CHAPTER 9

When the Magic Works

When you enter a mindset, you enter a new world.

Carol S. Dweck

Over breakfast a few days later, Grace told me about what had happened with Jennifer, the young woman she’d been having so much trouble with at work. Grace even apologized for calling me during the day just to vent.

“I kept the Choice Map on my desk all day,” Grace said. “Two Learner questions kept jumping out at me—What do I want for myself, for others, and for the situation? And What are my choices? When I applied those questions to Jennifer, I realized I wanted her to start showing more common sense and initiative. So, I tried some new questions. I asked myself Why does Jennifer need so much direction from me? I became truly curious after I realized I didn’t know. Was she afraid of acting on her own? Or worried that I’d fire her for making a mistake? I also wondered whether she had more going for her than I’d given her credit for. The next time she came to me for help I asked her a question instead of just giving her instructions. I inquired with real curiosity, ‘How would you solve this problem if you were the boss?’

“That single question opened up a very productive conversation. Jennifer confessed that she was, indeed, afraid of me. She thought if she didn’t do exactly what I expected her to, I’d fire her. This is what had happened with her previous boss, and she didn’t want it to ever happen again. That talk changed everything. She told me that afterward she felt more comfortable about taking initiative and working on her own. She also came up with some good ideas for solving her own problem. She was obviously very pleased with herself. I congratulated her—and told her how happy I was that we had opened up communication between us.

“I’m really surprised, and glad. And, you know what? Asking Learner questions made me feel a lot better at the end of the day. I realize now I was being unfair to Jennifer. I had been assuming she was asking all those questions because she was incompetent. She really isn’t. It’s just that she believed she had to check everything out with me before acting on her own. That crowded out any room for her to be creative or take any initiative.”

As Grace told me the story of her breakthrough with Jennifer, I was relieved she didn’t ask me about any results I’d gotten from working with Joseph’s ideas. It’s true I’d had some shifts in my thinking and was somewhat hopeful rather than just resigned. But I didn’t have much to show for my efforts yet. And my team was still a nightmare.

When I finally left home I was at least 20 minutes late. Traffic was piling up on the freeway. A mile past my on-ramp, the highway had practically turned into a parking lot. Cars were creeping along for as far as I could see, and in all four lanes. I was getting frantic. I didn’t even notice my Judger mindset had kicked in. At least not right away.

Then traffic stopped completely. I gritted my teeth, set the car in park, and pulled out my phone to check for messages. My secretary had texted several reminders, which did nothing to lessen my stress. I was already anxious about that morning’s meeting with Alexa and was dreading the one with Charles this afternoon. I wasn’t ready for either, least of all the latter.

I slapped the steering wheel in frustration, muttering something about how one guy, stupid enough to run out of gas, had ruined the whole day for half the city. Who was the idiot responsible? I didn’t need this! Was it so difficult to keep your tank filled? Didn’t that fool realize . . .

I felt like my head would explode if traffic didn’t start moving. Tension spread through my whole body, like an electric sensation shooting out to every muscle. These sensations were all too familiar. Mostly I was aware of the muscles in my legs and back tensing up as if getting ready to fight or run, or maybe both, if that’s possible. But here I was frozen to the spot, in traffic that gave no signs of moving . . . and I had to get to the office.

I suddenly stopped myself. Ben, you’re solidly in Judger, I said, my voice muffled by the sounds of the idling engine. And then I actually laughed at myself. My observer self to rescue! Could Judger really cause all these grossly unpleasant physical symptoms? Could it be Judger feeding my frustration and these angry thoughts? This upset wasn’t only in my head. That’s for sure. It may have started as my own thoughts or feelings, but there wasn’t a grain of doubt that Judger affected every part of my body. I could almost feel it in my brain, clouding my thinking.

About then I heard sirens and a few minutes later an ambulance sped past in the emergency lane. Accident! I switched on the radio for the traffic report. Two people badly hurt. Oh, man! I felt pretty embarrassed about jumping to the conclusion that some jerk had run out of gas. Who was the real jerk—me! My attention then shifted to the people who were hurt. I hoped they were going to be okay. What was wrong with me, getting so worked up over a story I’d made up in my own mind? I noticed that my stress softened a little as my thoughts focused on the victims of the crash: Will they get help soon enough? Are they in pain? How will this accident affect their lives?

Ten minutes later traffic still wasn’t moving, and I have to admit I started to get frustrated and stressed again. Worries about my meeting with Charles intruded. My thoughts churned around in my brain, fueling my longstanding annoyance with him. I sure needed help with this one! What would Joseph tell me? I heard his voice in my head, reminding me how important it is to change my questions, especially about Charles and my team.

Yesterday Joseph told me to find a real situation to test out what I’d been learning about recovering from a Judger hijack. The meeting with Charles this afternoon was about as real as it gets. But what questions would help me get out of what Grace called my Judger head? What Learner questions could help me with Charles? Traffic suddenly moved forward a hundred yards or so before it stopped again. In those few moments I realized I had already stepped onto the Switching Lane with the questions I’d just asked myself.

Joseph kept suggesting that whenever I was able to catch myself in Judger I should stop and congratulate myself for becoming more aware. Then I should step back and find out what I was asking myself. At that moment the question that popped into my mind was how can I get out of here? Obviously, there wasn’t much choice about that. I was stuck until traffic started moving. Then something else Joseph said came back to me: “We don’t have much control over what happens, but we can choose how we relate to what happens.” Almost immediately, a new question came to mind: What can I do to right now to make the best use of this time?

It took only a second to come up with an answer to that one. I grabbed my phone off the seat beside me and scrolled to Joseph’s number. He answered immediately.

“Ben here,” I said. “Do you have a minute? I’m stuck in traffic and going a little nuts.”

Joseph was silent for a moment, then laughed: “Did you try saying beam me up, Scotty?”

“How’d you know I was a Trekkie?” I laughed and almost instantly my mood lightened.

“I’ve got a meeting with Charles this afternoon,” I explained. “I realize I have to get into Learner mindset to even have a chance of it going well. I’m worried that I’ll blow it. Where do I begin?”

“Good question,” Joseph said. “Can you write something down?”

“Sure,” I said. “Go ahead.”

As I sat there in stalled traffic, Joseph dictated three questions which I recorded on my smartphone: What assumptions am I making? How else can I think about this? And What is the other person thinking, feeling, and wanting?” Joseph explained that these questions were from his Top 12 Questions for Success, one of the tools I’d find in the QT Workbook.

I looked at the first question: What assumptions am I making? That was easy enough. Where Charles was concerned my assumptions were unavoidable. I’d beaten him out of a big promotion. Guys in that position can be dangerous. I’d be a fool to drop my guard with him. I was sure nothing would make Charles happier than to see me fail. I was also sure he’d do whatever he could to make that happen. Then he could step into my position and have what he wanted. Who wouldn’t assume you had to watch your back with guys like that?

Sure, these were just assumptions. I wasn’t denying that. But there are situations where going with your assumptions is the safest route, and this was one of them. So far, the problems I was having with Charles seemed real enough to me. As I thought about all this, something I’d read in the Learner/Judger Mindset Chart kept nagging at me: Was I defending my assumptions instead of questioning them? Though still unsettled, I turned to Joseph’s second question: How else can I think about this? Something Grace had said clicked in my mind—how her assumptions about Jennifer had damaged their relationship. Grace had used the Choice Map to find a different way of relating to Jennifer. Could I do the same with Charles?

I began to wonder about other possibilities. For example, what would happen if I reconsidered some of my opinions about Charles? What if his questions weren’t aimed at making me look bad, as I’d assumed? What if he just wanted to make sure we’d covered all our bases? Then I remembered Joseph telling me about winning teams and their balance between inquiry and advocacy. What if Charles’s endless questions were just his way to encourage more thoughtful discussions? I was pretty sure I was giving Charles more credit than he was due—but maybe not. The more I considered other ways of thinking about the situation, the less certain I was about my old opinions.

I decided to try something new in my meeting with Charles that afternoon. When he walked in, I would suspend thinking that he was after my job and out to sabotage me. Instead, I would try to be neutral, to adopt a mindset of not-knowing, as Joseph had suggested, rather than thinking I had to have all the answers. The moment this thought crossed my mind, new ideas tumbled into place. Even though I wasn’t ready to totally trust Joseph’s theories, for the first time I was willing to give Charles the benefit of the doubt. This was great. I actually had something that was new, that was innovative and that I could do.

I was just starting to consider Joseph’s third question—What is the other person thinking, feeling, and wanting?—when traffic began to inch forward. I put that question on hold. But even as I got under way, new possibilities began unfolding in my mind. If Charles was merely being inquisitive, what was he wanting or needing from me? I remembered a conversation we’d had my first day on the job. He’d said, “I have to tell you, I’m disappointed I didn’t get the promotion. This is a great company and my family likes this town. I don’t want to have to move them. I’ll do everything I can to make this company successful.”

His comment that he’d do anything to make this company successful still bothered me. What exactly did he mean by that? My assumption had been that this included going after my job. Could I have misread Charles’s intentions? Could there be another way of interpreting what he’d said?

I arrived at my office way behind schedule. With less than 10 minutes before my meeting with Alexa, I sat down at my computer, typed in her name and that of the magazine I’d seen in Joseph’s Hall of Fame gallery. The article about her popped up instantly.

Fast Company Magazine had chosen Alexa for their Woman of the Year award before we met at KB. I scanned the story. It told about her stepping into the CEO position at KB right after it went into Chapter 11. She had been brought in to turn the company around. Everyone had advised her against it. If she didn’t succeed, it could destroy her career. She took the risk and accomplished the impossible, and three years later she took the company global.

I skipped ahead several paragraphs. Alexa was quoted as saying she owed her success to “simply changing the kinds of questions I was asking.” In the next paragraph she named her personal coach and mentor: Joseph S. Edwards. Who else?

Moments after reading the article, I was seated in Alexa’s office. Although my intention was to ask about her experiences with Joseph and about Q-Storming, my curiosity got the best of me and I found myself asking about the Fast Company article. “You never told me about your getting the Woman of the Year award,” I said. “I just read about it on the Internet.”

“Oh, yes. They labeled me The Inquiring Leader. You know what? I don’t think my interviewer had ever heard of a CEO making a point of asking lots of questions. It was a great novelty to him!” She chuckled at the thought. “It seems like such a simple thing. Most leaders do more telling than asking. That’s why they never find out what’s really going on. All too often they base their decisions about strategic direction, and even about their own people, on insufficient or inaccurate information.”

“They make assumptions instead,” I added, “which they never test.”

“Exactly. Well, that just didn’t make any sense to me.”

I heard Joseph’s teachings in her words, but what she said was obviously authentic for her.

“Joseph and I have been discussing Learner and Judger mindsets and the Choice Map,” I said. “He told me I’m not the only person in this room who ever ran into problems with Judger.” I checked her expression to make sure she didn’t mind my saying that. She was smiling, so I continued. “He suggested you might share a few of your own Judger challenges with your old company. What were some of the Judger questions you started out with?”

“You know, in retrospect it seems so simple I almost laugh. The kinds of questions I’d been asking were along the order of who’s to blame for the mess we’re in? I was lying awake nights trying to figure out whom I should fire—and worrying that it might be me! Then, one day, working with Joseph, I started coming up with new questions. I think the first one was how can we avoid making so many mistakes? Joseph thought that was a good beginning but suggested I could come up with something even better.”

“You mean a stronger Learner question?”

“Exactly,” Alexa said. “The one I figured out was How can we build on our strengths and successes? I really took that question seriously and started asking it all the time. I got everyone on track with that new question. I could see that the Judger questions I’d been asking made everything more difficult. We had had what I’d call a high Judger culture. Judger drained our energy, pretty much killed our enthusiasm, divided us so we were always looking for someone to blame—in short, Judger derailed us and had us going in all directions at once, none of which were very productive. That new Learner question piqued our curiosity and invited us to take positive, focused, and creative actions together. Joseph said to use the new question to build a Learner culture, and that’s what I set out to do. Pretty soon we were turning things around in remarkable ways. Until then, I’d never really grasped the truth about the power of questions, that they can lead us to failure or to success. It was a big shift for me, and for all of us.”

“What was it about that new question that made such a difference?” I asked.

“Maybe an example Joseph gave us would make this clearer. It had to do with a study that was done with two comparable basketball teams. Team A was coached with an emphasis on preventing mistakes on the court. Day after day, they reviewed videos that focused on their errors. Those mistakes got grooved in their brains. By contrast, Team B was coached with an emphasis on building on their successes. Day after day, they reviewed videos that focused on their most successful plays. So Team B’s successes got grooved in their brains.

“To put it simply, Team A focused on what was wrong. Team B focused on what was right. I’m sure you can guess which team had the greatest improvement by the end of the season.”

“The one that built on their successes, of course.”

“That’s absolutely right,” Alexa said. “In fact, by the end the difference in these teams’ performances was startling. As I recall, Team A actually had a slight reduction in their accomplishments. Team B improved by nearly 30 percent. That’s all it took to convince me of the power of asking the right kinds of questions. I applied those same principles to our floundering company, and that’s when dramatic changes began to occur. Not only did our productivity increase, but coming to work was more enjoyable, even fun. Creativity and morale were boosted. There was higher energy throughout the company. The whole place began operating on Learner principles and shifting to Learner questions—the way that Learner begets Learner—and it all happened in months instead of years. I guess you just read the rest of the story.”

Alexa paused as she recalled that time of her life. “What could be more natural or obvious,” she continued, “than to simply ask? How else can you get a complete picture of what’s going on? How else can you get people contributing so enthusiastically? What else would make people feel respected— and that what they said and did really mattered? Could we ever discover or learn or create anything new without being curious first? Curiosity is one of our greatest assets. I’m sure Joseph has emphasized this to you. Curiosity is the fast track to Learner. It’s high-test fuel for progress and change!”

As Alexa talked, I was thinking about how important it was to check my assumptions about Charles. Were my Judger questions blinding me from seeing something important about him? Did I really know why Charles asked so many questions? Before I had a chance to stop myself the words popped out of my mouth.

“He’s just asking me all those questions because he’s curious. He wants to understand!”

Alexa looked at me with concern. “What in heaven’s name are you talking about?”

“Sorry, Alexa, I was just thinking out loud,” I replied. “This conversation has really gotten me all fired up about my team and our project.”-

“It sure seems that you’re onto something,” Alexa said, nodding her head. “And I think I can say with confidence that your new questions are going to produce some real progress.”

My mind ran back to the conversation Grace and I had had earlier that morning. In working out her situation with Jennifer, Grace had started by asking herself: What do I want? and What are my choices? and then she asked: How can I understand her better? I realized this last question wasn’t one I ever asked myself about people I worked with. Instantly, other questions popped into my mind: How does anyone ever understand anyone else? Joseph claimed you have to start by getting curious about them. And then you ask them questions, Learner questions, of course. This is exactly what Grace had done with Jennifer. What did I really understand about Charles? I began to feel my curiosity growing and realized new questions about him were naturally coming to mind.

I remembered that old question I’d reported to Joseph so proudly: How can I prove I’m right? Now I realized how that question had contributed to the team’s perception of me as a know-it-all. Instead of asking how can I prove I’m right, I asked how can I better understand Charles, and how can I better understand my team? I was already beginning to see Charles and the team in a whole new light. What a contrast there was not only between those two questions but also in my mood and in how I was thinking about Charles!

Suddenly I remembered about Q-Storming. “Before I forget,” I said. “Joseph suggested I ask you about Q-Storming. He said it was responsible for some of the best breakthroughs in your career.”

Alexa’s eyebrows went up. She sat forward and smiled. “It’s one of my favorite subjects,” she said. “You’ve heard of brainstorming, I’m sure. Q-Storming is like that, except you’re looking for new questions, not for answers. It’s a great way to get everyone on the same page, thinking collaboratively and out of the box. I’ve used it to get new thinking for all kinds of reasons: for decision making, problem solving, innovation, and even conflict resolution. I’ve mostly used it with groups and teams but I’ve also discovered how helpful it can be in one-on-one conversations.”

At that moment, the phone rang on Alexa’s desk. “I may have to take this,” she said. “I told my secretary not to interrupt us unless a certain call came in.” She reached across the desk, picked up the phone, pressed it to her ear, and exchanged a few words with her assistant. Then she shrugged apologetically and covered the receiver as she told me it was indeed the call she’d been waiting for.

On the way back to my office, I was disappointed that I hadn’t learned more about Q-Storming, but I was still eager to do so. Alexa seemed like living proof that there really was some magic in Joseph’s theories. Was a little of it starting to rub off on me, too? That day still held some surprises, and the person who would coach me through Q-Storming was to be the biggest surprise of all.