values. For example, if you do not enjoy housework but can't stand clutter, see whether you can afford to hire someone to do it for you.
• Trade tasks that you find draining or time-consuming with others who enjoy or benefit from doing them.

Pay attention to the transition between roles.

• Identify rituals that help you go from one role to another, such as listening to music, having a cup of coffee or a glass of wine, or clearing your desk.
• Change your clothes to signify to yourself and others that you have changed roles.
• Ask for some time to get organized before reentering a role.
• Leave yourself a list of tasks as you leave a particular role so that you can pick up where you left off.

Change your responsibilities or work schedule.

• Agree to take certain roles or tasks at work in exchange for more flexibility.
• Find a work schedule that supports your boundary-management efforts. For example, ask to telecommute one day a week, to switch to a part-time schedule, to use your annual leave to address a personal interest or family issue, or to delegate tasks that take time from more important work.

You may want to discuss all or some of these tactics with various stakeholders in your life to help identify the tactics that will work in your situation. You can also ask others how they manage their boundaries. Review this list, and tactics you learn from others, when aspects of work or family change and also during times of stress so that you have a relevant range of options.

Step 3: Envision a Better Life

A vision for your whole life should reflect what you want the boundaries between work and home life to be. The following advice can guide you toward that vision.

Picture the best possible way you could manage your life. What would your life be like? Frame your answer as a goal and set a specific mark you want to achieve. Then give a percentage of your chances of success. How likely is it you could achieve this goal? If the probability is 75 percent or greater, keep this image of success as a goal. If the chances for success are less than 75 percent, revise your goal to make it more achievable. Your vision of the future should be realistic. As you settle on aspects of your vision that you can probably achieve, use Exercise 5, Vision, to record them.

How will you overcome the obstacles you expect to face? Have a plan for dealing with obstacles as they arise. For example, you may set a goal to check e-mail only at designated times during the day. What will you do if someone asks you to check it more often? Know what your response will be. For example, you might reply that you only check e-mail at designated times, or you might set up a rule in your inbox to flag certain messages as high priority and requiring an answer.

With your goal in mind, use Exercise 6, Facing an Obstacle, to write down what you will do in the face of a likely obstacle.

Step 4: Get Support

Support is critical if you want to make any change. The type of support you need and where to get it are both important factors to consider. Below is a list of the general types of support people need when working on goals. You may want to consider a mix of all types of support or to focus on one or two types of support most important to you based on your situation and goals.

Emotional support. This kind of support lends encouragement to the kinds of changes you are making. For example, you might get this kind of support from a friend who is in a similar situation and can listen to and understand what you are experiencing. Your peers at work may also be good in this role.

Cognitive support. This kind of support helps you increase your knowledge about managing the boundaries between work and family. For example, a coach who knows various techniques for managing boundaries can provide you with guidance or recommend resources. You can also access e-learning resources, such as podcasts and smartphone apps, for useful information.

Political support. This kind of support helps you increase your access to organizational resources and discover opportunities related to how you manage boundaries. For example, a mentor can help you understand options for managing your work. Your boss and peers can also provide political support.

Self-support. This kind of support includes such things as changing your fitness routine or diet so you are better able to handle stress. Meditation or yoga may also be helpful additions to your support network.

Use Exercise 7, Support, to brainstorm about possible types of support you may need to improve your management of work-life boundaries.

Step 5: Experiment and Track Your Results

Change requires focus and commitment. Make a plan and track your progress to remain accountable to yourself and your stakeholders at work and at home. Note what is working and where the pitfalls lie. Think of these plans as an experiment in boundary navigation. Experiments sometimes fail, but when they do, they yield useful information about what you can do differently. Try a variety of techniques to see which ones work the best for you and track your progress so you can refine how you manage boundaries. It can be helpful to frame your goals in terms of the benefits that matter to your stakeholders. For example, it can be important to let your boss know that you would be more productive if you were allowed to work from home one day a week.